How to remove negative thoughts and tame your monkey mind, Part 1

Aug 5, 2007

What is the one of the biggest obstacles that you can face in achieving personal mastery?

Your mind, your thoughts. Master them, and you master yourself. Then there is little you cannot do over time. Happiness, character, external success – they all begin in the mind. As the famous saying goes – “As within, so without.”

The moment we begin paying attention to our thoughts we discover how unruly they are. We don’t really beat our heart, it beats itself. Neither do we control our thinking - we are being thought. Estimates place the number of thoughts we have each day at 40 to 60 thousand, and we don’t have more than the most basic control over them. Increasing this control - mental labour - is often said to be the hardest work of all. The good news is; even the slightest increase is well worth it.

Before you go ahead with this, though, it might be helpful to have read The Danger of Positive Thinking. This is to make sure that your thoughts are not based in reality – something that you have to take action on. For more information on noticing our thoughts, not attaching to them, and how they influence you, have a look at What your ego is.

The Modern and The Ancient

There are many systems of controlling your thoughts. Two of the biggest I’ve come across are: Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, the biggest force in psychology today, and the old Buddhist methods, so I’ll cover them both in this series.

There are many similarities between the two – I’ve even heard the Buddha being called the world’s first and best Cognitive Behavioural Therapist. There are only so many ways to skin the cat, as the saying goes, and it’s natural the best techniques rise to the surface. So if you are turned off by the religious connotations, please don’t be – they’re practical. The relevant sutra, commonly translated as the Discourse on Removing Distracting Thoughts, reads like a psychology manual if you take away the flowery language.

In this sutra, the Buddha gives five techniques – arranged according to how unruly your thoughts are. I have to warn that it is easy to be overanxious – “Oh my God! My thoughts are impossible to control!” - and jump to the last level, that is counterproductive and causes much anxiety. I made the same mistake, but after a few days, it turns out that a mixture of the two was good enough.

My point is: Give each level an earnest effort over a few days before you decide to move on.

The First Level - Reflect on the positive counterpart

If you look closely, you’ll see that negative thoughts stem from negative emotions. They feed off each other. Negative thoughts cause negative emotions, and negative emotions cause more negative thoughts. They feed off each other in a vicious cycle.

Therefore, change one part of the cycle - the emotions - and the thoughts will slowly change with it. What is the positive counterpart to the emotion in your cycle? Hatred has Love. Cruelty has Compassion. Desire has Non-clinging. Agitation has Harmony.

How do we create these emotions? Drench yourself with it. Fill your body, your being, your entire consciousness with harmony. If you can, fill your mind with such thoughts too. Don’t worry if it’s hard initially. It’s normal.

Of course, there are a few other ways of interpreting this level of the Sutra. Do whatever is emotionally nurturing. Go out to nature, put on some music, pamper yourself, read a book, go for a walk, do some exercise. Get your blood circulating and your heart pumping and you’ll find it easier to step outside your head.

Now, this level is hard if your thoughts are charged with strong emotions. When I was in heavy depression, I found that this technique was a form of repression (although I could simply have been doing it wrong). Still, I recommend that you clear out as much of the negative emotions first.

I personally use this for annoying thoughts or memories. For example, I sometimes get bored with tedious work or irritated by rude clients. In that case, I take a short break, go for a walk, and drench myself with harmony before stepping back in.

The Second Level – Reflecting on the Misery

If the thoughts persist after an earnest effort at the preceding level, you should try reflecting on how much misery these thoughts are causing you.

The Buddha uses the metaphor of a well-dressed young person, who finds him or herself with the carcass of a snake around their neck. The disgust is sometimes enough to make them throw the dead animal off them. What does this mean? We know that these thoughts upset or affect us in ways we don’t want, but we never focus our attention directly on the misery.

I equate this to portions of The Work of Byron Katie. Reflect on how much misery these thoughts are causing you. Don’t just think it through, feel it. Take as much time as you need, sit there, and feel as deeply as you can how much misery and pain these thoughts cause. I cannot stress the feeling portion of it enough – I made the mistake of thinking about it too much at the start. Go as deep inside yourself as you can –let your heart answer, not your mind.

Beyond the feelings, there is also the practical level. This is where the mind comes back in. What do you do with these negative thoughts? Do you drown it in whiskey, or take it out on your children, boyfriend, or girlfriend?

Now, The Work has another question. Who are you without these thoughts? Don’t force yourself to drop the thoughts, just imagine yourself without the thought on both levels. Maybe you won’t drink as much, and the tightness in your chest, the heat in your stomach disappears. You return to a calm and peaceful feeling.

