What Addiction can Teach You about Personal Development
Editor Note: This is a guest post from Patrick Meninga of Spiritual River. His story is truly inspiring, and I recommend his blog for everyone, especially those who are struggling with any sort of addiction.
What can addiction teach us about personal development?
A lot. There is much wisdom to be learned by the addict’s journey from addiction to recovery.
I realize that many of you reading this now are probably not drug addicts and alcoholics. That’s fine – but you stand to gain great insight from the experience of those who have fought and overcome a serious addiction. There are several parallels between recovery and personal development. Many would argue that their paths are actually one and the same.
As a recovering drug addict and alcoholic with over 7 years clean and sober, one of my passions is exploring the process of overcoming addiction. While there are many different recovery programs, most of them share many of the same characteristics, so people who find success in recovery do so by following a similar path. Here are some of the things that lead to long term sobriety, while also having practical application for personal development:
Overcoming addiction requires overwhelming force
This was a huge awakening for me personally. It took me several tries before I realized just how strong of a commitment was required for long term sobriety.
Using overwhelming force is counter-intuitive. We don’t need it for 99 percent of our daily interactions. For example, let’s say you want to clean your living room. Would it really be necessary to individually dust and then hand wash each knick-knack, steam clean every square inch of carpet, wash and repaint the walls and the ceiling, vacuum all fabrics and drapery, and so on? Of course not. This is overwhelming force, and it’s simply not necessary in this situation. We get pretty good results (a clean living room) with only a modest investment (quick dusting and vacuuming). We can see this same example played out in a million different situations. Put in a modest effort, and get a modest return. Almost all of our common, everyday experiences reinforce this concept.
Addiction and recovery doesn’t work like that at all. A modest effort in overcoming addiction will always result in relapse. It is only through the use of overwhelming force that an addict can overcome the incredible pull of addiction. Half hearted efforts or even a fairly strong commitment will result in total failure. This is why many addicts struggle for several years, going in and out of treatment programs, only to someday (hopefully) figure out the intense level of personal commitment required to succeed.
For many addicts and alcoholics, addiction is a life-and-death condition. They are living on the brink of total destruction at the hands of these chemicals. Imagine if your goals in personal development were of a life-and-death nature. (hint: they are). So use this principle to dominate your personal development goals.
Beating addiction requires a strong push to keep growing
Everyone who is on the path of growth and development runs out of steam every once in a while. In recovery, we refer to this as complacency. What we have found with addicts and alcoholics, is that we are either progressing forward in our recovery, or we are stagnating our way back towards a relapse. There is no “treading water” when it comes to our progress – we must keep pushing ourselves to grow.
Again, this is something that many recovering addicts learn slowly over time, as they notice a pattern in which they slowly slide back into their old ways. They eventually find that the only way to make steady, forward progress in recovery is to continue pushing themselves to achieve new goals and accomplish new things. Examples of this include helping new addicts in recovery, going back to finish a college degree, or pushing themselves to get a better job. We can not stand still and be successful in recovery. Stagnating leads to relapse. Steady growth is a huge key to long term sobriety.
The implications of complacency regarding personal development are pretty obvious. While a lot of us might read literature every day regarding personal development, and a lot of us might also have our daily practices and routines that we’ve adopted in order to pursue a more spiritual life, how much have we really grown lately? Ask yourself: should I be striving for something more in my life right now? Will I be satisfied if I continue living the way I have been living lately?
The need to ask for help, interdependence – it’s not about using people, it’s about empowering each other.
There are a lot of stubborn drug addicts and alcoholics out there who have died in active addiction, simply because they refused to ask for help. Part of what defines addiction is the universal truth that the addict cannot beat it on their own. They must have help from other people in order to overcome addiction and live a life in recovery. This means that an addict has to ask for help. In some way, they need to reach out to others; to someone who can help them to find a life without drugs and alcohol.
