*edit* Questions closed! No more questions please, thanks!
I thought I’d try something new this post – I’m stealing an idea from Leo of Zen Habits.
This post is plain and simple – ask me whatever you want in the comments: from the personal, to the silly, to the philosophical, to whatever. In fact, the sillier and fun-ner the better 
The only thing I request – please do not ask anything related to serious mental disorders. I tend to get quite a lot of such questions, and my answer is always the same – stuff like this cannot be fixed on the internet in general. There is no shame in finding professional help.
A quick disclaimer: I’m just a normal guy. I’m not the Truth, I’m not an expert, enlightened, or whatever – and everything that I say is just the opinion of a guy with a blog (Which anybody can start, by the way. Just because someone runs a blog doesn’t always mean he or she is suddenly an authority of any kind.) This might defeat the purpose of having a “ask me” post, but hey who cares And if I don’t know, I will simply say I don’t know.
Also, I’m anticipating some questions will be too big to be answered in the comments, and so I’ll note them and make them into proper blog posts in the future. This will give me some good feedback on what readers want to see in the future.
For those who want to do some reading this week, there are two great PDFs that I found recently. In random order:
For those interested in spirituality, the Bhagavad Gita has a reputation as one of the most profound spiritual texts ever written. I remember browsing a copy once and I couldn’t understand a lot of it, so this find is a true gift – a free PDF which is a commentary on this classic text. You can download it at: The Atma Jyoti Blog.
The next is a PDF provided by my friend Evan Hadkins over at Well Being and Health. It is a personal guide to living a life of lasting satisfaction, and combines practical exercises with theory. Thought-provoking material, for sure – you can download it at It’s Not About Success.
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Great idea.
Are some people more spiritually inclined? If so, why?
Hey Shaun, thanks
I would say yes. Some people are naturally drawn to spirituality, without any other incentive. There’s a quote by the Buddha, although I can’t remember the exact words. “Rare is it to be born a human. Rarer still to have heard of enlightenment. Rarest of all to pursue it.”
Others are sort of “forced” into it due to their suffering. Most people will have heard that the spiritual path, if you avoid all the BS, is one of the best ways out of unhappiness. But some people might not get into it, even if they are suffering tremendously, simply because they don’t take well to it (or they might prefer other ways, such as psychotherapy, or the old method of drinking it all away). Why? I don’t know. Might be just the way they are born. Some people like Pepsi, others prefer Coca-Cola, who knows why?
What is your take on religious synretism, particularly concerning Buddhists?
My grandmother was born in Peru, moved to Okinawa, and then to the US. She was raised Shinto/Buddhist but also went to a Christian church on occasion after moving to the US. She seemed to follow all three religions in parallel and didn’t have any internal conflicts with this practice.
Mike, great Q! To be honest I don’t know much about religion (I see spirituality and religion as 2 separate things), but in my extremely limited knowledge, I think they all have many similarities. For example, I would guess that most major world religions have similar teachings of compassion, love for your neighbour, forgiveness, and so on. This is likely the reason many people don’t have a problem reconciling different systems. Religion can be a touchy topic for some readers, so I’ll stop here.
Albert, Thanks so much for the link-love to the Commentary on the Gita. I think your readers will find it very useful.
I’d like your take on Mike’s question. Being of Chinese ancestry, you may have interesting comments, since in China making good use of all religious traditions at hand is commonplace. I have visited Chinese temples in California where Buddhist, Taoist, and Confucian elements were blended in perfect harmony, each having its place and illumining the other.
What is your experience?
Heya Reddy, it’s my pleasure
I really don’t have much experience with formal religion, so I hesitate to write on stuff like this. My family are all Christians, but as a kid religion just bored me. I just went along to church on Sunday because my parents made me. It was only recently, when I started exploring spirituality, that I noticed the crossovers with that and religion, and looked into that briefly. I’ve never been to any temples or anything like that.
Hmmm, sounds like a little post on my blog is related to this… At the end of the day, most world religions and major belief systems are inter-connected; or at least related by through the core teachings. There is one common truth, although it is interpreted in many different ways.
Also, going to church or to temples in relatively meaningless in itself, especially when we go there to venerate and ‘pray to’ idols, although it does make us feel that we are connecting more closely with whatever tradition we are interested in!
Check out my post on “Interbeing for Understanding” at http://www.cheewit.net.
If you just met a person and discovered that they were unhappy with their life, what would you tell them?
If you could be an animal, which animal would you choose to be, and why?
@ Richard: Good stuff – I agree with the first part. Not sure about the second part though. My sister is a devout church goer and she says it makes a tremendous difference in her life. It does give her a place of peace and self-reflection, which she probably doesn’t get anywhere else.
@ Jarrod: You know, this is very interesting. I used to try and ‘push’ spirituality and meditation onto them, since I know how much it would make a difference. But one thing I learnt is that if they don’t take it, they don’t, no matter what we do. And besides, how do we know in the long run what is best for them? I was depressed before, and in the long run it was one of the best things that happened to me. All I would do these days is offer meditation or a way out, but let them do whatever they want. If we could take it a step further, we could say “love them as they are”. But I can’t do that yet.
@ Min: Woo! A fun question! Heheh. I would probably be a panther or something. One of my favourite parts of physical activity was the speed. For example, in boxing, my favourite part was learning how to dodge punches, although I didn’t have much talent at it. Being a panther would be awesome, if I recall correctly, they’re one of the fastest and most agile big cats. Plus, they look majestic and just cool.
