4 Powerful Social Psychology Techniques To Get What You Want
Have you ever been convinced into doing or buying something you later regretted? Have you ever stopped halfway through a favour for a friend, and thought – “Why did I even agree to this?”
Chances are someone has used one of the techniques below on you. They work on a subtle level, for many thought processes and decisions happen below your awareness. And that is what makes them so powerful.
Would you like to find out what these techniques are? How do you recognise them, and stop yourself before it is too late? Knowledge is the first step.
The Telemarketer
A few days ago, I got a phone call from a telemarketer. Normally they would try to impress me with an grand sales line when I picked up, but this one was different.
The moment I answered the phone, he assured me that he was only doing a quick phone survey, one that would only take 30 seconds. There was no personal data being collected, he said. Completely safe and anonymous, and he isn’t trying to sell me anything. Normally I would have made a polite apology, but 30 seconds didn’t seem like such a long time, so I agreed.
And that was the start of the trap. He started with small, innocent questions. What is your age group? What is your occupation? Where do you go for holidays? These questions were not intrusive, so I answered happily.
Soon he was building up to some very personal questions. Halfway through the survey, he began assuring me there was only “one last question”. I was getting annoyed and suspicious as the questions got more personal, but his rapid assurances and non-stop chatter left me little time to think properly, so I continued answering. At the end of the interview, he thanked me politely and hung up. The survey had taken five minutes, and the information I had given was very personal indeed.
“Ah well,” I thought. “At least he didn’t try to sell me anything.”
Spoken too soon
I was inspired to write this post when someone called to follow up a few days later. Immediately she called me by name and referred to some personal information I had given. No longer was she a stranger, now she appeared to be a friend. I thought it was someone I had met but forgotten.
Suddenly she reminded me of the first phone call, and congratulated me – I was one of the lucky ten people to have qualified for a special gift. All I had to do was to for a seminar (why I got the feeling there won’t be only ten people there, I don’t know). I had gone for one such session before – and this one was likely to be the same: a long, painful, sales pitch.
It was then I finally realised I had been duped – fallen for one of the most basic tricks social hucksters use!
The Foot in the Door
This technique is known, somewhat informally, as the “foot in the door technique”.
And there is a reason for the long telemarketer story. “This is just a kindergarten trick – any four-year-old child will know this!” That was my first thought when I first came across this simple technique. But when I closed the textbook, closed my eyes, and remembered a few instances from my past – I realised just how effective it was in the right hands.
This approach involves getting a person to agree to a small request, and then gradually presenting larger ones. The telemarketer used this when I agreed to answer a brief impersonal survey. He then dragged it on with endless amounts of “just one more question, sir!” until I completed the full survey, which took 5 minutes and involved a lot of personal data.
This much is obvious – if he had asked for a full 5-minute survey at the start, I would have said no. Many people would have done the same.
In general, people are far more likely to comply with a request that costs little in time, money, effort, or inconvenience. However, once you have agreed to the initial request, they would begin to ask for more.
An interesting point: In the follow up call, they reminded me immediately of the first survey. Why? Many reasons – but one I want to discuss here: they were hoping to remind me of my prior commitment.
Cognitive Dissonance
This technique revolves around the theory of cognitive dissonance. This is a large concept, so allow me to butcher it into two paragraphs.
By agreeing to the first request, they were hoping I had built a mental image of myself as a friend, a customer, or a supporter. Cognitive dissonance – discomfort – occurs when we take actions that are incongruent with this mental image. And if I agreed to the increasing requests, they were building up my image – at the same time making it harder and harder to go against it, to say no to the next request.
Experimenters have also found that people would often change their attitudes towards something to match their behaviours to avoid the discomfort that dissonance causes. For instance, after having spent 5 minutes on a survey I did not initially want to do, I might change my attitude towards the survey – “it wasn’t that bad, in fact it was quite fun to do.”
Too bad, then, that the company didn’t realise they had gotten on my nerves with their first phone call. I had built up a mental image of myself as someone who had been pushed around and lied to by their company – and cognitive dissonance worked against them.
The Low Ball
A similar technique is the Low-Ball approach. I call it the Low-Blow approach, because I just realised the guy who sold me my car used it on me.
A sales agent, for example, might get you to commit to buying a car at a certain price. They will then leave you for a few minutes, perhaps saying they need to get the paperwork. The real reason, though, is to give you time to build up your mental image. In that time, in addition to seeing yourself as a customer already, you might also convince yourself the car is a fantastic purchase.
Then the representative returns. There has been an “error” in the calculations. The price is higher than he initially thought it was. But it is much harder for you to reject the new price, for you have already strengthened your mental image.
The Principle of Reciprocity
The second phone call from the telemarketers tried to bring in another social principle – reciprocity. This is a basic concept; people have a tendency to give something back if you have given them something – even if they didn’t ask for it in the first place.
