The Fever of Humanity and the Antidote: Reconciling Self-Love and Self-Improvement
One day, Rumsfield came home after a long day at work. His face was pale, and he gripped his stomach tightly.
His wife rushed up to him. “What’s wrong?” she asked.
“I have a stomach-ache. I feel queasy. I don’t know,” he replied.
Nancy had been a nurse for twenty years. She checked his temperature, and found that he had gotten cut by a rusty nail. The wound was infected, causing him to have a fever. “It’s a fever!” she exclaimed. “Sit down, honey, I’ll go and dress the wound, and get you some medicine for the fever.”
“No!” he shouted. “I told you, it’s a stomach-ache!”
His root disease was the cut and the fever it had caused; his body had become weak, and that led to his stomach troubles, a sore throat, and a thundering headache.
But despite all of Nancy’s objections, he refused to take anything for his fever – a stubborn man. He demanded that he brought her something for his stomach-ache, and so she did. He sat down for an hour, and soon his stomach began to feel better.
And when his tummy stopped bothering him, the other symptoms began jumping for his attention. The next day, his voice became hoarse, and he couldn’t eat properly.
“Bring me medicine for my throat!” he shouted. And so Nancy did. And the next day, his throat got better, which meant that his attention was now focused on his headache.
“I want medicine for my head!” he shouted. Now he could feel his anger arising; he had been sick for many days in a row – and yet nothing seemed to fix him. But he continued yelling, and so he got his headache medicine.
The entire time, his cut was still there. Just silently sitting there; no-one was paying any attention to it.
And so a few days later, the stomach medicine Rumsfield had taken at the start began to wear off. The poor man flew into a rage, and called every single doctor in the vicinity. “I want the best stomach medicine you have in stock, RIGHT NOW!” he shouted.
And so, on and on the cycle continued.
The fever of humanity
This is how many people live – they go on treating the symptoms – they are hacking away at the branches of the tree, and never get to the root.
Most people don’t know what is happening to them. Rumsfield was lucky; he had a wife who knew what was going on. But still he refuses to listen.
Why is this? Maybe we are too stubborn, too full of pride. Or perhaps the infected wound is too scary to look at – all the pus, the blood, the broken skin.
And the result was something Henry David Thoreau must have seen in us when he said: “The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation”.
Lives of quiet desperation
On and on it goes. We’re always seeking something, but we’re pouring water into a leaky cup, throwing our gold and diamonds into a furnace that never dies down. Some get lost in the scramble for power, money and fame. Others indulge in endless sex. Others find religion, spirituality, or go to therapy.
Done without hurting anyone, there’s nothing wrong with any of these. But we’re endlessly treating the symptoms; never finding – or perhaps realising – there is something deeper.
The walking wounded are everywhere. They are depressed and angry; always ready to pick a fight, always on guard against some attack, imaginary or real. Always searching, always wanting – that is the way we live.
Barking up the wrong tree
I was first pushed into personal development because I was unhappy. I had attachment issues, low self-esteem, all of that. And that meant I dated the wrong women - again and again and again. They were essentially the same people in different bodies. It made me deeply unhappy, and one day I decided I would do something about it.
And so I went off to develop my self-esteem, to improve my body language. I trained my mind to think positively. I took on public speaking roles to overcome my shyness; I took classes to improve my speech patterns. I spent money on overhauling my wardrobe, getting accessories, trying out new haircuts. I even thought about whitening my teeth; I was lucky I stopped short of waxing my legs and plucking my eyebrows.
And it made me happy for a while. My social status improved, I had much fun dating, because of the “new and improved” me. But lying there in the background, my fever was still raging.
Change comes from the Inside
Sooner or later it will come out again; it always does. No change in your external circumstance will mean anything if it is not accompanied by a shift in your inner consciousness.
But this is something I’ve seen in so many of my other friends in personal development. They spend months and years trying to fix their career, their relationships, and even the people they are with. The scramble, the search, never ends. Accumulating more! More! One day I will have enough and I will be happy!