I have known this girl for around 4 years now. She is one of my best friends, but I also am attracted to her. Deep down, I think this is my underlying reason why I associate with her. For these 4 years, I have constantly been over-analyzing every action she took. My friends today told me they are tired of hearing me talk about her. And I realize that. My friend and I have the odd relationship though. I recently told her my true feelings of her, and we both decided to put our relationship on hold until later. Whether she truly meant this or not, I’m not sure.
Regardless, I spend way too much time with my thoughts and actions centered on her. She is a great friend, one of the best people I know, but I am too dependent on her. It is a classic example of attachment. Can you recommend any specific measures I can take to try and detach myself, while still maintaining a friendship? Furthermore, I noticed that this is a general pattern in my relationships with women. Wisdom is needed!!!!!!!
Thank you, take in mind, this is in a high school pretense.
Ok, I have one more question, then I’ll be quiet for a while.
If you had an audience with the most powerful, respected spriritual leaders in the world, all in one room, what would you say? What would be your message to them? What questions would you have?
@ Pathos: Hey there. I empathise with your problem, I know exactly how you feel. Now what I am going to suggest is might not be popular, because it is not a quick fix, which is what you might be looking for. However, the results of this work are permanent. If you are looking for specific external actions to do, I suggest against it. The underlying causes will still be there, and most likely you will mess up again. I’m guessing you’ve tried external actions, like forcing yourself not to call her, or trying to talk things out, etc. Have they worked?
If not, then try what I am suggesting. Start out by feeling and letting go of your neediness for her. Look for the behavioural mastery series – the first post describes this. This probably will take a few weeks at least, given that you have been feeling this way for that long.
Then go on to the rest of the series. Find out why you really need her. I had severe attachment issues too. Some of it didn’t make sense, but tracing it down, I felt like if I was alone my life would be in danger (traced back to childhood issues). If I was rejected the hurt and pain I felt would be very disproportionate. Carry on this line of questioning, and then release on each level of discovery you find. In my next series I will detail enquiry into these beliefs, but you can also check out http://www.thework.com for more. The reason I recommend letting go and enquiry is that each person has their own preference, find one of the two you like and stick with it.
Also, look for Loneliness-the Beginning of Romance in the archives. It will give you a bit more background on why I think you should let go of your neediness and attachment to her. Hope that helps.Please don’t hesitate to contact me again.
@ Mike: No problem, ask as much as you want!
You know what came to mind immediately? I want to ask some of them – do you really believe in what you preach? Are you actually living your message? Hahahah! I’m not being cynical, some of the spiritual teachers are the real deal, but there are a lot (I’m not naming names) who I feel teach a whole lotta crap and give everyone else a bad name.
I can’t think of anything else I would want to ask. I would love to be in the company of great teachers, but I would much rather observe them than ask them questions. The reason for this – intellectual knowledge will only take you so far. The rest of it you have to walk on your own. With too many questions, you’re just focusing on the map in your hand, instead of actually going out there and walking the territory described by the map. So I would much rather just learn from their actions rather than their words. Having said that, if they have a specific system of ending suffering, I would get as much info as I can on that, and test it. But I’m pretty happy with what I have now, as in I feel my map is drawn out, I just have to go and walk it a little bit more.
A message to them? I don’t know. I am not in a position to tell these leaders anything, I want to learn from them.
Oh, I’m not saying getting knowledge is a bad thing. There was a point in time I was purely focused on getting knowledge. It is vitally important to find one that works for you, and to sort out all the BS from the real thing. But right now, I have done that – found a combination of things that worked for me, and feel that any more information would simply clutter up my “map”. If you asked me the same question a year ago I would have a million and one questions. But right now, I already have way too much things to test out and journal – probably an entire year’s worth of testing and meditation to do. I know that they will work for me, I just have to put my money where my mouth is and get the time to complete this work.
Just a quick clarification
Hi Albert,
Would you be interested in being incarnated as a woman if you could? If so, why?
Heya Akemi! How you doing! I was having this debate with a friend just a few days ago – I was saying men have a harder life, and she was saying women have a harder life. So yes I would love to come back as a woman and actually experience everything for myself. There are so many differences in the way men and women are treated by society, people, cultures, and so on. Sometimes it’s like we live in the same physical location but in different worlds, and I would love to experience that for myself.
Albert,
after a week or so.
I’m doing great!
Personally, I don’t think women have it harder necessarily — just different. Now if an angel come down to me now and asked me if I want to become a man, I’d respond I’ll try it only if I could get back to be a pretty woman
Oh pretty women. Someone told me once you are the most dangerous sub-species of the human race. How very true, hahaha!
Albert,
I guess what I am saying in the last part of my post on http://www.cheewit.net is that there is little spiritual use in worshiping idols – at least that is what Buddha would have said (in fact, he did say it!). Of course, feeling motivated and energised simply by being in a location which holds significance for you does you a lot of good, too, so I guess it is in some ways paradoxiacal. This topic, at least from a Buddhist perspective, is quite complex, as Buddhists do not/should not be praying to Buddha in the same way as Christians pray to God/Jesus… maybe I will need to elaborate on this in another post soem time in the future…
My slant was more towards the Buddhist side of things where all the temple-going and prostrating to Buddha actually go against the main crux of Buddhism itself; namely, that material objects, even massive golden Buddhas in highly-decorated temples, have no worth, in spiritual terms anyway. However, I feel good when I go to the temple just in the same way as your sister does when she goes to church, so it is of benefit in some ways, although arguably not in the ways in which Buddha, for example, would have encouraged!
I hope that I have menaged to explain myself clearly, rather than cause moer confusion!!!
http://www.cheewit.net
Thanks for the link love Albert.