By offering me a gift at the seminar, they were increasing the pressure on me to buy whatever they were selling. That is, if I had showed up.
The principle of reciprocity is everywhere – have you ever felt guilty when you left a shop without buying anything, simply because the salesperson went out of his or her way to be helpful? Compare this to a salesperson who didn’t seem to care; you probably would have felt no guilt at walking out.
Getting the door slammed in your face is a good thing
I first heard of this next technique in a social psychology lecture. There was an informal example the lecturer used, so I can’t remember the exact details. A group of social workers managed to convince complete strangers to give up an entire Sunday to take some juvenile delinquents out on a trip to beach, without compensation or reward.
Before we continue, imagine this: someone rings your doorbell. You open the door, and it is a complete stranger. He smiles broadly and asks you – “Hi there! I don’t know you, and you don’t know me. How would you like to spend this Sunday taking a bunch of young strangers to the beach? You pay for petrol and other expenses, and there is no compensation at all.”
What would your answer likely be?
How then, did these social workers pull it off? The Door in the Face!
The Door in the Face
This technique is in many ways the opposite of the Foot in the Door. The name describes it perfectly: make a request so big the other person replies with a strong NO! They slam the door in your face, so to speak.
Next, you simply knock on the figurative door again, and present a second request, one that is much more reasonable – and is what you really wanted anyway. The real request is likelier to be accepted if it comes after an absurd request.
From memory, the social workers began by first asking for a commitment over an entire year, before toning it down to just one Sunday.
There are many reasons why this technique works. The first is comparison; the real request seems modest when it comes straight after an absurd request. The second is guilt; the person might have been feeling guilty at turning down the first request. The third is again the reciprocity principle; by “moving down”, you are seen as having done him a favour!
These reasons might seem ridiculous when presented in such a manner, but one has to remember that these principles and cognitions often occur below conscious awareness. In other words, most people do not realise that these justifications and thought processes are happening.
So there you have it
So there you have it – a small collection of social techniques, powerful and subtle if used well. Use them only if you have a conscience; if you don’t, use this knowledge as defence. Although I suspect this last paragraph might be a waste of words – if you don’t have a conscience, you’ll probably ignore this anyway.
Link Love
Todd Goldfarb runs We The Change, an up and coming personal development blog that presents a wide range of material, from the practical to the metaphysical. A recent post: The Benefits of Flexible Goal Setting.
A fantastically named blog with equally quality content is I will Change Your Life. Another quality and deep personal development blog with a wide range of topics. A recent post: 17 Tips for being organized and getting things done.
In keeping with the “change” theme, the final link love goes out to Alex Kay of Just Keep The Change. It is targeted towards men, with articles on dating, happiness, fitness and sex. A recent post: Date like a Movie star without looking like Brad Pitt.
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27 Comments, Comment or Ping
Jean Browman--Cheerful Monk
We shocked a car salesman once by saying NO. We had ordered a car with a stick shift, but when it came they phoned and said there was a mistake, it came with an automatic transmission but there would be no extra charge because it was their mistake. So we went down and saw our beautiful new car while they estimated the trade-in value of our old one. It took a long time, presumably long enough for us to fall in love (which I did). Then when we went in to pay they just gave us the total price, which was more than we had calculated. When we forced them to break the price down it turned out they were trying to make us pay an extra $1000 for the automatic transmission. We said no, just order the one we had asked for. It turned out it took us a total of 6 months to get the car, and in the end the dealer said they hadn’t made any money on it because their incentive had expired. I sweetly said, “Well, it did take six months.” Needless to say, we never went back to them. But I still cherish the look on the fellow’s face when we said no.
Feb 8th, 2008
Albert
Hey Jean! I loved that story, it was funny, especially the last sentence!
Feb 8th, 2008
Evan
Thanks Albert,
A good post.
Would you like to do a follow up one on ‘defending yourself against the social selling techniques’?
Feb 8th, 2008
Albert
Hey Evan! Good point, I didn’t realise I hadn’t gone in-depth on the “defense” part… I guess knowing what techniques are being used on you would be good enough. I would just say walk out of there if you know what they are doing…
Feb 8th, 2008
Deb Estep
And so…… Dear Albert, have you ever used this technique in
say a BAR setting ? :)))))))))
The thought crossed my mind and I just HAD to ask. wink
xo xo
Deb
Feb 8th, 2008
Hannelie
I got a phone call last week asking if they would please have 30 seconds of my time. The woman sounded friendly so I agreed. Afterwards she told me that I have been selected for a price and that I need to go the this 5 star hotel and collect it - no lengthy presentations, this is not timeshare etc… they fax me my invitation which also gives you the impression that they will be serving snacks etc. “Just go collect your price and enjoy the evening” Everyone told me that it is a trick but I did’nt believe them. They were really convincing!! Well in the end you had to stay for an hour presentatios, sit uncomfortable chairs and they only gave you a cup of coffee. I left soon after I arrived and was extremely angry and I also confronted the director who was there. But I learned my lesson. O’ I was so gullible!!