This is not about using people. In recovery, addicts help each other. A big part of what happens is that we share knowledge – our experience of how we have managed to live a clean and sober life. The “old-timers” can pass information on to the newcomer – explaining to them what has worked for them and what hasn’t. The magic in all this is that the newcomer helps the old-timers, without even realizing it. This is because the old-timers need to be reminded of where they came from, and that the threat of addiction is still real; still out there.
The personal development applications for this are huge. Every person becomes a teacher if you adopt this type of genuine humility. We might see someone who we judge to be a stumbling oaf, and realize later – we are that stumbling oaf. Or we realize that we were at that same point just a short time ago. We are all on the same path, just at different points along it.
When we help others by sharing our experience, we are really helping ourselves as well. We reinforce and learn powerful lessons all over again; we see certain truths in a new light, and find deeper meaning in them.
Raising awareness is critical for overcoming addiction
It takes an awakening just to quit using drugs and alcohol. We have to break through a certain level of denial just to get clean and sober for a few days and let the fog start to clear. This is an awakening – a raising of our awareness.
But it takes much more than that to sustain long term sobriety. Why? Because denial creeps back into our lives, even as we continue to live clean and sober. Denial can attack us in any number of ways. For example, someone in early recovery might jump into a relationship that they know – deep down – is no good for them. The person they start seeing might be manipulative, sick, unhealthy in any number of ways – but the relationship feels good, so those red flag warnings are brushed to the side. This is denial, and it will kill a recovering addict just as quickly as the drugs themselves. Relationships are particularly tricky in early recovery, because the emotional stakes are so high, and the (almost) inevitable break-ups can be devastating.
There are also people who are not addicts in recovery who are still living in some degree of denial. For example, someone might be toughing it out at a job they are truly miserable at, and have a million reasons and rationalizations why they should keep working there. Denial is a subtle foe, and we don’t like to think that we are capable of fooling ourselves. Even the wisest old man knows that they have been in denial at points in their life; it is part of the human condition. We overcome it through awareness. Raise your awareness through self examination in order to see the truth clearly. It is only after we have honestly assessed ourselves that we can start to make positive changes in our lives.
Gratitude
Gratitude is so important in recovery that some AA meetings are devoted to nothing but gratitude. The implications here should be obvious. Practicing gratitude on a daily basis embraces the power of positive thinking. It is easy to stay grateful during the good times – that’s why we practice gratitude – so that we have the chance to put a positive spin on a potentially negative situation. Practicing gratitude allows us to stop wanting for a minute and be at peace with what we have. Gratitude is a powerful tool, a way to shift our perception. Instead of reacting to anger and frustration by picking up a drink or a drug, we can use gratitude to remind ourselves that it’s worth it to stay clean and sober.
Anyone can benefit from practicing gratitude. Change your mindset. It’s about appreciating existence itself. Why do you exist at all? Embrace the fact that you are even aware. This is a gift! You can appreciate anything now; the world is your playground. Take it all in with joy. The ungrateful ones create their own misery by what they don’t have. You, on the other hand, are blessed to be alive!
Forgiving others and letting go of resentments
Addicts can’t remain angry and stay clean and sober for any length of time. The negative energy consumes them until eventually they go back to medicating themselves. So what happens when a recovering addict has genuinely been hurt in the past by someone? Their anger is justified. But even so, this anger consumes them all the same. What is the answer?
The answer is forgiveness. There is great power in forgiving someone who has hurt you. The goal is to free up your own mental energy. The answer is to let go of the anger. Resentment is when you continue to feel this anger over and over again. It becomes a mental prison of sorts – for you. The only solution is to let go of the anger. That is the path to freedom.
If you are harboring anger at someone then find a way to let it go. Realize that most of us are doing the best that we can and don’t genuinely want to hurt people. Sometimes people lash out in anger or seem to be just plain mean. They are dealing the best way they know how. Realize that you, too, have probably lashed out in a mean and hateful way before, at some point in your life. None of us are perfect. Find the willingness to forgive your past transgressors and embrace the peace that follows from it.
Clearing the wreckage of our past
Recovery is a long road. When we stay clean and sober, our past comes back to us eventually, and we have to deal with it. Perhaps we have ill feelings towards someone from a past experience, and we don’t think we will ever see them again. But over the long haul of recovery, those people tend to pop up eventually. That creates a potential problem for the recovering addict.