My question: what gets in the way of the world being a utopia?
@ Richard: aah, I get what you mean now. Yeap, definitely. I was discussing Buddhism with a friend in Asia, and the different types. In Asia, the Buddhism available is very different, it’s got hundreds of demi-gods and devils and levels of hell and rituals and so on, which is very different from the stuff we get in the West. It was very interesting to see the differences, I was trying to figure out where they came from. Buddhism to me is more of a way of life, a system of training the mind, or at more esoteric levels (Zen / Dzogchen) …mm… a way of perception? I wonder which ones are mure pure?
@ Evan: My pleasure
Thoughts, or our internal world. This works on two levels. The first – what if wrong and right is just a mental concept? What is utopia? We say that people should be more loving and kind, and if they are not, we suffer. What if we never had the thought that people should be more loving? We wouldn’t be upset at all, even if some a-hole was calling us names. What if we are alone? Nothing wrong with that, until we believe that we need a lover. Then we start being lonely and heartbroken. Now this concept can be tricky, especially since some people will start saying – that’s fine for everyday stuff, what about murder, rape and war and all that? And honestly, I don’t know, since I have never experienced that before. But I do know that in my life it applies perfectly fine to “everyday” misery.
Secondly, most conflict, selfishness, spitefulness, the desire to hurt and destroy and rape and pillage – doesn’t that all stem from a painful inner life? Just like in the first level above, a guy is alone and that is OK, until he starts thinking he needs someone to be with him. Most guys will go out dating, and so on. Some might get so upset they start lying, and manipulating women. A rare few might go and commit a sex crime. All because of a thought that they believed, that they attached to. And isn’t almost all of the misery that we go through the result of this? (not including stuff like disease or floods, of course.)
My question 1: In ten years will know more about spirituality or will you simply be more spiritual (or will you be the exact same person, just 10 years older)?
My question 2: How well do *you* flow with the river of life?
My question 3: Will you be doing this question-thingy on a regular basis, as it seems to be working re the comment love? Lol
Steve
Hey Steve!
1: I don’t know. I hope by then I’ll long be done with this. Meaning that I’ll have undone all my painful thoughts / dropped my negative emotions and beliefs, and so on, long before 10 years have come.
2: Hmm.. a few months ago I was in a major “flatness” stage. Some readers said flatness comes right before a big breakthrough, and I think they were right, I’m probably in the middle of a breakthrough at the moment. It was a major plateau I was stuck in, and I’m glad to be coming out of it right now.
As in, things have changed tremendously. Stuff still happens, crap still arises. I still get angry, stressed, fearful, or whatever – but the difference is these emotions are much reduced, most things that made me upset don’t anymore, and if they do, they go away really quick. Most importantly, no longer do I get upset by them. If that makes sense… I no longer get upset for feeling fear or whatever and so on. Long standing addictions have fallen away almost completely, all within the space of a fortnight. Old resentments are almost gone. Character flaws become opportunities for change, setbacks are just fun puzzles to be solved instead of obstacles, anger and stress becomes another chance for seeing where I need to do more work.
This was a natural thing, it wasn’t like I told myself or forced myself to see them as chances for growth (like I might have done before). Now this breakthrough I am not sure where it is going – is it done or am I still consolidating it? Each change just lays the stage for the next, I am still waiting to see how far it goes.
3: I don’t know. I did this kind of because 1) I was bored 2) I am nearing exam time and I needed some time to study instead of blogging. I’ll see how this goes
But the high comment count is quite a boost to my ego *cough* heheheh!
Hey Albert,
cool idea for a blog post! Might have to have steal it, if you don’t mind…
My questions are:
1) Are you truly happy? I mean, if you look deep down inside yourself until there is nothing left… What do you see? Are you living on a lie? Are you living out of a false perception? Or are your mind and body entirely congruent? Not sure what exactly I am asking – just give me your best answer. That’s all I CAN ask!
And
2) When was the last time you lied? What consequences did it have on you, and what consequences did it have on person you were lying to?
Once again, great idea Albert. Hope these questions aren’t too personal. If they are, feel free to delete this comment.
All the best to you my friend!
Alex
Hey mate! Go ahead and steal it, I took it from Zen Habits anyway haha!
1: Happiness? About 10 times happier than I was 2 years ago (when I was just coming out of my depression), and 20 times happier than I was 4 years ago (when I was neck deep in it). And that’s no exaggeration. The good thing also, is that it is not based on external stuff. Nothing much has changed externally but the way I feel has changed tremendously. And I feel this is just the beginning.
Now, if you asked me to look deep down inside myself, there are many insecurities, fears, and shame that I have not yet faced. I know what they are, but the work involved in shaking them loose is very time-consuming. I’m guessing a few months to a year of solid work, at least. So I’m looking forward to some time to myself to really get to them. In fact, I feel these things (they all revolve around the same few core issues anyway) are the deepest level already. I’m really, REALLY excited to see what will happen once I process them. Like something big is going to happen. When I get rid of them, everything else on top will fall apart, so to speak. What’s going to happen? I want to know
Am I living a lie? No – I feel like this is what I was born to do.Just exploring and processing all this stuff, some people call it raising consciousness. And if others can learn from my mistakes along the way even better.
