Finding a Purpose and Passion in Life, Part 2: Impermanency, Inner Purpose, Meaning and More
“The great and glorious masterpiece of man is to live with purpose.”
~ French philosopher Michel de Montaigne
This is a continuation of a series on finding one’s purpose and passion; a collection of thoughts, opinions, and musings. There might be flaws in my writings, so please take it for what it is, just food for thought. I am in no position to teach anything. You can find Part One here.
The Dream of Ali
For a long time, I thought I had wasted much of my life. During the years I suffered through a downward spiral into a depression, I spent most of my spare time in a boxing gym. I loved it; it was the only real reason I had to get up in the morning.
I didn’t have the talent of an Ali, the power of a Tyson – still I poured my life into the punching bags. But I never got anywhere with boxing. I never turned professional, never got to the Olympics, anything of the sort. I talked endlessly, I dreamt nightly – but one day my interest just died. The reason I got up in the morning just went away.
Strangely, there was no sense of loss. I regretted the years I had spent, the sacrifices I had made, but I didn’t miss it.
What I really wanted
One day I realised I hadn’t wasted my time at all, for I had achieved all I really wanted.
All the goals I talked about were just braggadocio, fake posturing. All I really wanted was to learn; to learn to walk unafraid amongst a group of rough men, to learn to stand up for myself.
That was my purpose in life then. Perhaps it was preparing me for the future; for the lessons I gained in those years were immeasurable; the courage and confidence would never leave me. And when I achieved it, the fire just died away.
Take a moment to think: what do you really want? A purpose could be internal – a search for inner peace, searching to fill a gap in your skills. Such a search could be seen as a waste of time, fruitless. Perhaps the world scorns your purpose; and yet from a higher perspective you might be preparing yourself for something in the future.
Further reading: The Highest Human Good, Aristotle Part 3
The Impermanency of Purpose
This is strikingly true when we realise outer purpose is ultimately impermanent. Our external purpose changes with our inner world; it is the moon, reflected on the water. Perhaps I was drawn to boxing because deep down inside I felt like a weakling; perhaps I knew I had to learn how to walk tall, to confront my fears. Perhaps all the anger I had pushed down and denied sought a safe outlet.
Purposes are not permanent. Nothing is. Stop looking for something to do for the rest of your life – it might be possible to find something that lasts until your last breath; but very often it will be a reflection of your internal state, that changes over time.
I unknowingly dedicated myself to develop courage via boxing; it wasn’t permanent, but I had wanted it to be. And yet soon after that, my purpose was to conquer unhappiness. This time it was a conscious choice – and yet I would have shied away if I had thought it had to be for the rest of my life, for I knew what it would take. I spent more than a year alone at home, reading, meditating, and journaling. My social life was non-existent; my career and finances suffered tremendously. But it was a purpose I undertook gladly, knowing it will soon change.
The Search for Fulfilment
The impermanency of goals has some deeper implications. Just one to stimulate thought – what if you are searching for fulfilment through having a purpose? What happens when it comes to an end? If your purpose is to be the best parent you can be, what happens when the day comes for your children to stand on their own two feet?
Struggle and Purpose
And so we have split our purpose into two – the inner and the outer. What is one’s inner purpose? Very often – the ultimate goal is to find peace, or some might call it, to awaken.
Depending on where you are at, an inner search should be given just as much priority, if not more, than an external purpose. It might seem like a waste of time, but it is not. If an external purpose is your desire, your internal search will only aid the actions you will have to take. Just an example: we’ve previously spoken of finding courage within. Without it, our dreams will just remain that – dreams, castles in the air, fantasies we look at but never reach out for.
But there is a deeper level: without an inner acceptance, anything we do externally – even if it is noble and compassionate – will be tainted. In Surrender and Joy in the Pursuit of Excellence, and Going Deeper, I spoke of how my anger contaminated everything I did – even a simple reply to a rude comment. How much more would it corrupt our bigger purposes?
Our life is a song, made up of individual notes – a tainted note, the note that we are living right now – will leave a mark on the entire song. Bring an inner acceptance into everything we do – seeing our very actions right now as our life purpose – perhaps that should be our inner purpose, without which all outer purposes are doomed to bring unhappiness.