Recovery programs address this problem by suggesting that the addict clears up these past issues. They have a series of suggestions for making peace with such people, and for making any restitution when possible. This just makes sense as far as healthy relationships are concerned. No person recovers on a deserted island, and any major triggers that lead an addict to relapse are going to stem from relationships with others. Addicts don’t relapse because it’s raining outside, or because their favorite sports team lost the game. The drama in our lives (and the danger for addicts) occurs in terms of our relationships with others. We should strive to not have a chip on our shoulder towards anyone – it’s just negative energy that we don’t need in our life.
Open up to constructive criticism
Opening up to criticism is another big tool in recovery. We cannot always defend against denial through self examination alone. We need help. We get that from our fellow addicts in recovery. Remember the example of the recovering addict who is venturing into a dangerous relationship? Friends, family, or fellow recovering addicts will see the danger in this first, long before the person themselves can see it. Naturally, such a suggestion (”You are making a mistake to pursue that person…”) will be met with defensiveness at first, but this type of advice is usually right on the money. It is up to us, as recovering addicts, to open ourselves up to this type of criticism. It has been said that we “become each other’s eyes and ears”–because we can not see through our own denial at first. That’s what makes it denial! So opening ourselves up to this type of feedback can result in a wealth of introspective knowledge, so long as we can get past our initial defenses and actually listen to the criticism.
While most readers of UrbanMonk.Net are probably not drug addicts or alcoholics, many of you might know of someone who is. In that case, you might want to learn more about how to help an addict.
Patrick Meninga is the author of The Spiritual River website.
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35 Comments, Comment or Ping
Scramblejam
A great post, very insightful and inspiring…
I have never been an addict, but I have helped others who have been, and it is an arduous and frustrating process - the rewards of which cannot be articulated easily to someone who hasn’t been through it.
Thanks for sharing such a touching, personal story.
Mar 26th, 2008
Diane
Thank you for your clarity and candor, Patrick. I now do see the similarities between the two paths. (Of personal development and recovery) You, like Albert, have a real talent for writing. There is a wealth of information on your site. I liked your reference to interdependence - not using people, but rather helping empower each other.
Thank you Albert, for introducing Patrick and having him guest on your blog. I may not have found his site without you. While I was reading, I was noticing the similarities between addiction and depression and will be pondering this as I continue on my quest for health.
I am truely blessed. You may never know the extent to which reading your blog has improved my life and health. Please keep up the good work.
~Diane
Mar 27th, 2008
Albert
I know Patrick will be checking back soon, but I just wanted to say thank you to you both, especially Diane, I really appreciate your kind words, honestly I do. They mean a lot to me. I was very touched by Patrick’s story too, and am very proud to feature him here.
Mar 27th, 2008
Patrick
@ Scramblejam - now that I work at a treatment center, I know how you feel when you say that helping addicts can be a frustrating task. Of course I used to be on the other side of the fence, abusing drugs and creating chaos all around me. Now that I’m in the business of helping people, I can start to appreciate how difficult a task it really is. Seeing some people get clean and stick with it is quite the reward, though.
@Diane - Thanks so much for the kind words. I would agree that depression and addiction have similar solutions….both require positive action. If you gain any more insights in overcoming depression, please drop by and share it with me. Thanks so much for your comment!
@ Albert - Thanks again for allowing me to post here. It is honor to be seen on a blog of this stature. Urbanmonk continues to dig deep and always seems to inspire me….
Mar 27th, 2008
Adam Alexander
I can relate to this on many levels. I would be one of those who would argue that personal development and recovery from addiction are the same thing; they can only happen when it comes from a solid core inside of ourselves.
I am a recovered alcoholic… I’m going to step outside of the normal routines of recovered alcoholics, and I’ll say that I am no longer an alcoholic, any more than someone who has recovered from the flu is still infected.
