What is the one of the biggest obstacles that you can face in achieving personal mastery?
Your mind, your thoughts. Master them, and you master yourself. Then there is little you cannot do over time. Happiness, character, external success – they all begin in the mind. As the famous saying goes – “As within, so without.”
The moment we begin paying attention to our thoughts we discover how unruly they are. We don’t really beat our heart, it beats itself. Neither do we control our thinking – we are being thought. Estimates place the number of thoughts we have each day at 40 to 60 thousand, and we don’t have more than the most basic control over them. Increasing this control – mental labour – is often said to be the hardest work of all. The good news is; even the slightest increase is well worth it.
Before you go ahead with this, though, it might be helpful to have read The Danger of Positive Thinking. This is to make sure that your thoughts are not based in reality – something that you have to take action on. For more information on noticing our thoughts, not attaching to them, and how they influence you, have a look at What your ego is.
There are many systems of controlling your thoughts. Two of the biggest I’ve come across are: Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, the biggest force in psychology today, and the old Buddhist methods, so I’ll cover them both in this series.
There are many similarities between the two – I’ve even heard the Buddha being called the world’s first and best Cognitive Behavioural Therapist. There are only so many ways to skin the cat, as the saying goes, and it’s natural the best techniques rise to the surface. So if you are turned off by the religious connotations, please don’t be – they’re practical. The relevant sutra, commonly translated as the Discourse on Removing Distracting Thoughts, reads like a psychology manual if you take away the flowery language.
In this sutra, the Buddha gives five techniques – arranged according to how unruly your thoughts are. I have to warn that it is easy to be overanxious – “Oh my God! My thoughts are impossible to control!” – and jump to the last level, that is counterproductive and causes much anxiety. I made the same mistake, but after a few days, it turns out that a mixture of the two was good enough.
My point is: Give each level an earnest effort over a few days before you decide to move on.
If you look closely, you’ll see that negative thoughts stem from negative emotions. They feed off each other. Negative thoughts cause negative emotions, and negative emotions cause more negative thoughts. They feed off each other in a vicious cycle.
Therefore, change one part of the cycle – the emotions – and the thoughts will slowly change with it. What is the positive counterpart to the emotion in your cycle? Hatred has Love. Cruelty has Compassion. Desire has Non-clinging. Agitation has Harmony.
How do we create these emotions? Drench yourself with it. Fill your body, your being, your entire consciousness with harmony. If you can, fill your mind with such thoughts too. Don’t worry if it’s hard initially. It’s normal.
Of course, there are a few other ways of interpreting this level of the Sutra. Do whatever is emotionally nurturing. Go out to nature, put on some music, pamper yourself, read a book, go for a walk, do some exercise. Get your blood circulating and your heart pumping and you’ll find it easier to step outside your head.
Now, this level is hard if your thoughts are charged with strong emotions. When I was in heavy depression, I found that this technique was a form of repression (although I could simply have been doing it wrong). Still, I recommend that you clear out as much of the negative emotions first.
I personally use this for annoying thoughts or memories. For example, I sometimes get bored with tedious work or irritated by rude clients. In that case, I take a short break, go for a walk, and drench myself with harmony before stepping back in.
If the thoughts persist after an earnest effort at the preceding level, you should try reflecting on how much misery these thoughts are causing you.
The Buddha uses the metaphor of a well-dressed young person, who finds him or herself with the carcass of a snake around their neck. The disgust is sometimes enough to make them throw the dead animal off them. What does this mean? We know that these thoughts upset or affect us in ways we don’t want, but we never focus our attention directly on the misery.
I equate this to portions of The Work
Beyond the feelings, there is also the practical level. This is where the mind comes back in. What do you do with these negative thoughts? Do you drown it in whiskey, or take it out on your children, boyfriend, or girlfriend?
Now, The Work has another question. Who are you without these thoughts? Don’t force yourself to drop the thoughts, just imagine yourself without the thought on both levels. Maybe you won’t drink as much, and the tightness in your chest, the heat in your stomach disappears. You return to a calm and peaceful feeling.