You’re letting your system know how it feels to be with and without the thoughts. Remember that everything you do or think is meant to help you in a certain way, however misguided it might be. I explained this in detail in Why do we cling to our unhappiness?

I think once your system feels the difference, not just on the intellectual level, it helps instead of hinders your quest for mental control.

What’s next?

These should be enough for your most of your negative thoughts. I won’t give the other levels yet, or you might want to jump ahead to the deeper levels in a fit of anxiety. I thought I had Obsessive Compulsive Disorder when I looked at my thoughts and saw how hard they were to control , so I know how easy it is to overestimate what is probably an everyday human condition.

The next in the series will reveal the other levels of the sutra, and go into modern psychological techniques as well so subscribe to my RSS feed to keep up to date!

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54 Comments , Comment or Ping

J.D.

The inmates that I deal with every day could definitely use some of the juice you’re offering. I can see Cognitive Behavior Therapy possibly having a good impact on some of the people I watch over, as long as they took it seriously and tried to make a change.

Aug 12th, 2007
Albert

Hey J.D. Thanks for the comment. I hope it helps. I spent some time on your own blog just now - I’m feeling very disturbed now, especially over the Wright case. ARGH.

Aug 12th, 2007
Megan Bayliss

Here via the Carnival of Australia.
How do we bottle you Monk? Fantastic as usual.
You speak sense.

Aug 16th, 2007
Albert

Hi Megan, I really appreciate all the support you have given me and the time you’ve put into the Carnival, thanks for the kind words .

Aug 16th, 2007
Lance Lanier

I just found your site. Thank you. I’m sure I’ll be spending some time reading your thoughtful and inspiring articles.

Lance

Aug 18th, 2007
Albert

You’re welcome Lance, cheers!

Aug 18th, 2007
Mathew

Thanks for the post, keep up the good work!

Aug 20th, 2007
Albert

Thanks Mathew!

Aug 20th, 2007
sumitkumar

i m get superstitious too much with negative thoughts ? how i leave that thoughts tell me

Oct 17th, 2007
Albert

I’m not sure what you mean? Aren’t the techniques in these articles enough? Most thoughts also have an emotional charge to them, so if you can trace them back and purge those as per the emotional mastery series, that will help a lot too.

Oct 17th, 2007
My Forex Tools

The sanguine people always success. They dont’s thinks a failure is a failure but a tools of neccessary step to success. In deed, Negative thought only yield no constructive attitude and bahavior—giving up, blaming, frustrated….

Oct 18th, 2007
Albert

Definitely, “your inner world reflects your outer” is a very popular saying, and I’m starting to see the wisdom in that statement now. Thanks for the comment

Oct 18th, 2007
Liara Covert

Your article raises awareness of points readers may not consider.
Personally, I sense each human being has the power to control their thoughts which determine the emotions he or she will generate. It is easy to assume they always feed off each other. In some ways, they do. Yet, where a decision to change your emotions would change your mood, the human mood doesn’t think for itself. This echos ego.

Another way to look at it is this: external influences may seem to act to influence you to believe you are powerless over many of your thoughts. Yet, your authentic self (core) and your ego are actually vying for attention in your mind. Its a kind of power struggle. You make conscious and unconscious decisions about values, principles and how you will behave.

Dec 8th, 2007
Albert

Hey Liara: This is very interesting stuff - I never thought of it that way. That the core self is also throwing out thoughts, so to speak. Thank you again for your insights.

Dec 10th, 2007
sydney web designer

When trouble arises, this is simply the universe trusting you, saying “you are smart and strong enough to solve this”. The bigger the problem, the bigger the reward spiritually (and often materially).

Dec 13th, 2007
winnie

Just spent some time reading your articles & really liked them. I was going through one of my daily phases while studying, where I feel its too much & I cant do it..when I feel like giving up …maybe I got some mental block towards reading. So I decided to apply the first technique & go out for a walk. Im back now but i dont feel like that walk has affected my mood much. i still feel sort of stuck… so what do i do next?
(i feel applying the 2nd level would make me more depressed…)

Dec 19th, 2007
Albert

Hey Winnie. Hmm..sounds like it’s not a problem with thoughts you are having. Have you tried the emotional mastery series? Try feeling your resistance to studying through the body. What does it feel like, a tightness, a heat?

Then simply relax your body, breathe into it, and let the feeling be there. Don’t fight it or judge it, just relax into it. Welcome it.If you want, you can imagine it slowly dissipating.

But often, after a few minutes of this, the feeling will disappear, and so will your resistance

http://www.urbanmonk.net/85/th.....at-simple/

Dec 20th, 2007
Billionaire Strategies

Best single piece of advice I have come across on this topic:

When you have a negative thought don’t respond to it emotionally! Simply acknowledge that you had a negative thought and move onto a positive one.