And the good news is: finding peace is not a big step, in fact it is a small one. Bring an inner state of acceptance to whatever you are feeling; and your afflictive emotions begin to calm down immediately.
Further reading: How to Bring the Peace of Non-Resistance and Dynamic Goals.
Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs
Abraham Maslow – widely considered the father of humanistic psychology – has a famous theory on the hierarchy of human needs, one that could be relevant to any discussion on human purpose. His pyramid groups our needs into various levels, which are then arranged by priority. Fulfil the most basic needs, and gravitate towards the next.
This model has its critics – but it serves very well to further stimulate or speed a search for their purpose. Just be aware that a theory is all it is – many people will not fit nicely into it – and take it as a mere guideline.
Many readers will find the pyramid useless, but many won’t. For instance, you might not have found a purpose after much soul-searching, perhaps it is because you have not fulfilled one of the deficiency needs. A growth need, a higher purpose, might unveil itself once that hole has been filled.
Moving out of Deficiency
Maslow divided his needs into two groups: deficiency needs and growth needs. Deficiency needs cause discomfort if they are not met, but they do not provide any fulfilment in on themselves.
The levels, presented from the lowest to the highest, are:
Physiological: Food and water, shelter, breathing, sleep, excretion and others.
Safety and security: Income, resources, protection from crime and violence, physical and mental well-being and others.
Love and belonging: Sex, romance, friendship, membership in a club or social group, a supportive family and others.
Esteem: Self-esteem, self-respect, achievement, respect of others and others.
Growth Needs
Once these needs are filled, the individual then moves on to growth needs: needs that motivate further and provide fulfilment.
Cognitive: To acquire and understand knowledge.
Aesthetic: To create or experience beauty. This need might express itself differently for each person; some might find it in the arts, others in architecture.
And finally, at the top of the pyramid:
Self-actualization: To realise all of his or her potential, as an effective, creative human being. (The descriptions read like a psychological depiction of the phenomenon of enlightenment, but that is just my opinion.)
I have kept the summary simple; just a springboard for further research and thinking. The theory has its flaws and exceptions: many would prefer to starve to death rather than grovel for food, for instance. Others might place having true friendship as a more basic need than being financially stable. Therefore, be wary – please do not lock yourself into a perceived level or start seeing deficiencies where none previously existed!
The Search for Meaning
If one follows the hierarchy, higher purposes like beauty, meaning, spirituality, and knowledge become important once you have moved out of deficiency. But what exactly is meaning?
“What man actually needs is not a tensionless state but rather the striving and struggling for a worthwhile goal, a freely chosen task.”
~ Viktor Frankl
This philosophy is taught by many great teachers: A man is like a guitar string. He makes no sound if it is too loose; he will break if tuned too tightly.
The two extremes
One of Freud’s concepts is the pain and pleasure principle – we are wired to seek pleasure and avoid pain. But it is not a satisfactory model by itself; a life of endless sloth and sensory pleasure eventually leads to nothing but unhappiness.
Ben-Shahar in Happier
On the other hand, a life of deprivation, meditation, or hard work leads to the same. Victor Frankl’s famous book told men and women who have managed to find meaning in their lives despite suffering through the Holocaust; yet it would be insane to suggest that they were happy.
Meaning and Pleasure
One model for happiness and purpose, then, is finding the right balance between the two extremes. Many companies are touting the work/life balance – but isn’t that just another form of the either/or thinking we’ve discussed in the first part of the series? Is it not possible to have both, to live the old cliché – having your cake and eating it too?
Aristotle, one of the greatest thinkers in history, states a life of happiness and excellence lies in fulfilling functions we love and makes full use of our virtues. Therefore, not a life of doing-nothing, not a life of constant hard work - but a life that has just the right amount of tension.
A list of functions, our talents and abilities, are further discussed in: Utilising intellectual and moral virtues.