You’re letting your system know how it feels to be with and without the thoughts. Remember that everything you do or think is meant to help you in a certain way, however misguided it might be. I explained this in detail in Why do we cling to our unhappiness?
I think once your system feels the difference, not just on the intellectual level, it helps instead of hinders your quest for mental control.
These should be enough for your most of your negative thoughts. I won’t give the other levels yet, or you might want to jump ahead to the deeper levels in a fit of anxiety. I thought I had Obsessive Compulsive Disorder when I looked at my thoughts and saw how hard they were to control 
, so I know how easy it is to overestimate what is probably an everyday human condition.
The next in the series will reveal the other levels of the sutra, and go into modern psychological techniques as well so subscribe to my RSS feed to keep up to date!
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The inmates that I deal with every day could definitely use some of the juice you’re offering. I can see Cognitive Behavior Therapy possibly having a good impact on some of the people I watch over, as long as they took it seriously and tried to make a change.
Hey J.D. Thanks for the comment. I hope it helps. I spent some time on your own blog just now – I’m feeling very disturbed now, especially over the Wright case. ARGH.
Here via the Carnival of Australia.
How do we bottle you Monk? Fantastic as usual.
You speak sense.
Hi Megan, I really appreciate all the support you have given me and the time you’ve put into the Carnival, thanks for the kind words
.
I just found your site. Thank you. I’m sure I’ll be spending some time reading your thoughtful and inspiring articles.
Lance
You’re welcome Lance, cheers!
Thanks for the post, keep up the good work!
Thanks Mathew!
i m get superstitious too much with negative thoughts ? how i leave that thoughts tell me
I’m not sure what you mean? Aren’t the techniques in these articles enough? Most thoughts also have an emotional charge to them, so if you can trace them back and purge those as per the emotional mastery series, that will help a lot too.
The sanguine people always success. They dont’s thinks a failure is a failure but a tools of neccessary step to success. In deed, Negative thought only yield no constructive attitude and bahavior—giving up, blaming, frustrated….
Definitely, “your inner world reflects your outer” is a very popular saying, and I’m starting to see the wisdom in that statement now. Thanks for the comment
Your article raises awareness of points readers may not consider.
Personally, I sense each human being has the power to control their thoughts which determine the emotions he or she will generate. It is easy to assume they always feed off each other. In some ways, they do. Yet, where a decision to change your emotions would change your mood, the human mood doesn’t think for itself. This echos ego.
Another way to look at it is this: external influences may seem to act to influence you to believe you are powerless over many of your thoughts. Yet, your authentic self (core) and your ego are actually vying for attention in your mind. Its a kind of power struggle. You make conscious and unconscious decisions about values, principles and how you will behave.
Hey Liara: This is very interesting stuff – I never thought of it that way. That the core self is also throwing out thoughts, so to speak. Thank you again for your insights.
When trouble arises, this is simply the universe trusting you, saying “you are smart and strong enough to solve this”. The bigger the problem, the bigger the reward spiritually (and often materially).
Just spent some time reading your articles & really liked them. I was going through one of my daily phases while studying, where I feel its too much & I cant do it..when I feel like giving up …maybe I got some mental block towards reading. So I decided to apply the first technique & go out for a walk. Im back now but i dont feel like that walk has affected my mood much. i still feel sort of stuck… so what do i do next?
(i feel applying the 2nd level would make me more depressed…)
Hey Winnie. Hmm..sounds like it’s not a problem with thoughts you are having. Have you tried the emotional mastery series? Try feeling your resistance to studying through the body. What does it feel like, a tightness, a heat?
Then simply relax your body, breathe into it, and let the feeling be there. Don’t fight it or judge it, just relax into it. Welcome it.If you want, you can imagine it slowly dissipating.
But often, after a few minutes of this, the feeling will disappear, and so will your resistance
http://www.urbanmonk.net/85/th.....at-simple/
Best single piece of advice I have come across on this topic:
When you have a negative thought don’t respond to it emotionally! Simply acknowledge that you had a negative thought and move onto a positive one.