There’s nothing wrong with any of these – but they are all superficial.
The root cause
And so the question arises: What is this root cause, what is this fever?
Honestly? I don’t know. But one thing struck me when I look back on this past year, a year of wild change and growth. Most of it has been documented in this website, and when I looked back at it – I found that all the lessons I have learnt pointed to a lack of love. That is all it is, a lack of love.
We’re always running away from ourselves, running from our shadow, our emotions, our life. It is time to turn around and face them, to love and accept them.
Simply relax into yourself. Start from the middle; start from yourself. No more condemnation, no more hatred, and you will find that all your anger and anxieties and all of that just simply begins to dissolve. From there, you’ll find that love for others has been silently blossoming at the same time - there is no difference.
A tale of two men
One more story about Love. It is so very relevant at this time of the year, when everyone is setting their New Year resolutions and goals.
Arthur loves his car tremendously; he treats it like a long lost lover. He spends hours on it: tenderly polishing it, tinkering with the engine, trying to make it purr like a cat. He knows the car from the inside out, and his bookshelves are filled with manuals on taking care of his baby.
Bryce hates his car. He simply doesn’t think it is good enough, that no lady will ever fall for a man driving some beat-up trash heap like that. And so he spends hours tinkering with the engine; maybe if it was faster he would feel better about being seen in public with it. He polishes it like an obsession; maybe if it was shinier the girls would pay attention to him.
The world is filled with Bryces; I see so much of him in myself still. Which one are you?
Perhaps, just perhaps, your goal should be first to find the Love within.
Link Love
I have been guest posting a lot recently, and I would like to thank the following three awesome bloggers for giving me a chance to steal their readers… I mean share my message. 
First is an old friend, Donald Latumahina from Life Optimizer. It is a classic personal development blog, solid practical material and a very easy to read style. One of my favourite articles there would have to be 11 ways to have a calm and peaceful mind.
Next up is Luciano Passuello from LiteMind. It’s a very unique blog from a really cool blogger. His material is based on getting the most out of your mind – problem solving, imagery, creativity, and mind mapping are some of the goodies you can find. Very scientific, no mumbo-jumbo. A favourite here is: Improve your memory by speaking your mind’s language.
Last but not least is Gleb Reys from the perfectly titled Personal Development Blog. Very practical material, also written in a very easy to read style. A good example would be: Secrets to successful time management.
UrbanMonk.Net provides comprehensive articles for your personal development - modern life, entwined with ancient spirituality.
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23 Comments, Comment or Ping
Ben
Great Post!
Has really made me think what is causing my fever. Looking back I’ve had a fever for a long time but I am not really sure what causes it. I have started to lessening of its effects on my life since developing my spiritual side over the past few months is that because I have found something that cures the symptoms and not the disease? Only time will tell I think!
Dec 20th, 2007
Albert
Thank you very much Ben, I think my fever is caused by lack of self-love, what do you think it was for you?
Dec 20th, 2007
ReddyK - The Atma Jyoti Blog
Albert,
What I say now I am sure you already know, and by this article I think you are trying to evoke responses from your readers.
The key to our misery and sufferings is ignorance. Primal ignorance of who we really are and what our destiny is. Until we discover this we are on a raging sea of ups and downs and confusion.
The key to eliminating this ignorance is a concerted, deliberate inner life of meditation and self-discovery. Constant attentiveness to seeking the answers to the questions of life will eventually lead to this discovery. It does not happen by itself (well, unless we are willing to wait aeons of miserable evolution.)
Leading an intentional life (as opposed to a life subject to “fate”) will lead us to the safe haven of Knowledge. Let us resolve now to begin this journey!