Luxury and riches
The topic of money is a controversial one – I’ve met with some vehement arguments simply for stating a man can be happy without much material resources. But my statement is not mere speculation; there have been studies and research conducted by a psychologist named David Myers. The results were clear: he found little correlation between material wealth and happiness. Those without money can be happy, those who have a measure of wealth can nonetheless be miserable.
And I know many wealthy people who agree: they drive a luxury car, live in a mansion and sleep on the finest silk sheets – where is the happiness? Why is there still a sense of discomfort?
I am not discounting money; it provides us with our basic securities and needs; many of life’s pleasures would be impossible without it; many of our higher purposes would not be possible without a degree of financial freedom. But the fact remains that in and of itself, money does not cause happiness nor provide a meaning in life.
Yet many people who don’t have wealth think that money is the answer to all their problems; perhaps our culture encourages such a view. Sacrifice your health, your relationships, time spent with your loved ones, gain money. But have they ever thought about what to do with that money, once they get it? Go to doctors to fix the health you ruined in the pursuit of money, buy back the affection of your family, perhaps.
Again we return to the archetype of happiness: is it not best to seek a purpose that provides meaning, pleasure, and some money at the same time? There will be those who say it is impossible; but it is likely that these are fear-based responses, which will be covered in the next part of this series.
Morality
And to finish the post, a slightly frivolous musing: it is often a virtue to forge your own path, seek your own happiness, and ignore what others think of you.
A freedom from the need for approval is a strength; one of the most important we can develop. Wanting approval and appreciation is one of the biggest obstacles in pursuing any worthy goal.
And yet there are those who enjoy hurting others, who might make that their purpose – are we to encourage that as well? We are not merely referring to the murderers and the rapists. How many of us have put down others, spread malicious gossip, in a sick bid to boost our self-esteem? How many of us have laughed at the failings of others? How many of us have been perfectly honest in our dealings with others?
And the answer, again, lies in the teachings of Aristotle. Virtue is another pillar in his foundation of a successful life. Perhaps the other way around is true as well. Hurtfulness and hatefulness stems from sorrow and self-hatred. A woman full of love cannot help but give it; a man full of happiness cannot help but spread it with his very presence. Finding authentic happiness brings compassion – the foundation of virtue – automatically.
Further reading: The Blossoming of Love, Compassion and the Servant Heart.
Link Love
First Ourselves helps women put themselves first, so that they can be the wives, mothers, friends, daughters—women—they wish to be. We offer tips on creating a positive body image, adding self care, healthy relationships, finding “me” time, and positive parenting. A post you might like: a relationship tip to cultivate gratitude for your spouse (the story of how a moleskin notebook saved my marriage).
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33 Comments, Comment or Ping
Mike
From one boxer, zombie movie fan, and proponent of buddhist philosophies to another … that is a great post. In reality, you have enough content in this one post to spread across 10 posts.
Great insight on the impermanence of purpose / goals particularly as it related to the end of your boxing. For me, I stopped because I didn’t like being punched in the face. Less philosophical reasoning, but it worked for me. Keep up the great work.
mike - http://www.zendonut.com
Mar 1st, 2008
Adam | Adam's Peace
@Mike: Being punched in the face probably becomes great motivation to stop after a while…
We could turn it into a ‘deep’ purpose by making a metaphor out of boxing, but sometimes it’s the simple reasons that provide the most purpose.
Excellent post, Albert.
It makes me wonder, though. Suppose that we keep asking “why” about our purpose, whether it is a temporary outer purpose or a somewhat longer lasting inner purpose. What does one find? What is the purpose of a purpose?
I write (on my own site, as well as on other people’s sites in their comment sections) because I want to communicate. The purpose of communicating is because I want to understand many different sides… The purpose of understanding many sides is so that I can know the broad truths of people’s subjective worlds…
The next “why” actually leads to two purposes: one is selfish and the other is selfless. I want to know how to control people, and I want to know how to help people. The purpose of these two purposes is so that I can understand myself, which leads to controlling and helping myself. Asking myself why I want to control and help myself leads to my ego. It isn’t a bad result, as it sheds light on how the ego works.