A false perception and incongruency? Perhaps 20%. Again, this goes back to the deep-rooted guilt and shame that I haven’t processed yet. Perhaps some detail will help – while I don’t lie about it and in fact have mentioned in my blog several times that I had a strong verbally abusive side, I am still ashamed of it, and a few other traits and past actions. I used to hold my anger in when I got used until I lost it and really cut loose (and once I do, I don’t stop – I can hold a grudge better than anyone can). This tendency is still in me, although much weaker. Still, there were people I hurt very deeply, and friendships I destroyed, as a result of this tendencies. And the shame / guilt in that is still there. So a false perception? Perhaps – underneath all this new-found happiness, self-esteem, and all that, still lies these hidden nuggets of guilt. Like I said, I’ve processed a few of them, and they really made a lage difference. I can’t wait to get to all of them.
Sometimes I feel I shouldn’t blog anymore until I really clear these out. I thought readers will benefit more from someone who’s “been there”. However, I get a lot of feedback saying these are precisely what my readers want to read – not from someone who’s a perfect master. They get more benefit from someone who’s still walking right beside them, so to speak. If that makes any sense
2) Lying? I can’t remember the last really big one – but I just made up an excuse to get off the phone with someone who wouldn’t stop talking. Hope she doesn’t read this hahahaha! Hmm..bigger lies. I don’t know. Does omitting details count as lying?
All the best to you too, mate!
Great quality-oriented site!
2 Questions related to webmastering.
What has been the best source of revenue for Urbanmonk so far and what are the greatest challenges with selling your own ad space?
All the best +_+
Heya Axel, thanks!
1) Selling text links.
2) Some of the links and banners turn off some readers. It’s a hard choice between balancing that and income.
Albert,
BTW, there is much confusion in Asia, and especially Thailand (where I am) about what Buddhism is. You mention that there are many gods and demi-gods etc. Well, in Theravada Buddhism (which is now only practiced only in Thailand and Burma, I believe) nothing outside the teachings of Buddha – the Dharma – is considered Buddhism. For example, I don;t believe in any gods whatsoever, or any of the fortune telling or more fanstically supernatural and figurative stuff; Buddha never discussed anything like this. Also, here in Thailand, most people have a hard time separating Brahman beliefs/practices from Buddhist ones, which has created a kind of hybrid system!
I wouldn’t say that there are different types of Buddhism that are exclusive to the West or East really, especially now we are experiencing globalisation. There are two main types: Theravada and Mahayana. Neither is more ‘pure’ as you say, although I can say for definite that Thervada Buddhism is only concerned with the teachings of Buddha and nothing else. Does that make it the most pure, or traditional? Who knows – but for me it makes the most sense, and is the most ‘clear-cut’!
http://www.cheewit.net
Hello Albert!
Thanks for this opportunity!
Why are issues of money (especially debt and under-earning) so challenging? Why does it seem so tricky to apply spiritual principles to personal finances? At times it seems to be at odds with living a spiritually principled life.
¡Gracias!
Hey Albert!
This is a great forum, but there aren’t nearly enough silly questions. Folks, Albert said ANYTHING. I, for one, want to know who your favorite Jonas brother is.
Naw, really, maybe I’ll just ask that old getting-to-know-you question about what people, living and/or dead, you’d like to invite to your dream dinner party.
And what comes up on random shuffle on your iPod?
@ Richard: Definitely, I hear you.
Thanks for clearing that up for me. My experience with Buddhism is mostly towards the Zen tradition, I don’t know much about Theravada and Mahayana. Love your blog by the way!
@ Juan: We had a major discussion about spirituality and money just a few weeks ago, as I was trying to articulate my thoughts on the exact same issue. Have a look, some of the commentators put it far better than I ever could:
http://www.urbanmonk.net/335/r.....and-money/
In summary, though – don’t be ashamed or afraid of money. How you get it matters – are you hurting people or cheating or stealing?. What you do with it matters. How attached you are to it matters.
Hmm…I’m trying to summarise it for you but I can’t, some of the answers are simply too good. It’s a long read, but go and have a browse, it’ll be awesome, I promise. Form your own opinion from some of the comments there, though, as some of them can be conflicting, but you’ll notice there’s a general theme that there is nothing wrong with money at all.
A lot of the hatred towards money seems to come from a misunderstanding of the term non-attachment. It simply means not to crave money – which leads to wrong action – not to get rid of money itself. It is the same misunderstanding when one says not to be attached to the body. The body will die, get sick, get old one day. If we try to cling to health, youth, beauty, we will definitely suffer. But it doesn’t mean, don’t take care of your body. Love it, eat right, look good, etc, etc. But don’t get attached to it. However, some have misinterpreted it and started denying the body or hurting it. Same thing with money.
@ Carolyn: Heya! I didn’t even know who the Jonas brothers were, had to Google them. I think all boy bands should go burn in hell hahahah!
Aaah dinner party. Hmm..since my mind is still stuck in spiritual mode – Byron Katie, the Buddha, Osho, Thich Nhat Hanh. Outside spiritual mode, can I ask for lots and lots of supermodels? I can’t think of anyone else. Movie stars and singers? Nah – just because I like their stuff doesn’t mean I idolise them or want to be friends with them, any more than someone off the street. Oooohh, I take that back. Marvin Gaye. Miles Davis. Apparently the coolest guys that ever lived, and I want to see some of that charisma in person. Now you got me flowing. Jackie Chan, Jet Li, Chow Yun Fat. Jigoro Kano (father of Judo). And so on.
I don’t have an iPod. I’m a poor man
. But I love music – very varied taste though. Just a random sample – Donell Jones, Maxwell, Bone Thugs and Harmony, Brian McKnight. Lots of Asian music. Lots of world music. Sometimes, rock, and rap, hip hop, the popular stuff you get on radio, but not so much. Mostly into the slower baby-making songs. Hehheheh.
Here’s one…
Who would you rather go on a date with – Takuin Minamoto or Tom Stine?
Feel free to list your reasons why. And be honest.