However, I recognize that I am still at risk of relapsing, even though I’m not an alcoholic. I will always be at risk, and rather than be afraid of this risk, I simply accept it, and choose to not drink. It took years to reach this point of acceptance, and I wish I had never started drinking in the first place. Now that I’m past my alcoholism, however, I can gain strength from my experiences, and apply the psychology of my addiction to other areas of my life.
My experience with alcoholism has shown me the power of overwhelming force, the importance of staying the course, and the raw power of trivial triggers (not mentioned in this article). These form the internal factors to move from dependence on the drug to independence.
I could not have quit drinking without that core, internal foundation. It is what got me through a (rather stupid) self-detox. I say that my self-detox is stupid because I later learned that detoxing from alcohol without medical attention can be fatal, and I took an unnecessary risk. Granted, if I kept drinking, the risk on my life would have been greater, but I could have waited one week and gotten a free medical detox.
While the internal foundation got me through detox, I know that I would have relapsed long ago if I didn’t also have a strong, healthy, interdependent relationship… In my case, my wife. I depend on her, and she depends on me… Together, we do far more than both of us could do individually. Being open to criticism was a key skill.
The key to forgiveness and dealing with the past stems from the fact that we have to deal with ourselves as well as each other… Just as we develop interdependent relationships with other people, we also have to develop relationships with our emotions and our past… If these are interdependent relationships… that is, our awareness improves our emotions, and our emotions improve our awareness; or our understanding of our history improves our present actions which, as time goes on, improves our past directly.
We can’t change the past, but we can change what we learn from the past. We can’t change what people may have done to us, but we can change how we feel about it.
Now, if I could just get myself past my smoking addiction… and my addiction to fattening foods… and my addiction to just sitting around and doing nothing, then I’ll be alright. I’d like to be addicted to breathing clean air, to eating healthy food, and to getting up and doing stuff.
Mar 27th, 2008
Adam Hyman
Addiction is one of the hardest things to deal with. Not just for the person, but also for their family and friends.
Mar 27th, 2008
Karn Patel
Addiction to drugs is a problem but you can learn that the hard way if you want. But, you are a fool to do so. “Experience is a dear teacher, but fools will learn at no other”, -Benjamin Franklin
Mar 27th, 2008
Barbara
Patrick and Adam Alexander,
Recently Albert and I had a conversation about addiction. It all started with Albert questioning whether or not some casino ads were offensive. Although we never really delved deeply into the addiction subject, only its long term effects.
Adam, I think your last paragraph most effectively demonstrates what addiction can do in a person’s life. Your search is not to overcome the addictive behavior, but to substitute healthy ‘addiction’. A very big indicator and realization that the addiction mindset may in fact remain with you forever and it is up to you to direct the outcome based on choice in addiction. I think that is truly where the power over the addiction lies.
And I only know because I am right there with you. As I had explained to Albert, I could observe myself trading one addiction for another, sometimes so subtlely even I didn’t notice the old behavior creep in. And not necessarily big ugly addictions, either. It has ultimately become a matter of acceptance and awareness. Not if I’m going to fall, but where, when, how or why. And how to bring myself back to balance and then keep myself in balance.
Patrick, you are correct. Addiction is a very good teacher and often hands you the no choice option of ‘personal development’, whether you knew it or not, chose it or not, like it or not. More acceptance. And maybe a dose of Albert’s CBT posts!
Mar 27th, 2008
Ian
Patrick, you briefly mentioned complacency. I’ve got a few questions regarding that.
When it comes to personal development, is complacency always a bad thing? Is there a difference between being complacent and being content?
Since I’ve began doing personal development, there have been times when I’ve felt supremely content with my life. I don’t desire anything. I want nothing except what I already have. This can’t possibly be bad, can it?
When I reach that point, should I still be pushing myself to grow? I thought the whole point of personal development was to work on yourself until you were happy and content with what you had.
Can I rest once I’ve reached that point?
Mar 27th, 2008
Albert
This is a great conversation guys, I’ll wait for Patrick to reply to most of the comments, but I just wanted to address Ian’s question.