A lot of people who hear about the ego think of it as a brick wall… They will not understand the ego, because it is a ‘bad’ thing. Asking why again shows that we can study the ego directly. Why does the ego want me to control and help myself? Because it wants me to survive… Naturally it wants me to survive so that it can survive… and it wants to survive so that it can help me survive. The ego creates a recursive purpose, lifting itself up by its bootstraps.
This also explains why the ego attaches itself to “stuff” so much, like cars, houses, kids, etc. We each recognize that we will not live forever, so the ego attempts to create the next best thing in human culture: a legacy. whether he was able to completely subdue the ego or not, the Buddha’s ego still served its purpose: Siddhartha is immortal within society.
Naturally, human society will some day end, and the name/title of Buddha will be lost… but Siddhartha Gautama is one of the oldest societal icons, living on with peers such as Lao Tzu, Jesus, Aristotle, and a few others.
With that understanding, I have a new purpose… I’ll carve off another section of my ego and give it a purpose: To watch the rest of the ego. I’ll watch my ego strive to make my name a permanent fixture in society by trying to change the world for the better.
And that falls nicely within my pre-existing inner purpose, being to bring peace.
Mar 1st, 2008
Albert
@ Mike: Hello fellow zombie killer!
Teehehe, sick of getting punched in the face is just a good a reason as any. We’re both pretty, we have to maintain that. Pity to let our boyish good looks go to waste.
@ Adam: Wow…that was a very in-depth analysis, and I really appreciate you sharing it with us all. The only thing I can think of to add to your comment would be the second to last paragraph… if you don’t mind me sharing as well. I’m not aiming to contradict you or anything, just to share my current understanding (a bit different compared to when I wrote my first ego article), which might be wrong.
The ego is a concept, a sensation, one that we are strengthening with all these activities… it doesn’t really exist or control our activities. I used to fall into the trap of thinking of it as some kind of split personality inside me. I could be wrong, (most likely am, to be honest), but my current understanding is that we do all these things - trying to leave a legacy, etc, etc - simply because we believe in something that doesn’t exist (the ego), in the way that a child is nice around Xmas because it believes in Santa. Then that raises the question, who is the “I” that is believing in the ego? Perhaps that “I” is just a subtler version of the ego. I can’t really explain it all that well, as right now it is just book knowledge for me.
But I think you’re heading down the right path with your exploration of the ego, in fact you’re probably further ahead than I am. I’m basing this statement on a chapter of The Book by Alan Watts - a vital read if you want to know more on this whole ego thing. He gives a rough progression of the various stages of understanding this illusion that never existed - and you seem to be at the very last stage. I hesitate to write more until it is something I have experienced, though.
Mar 1st, 2008
~estrella~
Purpose: when finding none at several moments in my life, I was nevertheless sure it will reveal itself.
In the meantime, I first looked outside at nature (including us), and art.
Art is a way to bring consciousness beyond mere intellect, in art-pieces (of any kind) we may be touched by *that* which stands beyond.
When there was no pupose “in sight”, I just told myself to live for “looking at art”. (including listening to music, looking at a flower, looking in eyes of a human being…- the Creator’s Art…)
Thinking about that, may take beyond the notion of “purpose”, but put some phenomenon as a kind of
— “power of attraction” –
(very much like that of a magnetic field) in action,
- getting still, then looking inside (watching without thought): perhaps we may see where we are attracted to:
to our Source.
You may call it purpose. You may call it Love. You may call it whatever.
Mar 1st, 2008
John DeVries
I’ve really been enjoying this series. Thank you, and keep it up!
Mar 1st, 2008
kirsten
I like this broader perspective, the practice of folding purpose, or a series of purposes, into life instead of making purpose the end-all be-all. Takes the pressure off that one thing or action that we think will make us happy.
“…and yet from a higher perspective you might be preparing yourself for something in the future.”
I’ve seen this at work in my life. Something I do in the present seems to have no purpose or practical application and then, sometime later, I find myself using that knowledge or skill in a purposeful way.
Mar 1st, 2008
Albert
@ Estrella: That was poetic and beautiful! I have heard many spiritual teachers say the same thing: That all our lives is just one return motion to the home that we never left, we just have to stop obstructing it by trying so hard. Loaded language that we have to figure out for ourselves, sounds so paradoxical
@ John: Thank you
Glad you’re getting some value out of my mindless ramblings heh.