Feb 8th, 2008
Albert
@ Deb: Hehehe, I can just see it happening in a bar, although I’ve never tried it myself. “How about you be my love slave for a year? No? OK, just one night then.”
@ Hannelie: Heh, sounds almost exactly like what is going on here in Australia - maybe all these companies use the newest “developments”, or are trained from the same manual.
Feb 8th, 2008
Slade | Shift Your Spirits
Albert,
I don’t know if you noticed the technique during that call, but telemarketers are also trained to state everything they want from you as a detailed prompt, followed by “Okay?”
If you want something from someone, the most effective way to get them to take the action you want is to present it to them in such a way that all they have to do is say “Okay.”
This is not entirely a “shady” tactic - I recommend it regularly to people concerning relationships and most recently Joint Venture Proposals. Do as much of the work in presenting what the course of action will be so that all the other person has to do is Agree.
Rather than approaching someone with “Will you help me with this project? When should be launch it? How should we do A, B, and C?” Try “I have an idea. Here’s how it will work. Here’s what I need from you. Okay?”
People naturally want to say Yes.
Feb 9th, 2008
suicidalsam
in this capitalist world, people would do almost anything for a buck. well for me I just hang up if i get any calls from telemarketers. and I make my own mind up when purchasing stuffs.
Feb 9th, 2008
JEMi
I feel so.. Textbook
This is a great post Al- it put a name to the techniques I sensed existed everytime I felt pulled into something I didn’t want somehow. And darn it, the principle of reciprocity gets me everytime without fail. Argh!
Feb 9th, 2008
Albert
@ Slade: Hmm…I’m not sure if my memory is playing tricks on me, but I think you’re right. I remember them bombarding me with a series of real quick requests that made it too fast for me to say “no”. That’s a fantastic addition, thanks for that!
@ Suicidal: Hah, agreed! I used to try and be polite to them, knowing they’re just working in a job like everyone else, but they get so pushy sometimes you just have to be firm.
@ Jemi: Thanks mate! I get hit by all these techniques, reciprocity in particular as well. Hope this post makes a difference though
Feb 9th, 2008
Cyrano
Great post. I could see how this would fit onto my blog, but nonetheless, props to you for coming up with something great as usual. Cheers man.
- CY.
Feb 9th, 2008
ReddyK - The Atma Jyoti Blog
Albert,
I really enjoyed this blog. Why? Because of the square look it takes at people. Although we like to look at people from the aspect of their higher natures, they usually haven’t come to such a high perspective. Let’s face it, divine nature or not, most people are functioning at the level of Jerk 101. And we have to have a balanced view of them which includes both their higher potential and their actually manifest jerkiness. Otherwise we are living in the clouds.
There is a great book called “How to Cure Yourself of Positive Thinking”. (I can’t find our copy to tell you the author.) In it the author tells of how to deal with the realities of life and of people’s short-comings. An objective appraisal of life can be disappointing at times, but saves us a lot of misery.
Feb 9th, 2008
Liara Covert
Great blog. You offer tasty morsels of food for reflection.
Feb 9th, 2008
Albert
@ CY and Liara: Thank you
@ Reddy: Hey mate, that Jerk 101 line really made me laugh. You are right, of course - many personal developers tend start living in a little fantasy world, which of course makes things more painful. I don’t really know what the right course of action is sometimes, but I think until you reach a certain level of self-regard and understanding, it is best to avoid negativity. It is only when you have reached that level, then it is time to be compassionate and see others as angels - flaws and everything.
Feb 9th, 2008
Supreme-Directory
Great post. Was really nice to read it.
I’ll look forward to the next.
Feb 10th, 2008
Stephen Hopson/Adversity University
Albert:
This is by far, I think, one of your best articles! As I read through it, I found myself reacting to it from a deep, emotional perspective. Images of pushy salespeople and telemarketers flowed through my mind, based on past experiences.
What a great and very enjoyable article. I simply had to stumble it and I hope you get lots of traffic because of it. You amaze me with the stuff you come up with.
Feb 10th, 2008
Barbara
Albert,
I have to say, this article surprised me a bit as I looked at it surfacely. I’m not sure why, but I think I found out as I let it sink in. Maybe the comments helped me go a step further, as I heard myself saying similar things.
It is true that pushy, deceptive sales people can be horribly annoying and in some cases cost us time and money we were not prepared or intending to spend. I have been defrauded and it is no fun. In fact, consequences can be devastating. There is no denying that.