You did say, “Ask me anything.”
Albert,
Thanks for the compliment (great blog of *yours*, too!). I don’t know that much about Zen Buddhism, although I know it is Mahayana… All those koans were always too confusing for me!
I’m drafting a guest post for you at the moment, and will send it along to the address you stipulate, when I have time; as a result of your comment about Theravada Buddhism, I thought I’d write the guest post about how it is over here in Thailand, and how there are many confusions about what constitutes Buddhism here and how it is integrated so comprehensively into daily life.
http://www.cheewit.net
@ Takuin: Hmm.. Takuin’s the rugged bad boy type… Tom will know how to treat me right.. given that I’m 27 and looking to settle down, I’ll have to say Tom
@ Richard: Can’t wait to read it, mate! No rush, I’ve got a few posts lined up so take your time.
Do you believe women are biologically more prone to being irrational? And
ever felt similar to these words ‘treachery thy name woman’?
I have a question for you – do you think it is better to be happy or better to be of service?
And if service makes you happy, how do you discern where you are meant to serve? Or do you serve wherever you find yourself at the time?
(These are some questions I personally find challenging from time to time.)
~Irene
@ Distracted: Being irrational? I don’t know. I do know there are gender differences in personality disorders. For instance, men are roughly 3 times more likely to have an antisocial personality disorder than women. (not talking about being an a-hole, but an actual disorder – high aggression, impulsivity, etc). Women are 3 times more likely to have a borderline personality disorder (instability in emotions, self-image etc). But is that biological? I don’t think anyone can say for sure. Irrationality – even harder to say. The person you think isn’t thinking right might be think YOU aren’t thinking right. Who’s right and who’s wrong?
Do you mean, if I believe women are treacherous? Hmm…I’ve been screwed over by both men and women, hahaha!
@ Irene: First of all, do you serve at your own expense? It sounds a little like it, although I can’t be sure. I think the two are intimately linked. If you make yourself happy, genuinely happy, and not a fake smile – you will naturally be of service to others. It won’t be a forced decision anymore, it will be much more natural. I could go on for hours, but I won’t, because I’ve written a series on compassion that is based on exactly this question
Check it out:
http://www.urbanmonk.net/welcome/#compassion
How can one tell the difference between self love/esteem to selfishness? Also the fine line between confidence and arrogance? Its a question I always ask myself but can’t answer.
Hey Norma: Good Q! It can be a bit hard to articulate, and would probably take a full article. I might expand this into a proper post, but for now just some thoughts off the top of my head.
Self-love to Selfishness. Self-love starts by honoring yourself. Selfishness hurts others. Very thin line, as you said. Self-love would be, for example, turning down a request for a favor if you have a good reason – like you’re extremely tired and your friend wants you to help him move house. (of course this isn’t the perfect example, there are many other factors to consider). But you get the general idea. Now put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Selfishness would be making someone help you move house, knowing that he or she is tired. In other words, trampling on their rights to get your way. Now, many situations are probably in the gray zone, but that’s a good sort of guideline. I hope. I know this isn’t the perfect example so if anyone else reading can think of anything to add or correct please chime in.
Also, self-love is happy. You feel it in yourself. Selfishness always carries a bit of negativity in it, even though externally they look like they’re enjoying it. If you really look, you can see the difference. Just practice.
Confidence and arrogance – are you talking about in yourself, or in others? Confidence is a feeling of “I can”. Arrogance is a feeling of “I can, and I’m better than you”. One is purely related to the task at hand. The other involves comparison. Again, one is positive and you can feel it. Arrogance makes you feel bad, subtlely.
Hope that helps.
Holy Crap!!! Well, you did say you would answer ANYTHING. All in all, I think you made the wrong choice. I know you and Takuin well enough to know that you would be a match made in Heaven!! LOL
But you got me, Albert. I would treat you right. My preference would be, though, for you to get in touch AFTER you reincarnate as the pretty woman.
)
@Tom
Haha. I was wondering when you would show up.
@Albert
Yeah, you might be more of the Bas Rutten type.
Sorry honey I need a nice stable family guy.
Gosh Albert, what’s with all this spiritual talk here when this is RARE opportunity to ask you something else! Hehehe …
OK I’ll be the shallow one here:
What’s the most “unspiritual” part of you that you like best?
What’s your favorite color?
What’s your favorite food?
Hmmm … do I sound like a silly drooling fan?
I got drooling fans? I’m off to start my own cult then!!
unspiritual? I’ve got the dirtiest of the dirtiest dirty jokes in the whole world. In the early stages of my blog, my sister who’s in Singapore had to email me every time I made a new post, telling me to take out that dirty joke, keep it more professional, etc, etc. If it wasn’t for her, this blog would be very different. After a while I toned it down on my own though.
Real men don’t have favourite colours.
Food? Hard to pinpoint it down. I love so many different foods, I change it every week. Greek gyros, to spaghetti carbonara, to Japanese (that raw beef with egg thing, I forgot what it’s called), to Nachos, to beef crepes, to pancakes with icecream, to Char Kway Teow, Beef Rendang, Nasi Goreng, ROAR I’m getting hungry so I’ll stop now.
What a neat idea Albert!
Well here goes my question….(it may not be as easy to answer as some others – I am trying to keep it on the philosophical side
What do you think it would take in your life (i.e. an event, person, etc.) to remove any leftover feelings of anger, stress, etc, that you say you still have in your life from time to time?
Char Kway Teow! Do you know where I can find the best Char Kway Teow in Melbourne? I’m sorry–I know this is a Personal Development blog, but you did say *anything*.