Dec 20th, 2007
Jennifer Mannion
Hi Albert, I had the same fever — learning self love but mine also involved letting so of some past issues I had never truly processed. As you know my fever manifested itself as several chronic illnesses and chronic pain for YEARS. I treated the symptoms but it wasn’t until I looked inside myself and figured out what was causing my dis-ease that I could even begin to heal. I think this is a VERY important post… consider it stumbled and I will definitely be recommending it to others as well. I know quite a few people that could benefit from it! As always, I LOVE your writing! Gratefully, Jenny
Dec 20th, 2007
Albert
Hey Reddy! You’re totally right, of course. I sort of wanted to hear what the readers thought, plus I was saving the spiritual aspect for the next article, as it is a pretty indepth look.
Jennifer, thank you for your support as always. Gratitude, Albert.
Dec 20th, 2007
Lacy
This article couldn’t have come at a more serendipitous time for me, because I have a question that’s been plaguing me and maybe you will be able to point me in the direction of an answer.
I want to embark on a journey of self improvement, not because I am so unhappy with the way I am, but because I know that I can live a better life. I feel like I am worth more than what I am giving myself.
But I keep running up against the fear that I’m feeding the fever as you put it. How do I know the difference between improvements undertaken to enhance myself and my self-love, and those just feeding the symptoms rather than treating the real issues?
I do realize that it’s a very personal question, one I will ultimately have to answer for myself, but I was hoping you might have some suggestions about HOW I might go about determining the answer.
Thanks!
Dec 20th, 2007
Liara Covert
Hi Albert.
This post reminds us that we’re all on a very personal journey. What works at a given moment may not seem so appropriate later. That’s part of the mental process. Although I believe human beings are connected to something beyond ourselves, we each must discover at our own pace the life lesson that we were born to discern. Its all about soul-evolution.
To evoke emotions of discomfort is perhaps another way to help you realize you need to act differently to connect with your inner forces. To begin to feel the power of your core is to experience what makes you feel good. Emotions are a helpful guide. You will inevitably experience strife, struggle and an inability to manifest what you want. This indicates your spiritual and ego realities are out-of-balance. Part of your reason for living is to find the balance and live accordingly.
Dec 20th, 2007
Evan Hadkins
Hi Albert,
The final story about the two cars isn’t really appropriate. Wanting to be the first one can lead straight back to the fever.
I think it is better not to “relax” and judge the judge and their judgements. It is easier to bring this to awareness by letting them all out. Letting them have their fights and arguments (it is important that this is done in a way that is safe for ourselves, others and the furniture).
We may find that some things we do are hurtful to ourselves and others (and the furniture). We will find that these behaviours are our best attempt to meet valid needs (the need for love being pre-eminent in my experience).
We agree on the goal but disagree on the method (a far lesser concern).
Evan
Dec 20th, 2007
Al at 7P
This is a great post. I very much appreciate the honesty that you’ve given in your post, because I believe that is the key. To truly love and respect one’s self, there has to be unbridled honesty with the self.
This honesty can mean unlearning personal misconceptions, which can be difficult (or even nearly impossible). The honesty in your post is inspirational.
Dec 20th, 2007
Albert
@ Lacy: That’s a very good question. I would say be aware of your thoughts and your feelings. This awareness is a skill, for its easy to go back into autopilot, but just keep it up. Just get into a habit of always asking yourself “What’s going on inside me now?” And then you can see that when you’re doing this you feel at peace, if you’re doing that you feel uneasy or you’re telling yourself “maybe the girls / boys will like me more if I do it this way”. Or whatever.
@ Liara: thank you, your insights and perspectives are always welcome!
@ Evan: Thanks for your insight as well. I really appreciate comments like this, makes me think and shows me where my own holes are. Are you referring to - for example - releasing your anger by taking it out on a pillow? I’ve gone that route before, and it does make you feel better for a while, but I can’t vouch for it’s long term effectiveness. Thich Nhat Hanh said that we are possibly training our anger. It’s better, he said, to feel it without reacting to it, otherwise we’re just training our ego to be stronger. What do you think?
I’ve found it a slightly less satisfying process (just lying there and loving the sensations that my anger produces, instead of shouting and raging), but one that works long term. Again, just my personal experience, I’m not saying you’re wrong, I would love to hear what you have to say on this.