Emotion gives a thought power. Without emotion it dries up instantly and blows away.
That is very true. If you don’t feed it, it will slowly die out. Thanks for stopping by.
Thank you for posting this article. I also try hard to rid of negative thoughts as much as humanly possible and this article helps tremendously. My appreciation to you is in the highest sense.
To show you my gratitude I would like to share with you a post I found that also helps with this: http://consciousflex.blogspot......ative.html
Thank you indeed. I hope it helps you and others who read it as much as this post of yours as helped, please keep up the incredible work in helping others!
Hey there DSL – thank you for the compliments! I’ve recently found that the most powerful thing one can do is to use the emotional mastery series to remove the underlying emotions…then the thoughts disappear of their own accord.
http://www.urbanmonk.net/85/th.....at-simple/
I’ll check out that article now.
Thanks Albert for sharing. You should seriously consider putting all these wonderful thoughts of yours in a coffee-table book and I am happy to be part of that idea if you so wish. Not just for the money – but for a different audience in a different space and time….and that i am sure, you appreciate is different.
Hey there reviveramesh – thanks for the comment! Hmm…that’s a wonderful idea. A bit daunting to be honest, and I’m not sure if I’m ready for it yet but definitely something to be thought about in a few months time. Thanks for the offer, I appreciate it
I feel that the way i remove negative thoughts is unhealthy. it sometimes leaves me feeling numb. In truth i am not removing negativity but merely cultivating it inside…
Hi beauty Blog – Some of the first few levels here are just temporary solutions, for example when you are getting stressed at work and need to concentrate. For a long term but permanent fix, have a look at the emotional mastery series:
http://www.urbanmonk.net/85/th.....at-simple/
Thanks for your comments your a great inspiration!
Thanks
Thanks for the post, keep up the good work! .. this is really helpful
Thank you Fay, glad I helped
Food for thought…
Thanks Brendon
All I can say about this post is wow. I’ve read quite a bit on getting rid of negative thoughts, and this is one of the best guides I’ve come across. Thanks for the consistent quality writing!
I’m glad you’re poking around VG
Hey Albert I just turned 18 years old and have been dealing with depression for the last 4 years now. It seems everytime I make a breakthrough negative thoughts come rushing back in. I had a detailed plan on how I was going to make my 1st semester in college fun and productive. Now this fear of being gay keeps popping in my head. I’ve always been attracted to women and have never been turned on by another man. I was hoping to have an enjoyable birth but instead I was unable to enjoy it because this fear consumed me. I feel it might be connected to my low-self esteem and self-confidence and also a few friends kept joking about me being gay because of a comment I made jokingly. I’ve felt like I was inferior to other guys. I feel like I might sabotaging myself again. I’ve felt in the past that if I accomplish everything I want to accomplish, life will become boring which it already feels like. Do u have any advice that might help me out.
Hi John, try the emotional mastery series for fears and anxieties.
a very similar series that might also help is the behavioural one which is on going right now.
Hey Albert after doing a lot of search through the internet I found a forum with many people dealing with the same problem as me. I realized that I probably have OCD. About 2 years ago I self-diagnosed myself with OCD because everynight before I went to bed I would keep on checking to make sure the stove was off and I wouldn’t leave the wireless phone charging because it was dropped a few times. I conquered it by realizing that it was irrational. However this seems to be a more serious issue and am hoping to use your site to conquer this as well. I’ve read through many of your articles and wasn’t sure until now if they would help with my situation. Tommorow I will start to read everything all over and will let u know of my progress. If I don’t make much progress I will consider going to my school’s psycologist.
Hi mate, thanks for the vote of confidence. I have no experience with OCD and I would recommend that if you can, pay a visit to the psychologist anyway. There’s nothing to be ashamed of. Let me know how you go, as always.
Ok so where has this blog been hiding? and why didnt anyone reach out and tell me about it?
I am usually my worst enemy. I say that to mean, my thoughts run away, worry overtakes me and i think myself into fits of panic and depression during stressful times.