@ Kirsten: Thank you too
You’re right of course, that statement was originally stronger, but I edited it to be a bit less definite, but I still held the original true: nothing is ever wasted. Even the bad things can be seen as something good from a higher perspective. Adversity builds character, etc, etc.
Mar 1st, 2008
Cyrano
Al,
Another great post. I have found great joy in reading and learning from you, despite me being more towards improvement of my social self. But I guess they all come together at the end of the day
- CY
Mar 2nd, 2008
Albert
Hey Cy, good to see you here again. Definitely, maybe you’re fulfilling one of the needs of Maslow’s pyramid
Mar 2nd, 2008
Andrea Hess|Empowered Soul
Excellent article, Albert. I love that you stress the impermanent aspect of purpose …. again, we have to practice detachment. If we cling to what we perceive as our purpose when we have, in fact, outgrown it, then we are shortchanging ourselves tremendously.
Our purpose as it is in the moment is our personal means of evolution and growth. It is authentic self-expression. It facilitates change within, and therefore must also evolve and grow … if it is to continue to be our purpose! A static, constant purpose by definition will lose its value in our life - and then no longer fulfill its purpose!
Thanks for your perspective - insightful and thought-inspiring as always!
Blessings,
Andrea
Mar 2nd, 2008
Evan
Hi Albert,
An awesome post.
Maslow is a bit of a problem. It’s kind of true in one way. But the common critique that ‘it’s not just the wealthy who can live with purpose’ undermines its usefulness. The poor often have a sense of purpose and the purposelessness of the consumer society is almost a cliche.
If the pursuit of purpose becomes futile there is another way. Reflect on what captures your attention, what grips you, when you have lost a sense of time through being absorbed in what you were doing. In this way you gain a sense of your purpose from what you have already experienced. We can know that we have experienced it already. As long as we don’t dismiss our experience as unimportant then we will know it and live it. (Unfortunately too many dismiss their gift. A friend of mine looks upon her ability to organise as being not worthy - I would love to have her gift for getting stuff sorted!)
I think morality needs to be founded on the sense of life being a postive value rather than a neutral energy.
Thanks for a wonderful post.
Mar 2nd, 2008
Albert
@ Andrea: Detachment is a fantastic way of putting it! I’ve been hearing this term in relation to our goals from a few of my friends, and it’s wonderful. An approach of curiosity seems to be what they’re recommending. Thank you once again for all the additional value you always bring!
@ Evan: Thank you as well for the value you always provide; I always look forward to your comments. I think many people interpret Maslow as saying we should all aim for wealth, but I think he is mostly talking about a basic level of income and physical resources instead of high amounts of money.
Of course I could be wrong as all I have to go on are what we studied a while back in first year psychology; but I think he is right in the sense that until we feel roughly secure that we will be able to provide food and shelter for a while, most of us won’t be seeking higher purposes like art, philosophy, or spiritual pursuits. What do you think? Thanks once again for all the insights.
Mar 2nd, 2008
Evan
Hi Albert,
On Maslow. In my view it just isn’t true that the starving are less spiritual than the well fed. I’m not advocating starvation, just pointing out that spirituality is not a luxury good.
Mar 2nd, 2008
~estrella~
Albert, are we aloud to point out some links?
if so:
About Maslow, two sites which might interest you:
http://www.swamij.com/maslow-yoga.htm
and
http://www.iloveulove.com/psychology/maslowhon.htm
btw ,
I really like the
http://www.iloveulove.com -site, …
(along with the http://www.atmajyoti.org/ -site, of course…)
Mar 3rd, 2008
Albert
@ Evan: Thanks for that, completely agreed.
@ Estrella: Sure, links are fine!
I really like the atmajyoti site too, heh heh. Those links are fantastic; especially the one on yoga - it is definitely a new perspective I’ve never seen before. Thanks.
Mar 3rd, 2008
Buck
I agree completely about the money thing. I know people that make 10% the money I do and are much happier. I’ve started to realize what is truely important in life and try to balance them as best as possible.