@Evita: Hehe, it’s actually an easy one! I think it’s just a matter of time. I have the tools (the sedona method, and the work of byron katie, a couple other stuff such as shadow work and love meditation), I’ve done the exploring, so I know what to work on. It’s just a matter of time.
I have no idea how long it will take. I’m hoping real soon, but it’s like a house of cards. It’s possible that I have to pull out each card one by one, or it’s also possible that if I take out a bottom card all the stuff left on top will just fall apart. I’m thinking of a one year retreat to do this, but real-world considerations prevent me. I’m still trying to figure out a way though.
@ Min: No problems
Fun questions are awesome! I wouldn’t know where the best one is, but the ones in Box Hill is pretty good. That joint next to New Age Cafe, I forgot what the name was. David and Camy’s? I can’t be sure, I navigate based on sight. This might be heresy to food fans, but I like the food in China Bar too.
Hi again Albert,
Here’s a question (two, in fact) for you:
How much of what you preach do you practice? (Substitute the word ‘preach’ for ‘write about’; the word preach is a little too strong in this context…)
And how do you feel about relaying Buddhist theory without having direct experience and/or comprehensive understanding of some aspects of it? (Unless, of course, you have direct experience/real understanding of everything that you write about!)
hehe, actually they are two questions in one – everything I write about is tested on humans. Well, me, at least. Sometimes my friends – they’re my guinea pigs too, hehehehe. I do it for at least a few months, get results, and then write about it. Otherwise I don’t. I always make sure I get tangible results from it. This is why I don’t write as much as other bloggers – the testing and research takes so much more time.
I’ve tried much more than I write about, but the results are small or non-existent in some cases so I discard them. The testing was the reason why a few months ago I didn’t write anything – I simply ran out of stuff. What makes you think I have no direct experience or comprehensive understanding? I’m not asking out of defense, I would just like to know so I can improve
For example, I always include examples in my writing. I also get many Qs about two topics: mental disorders, and enlightenment. I have a lot of book knowledge on those two topics but I never answer those questions because I lack the real experience in them (one, clinical / counselling experience, two, I’m not enlightened…).
Thanks for the quick reply!
I hope that I didn’t sound like I was insinuating that you don’t have direct experience etc., I was just curious about your experiences, that’s all. I am also just curious about why in a blog so obviously connected to Buddhism you haven’t discussed karma (or have I missed it?!?) – what are your views on karma?
(Thanks again!)
No problem.
I hear so many conflicting things about karma, and the reason I don’t write about it is because I don’t know which one is true. My favourite is the patterns we are stuck in mentally – i.e. some people (like me) constantly have the same relationships with different people. I always get the same type of girl, because there was some pattern in me that draws me to such chicks. Until we bring awareness to these patterns, we are bound to constantly relive them. But then again, there are other definitions of karma – the good old “bad things happen to bad people” version, etc, etc. I have no idea which one is right. And there isn’t much practical value to the discussion of karma anyway.
Albert,
Thanks for the response. But I am confused about your last statement; why do you think that “there isn’t much practical value to the discussion of karma”?
http://www.cheewit.net
Hmm.. One – I don’t believe in “forced” kindness. If you do good deeds for the sake of getting something in return, it’s actually a hidden negative. Have a look at my compassion articles, as we work on ourselves, raise our consciousness, and become happier, kind deeds become natural. So either way what I’m talking about – which is solely focused on becoming happier, raising consciousness, etc – does accumulate karma (if one believes in that perspective of it). And since I’m already talking about that anyway, why put an unnecessary gun to our heads?
Two – if we believe we will be punished in some strange metaphysical way for doing bad things – gah, that’s another gun to our heads. We live our lives in fear, thinking there’s some divine book keeper who’s writing down our every action and thought. Horrible. All that does is drive us to be nice, which leads us back to number one, above – wouldn’t it be better to raise our consciousness just for the sake of being happy? And let everything else flow from that? All my writings revolve around my pursuit of internal freedom and happiness, pretty much.
Did that make any sense?
Fair enough – and I follwed what you said.
It sounds like you misunderstand – or aren’t at all concerned with – karma, which is up to you, of course.
And you are right in that you are encouraging people to help themselves become happier, which is great.
I was just aksing these questions because you allude to Buddhism quite heavily in some of your articles (especially the ones on ridding ourselves of suffering, the monkey mind etc.; a lot of this, as you know, is Buddhist analogy/terminology!); and any Buddhist will tell you that the only way to rid yourself of suffering entirely, is to understand the inter-relationship of karma and our thinking and actions.
Anyhow, great blog, and thank you very much for answering my questions. I think that I understand your perspective more clearly now!
http://www.cheewit.net
Definitely – I don’t really know what karma is
If you would like to share, that would be awesome! I hear so many different definitions, even inside Buddhism, that I’m confused which is which. Would love to hear what you have to say on the topic, if you are so inclined! 
Hi Albert,
There should be no confusion within Buddhism! You can check out my blog if you want to know more… I discuss quite a lot of it in the forum.
Perhaps I’ll change the content of my Guest Post for you, and make it about karma – a basic introduction or something – does that sound okay?
http://www.cheewit.net
Sounds awesome! Can’t wait!
Hi Albert,
If you had the opportunity to speak for fifteen minutes in front of the United Nations, what would you say?
I would tell them all to read Urban Monk
Well in all seriousness, I would do my best to convince them to find their own true happiness. One of the questions above, by Evan, asked me what I thought got in the way of the world being an utopia.