Why do you keep needing to grow? Is it a sense of perfectionism, which is a sign of low self-esteem? What is wrong with being content? What is wrong with being happy with what you have? What do you want to grow with? Could it be a good thing to rest in what you already are? Could it be a bad thing to constantly need to grow? Could we grow without needing to grow? Could all desire to grow be of the ego?
I’m not saying yes or no to any of these questions. I’m just providing food for thought.
Mar 27th, 2008
Adam Alexander
I’ll answer the last question first…
For me, yes, my desire to grow comes from my ego. My desire to defeat the ego stems from the ego… My desire to label things as good and bad stems from the ego, and I practice being neutral about the ego, although I label the belief that the ego is neither good nor bad as a “good” thing. It’s a meta-belief about the ego… However, I would like to treat my belief that the ego is neither good nor bad as a neutral belief, but in order to do so, I must have a meta-meta-belief, and in turn, I must have another meta-meta-belief.
(How’s that for an infinitely recursive train of thought? I’d write a program for it, but there isn’t a computer available that could create the infinite number of meta-meta-beliefs required to run away from the ego.)
I’ll have to think about the rest of those questions… in order… for a few years.
Mar 27th, 2008
Albert
Hahah! Awesome stuff Adam! How about this one?
Who is having the ego? Is there a genuine self? Does a genuine self exist? Is it possible that by thinking “my” ego, we’re just splitting the ego in half, and using one to look at the other?
Mar 27th, 2008
Barbara
Ian and Albert,
I think this is a matter of complacency’s definition and its context in regard to addiction.
Complacency as you speak of it, Ian, is being satified with what is. That’s great.
Complacency can also mean satisified without consideration of potential hazard/danger. That’s where the addiction component sneaks in. To be aware of a potential backslide/substitution in addictive behavior.
So Albert, it’s not a matter then of perfectionism or growth, but a knowing that the potentiality exists that very hard won gain can be lost. I don’t think it’s an ego thing at all. It’s about having the ability to share what one is here to share instead of being in the grips of an addiction. One can’t function to full potential or even a portion of that potential and be controlled by something at the same time.
Mar 27th, 2008
Patrick
@ Adam Alexander - That is an excellent description of how the recovering alcoholic or addict deals with the past–using it as a learning device and always looking to extract a positive lesson from it. Another big part of looking at our past is finding the lessons in them that can help others as well.
@ Adam Hyman - You’re right on about the family and friends, Adam. I struggle sometimes with who I am really trying to help with my website: the struggling addict, or the people who have to deal with them.
@ Karn Patel - True enough….addicts have to find their own bottom, their own pain. No one can hand them an easy way out (at least no one could do it for me). Instead, I had to exhaust all options and defeat myself. Only then could I try it a different way. Hence the point of surrender. It becomes an awakening.
@ Ian - What an awesome idea to explore: contentment versus complacency. In the case of the recovering alcoholic, I take the stance that idleness is dangerous, because the natural state of the person is to self destruct through self medicating.
As a recovering addict and alcoholic, I know this to be true. My natural state is to drink and use drugs. That is what comes naturally to me. Now we can have an aside here and debate whether or not the addict is made, or whether they are born, but that is besides the point. I became a hopeless drug addict and alcoholic and got into the habit of drinking and drugging every single day. This went on for years.
Complacency is so dangerous (specifically for addicts or alcoholics) because the addict will start reverting back to that drinking/using mindset.
What you are proposing is that a recovering alcoholic might find contentment without constantly pushing themselves to grow further, and the idea deserves serious exploration. The conventional wisdom in recovery circles would point to the need for growth. I would tend to agree with this wisdom, because I honestly see a flaw in my own personality (and in other addicts around me) that makes us want to self medicate to the point of destruction. Pushing myself to grow further overcomes this flaw. It’s when addicts start “coasting” in their recovery that the thoughts of drinking or drugging start to creep back in…..
Mar 27th, 2008
Evelyn
Hi Albert & Patrick,
This is a great guest post. Very valuable insight to what is needed in the recovery of an addict. I’ve learnt a fair bit!