Thanks again for this, I love such discussions and welcome any criticism.
@Al: Thank you…I think honesty is key for any blog as well. Just hit me though, that maybe a future girlfriend or employer would read this…hmmm…I’m in deep trouble now ha!
Dec 20th, 2007
Seamus
This blog is awesome
Subscribing … n-now!
Dec 20th, 2007
Albert
Hehe…thank you very much Seamus! I enjoy your blog too, so thanks for coming by.
Dec 20th, 2007
Andrea Hess|Empowered Soul
Hi Albert,
I call the basic underlying fever “separation.” Separation from our Higher Self, separation from our Divinity, separation from each other. If we acknowledged that we already are what we are chasing after, that we are already a perfectly created Divine being … well, the chase will stop. And if we acknowledge and own our Divinity, and then the Divinity of everybody else around us, then we can no longer act against each other, because to act against someone else is really acting against ourselves.
I think this is where personal development falls short. This idea that we need to improve ourselves, to be better, as if we need to “fix” something within that is broken. We are not broken. There is nothing wrong with us. We’ve just separated from our true identity, from our Soul selves, and have become identified with thoughts, feelings, physicality, professions, bank accounts, and relationships.
I agree with ReddyK that ignorance plays a part - ignorance of our true nature.
So all we really have to do is identify with our Divinity and take ownership of it. Hah - easy to say, not so easy to do … and yet, it is very, very easy because it is already available to us, in every single moment.
Blessings,
Andrea
Dec 20th, 2007
Albert
Beautifully said Andrea… I think you and Reddy K are simply talking about the same thing. And I agree, not easy to do, but easy to say. I’ve been looking at the archives of my blog, and I noticed that most of the deeper articles, the lessons I’ve learnt, they simply say - turn around and stop running - just love it. Whatever it is, emotions, thoughts, etc. I’m thinking that complete Love, love that melts away the ego, will remove the illusion of separation.
Thank you again for sharing, I always look forward to having you here.
Seasons blessings!
Dec 21st, 2007
Mike S
Albert,
Obviously, in our “belief” that we are separate from Source/God/Being we live in FEAR. This is the figurative “cut” that we deny by giving it a million different labels. Fear is our disease and it’s reflected everywhere in the world we experience.
Therefore, our symptoms of anger, worry, depression, boredom, shyness, etc, etc, are simply the symptoms of FEAR.
I believe Andrea has presented the starting point. Essentially, if we can begin to believe that we are Divine Mind and that “there is nothing wrong with us,” then the question that we need to be asking in each and every moment that we are experiencing any symptom whatsoever is, WHAT DO I FEAR RIGHT NOW!
In order to take “ownership” of our divinity we must identify and dissociate from FEAR. Fear obstructs us from experiencing this Being (which is the experience we call “Love”) and it’s this Love that allows us to say “YES!” to everything in Life. Therefore, if your not saying “YES!” then what do you FEAR that’s causing you to say “NO.”
Thanks,
Mike S
Dec 21st, 2007
Albert
Thank you Mike, I’m loving all these perspectives and additional info. You guys have given me a lot to think about. I really wish I could write more in response to your insights, but I really can’t think of anything to say but thanks.
Dec 21st, 2007
Jean Browman--Cheerful Monk
I’ve mentioned this in comments on a lot of blogs, but I don’t know if this blog was one of them. When I was in my mid-twenties I was lucky enough to make a commitment to love and support myself no matter what. And to me love meant trying to bring out the best in myself. It was the wisest decision I ever made. I talk about it in Creating Our Own Inner Guide. Thanks for bringing up an important subject.
Dec 21st, 2007
Albert
It really is a wonderful journey isn’t it? I’ve followed yours with interest in your blog. Thanks for stopping by.
Dec 21st, 2007
Evan Hadkins
Hi Albert,
Getting the anger out on a pillow can help for a short term. This is useful - it can help us be clearer and help us concentrate. This is no bad thing and can be useful. Instead of some of our attention needing to go on managing our irritability (sometimes we can even be so angry that we can’t think) we can concentrate on what is making us angry.
