The Beauty of Impermanency and the Illusion of the Ego

Feb 6, 2008

There is nothing that is permanent. In that realisation is the peace that we are searching for.

I remember the first time I had ever taken the time to really look at a snowflake. It was a cold morning, and I was sitting in the car, watching the snow lazily drift down. I reached out and caught one on the tip of my finger, and brought it in for a closer look.

And suddenly I realised how beautiful they were. I’ve seen pictures, film clips – but never one this close in real life. There was an instinctive urge to hold on to that image, to burn it into my memory, but already the delicate fragment had begun to dissolve.

And so it goes for everything else: the world is constantly dissolving, changing.

The Beauty of Impermanency and the Illusion of the Ego

There is nothing to fight over, nothing to cry over. It is all fleeting, all will be gone one day.

My friend got into the car, apologising for making me wait. I said it was no trouble, that I was enjoying the gentle snow. She found it funny. It was just ice, she said. Why waste time on it?

There was an urge to catch one just for her, just to show her the beauty she had uncaringly walked past. But I stopped myself. Why argue? What would any of us get out of it? The snow doesn’t care what we think of it. It is just being what it is meant to be. So what if I won, so what if she won? It would have been moisture in the air long before the argument had finished.

There is nothing to grasp, nothing to cling to. It is all fleeting; everything will be gone soon.

We sat in the car for a while more; I did not want to leave the tranquillity behind. I tried to catch more flakes on my fingers; I wanted to analyse the nuances of their patterns, the subtleties in their design. I wanted to capture them, crystallise them in my mind.

The more I tried, the more realised how futile it was. All the photos, the childhood poems on the beauty of snow – they were pale imitations. Nothing could compare to the vividness of the real thing, as it is right now. Memorising, analysing them – I was killing them. The joy and simplicity had already disappeared, by the mere act of trying to hang on to it.

We cannot cling to something that is ungraspable, the great teachers always said. Just enjoy it. Countless poems have been written on the magnificence of the sunrise; but where is the beauty if it is always dawn?

The High School

One late night, I happened to drive past my old high school. I hadn’t been back there since I graduated; it has been nearly a decade. A feeling of nostalgia came over me, and I parked my car on the side of the quiet, deserted road.

The moon was still bright enough for me to see everything clearly; I noticed with some dismay the old brick buildings I had spent my teenage years in were gone. In their place were newer buildings, modern architecture. They were towering glass and steel structures; clean, shiny, and sophisticated.

I recalled snippets of news that had found their way to me since I left. The headmaster had retired, replaced by someone much younger and energetic. Some teachers had retired. Others had moved on to different occupations. Yet others had passed away. Students graduated every year, only to be replaced by fresh young faces.

Besides one or two stubborn old buildings, perhaps a few staff members – nothing had remained the same. If it wasn’t for the location, or the emblem on the gates, I wouldn’t even have recognised the place.

It reminded me of a passage from The Book by Alan Watts. The school is not a solid object; it is a process, dynamic and alive. It is different from what it was ten years ago. It is different from what it was a few hours ago. There was nothing permanent there. ABC High? What is it? There was nothing constant there. It was a bubbling stream of changing buildings, staff, students and cars – but it was one we have mistaken for a solid unchanging permanent entity, one that we have given a name and a logo.

Rough around the edges

And the name, the illusion, the mental concept, had taken precedence over the actual premises.

Like all high schools, there were students who were rougher around the edges. I remembered them spitting on the walls, littering the school grounds, kicking over the trashcans.

But stories would also circulate around the canteen during lunch hour – these students had gotten into fights with students from other schools. Over what? The honour of ABC High.

The concept, the name, something that only existed in our minds, had taken precedence. The illusion was worth shedding blood for; the physical property was worth littering on.

ABC High was an illusion, a name we’ve overlaid on reality. It was like fighting over a kilometre, falling in love with a kilogram. The solid entity is a mere illusion, a permanent label we’ve given to something that is not permanent.

Everything is a constant stream, a dynamic process. Why fight over a snowflake? It would become water soon enough. Why fight over water? It would soon become condensation in the air.

How does this all mean?

How many of us live in this way? How many fight and cling over something that ultimately means nothing? So much of our sorrow comes from clinging to this illusion.

Whatever happens – it will be over soon. Recognising the transient nature of beauty and joy lets us enjoy them even more. And when they leave, so what? It is only our grasping that hurts, nothing more. When something painful occurs, so what? It will pass soon enough.

The man who was not there

And just like those students and the school, what have we identified ourselves with? Is there something permanent inside us? Or are we just a constant stream of thoughts, emotions, sensations, perceptions, blood, food, and air?