Thanks,
Evelyn
Mar 27th, 2008
Albert
Thanks Evelyn and Barbara!
I guess I have to qualify the questions I asked. I’ve discussed these issues with Ian privately and I guess I know that he is coming mostly from a personal growth standpoint. As it applies to addiction, you guys are right. The addictions I have had experience with are relatively minor - smoking, for example, is the worst one. And even then “letting myself relax” a bit there often slides me write back into the habit. There is no time to worry about ego, etc, when you want to kick a bad habit, I believe.
Mar 27th, 2008
CG Walters
Continued blessings and inspiration to you, Patrick.
peace and wonder,
CG
Mar 27th, 2008
Ian
Crap, I missed a bunch.
Lemme reply in order:
@ Albert: In regards to feeling content and being happy, I don’t see anything wrong with feeling that way. This is why I was asking this. I somehow got a hold of the (apparently flawed) notion that Patrick was suggesting that we should never feel content. I see now that that’s not the case.
I feel wonderful because there have been times when I truly felt as though I no longer needed to grow in a certain area, and I was content with what I had. I don’t always feel the need to grow, either in regards to personal development, or something such as wealth.
Speaking of wealth, I liken the feeling of always needing to grow as being similar to greed; you’re never happy with what you have, and you always need more.
You asked whether or not we could grow without needing to grow. The answer to that is definitely yes. We’re growing at all times. That’s just the impermanent nature of all things. We’re constantly changing and growing, which I believe is a wonderful thing.
That realization took a ton of pressure off of me. The idea that I’m always learning and growing, and don’t necessarily need to push myself 24/7 makes me feel much better.
@ Patrick: (Please take note, I am not [and hopefully never will be] an alcoholic, so I may just be shooting off my mouth here. Take any of this with a grain of salt. These are just ideas, all of which I’d love for you to pick apart and prove wrong.) (Also, for convenience, I’m going to assume that complacency carries along with it a negative connotation, in that it suggests an ignorance of potential danger.)
I believe that a feeling of true contentment would definitely help out a recovering alcoholic. That contentment and satisfaction is what all people seek, is it not?
Most of us are addicted to something. Some are addicted to food, some to sex, some to drugs, some to whatever their hobby is. These addictions are all driven by a feeling of lack, want, or emptiness. I define contentment as the lack of that desire.
As you’ve said, there are a number of parallels between addiction recovery and personal development. I believe this to be very true. In both situations, you’re making an effort to remove negative influences in your life, as well as making an effort to learn more effectives ways to deal with problems in your life.
As far as I can tell, the lack of contentment is what leads people to drink or do drugs. So, it follows to say that lasting contentment would be the ultimate goal in the recovery process, because if you’re truly content already, you’ll have no desire to look back towards drugs and alcohol to make you content.
Anyways, to sum things up: I believe the ultimate goal of both personal development and recovery from addiction should be true contentment, along with constant mindfulness.
Mindfulness is a huge part of many paths to contentment and happiness. (Buddhism comes to mind immediately.) Mindfulness is what brings about realizations that allow you to see and defeat your vices, and also to stop them from creeping back in.
There’s a huge difference between mindfulness and the constantly working or obsessing that I know I’ve often mistaken for mindfulness. I often equate that obsession to intellectual vanity.
Mindfulness is passive and lacking in judgment. It’s simply acknowledging what is happening. Obsessing generally brings along harmful judgment.
*whew* Okay, I’m done. Thanks for reading.
Edit: One last thing: I think a good way to sum up the difference between being content and being complacent is this: Complacence involves an explicit lack of mindfulness, while with true spiritual contentment, mindfulness is integral.
Mar 28th, 2008
Evan
Thanks Patrick.
I’d like to hear from others who have recovered from addictions. Even those not linked to substances (I think there are other forms of addiction).
I see addiction as a substitute for something (you can’t get enough of that which doesn’t satisfy). I wonder what you think about this.
Thanks for an extraordinary post.