Relationship issues are the worst and dont let me be dealing with a break up. These are good techniques, i cant wait to use them. Not saying im looking forward to the circumstances that will require these excersises, but i am excited about being about to combat my overactive thoughts.
Thanks
Fresh
Heh, you’re very welcome Fresh. Thank you so much for the compliment
Hi Albert I am a guy from India.I fear that If I go or settle in abroad I may become a victim of racist attack though I don’t have any recent plan to go abroad. Never such attack has happened to me in the past.
My country is divided into different states.Each state having different langage and culture.Recently in one state, people coming from other states for jobs were thrashed by the locals on the pretext that people of other states are taking the jobs while locals remain unemployed Although in our country any person can do job anywhere.This incident has also affected me lot.I fear that If I get a job in a different state such thing can happen to me.The more I try to find the solution of this problem more stressed I become ,feeling myself trapped into the viceous circle of negative thought.How can I get rid of this fear?I know there are thousand of people doing jobs in different states and continue to do so .
Hey Amit, do try The Work (the latest series of posts on the front page), the emotional mastery series (from the start here page), or a similar thing, which is the letting go meditation -
http://www.urbanmonk.net/332/t.....etting-go/
Hi Albert its Amit again.People say when you are haunted by any particular negative thought you simply distract them by thinking something else .They say repeated distraction would subdue that thought.How much helpful the above notion is in your opinion?Do you feel it to be in contradictory with respect to the purging process.
Hey Amit – that process is more for the short term. Long term wise, I’m more a fan of purging.
hai Albert its Amit..thanks for your piece of advice.
In real life situation you can be attacked by a negative thought at any moment.At that very moment it is quite possible that you donot have time to sit ,relax ,calm and feel your emotion to purge them out.What best could be done at that situation?Can those struck emotion later be removed when you become free to feel them( note that intensity of that emotion donot remain same later onwards.)
One more querry:What should be duration to feel you emotion switching your mind off.. a minute or two ,five min or half an hr ?
Hi Amit, these questions are all answered in the posts themselves
hi Albert I could find answers to my querries barring one ie ..
In real life situation you can be attacked by a negative thought at any moment.At that very moment it is quite possible that you donot have time to sit ,relax ,calm and feel your emotion to purge them out.What best could be done at that situation?
Please do reply..Desperate to seek your help.
My question is especially in context to my fear problem (which i know it to be a stupid one) mentioned as my comment in my earlier post.which sometimes comes to me at busy working schedule…
Nice article.Continue your good work
Hey,
I was reading over some of your articles. I came by the one that mentioned a talk you had with your friend, who was telling you how hard it is to make it with so many blogs out there. I came to your site to get some insight into dealing with the recurring depression. I just want to let you know, I have read a lot of CRAP out there, and your articles are a nice change, very insightful and candid. Don’t let any criticism, either negative or positive, get in between the quality of the writing that you deliver. Keeping doing what you do, and the community will see the value in your writing. If that doesn’t work, just sell out hard. Goodluck.
@ Pratyush: Thank you so much!
@ Kourus: Thank you very much too, your support is really great. And your sell out hard comment made me chuckle.