Much of our afflictive emotions come from clinging to this label, an exaggerated sense of “me” that we have been hypnotised into believing is the real thing.

This is very hard to explain properly… and potentially dangerous if misunderstood. Please just take this as a musing, typed out onto a computer screen, something to stimulate thought, and nothing else.

I am reminded of this quote by Anthony de Mello:

It would be correct to say that:
Pages + print + cover + pictures = book
But would it be right to say that:
Pages + print + cover + pictures + book = book?

There is a similar story of a monk who dismantled a chariot in front of a king. At each part he removed, he asked the king – “Are the horses the chariot?”, “Are these wheels the chariot?” and so on until nothing remained. He finally asked “Where then is the chariot?”

There is nothing that exists aside from the body and the mind. Someone calls you a vicious name – what has been hurt? The body is unhurt, it keeps on breathing, moving, walking. Sticks and stones, as the saying goes. The mind is unhurt. It keeps on thinking; the senses keep on gathering information. What has been hurt? The illusion – a reflection in the lake.

You lost your job. The mind is unhurt, the body is unhurt. There will be discomfort, yes – for you have to find a new job, you won’t have any income for a period of time, you will struggle to pay the rent, perhaps your wife will yell at you.

But every so often, there is additional sorrow, one that stems from believing in this illusion. There is a “me” in there that feels offended and hurt above and beyond the basic inconveniences. And this hurt ultimately means nothing, leads to nothing. All that ruckus – over nothing.

The Biggest Magic Trick of All

What we think of as “I” is an illusion, just a name and a label. Who is William, who is Theresa? We are a constant stream of thoughts and feelings, input from our senses, food and drink, physical sensations and memories.

There is nothing permanent in here. We are just a process, one that we’ve labelled “me”, “Ali”, “Coco”. And labelling is fine – we need it to function and communicate. The problem arises when we’ve mistaken the label for the product, in the same way the teenagers have mistaken the name of the school for the school itself.

Try this for yourself; imagine yourself as the chariot that is being dismantled.

Take away your sense of sight – are you still “you”? Is “Ali” hidden in your sense of smell? Take away all your other senses, your imagination, your mental faculties, one by one – are you hidden in any of those?

Take away your memories. Are you still there? If you knocked your head on the wall and lost all your memory, would you still be you? Perhaps you are in your heart. If your heart failed and you needed a transplant, will you still be you?

Someone spits at your feet; an emotion arises – anger, fear, rage. Is that you? Is it something we have to act on, or is it a mere sensation? One that will simply dissipate, just like the snowflakes?

Where is this “I”? Does it exist in the way we think it does? What is there to fight about? What is there to grasp, to cling to? Why not just enjoy the gentle drifting, the landing on the finger, and the final dissolution?

What is all this ruckus about?

Final notes

Jonathan Evatt contacted me to point out a common mistake in the way people look at the ego. It was a flawed misinterpretation, one that I had fallen into as well. The ego is an illusion, a lie that we have all been hypnotised into believing. It is our belief in this lie that drives much of our actions, the same way that a child believes in the bogeyman and therefore thinks about it, checks his closet every night. The common mistake, one that I see a lot, is to see it as something living inside our heads, almost a split personality or another person possessing us. Thank you, Jonathan!

With this post, I wanted to reflect my slowly changing perspective on the ego (one that is probably still flawed), as well as try a different writing style. This time the point I wanted to make was revealed at the end, which might make it necessary to go back to the start to fully grasp what I was trying to say.

Link Love

There’s a blog, Soup or Nuts, I’ve been reading for a while now, and I’m really enjoying it. Chris Melton covers a wide range of topics, ranging from inspiration and motivation to management and people skills. Fantastic stuff and an equally great person! A recent post you might like: Today Matters.

Evan Hadkins runs a very insightful blog dedicated to Well Being and Health. It covers all areas from the physical, emotional and mental. A recent good post is: On my Deathbed…

Lastly, for all those who participated in the Group Writing Project, the prizes were sent out a few weeks ago. It was sponsored by Adam Rothenhaus who founded the concept of the Now Watch. Thank you to Adam, and all those who joined!

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21 Comments , Comment or Ping

Liara Covert

We each effectively hypnotize ourselves each and every day with the perception and perspective we choose that shapes our lives. Readers who enjoy the theme of this article may also enjoy “Everyday Immortality: A Course in Spiritual Transformation” by Deepak Chopra.

Feb 6th, 2008
Chris - soupornuts.com

This article reminds me of “The Power of Now” by Echart Tolle - very introspective.

To me, the only affect that anyone or any other outside stimulus can have on each of us is governed by “how much we allow”. I have a good friend, who simply states that he “refuses to participate” in any speech, thought or action that causes him pain. By “refusing to participate”, he removes himself from uncomfortable interactions that mean nothing in the grand scheme of things.