Mar 28th, 2008
Patrick
@ Ian - Wow, Ian, you are a very deep thinker! You said: “As far as I can tell, the lack of contentment is what leads people to drink or do drugs.” I would agree that you are on the right track there. There are 2 ideas here: one, what leads a person to try drugs, and two, what causes them to keep using them in spite of the consequences.
The first issue is irrelevant, in my opinion, because every person will eventually take a drink or try an addictive substance eventually. Alcohol is part of our culture; part of almost every culture. The same might be said for addictive painkillers–most people will probably be prescribed a bottle of these things at some point in their lives.
In my opinion, people are either addicts or they are not. There is no gray area. So when a person finally takes a drink or a drug, either a little switch gets flipped in their brain or it does not. What happens next is dependent on whether or not they have that switch flipped. If they are a true addict, then they are in for a long and hard road. I don’t think addicts are created through behavior so much, because many hard drinkers in college simply walk away from it, with no struggle at all, and can drink “normally” in the future.
Somehow, substance abuse regarding chemicals (drugs and alcohol) is fundamentally different from other addictions (such as food or sex addiction). I’m not saying the others are any less devastating, or any less real, but I think there is a substantial difference there.
You are right on, Ian, with your analysis of complacency versus contentedness. I also agree that mindfulness is a huge key to this puzzle. Here is the critical distinction: the addict is drawn to chaos, so achieving anything like “peaceful mindfulness” takes a great deal of effort. In fact, I would argue that the whole addict mind has to be retrained. I can obsess about anything. And I can distinctly notice how comforting it can be to do so. Give me something to think about, over and over again, just so I can escape from my mind for a while. Obsessive thoughts are almost like a drug in themselves. So I definitely think you are on to something with your analysis there. Thanks for all the input and ideas, this has been some interesting discussion!
Mar 28th, 2008
Ian
@ Patrick: Thank you!
Perhaps I should’ve been clear; I was referring to what causes people to continue using them. I realize that the vast majority of people start out with experimentation and such, or with a prescribed medication like you mentioned.
I agree that addictions to drugs or alcohol are different from others. These addictions are harder to break, most likely because the chemical aspects involved. Not only that, drugs and alcohol generally provide a much stronger high, making for a stronger psychological addiction.
You refer to the whole mind needing to be retrained. Again, this is another parallel between addiction recovery and personal development. Both recovering addicts and people doing personal development attempt to completely reframe their life and redefine their ways of thinking.
I believe we all have an “addict mind.” Like I mentioned earlier, we’re all addicted to something.
I can definitely relate to finding comfort in obsessive thoughts. I’ll often drown myself in learning a new concept when I’m upset or depressed.
It’s all a matter of either trying to escape your problem or to fill a void.
Anyways. I’ve yet to congratulate you on your success in recovering from addiction, so let me take this opportunity to do so. Your story is definitely inspiring. I can’t possibly imagine the strength you had to find to pull yourself through.
Also, thank you so much for being kind enough to share your experience and struggles with others. I believe that there’s nothing more valuable than your own experiences, and to be willing to share them so candidly is an amazing thing. Thank you.
Mar 29th, 2008
Lucid
Great post! …. It is a very hard place to be whether you are the addict or you are dealing with someones addiciton. . . .The person goes through a form of hell, but so does everyone who comes into contact with the addict. . . .
There have been a few people in my life who are addicts, some in recovery some not done making their story…..
My heart goes out to all who are dealing with this…. Never lose hope!!!
Mar 29th, 2008
Albert
Thank you Lucid! That’s a great and heartfelt comment
Mar 30th, 2008
Karl Staib - Your Work Happiness Matters
My addiction was one that many of us face - Thoughts. I was addicted to thinking and worrying about everything in my life. From my lack of a girlfriend to my lousy job.
As my life has grown I’ve let this addiction dissipate. I’ve done this through meditation, Yoga, positive thinking, practicing enjoying my existence at my job, and reading blogs like this.
I still struggle with worry and fear, but I’m using these things to become a better person and help people who have struggled like me. That’s why I created my blog. Through helping others I’ve been able to enjoy my life on so many more levels.