I believed that it’s just individual unhappiness, that comes through in the form of greed, pride, anger, racism, hatred, lust, whatever. A lot of such people don’t even know that they are unhappy. When one finds happiness, however they do it, the tendency to be hurtful reduces correspondingly. And since they are in positions of power, the world will change a lot more if they did it.
Of course, spirituality is the only way I’ve personally found to get genuine happiness, one that isn’t based on something shaky (like looks, money, power etc). So that would be what I would try to convert them to, if I had the chance. With happiness comes compassion, naturally. And compassion from the world leaders, woo! Can you imagine what would happen?
This is a fabulous idea, Albert. If you decide that you would like to evolve and view the world differently, then this is like committing yourself to view your soul differently. If you had the choice, above all else, what precisely would you decide to perceive differently and why?
Hey Liara! How you doing? You know, this might sound like a cop-out type of answer, but it’s true – I don’t think I would have seen anything differently. Now this might be a bit different if I was lying in bed stricken with disease or something, but right now I really can’t think of anything. I’m not sure if I am interpreting your question right, please let me know if I am not.
Albert,
what would you say to someone who acts extremely different in the company of different people, but does not realize it. Especially when this person feels they are being sincere in their actions? would it seem like they ar not being deliberate enough or something of that nauture?
also- favorite ice cream flavor?
Hey Lydia!
To be honest, I would look at myself. First of all, no matter what we say or do to this person, they will not change. If you are truly concerned, point it out gently, but leave it at that. There’s a small chance they might recognise it and “wake up”. But if you push them, it might affect the relationship, and things will get worse.
Then, I would look at why his or her behaviour bothers me. They might be reflecting something in myself that I don’t like. Why would I be bothered that someone is being insincere? In shadow work, this points to insincerity in myself that I dislike. This is too long to get into, but that’s the basic gist of it. For example, I used to dislike this person for being a backstabber. I was adamant that I was a man of honour, and I’ve never done anything sneaky. I paid my debts, I stood up for what was right, etc, etc. But when I looked at my shadow, I also found that I enjoyed listening to malicious gossip and so on. That was also a form of backstabbing, and that was something I hated myself secretly for doing (and yet secretly enjoyed).
Cookies and cream!
Albert,
A fair response. I suppose in trying to make my question objective I changed the meaning of the question. As you already responded, you need not again… but I guess my question was what if that person was me?
Also, I really like your blogs. i’ve been reading them for a year now and they have really helped. so thank you and keep up the awesome work!
Hey Lydia, thanks heaps for the compliments. It really feels good to know I have made a difference.
How about trying the behavioural mastery series? There are really too many possible reasons why you are behaving this way. The first one that comes to mind is seeking their approval (which can be let go of, as per the BM series), but there might be something deeper. Do a bit of journaling, to find out why you behave that way, if this behaviour disturbs you. I can’t really tell from that bit of info you have given.
Hope that helps
How do you forgive and move on from events perpetrated by workplace bullies who have caused great distress and pain to oneself and their family over a space of five years?
Oh that is such a great question from William! I would love to answer it, but seeing that it is your article Albert for questions, I will hold back (my lips are sealed)!!!
Perhaps I’ll add in a comment after you answer it Albert
You know Evita, this will be one question I would love to hear from you on!
William, two things: First of all, this is a huge topic, in fact my next series goes into this topic, and I estimate it will be a 4-5 post thing. I can’t possibly summarise it all here. But two things: one – are they still bothering you? Do have a look at the Boundaries series. Take healthy steps to protect yourself. The second thing is, drop the emotions that you feel around these people – anger, sadness, whatever. THis is part of the emotional series or the behavioural series.
Sorry for pointing you towards articles instead of answering them here, but this is a HUGE topic, and I can’t do it justice in one comment.
Thank you Albert – I will then take the opportunity excitedly as I have been faced with the same question through various indirect experiences from others and have since come across some information that I found very valuable.
First – as you say it is indeed a long and much more complicated topic than a few lines.
But the short gist of it is this: in life there really are no victims or villains. It really comes down to the stories and emotions we choose to identify with. I know this is very difficult for many people to hear – God knows I have tried explaining this to some family members to no avail. So we all choose to go through life in whatever way we do – until we don’t.
But the truth really is that we do create our own reality and as long as we see ourselves as a “victim” of any sort that same energy will, if I may say “stalk” us until we decide to let it go. (I am a firm believer in the Law of Attraction – there are just too many proofs of it in life everywhere)
And secondly, no one has the power to do anything to you (i.e. make you feel anything) UNLESS you allow them into your experience through your thoughts.
If we look at these things as a way to know what we want and grow from there it can be a positive experience. Take the lesson and put your complete focus on what you want out of it and not ever on what you do not want. This also does not mean ignoring the issue.
The problem with most of us is that we dwell and focus the most on what we DO NOT want and this makes any problem or situation persist. These then become our so called “personal stories” that we tell others and carry around with us for as long as possible – that is until we choose to dissociate ourselves from them and stop playing the victim or whatever – hence change “our story”.
I know some will get what I am talking about here and some will definitely benefit greatly from a longer series on this…that is where you come in Albert
That is awesome Evita! You’ve touched on two of the biggest issues I’ve uncovered lately in dealing with forgiveness, and wow you’ve covered it well. Forgiveness is a complex issue with multiple facets. Two of the biggest –
1) the payoff we get from holding on this resentment. Sometimes it’s even wanting to hold on to our victim story. Many people secretly enjoy the victim story, or even the whinging and whining.
2) The righteousness behind it, the judgement. What some people call forgiveness is often not the real thing. As long as you have judged them somehow there will still be an element of pain inside you. Very complex and very hard to describe, it will take me a while to really put my thoughts together on this one.