Emotion gives a thought power. Without emotion it dries up instantly and blows away.

Jan 17th, 2008
Albert

That is very true. If you don’t feed it, it will slowly die out. Thanks for stopping by.

Jan 17th, 2008
divinespiritlove

Thank you for posting this article. I also try hard to rid of negative thoughts as much as humanly possible and this article helps tremendously. My appreciation to you is in the highest sense.
To show you my gratitude I would like to share with you a post I found that also helps with this: http://consciousflex.blogspot......ative.html
Thank you indeed. I hope it helps you and others who read it as much as this post of yours as helped, please keep up the incredible work in helping others!

Feb 13th, 2008
Albert

Hey there DSL - thank you for the compliments! I’ve recently found that the most powerful thing one can do is to use the emotional mastery series to remove the underlying emotions…then the thoughts disappear of their own accord.

http://www.urbanmonk.net/85/th.....at-simple/

I’ll check out that article now.

Feb 13th, 2008
reviveramesh

Thanks Albert for sharing. You should seriously consider putting all these wonderful thoughts of yours in a coffee-table book and I am happy to be part of that idea if you so wish. Not just for the money - but for a different audience in a different space and time….and that i am sure, you appreciate is different.

Feb 24th, 2008
Albert

Hey there reviveramesh - thanks for the comment! Hmm…that’s a wonderful idea. A bit daunting to be honest, and I’m not sure if I’m ready for it yet but definitely something to be thought about in a few months time. Thanks for the offer, I appreciate it

Feb 24th, 2008
beauty blog

I feel that the way i remove negative thoughts is unhealthy. it sometimes leaves me feeling numb. In truth i am not removing negativity but merely cultivating it inside…

Mar 27th, 2008
Albert

Hi beauty Blog - Some of the first few levels here are just temporary solutions, for example when you are getting stressed at work and need to concentrate. For a long term but permanent fix, have a look at the emotional mastery series:

http://www.urbanmonk.net/85/th.....at-simple/

Mar 27th, 2008
Web Design Northern Beaches

Thanks for your comments your a great inspiration!

Apr 5th, 2008
Albert

Thanks

Apr 5th, 2008
Fay Webber

Thanks for the post, keep up the good work! .. this is really helpful

Apr 16th, 2008
Albert

Thank you Fay, glad I helped

Apr 16th, 2008
Brendon

Food for thought…

May 5th, 2008
Albert

Thanks Brendon

May 5th, 2008
Vertigo Guy

All I can say about this post is wow. I’ve read quite a bit on getting rid of negative thoughts, and this is one of the best guides I’ve come across. Thanks for the consistent quality writing!

Jul 6th, 2008
Albert

I’m glad you’re poking around VG

Jul 8th, 2008
John

Hey Albert I just turned 18 years old and have been dealing with depression for the last 4 years now. It seems everytime I make a breakthrough negative thoughts come rushing back in. I had a detailed plan on how I was going to make my 1st semester in college fun and productive. Now this fear of being gay keeps popping in my head. I’ve always been attracted to women and have never been turned on by another man. I was hoping to have an enjoyable birth but instead I was unable to enjoy it because this fear consumed me. I feel it might be connected to my low-self esteem and self-confidence and also a few friends kept joking about me being gay because of a comment I made jokingly. I’ve felt like I was inferior to other guys. I feel like I might sabotaging myself again. I’ve felt in the past that if I accomplish everything I want to accomplish, life will become boring which it already feels like. Do u have any advice that might help me out.

Sep 9th, 2008
Albert

Hi John, try the emotional mastery series for fears and anxieties. a very similar series that might also help is the behavioural one which is on going right now.

Sep 9th, 2008
John

Hey Albert after doing a lot of search through the internet I found a forum with many people dealing with the same problem as me. I realized that I probably have OCD. About 2 years ago I self-diagnosed myself with OCD because everynight before I went to bed I would keep on checking to make sure the stove was off and I wouldn’t leave the wireless phone charging because it was dropped a few times. I conquered it by realizing that it was irrational. However this seems to be a more serious issue and am hoping to use your site to conquer this as well. I’ve read through many of your articles and wasn’t sure until now if they would help with my situation. Tommorow I will start to read everything all over and will let u know of my progress. If I don’t make much progress I will consider going to my school’s psycologist.

Sep 10th, 2008
Albert

Hi mate, thanks for the vote of confidence. I have no experience with OCD and I would recommend that if you can, pay a visit to the psychologist anyway. There’s nothing to be ashamed of. Let me know how you go, as always.

Sep 10th, 2008