From here there are a few options. First it may be an obstacle to reaching a goal - this leads to frustration and then anger. It may be appropriate to address our energy (currently manifested as anger) to the removal or circumvention of the obstacle. Or we may decide we simply don’t care about it anymore and walk away happy.
The trickier (and perhaps more common) situation is where the conflict is between different ‘parts of ourselves’ or competing desires. If you fight yourself, whatever the result, you lose. The challenge is to honour and support all the parts of us. To find out their needs and wants. To let them each bring their energy and skills to our life. The resolution of this process is a greater wholeness - it is usually experienced as an elation. Our energy no longer goes fighting ourselves and this is a huge release.
Thich Naht Hanh should know better - in other ways I find him quite insightful. Whatever we do with our anger is training it. This includes not letting it move you. I think the basic disagreement is that anger can be a very good thing - we can use the energy to destructure and create. Can anger bring misery? Of course. So can any emotion or thought or action. I think Thich Naht Hanh is the victim of the Buddhist prejudice against anger. This is present in the New Agers too - they say that ‘emotions just are’ but then come up with lists of positive and negative emotions. Usually based on the consequences. This doesn’t allow for the possibility that there are other ways of responding to these emotions that would lead to different consequences.
This is already a long comment. And there is probably much more to go into. So if you like get back and we’ll explore some more. Hope what I have said is clear.
Dec 25th, 2007
Albert
Hey Evan, thanks for the insights. I agree with everything, but would like to present a slightly different perspective on that anger can be a very good thing.
“Emotions just are”, I would say refers to an internal state. Saying anything else could lead to someone trying to repress it, and to let it down. Prejudice against anger has to be distinguished between internal and external. Internally, letting the emotions just be, is an important step to not trying to fight it.
However, anger would be “bad” if it fuels our actions - that is, once we hit the external. Even if we try to do something creative, or useful, it is still done in a bad state of mind.
You could say that its all the energy polluting the actions, but I prefer to stick with more mundane explanation. Even something simple…let’s take something simple that happened to me recently.
As part of a business thing, my family needed some documents. For a lot of reasons, there was a big misunderstanding, and we needed to get the documents from this other company ASAP. There was some frustration arising inside me. In the end I knew I had to make a 2 hour drive to get those documents. I was tired after a long day, and dreaded having to wake up early the next day to make the drive the 4 hour drive in total (2+2 in return). In addition, my other deadlines were piling up.
Now you could say that my frustration (just a minor form of anger) could be used to keep me awake and energetic for the drive. Or that it fueled my decision to go and get it instead of sitting around with my brother and complain about the unfairness of the situation.
But it would still be one taken in unhappiness. Once I got there and talked with the people there, my anger would have been obvious and could have effected things. Maybe they disliked me even though I might have tried to act polite, but they could have felt the anger.
I would say that you’re 100% right, but instead of using our anger, we could release it, (perhaps via shouting into a pillow like you said), or by using a meditation where we welcome it, or release it in the form of energy.
This means that we are doing things from a deeper state of happiness. You’ve probably seen the “ladders” of emotions. Above anger would be pride, and then positive ones like courage and peace. So in releasing the anger we would have moved up the ladder. This is important even if we decide to walk away, like you said.
Back to my small silly example, that was what I did. During the drive, I released my anger quietly, half-meditating half driving, and after twenty minutes I was enjoying the long ride. I got to my destination in a good mood. Did that make a difference? I don’t know for sure, but I believe that it did.
The people there responded well to happiness and genuine politeness, and I was happy for the long drive instead of being angry.
I love your perspectives and your insights, and would be awesome to get into a dialog with you.
Dec 25th, 2007
Miracle
Hey, great article. I really enjoyed this one. I’ve been out of comission the past two weeks, but I should be back interacting full steam now
Dec 31st, 2007
Albert
Welcome back mate!
Dec 31st, 2007
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