Mar 31st, 2008
Patrick
Thanks for the comment Lucid….I know a few addicts who are still not done making their story either…..that’s always hard to watch.
@Karl - ah yes, the endless chatterbox of the mind. I’m still learning how to tame mine as well, and Urbranmonk has helped me in that regard. That’s a great blog you’ve got by the way!
Mar 31st, 2008
jay
Well, I have been in a similar situation when I was young but I’m happy about my past. If you are always on top of things you don’t appreciate life in my opinion.
Mar 31st, 2008
anthony
The saying goes ‘Once an addict always an addict’. Yes, I will always be an addict.My addiction to alcohol has been a long and tiring road to travel.There were breaks with periods of sobriety, one was for eight years, a time in which my life took extraordinarily good turns. I became ‘bombproof’ and then…. I had a drink. During the ensuing years I was either ‘on it’ or ‘off it’ …a bloody nightmare.
Ironically it was while ‘on it’. on the side of a mountain, in Spain I experienced a flash of enlightenment.
It was a very warm day but there was a strong blustery wind. Sat with my bottle of red wine I watched with fascination huge seagulls struggling with the conditions and failing to get anywhere near the bread they were after. Then as cheekily as you like a butterfly made its jaunty way along and like a kiss settled on my knee. How the hell did it do that. This bright and paperweight creature seemed to make its way effortlessly while the gulls with their massive wings and strength were being blown all over the shop. It struck me that the butterfly must have somehow offered no resistance to the winds or if you like it accepted the conditions, did not fight, and just got on with being a butterfly.
From that moment my whole life changed, I resolved to accept what is.
Here is the killer. I accepted that I was an addict but more than that I accepted I was addicted to being an addict ( I recall how during my ‘off it’ times how I would tell anybody who would listen I was a recovering addict). So I accepted I was an addict and accepted a load of other stuff.
Now, some eight years on I am still an addict but do you know what to?..I am addicted to ‘Now’ I have learnt, and continue to learn, to live in the moment. Each day is a new day in which I re-understand. I am addicted to my inner peace and most of the time I am bursting with feelings of good cheer and wellbeing, the very things I sought in the bottle. Spooky aint it?
Apr 1st, 2008
Patrick
Wow, Anthony! Talk about a beautiful analogy–that was truly insightful.
I think what struck me about your comment was the idea of different levels of acceptance….definitely something worthy of further exploration. I can remember accepting my addiction, and then later accepting it on a much deeper level–something that helped to define what my solution has become for me. Recovery can be trying in the beginning but it has come full circle for me, and shown me a peace that I was never able to find with the drugs and the booze. Thanks so much for your comment!
Apr 1st, 2008
Chrissy
Overcoming my Addiction taught me so much about life. I recently received this book called Nub. I cherish this book as I have learned so much from it.
As the author, Emile Barrios once said, “We are all “crippled” by things we think hold us back from reaching our potential. But the real handicaps we struggle with are in our head (and of our own making), and it is only by attacking these handicaps at their root and taking responsibility for our lives that we can get better.”
I love this quote, it says so much and it is so true.
Apr 1st, 2008
Jenna
Amazing post! This was really an eye opener and provided me with a tremendous amount of insight! Thanks for sharing.
Apr 4th, 2008
Albert
Hey Chrissy and Jenna - I’m glad you liked this post, and I’m sure Patrick appreciates your support too. Thank you for stopping by.
Apr 4th, 2008
Liara Covert
Do what comes naturally. Evoluting into yourself is what life is all about.
Apr 8th, 2008
Nathan Harris
It can be hard to break habits, you have to be able fight the urge to use constantly. This may not happen to everyone but it happens with me
Apr 21st, 2008
Albert
Thank you Liara and Nathan
I agree - Patrick told me that quitting is a process, not an event.
Apr 21st, 2008
Nathan Harris
Albert, I haven’t met anyone who woke up one day and just stopped on their own. I think going to a long term rehab works better for that reason. It gives you time to learn how to fight urges. I think in time it does come naturally like Liara said.
Apr 21st, 2008
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