Thanks Evita. Give me a few weeks and I’ll get my forgiveness series started
Hi there!
I’m new to your website and have been really enjoying a lot of the postings
I was introduced to this type of material after reading A New Earth.
I’m just a little confused right now. I remember one part in Eckhart Tolle’s webcast he said that we don’t need to worry to get things done. And it made sense to me at the time when I had very few responsibilities in the summer over vacation. I had that euphoria a lot of people experience after realizing all these things about ourselves. I guess it takes time to be able to deal with the real world in that way. Now that classes have started again I find myself enjoying procrastinating and not studying for exams I have. I’m confused because I do find myself thinking that I have to get myself worried and stressed out so that I can get things done. Maybe I’m resisting things things instead of accepting it if studying is what I’m doing in the present moment.
any help?
Heya!
Now to be honest I’ve never seen the webcast with Tolle in it (I’m assuming you’re talking about the Oprah ones?), so I don’t really know what he means by that.
But definitely, if you are beating yourself up over procrastination, then you’re resisting it. It does sound like you have a subtle misunderstanding of this principle, although I can’t really tell what as I don’t know what context Tolle said it in.
So I’ll move out of the spiritual realm. If you are procrastinating, then really really really procrastinate. If you are resting, with the thought of wanting to study again, then you are not really getting that rest. So don’t procrastinate (because that is still leaving your exams in the back of your head), fully rest. And after a while you might find that you don’t need to rest anymore, and you’ll find yourself studying. Might take a few days though. This is something that some psychological studies have found to be effective in ending procrastination, although it’s not 100%. More like 80%. Try it for a few days, see how you go.
Thank you Albert. That actually helped. I really hope you make a post about the selfishness part. What you said was great, but its just the tip of the iceberg
Hey Norma, I actually have written a post on selfishness and narcissism… I can’t remember which one it is though… hehehehe. Sorry.
Well I am sort of new to this website. Its ok I’ll look for it.
Can u tell me what is “LOVE”
is it just a kind of relation or any thing else?
Hey Andrew – this is just my opinion, but I’ve written something on love here. Have a look:
http://www.urbanmonk.net/133/the-flower-of-love/
I’m currently suffering from hypertension, which I suspect is stress-related. May I request a link to some yoga or some info on how to meditate for relaxation? Simply inhaling and exhaling could not work on me anymore. Maybe because I’m ready for the next level (is there a next level with yoga?) Sorry, I’m such an ignoramus. But I hope you could help me. Just a link, please? Thank you for this blog. I saw a chance to ask my specific question.
Hey there, no problems
I don’t know much about yoga, but I can recommend “letting go” of some of your tension.
http://www.urbanmonk.net/332/t.....etting-go/
Hope that helps!
Hey Urbanmonk,
I love your blog!
I would love your opinion on a personal problem i am having….
I recently moved abroad on my own so I am perhaps more needy than i would normally be, though I suppose I am quite an insecure and needy person when it comes to relationships anyway.
I met a great guy and fell in love, we moved in together and had plans to marry etc. but after starting to have panic attacks and severe anxiety (after the end of the honeymoon period of course) I guess the whole time it was more about my needs than loving him. And after reading your bogs it seems I have been living for a very long time trying to keep my ego happy!
I suppose it says a lot about me that I was getting panic attacks over the thought of losing a relationship….
I have been totally honest with him, I really dont want to lose this special guy, and I feel as though if I can control my thinking I can return to sanity, as I have managed to do periodically before the negative thinking starts again. I realize I need to stop needing him to be able to love him properly. I just feel like I take one step forward and two steps back when it comes to mastering my mind! If I entered into a relationship in this ego-stroking frame of mind is it possible to change and develop real love, or am I kidding myself?
Thanks in advance, keep up the good work!
Hey Cherry, thanks.
Have you thought about seeing a professional for the panic attacks? How are you trying to control your thinking? Positive thinking doesn’t really work, it’s just repression. Do try the behavioural mastery series and the attachment series… (check the archives).
I’m not sure about your relationship. Anything is possible, but I would suggest doing some personal growth to maximise your chances. Sorry if this answer might not be what you want to hear…
I’ve been practicing yoga for almost a year now and I say, it has its benefits health wise.
What simple single thing do you think can help to give someone a positive outlook on life ?
Hey Jon, I would say that there is no simple thing one can do – that I am aware of, at least. Getting a true positive outlook (not a fake optimism) requires a lot of hard work, and they have to be willing to undertake that work, and also to even recognise that they are not positive in the first place. Most people don’t even recognise that they are upset, or negative, strangely enough.
Hi Jon,
A first step is to get them to focus on what they can do or what they are already doing to make the situation.
Hey Albert,
What would you consider true love for another person? I had went through a tough break up in Feb. and had to do some soul searching so that I wouldn’t go insane. What I found was a way to lose the attachment and find love for myself. I am a much happier person now and need to thank you for that, seeing that you took some part in my journey. Now months later I still find myself in love with her, just in a different way. There might not be anyway for me to show her this now and that’s okay, but what should I do with the love that I hold for her?
Thanks for your opinion!
Jeremy
Hey Jeremy, apologies, as the questions are closed when you asked this question. A quick thought though, do try letting go of the feelings you have for her, as per the emotional series. This is not letting go of the love you have, but rather the attachment. You can love someone without needing to possess them, and if you let go of this attachment you’ll see what I’m talking about. Letting go of these attachments actually increases love, and paradoxically you won’t have the need for her, which are two different things.
Thank you for your questions everyone, please note that the questions are now closed. Thanks!
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