Mar 3rd, 2008
Albert
Thanks for that Buck, it’s great to come to that realization, isn’t it? I think that is when life truly begins, so that’s awesome!
Mar 3rd, 2008
Yvonne
Really interesting post and comments!
With relation to the idea that basic needs must be met first before we can turn our attention to spiritual things - maybe we form this belief that we need food, shelter etc first because that’s how it seems from our apparently privileged position, and it has more to do with culture than with truth.
I have read that the opposite is true. I think it may have been in ‘The Last Hours of Ancient Sunlight’ by Thom Hartman. (I lent the book to someone so can’t be sure.) As an example, as I remember it, he writes about a North American Indian tribe described by an observer as having ‘wretched lives’ because they lived by foraging and digging up the roots of various wild plants for food. But these ‘wretched’ people actually had very rich spiritual lives and spent about 4 hours a day gathering food - as opposed to the 8 most Westerners do working. (gathering money for food!)
And in case anyone is wondering ‘Ancient Sunlight’ is fossil fuels, particularly oil, and this book looks at the difference between the way tribal groups have co-operated and respected nature and the way some other civilizations have tried to dominate nature and others. A timely and fascinating book!
Mar 4th, 2008
Albert
Hey Yvonne, thank you for that. I love your perspective and stories. I probably was wrong in the way I described it; perhaps as long as we have food to eat, that’s the basic need fulfilled. As long as we are not starving to death, maybe that’s Maslow meant. Hmm… thank you for stimulating thought
Mar 4th, 2008
Fitness Friend
Thanks for the great article. Inner peace should be everyone’s goal.
Mar 6th, 2008
Albert
Thanks Fitness Friend
Mar 6th, 2008
Tom Stine
Albert, you really are an excellent writer. I’m going to make certain I read your posts consistently.
So, here is my advaita question for you: what if there really is no purpose to life? What if every purpose we come-up with is a just a story told by the mind to attempt to make sense of that which will never make “sense” to the mind?
Think about it!
Mar 9th, 2008
Albert
Thank you for the compliment Tom, good to see you here
You know what is funny…I actually wrote a part 4 to this series on purpose, based on what I know of non-duality. It’s basically to awaken, and to realise that you’ve got it all along. That nothing clashes with liberation. But I never posted it, nor can I answer your question, because it is just book knowledge and quite possibly wrong (kinda like talking about honey but never having tasted it) hehe!
Mar 9th, 2008
Evan
But your question has a purpose Tom. And your question is part of my life and yours (and ours).
Thus I disprove it: kicks rock (writes post). (With apologies to Sam Johnson.)
Mar 9th, 2008
Mr Positioning (Stanley Bronstein)
I love what you say about wasting time. You are 100% correct.
As long as our actions move us forward along our path and help us figure where we want to go and what we want to be, then it wasn’t a waste of time …
I also apply this concept to money. Sometimes we may feel like we are wasting money, but if our mistakes help us to figure out what is right, then they were merely educational lesson, NOT mistakes.
Take care
Mr Positioning (Stanley F. Bronstein, Atty, CPA, Author and Professional Speaker)
Mar 22nd, 2008
Albert
@ Mr Positioning: Thank you again
Mar 22nd, 2008
AVw
Great posts Albert!…and thank you all for all the comments….really enjoyed it….and keep going!
Mar 28th, 2008
Albert
Thank AVW
I appreciate having you here.
Mar 28th, 2008
Jeff | Rpg games
Great article, i have to say that i learned a lot. I really like the part about the money and that’s totally true, it’s weird, we spend most of our life trying to get richer without thinking how happy we could be with less cash but more time. It also makes me think about how we often end up giving our kids lots of money and buy them games, but not giving them our time. Very nice article, i loved it.
Also, i have to say that it made me smile when i noticed there is a small “smilie” at the bottom of each page
Jun 29th, 2008
Albert
Hey Jeff! Thanks for the comments, glad it helped. The smilie is funny huh? Hehe, it comes from one of my plugins, but I love having it there all the same.
Jun 30th, 2008
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