It struck me momentarily that these techniques have so much going for them, yet that’s not at all how they are generally used. Slade was right about our natural desire to say yes. I paused to re-think the initial shaking my head in agreement. Several resultant things occurred to me.
First was the “blame” on those salespeople. I’m certain there are many a salesperson who have genuinely bought into getting the most from customers, playing on their vulnerability and good, true nature. I think there are many more however that need jobs, and then have to set their values aside and do what they are trained to do for survival. In my own life, I’ve held jobs that I had to do what I didn’t endorse.
So second, if there is to be “fault”, then let it be on a society with a hierarchy dictating that behavior. Deliberate attempts to take advantage of what is good and in so doing manipulate folks who are just trying to make a living, have a life. So it is both saleperson and customer. It is unfortunate that the culture’s direction ever took this one, instead of creating environments with more natural choices for people to make. A place to promote their goodness.
Being in a situation where choice can seem limited is the majority experience. The truth is, many are now seeing those limitations and choosing to change on a very personal, one-at-a-time level. Including what is presented by so many, as demonstrated in blogs like yours, Albert, and your many blogging companions. I hope I don’t forget that wave of change is still the minority.
Honestly, as harsh as those salespeople can be, I think I was equally harsh in my judgments until I stopped to think about what I was doing. And it can’t be much help in the long run. Then, neither was I at times.
Feb 10th, 2008
Albert
First of all, thank you for your kind compliments Supreme, Stephen and Barbara, they’re really high praise. I thought I’ve been neglecting the “urban” side of the the blog title and decided to test the waters, not sure how my readers will receive it, but it seems like it has been taken well, so thanks a lot
@ Barbara: That was a very deep look at the surrounding culture and the motivations behind it, and I was blown away by it. You’re right, of course.
I think I accidentally did salespeople a bad rap in this article, I wasn’t really trying to knock them. Part of it was a respect for the kind of skills they had, and also because they are the ultimate examples. I was probably annoyed at having gotten fifteen unwanted sales calls a day for the past 2 weeks. Maybe that annoyance came through in the post, I don’t know
There probably is nothing wrong with these techniques. As Slade said, they’re not necessarily shady. Like fire, it just depends on how you use them. Do you burn a house down or do you boil water? We’ve all likely used them at one time or another without knowing it. I used the Door in The Face technique as a teen with my parents quite a few times when asking for some pocket money, heh.
Feb 10th, 2008
Mary Jaksch I Goodlifezen.com
Thank you for this post, Albert
When I receive a call from a telemarketer, I’m sometimes torn between feeling annoyed on one hand, and knowing that the person calling me is trying to make a difficult living on the other hand.
I usually thank the person for ringing and say quite firmly, “I don’t have time for this.” Then I hang up.
Feb 11th, 2008
Albert
Hi Mary, thanks for the comment. I know exactly how you feel, I used to get annoyed until I had to do what they did for a bit. When I started my first business, I took a business planning course, and one of the things we had to do was a survey to see if our product is viable. And they wanted us to do a phone survey… it really put me on the receiving end, hehe.
Feb 11th, 2008
Shamelle @Enhance Life
I am always learning something new when I visit your blog. Cognitive Dissonance, is definitely one of them.
I also like the way you blend your advice along with your personal experience. Good stuff!
Feb 11th, 2008
Albert
Thank you Shamelle! I’m glad you like this writing style, I’ve been experimenting with a few and testing the responses
Feb 12th, 2008
CatherineL
Hi there - what an interesting post. I’m constantly harrassed by telemarketers so it’s interesting to see the tricks they use.
And no wonder car salesmen get a bad rap if that’s what they do.
This is my first visit to your blog. I found you because you reviewed a post which I also reviewed on Stumbleupon. I love the theme and layout of your blog.
Feb 12th, 2008
Liara Covert
Its helpful to remind ourselves that sparks of doubt, fleeting feelings of discomfort or full-blown negativity are no different than the echos of our own neurotic mind.
Feb 12th, 2008
Headshot Photography LA
While traveling on extended vacation I ran across all these people in BOTH Branson mo. and Las Vegas NV .
They were giving away free tickets to shows (almost all the shows, I think you could pick 2 or 3)
We went for it once, (never again).
You’d get the tickets all right AFTER YOU HAD TO SIT THROUGH A VERY HIGH PRESSURE SALES PITCH, FOR TIME SHARES IN A RESORT.
I would caution all travelers with a word of warning.
THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A FREE SHOW!
Todd
Feb 13th, 2008
Albert
Hey everyone! Thanks for the personal perspectives, I love them. Hah, this post had an effect that I didn’t expect (although inevitable) - seems people are focusing on the irritation rather than the techniques
Not a complaint, I just found it funny.
Feb 13th, 2008
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