Ultimately our lives are shaped by our unique perspective. If you ask someone who is close to you to describe your life, it will be different than your own description. Even though they may know you intimately and be very close to you - they only know the you that you “allow” to be seen - no matter how transparent you attempt to be.

I am who I choose to be.

Thanks for the compliment about soupornuts.com - it means a great deal to me.

Feb 6th, 2008
Evan

Hi Albert a few comments,

(as challenging as ever I’m afraid).

1. It seems that the idea of impermanence is relatively unchanging? Not so?

2. Is there not a beauty to mountains which if not absolutely permanent are relatively permanent?

3. Process isn’t all there is as opposed to substance. Substance is real - if you don’t believe me hit yourself with a brick. It may be that it is just slower process but it is still a real difference of our experience.

4. That names take precedence is of course silly. But this doesn’t mean that naming is always unhelpful. Eg look out there’s a car coming conveys useful and relevant information about readily recognisable realities.

5. Because an object is made of parts doesn’t make the object at all illusory. To say so simply ignores the reality of interdependance and the importance of relationships as constituting any reality.

6. I am suspicious of the word ‘just’, bear with me I don’t think I am just being picky. Consider the difference in saying “I am a process”. This opens the possibility both that the process is valuable and that there are other elements also. “Just” tends to be an implied judgement.

7. Whether the I is a lie, will of course depend very heavily on how we define it. I get the impression that the Buddha was recognised by his disciples - which argues for some permanence of appearance and identity. If this seems crass and silly it is attempting to point out the importance of being very careful what we mean by the I. Is murder really of no consequence? If there is nothing there to be killed why should it matter?

8. If you had found a way to graciously show the beauty of the snowflake to another they may have had a moment of transcendant beauty - one which you may have shared. There may well have been a point. Peace is not the same as quietism.

Thank you once again for a beautiful post. I find your posts among the most stimulating, thoughtful and stimulating in the blogosphere. I look forward to each one and thank you for them.

Feb 6th, 2008
Andrea Hess|Empowered Soul

Hi Albert,

What a beautiful and thought-inspiring post! And Evan, I really enjoyed reading your thought-provoking comments, too. I do agree with you that the only constant is change … therefore providing a permanence, if we really feel we need one

Overall, though, I think the ego has gotten a bad rap. We need our ego in order to navigate through this third-dimensional world. Our ego ensures that we clothe ourselves, feed ourselves, and express our Spirits into this physical dimension. It is our Lower Self, but it is still an important part of us.

Ideally, the Lower Self is governed by our Soul, or Higher Self. Our Soul is here to express itself into this dimension - otherwise, why would it have chosen to incarnate? The Soul does this self-expression at the physical level through the ego, the Lower Self.

The main problem is that most people are identified with the ego, not with their Higher Self. When we become aware of ourselves as spiritual beings in a human experience, this identification shifts towards where it belongs more clearly, towards the Higher Self.

And when we really begin to identify with the Higher Self, we recognize the incredible interconnectedness between us all, the expansiveness of our own Beings, all the way back to Divine Source. We recognize ourselves as Divine - and that, to me, is our true identity.

However, in order to recognize ourselves as Divine and as One with all, we must have a secure sense of ourselves - as human beings, as spiritual beings. We have to start where we can - with self-identification. It is the only “reality” that is, after all, available to us.

So, let’s thank the ego for doing its job and allowing ourselves to navigate through this physical dimension. And let’s remind it every day that it’s job is to serve, rather than run the show. But let’s not try to obliterate it, because that is struggling against ourselves.

Yikes - sorry for the endlessly long comment! Thank you, Albert, for instigating that particular train of thought!

Blessings,
Andrea

Feb 7th, 2008
Adam Alexander

I’ve been grappling with this concept myself.

I’ve written down a model of how an artificial consciousness would be built… It would be layers of processors, each performing their own tasks, abstracting information out, until the layer of processors that make ‘decisions’ would have no direct access to the raw data, only the abstract ID numbers of that data.

Where, then, would the consciousness be? If one processor went bad, we could replace it while the whole system was still running… The artificial soul would not be in the silicon wafers. If a wire connecting the processors went bad, we could replace that as well, so consciousness doesn’t exist in the network cables. Would the consciousness exist within the databases of this system? We could change the ID numbers of the raw data, and the processors and network would adapt, re-learning how to think. The consciousness would not exist in its memories.