After reading this article I posted this on another page but since that I wanted to show some examples also here and taken from a few quotes to show some examples and hope it can help some people out. I think thoughts are like Air they don’t cause harm or good, negative or positive affects. Although a thought is like a seed but emotions are like water you combine the two consciously or unconsciously with out your awareness they can be sown and you can reap its fruits these fruits can be good or evil. Such that ex. you have someone who is annoying, pushy, rude arrogant or it can be an event. The best way is to take it lightly and gently in that you can see these thoughts at the moment or later on come and go. If you pour water onto these thoughts meaning you add your heart, emotion, attention or associate with these thoughts then they will grow into evil plants with toxic fruits. These fruits will be anger frustration depression and the list goes on. Because to show attention or associate with something its two things thoughts and a desire to give attention or association. So if we just see them come and don’t give anything to it then they wont grow. We can do the same with positive thoughts such as a new skill, love, relationship success if we want it have that thought what do we do? We decide to pursue it this is where desire emotions adds to it and its where two become one and you end up reaping the positive fruits that are healthy for life. I think the one example would be from the movie “Beautiful Mind” the more attention and more you associate with negative thoughts they will grow and be with you its like adding heat or gasoline on a spark which is that seed which is the thought. So if you don’t add desire then they just slowly disappear when at the end of the movie Russell Crow ignores by not having or showing desire to communicate associate is mind clears and he becomes a more stable person who is Happy. The quotes from the other site I mentioned above were as follow: ” Emotion gives a thought power. Without emotion it dries up instantly and blows away. “That’s true if you don’t feed it, it will slowly die out.” These are among the best quotations I’ve ever seen. Think of all the negative thoughts and don’t water them turn them into a desert wasteland. But careful and be in the present moment and be consciously aware at your self so you don’t drift in and out and turn that wasteland into a toxic forest. On the other hand work on your positive thoughts and turn them into Garden of Eden or what you would like a magic land escape where all fruits are healthy for your soul and life. I think with this all said and with all ancients is its about to you to change and take control of your life because your the only one that can take the bull by its horn.
Hey Henri, just as I said on the other article, really insightful. Thanks
I just learned of this website when I woke up this morning and spent an hour or two reading bits and pieces of articles here and there. I may not have experience working with a crowd, or have a degree on psych or sociology, but for some reason lots of people have been seeking me for advice- and all the advise that I have for them is basically what you have on your site- but written better.
The thing with me is that I know how to help people, but I just don’t know how to help benefit myself. I think this site can actually help me improve so. Thanks for this site and I am looking forward in reading all the articles and finally being happy with myself.
Hi Michaael, that is very high praise, and I appreciate it. Let me know how you get on with everything
Wonderful articles– wish I’d discovered you sooner! This is just what I need right now.
One question I have, though: how to deal with negative thoughts that are truly based in reality, dealing with things outside our control that are negatively impacting humanity– like global warming, corporate fascism and Codex Alimentarius, for example? When we have negative thoughts about these things, it seems to me it is harder to let go, because our concerns are relevant rrather than irrational. I’d like to get a handle on some of these issues, which bring about a certain level of background anxiety for me.
Thanks!
Hi Sharrhan, what kind of negative thoughts are you getting about this? I mean you’ve told me the topic, but what kind of thoughts? Do you just replay them, do you plan out responses, do you fantasise about how things will be different, etc?
Actually, I think using the releasing meditation might be better.
http://www.urbanmonk.net/780/w.....-emotions/
I have just stumbled?? upon this site.
Thank you so much for all the help you give and also for having it free as I am a pensioner and couldnt afford to pay for such valuable advice.
Hi Ann, it’s my pleasure.
Albert I have a question. You say to step back and watch your thoughts but I find myself thinking “ok Im watching” and then the thoughts just disapear and dont give me time to watch them.
Is this normal? Or am I missing something?
Heya, that’s very common and it’s a good thing.
I recently heard something very similar (and perhaps more powerful) from Brandon Bays. She says, try to invite every single thought you’ve ever had into your life, and invite them into your head so you can think them all at the same time.
Try it, and see what happens
Ok…..thanks for that, I’ll try, sounds strange but will give it a go.
I appreciate your views and way you have explained for keeping ourself optimistic.
Thanks Murli
Nature made man yet I hear some claim to be self-made. In this blind act of defiance for Nature, is it fair to claim these ‘toxic thoughts’ as problems natural to us one and all?
The ego is the root of many a problem with mankind, it is also the thing that makes man twice as real as he really is, which is great when things are great but when not as so often they are, oh the sorrow of a broken state.
An owl does not worry for his looks or attire, he knows nature made him perfect as indeed every one of us are.
Hi Glen, I’m not really sure what you’re getting at, but OK.
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5 Sites About “Removing Negative Thoughts”…
My last post was a podcast with a energy healing meditation about how to remove negative thoughts.
Negative thoughts are a mind killer and need to replaced. They will ruin your life.
I did a web search and found 5 blog posts that will help you in your …