If we apply these same rules to a human… We could not say that any neuron, or ever a distinct collection of neurons, made up the consciousness… Just as Theseus’ Ship continued to exist after every part had been replaced, we can each also be replaced, chemical by chemical, and remain the same person. The consciousness exists only within the subjective, and the subjective exists only within the consciousness… Where, then, is the ground that supports them? Consciousness is lifting itself simply by pulling on its own bootstraps.

Does that make consciousness an illusion? No, because I think, therefor I am… I am conscious, therefor consciousness exists. Does that make objective reality an illusion of the consciousness? Not necessarily… and I would most certainly not count on reality being unreal; only my interpretation of reality is unreal.

Objectively, consciousness is an illusion. Subjectively, reality is an illusion… yet they both exist, and they both stand firmly upon their own ground. One should be supported by the other… yet they simply do not touch.

Feb 7th, 2008
Corinne Edwards

Like the snowflake, we are always living in the now - now - now and while I am writing this, this moment will never come again.

I will never read this article for the first time again.

Thank you, Albert, for reminding us and keeping us in the now. It is all we have.

Feb 7th, 2008
Vitor - The Fractal Forest

Albert,

I loved this post and the different style of writing. It was such a natural flow from your own story to the point made about it. Style itself is always a substantial part of the content, and this post really conveyed the mood above all.

Vitor

Feb 7th, 2008
Albert

Thank you very much everyone! I’m glad this post was received so well, and the comments and insights that flowed were amazing as well. I had to take my time and read them a few times to truly get what you guys were saying. As I’ve always said, the real value is often in the comments of this blog, and it’s all due to your efforts.

Sorry I took so long to reply as well, it was festival time for me

Feb 8th, 2008
Slade | Shift Your Spirits

Albert,

The part of the article that resonated most for me is:

“Take away your memories. Are you still there? If you knocked your head on the wall and lost all your memory, would you still be you? Perhaps you are in your heart. If your heart failed and you needed a transplant, will you still be you?”

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the Stuff you keep bringing forward to define yourself, from the past, bad and good. When I catch myself doing this, I qualify the thought within the concept of linear time, in the context of the question “Does this count?”

It’s interesting to see how many things prop up our definition of self that do NOT count. That literally no longer exist…

I’m also with Andrea on the idea that the Ego has gotten a bad rap — it serves a very important purpose — but like any power can be misused or abused…

Feb 8th, 2008
Albert

Hey Slade! Thanks for the comment. I’ve been doing the same thing and it’s scary how much ado we make over what is sometimes nothing, isn’t it? Kenton made a comment in the belief discussion post, that all there is, is a mental movie in our head, and we prop that up with all these beliefs too… it is quite awesome and radical, have a look!

http://www.urbanmonk.net/200/u.....e-beliefs/

Feb 8th, 2008
Patricia - Spiritual Journey Of A Lightworker

Albert, I loved your story about the snowflake and revisiting places we once knew that are not the same today definitely teaches us about the impermanence of things. I Stumbled the article.

Feb 8th, 2008
Albert

Thank you Patricia! Glad you liked it

Feb 8th, 2008
Tejvan Pettinger

Hi Albert, I liked this post because it resonates with the ancient spiritual teachings. I think to appreciate impermanence it is essential to meditate and expand our consciousness, otherwise it remains just mental ideas.

Tejvan

Feb 9th, 2008
Albert

Thank you Tejvan, there is a meditation that is very powerful… it is to contemplate you, your enemy, and your closest friends / lovers 50 years from now, 100 years from now, and 1000 years from now. We would be dust by then… do our grudges still mean so much? Do all these things we fight and cry over mean anything still? It seems simple and most people will avoid it because of this, but it is helping me with a lot of my issues (short term pleasure seeking tendencies in particular).

If you try it, let me know how you go with it.

Feb 9th, 2008
Jeevan

Excellent blog. I enjoyed reading your posts about impermanance, illusion of ego, illusion of free will. Well written. Please write one on the illusion of time and space. I have lots of ideas on this but my writng skills are not good. I find that these are all connected: ego, time and space. They are nothing more than useful mental symbols to get by and succeed in life, but when taken as facts, they can be imprisoning.

Feb 12th, 2008
Albert

Hi there Jeevan. Thank you for this. Your request sounds good, and I would like to talk a little bit more about it so I’m taking this to email if that is OK with you.

Feb 12th, 2008
Yollana

HI Albert, Your writing has a different quality here to some of your other blogs I have read. It’s poetic and poignant. The images you wrote of were really crisp in my mind. I love reading writing that combines a meaningful message with a good story, beautiful words and memorable pictures. So, obviously, I loved this blog

Feb 13th, 2008
Albert

Hey Yollana! Thank you - I like playing around with different writing styles, depending on the mood I am in, and it’s good to hear that this one is well received.

Feb 13th, 2008