Broken hearts are excruciatingly painful. I guess if you’re reading this you would know. Men in particular suffer more; people think we shouldn’t suffer from broken hearts. This makes us try to repress it, and that hurts even more. Women are open with their emotions and their crying; it helps them heal much faster.
A quick search in Google shows millions of sites dealing with this topic; most of the advice is well intentioned but can be simply summed up as “cry, and ride it out until it stops hurting.” That’s not the best way to get over a broken heart; that could take months or years. I want to share something a bit different. Let’s get proactive.
This is a meditation that I had used to get over heartbreak. If you’ve read my “About” page, you’ll realise that heartbreak is my major weakness. I went into depression twice over it. And I’ve tried many things to get over it. This is one of the best.
This is one of the first posts on this blog that is a bit more “out there”, but don’t let it put you off. As I promised, I will only write about what has worked for me. So give it a try.
Let’s begin!
Note: I’ve left some parts vague until the end. There is a reason for this. Read the five steps, and practise it, before coming back to read the rest.
1) As with all meditations, get somewhere quiet and comfortable. You should be alone for this one, so no-one can disturb you. You might also have some repressed emotions that you need to let out, and having people around might hold you back.
2) Relax your body. Imagine a white ray of light going through your body from the head to the toe. Relax each part the light touches. Once the light hits your feet, move it back up to the head and relax each muscle again; you’ll be surprised at how much tension there might be left after one pass.
3) Imagine you are walking down a path. In the distance you see a huge castle. This is where your heart rests, on a pedestal. Walk towards it until you reach the castle doors.
4) Open the castle doors. What does the room look like? What condition is your heart in?
5) Heal your heart. Imagine yourself walking towards the heart. Imagine using light and love to heal the heart, and watch it return to normal. Take as much time as you need for this part.
And that’s all there is to it. Go and try it now. You might have some questions: what does the heart look like? How do I use love to heal it? But I strongly suggest you try the meditation first – it only takes minutes.
Welcome back
Now, why didn’t I put in more details in the 5 steps? I didn’t want you to have preconceptions. It is vital that your personal imagery is individualised and not some image that I have planted in your head.
Let me explain. When I first tried this meditation, the description I read was “Is your heart in chains? Then unlock it.” That image stuck in my head, and although I unlocked my heart, I got no benefit.
Why? My heart wasn’t locked up. What it felt was crushed and spat on. So I tried again; this time I cleared my head, and opened the castle doors and let an image form naturally. All I knew was that my heart was in there.
It took a while but I eventually saw the way it truly was. It had fallen off its pedestal. The throne room was a mess, like an earthquake had happened. Pillars had fallen around it and the biggest pillar had crushed it, leaving only half of it visible.
I imagined myself lifting the fallen pillars with my superhuman strength. Then I imagined my hands being full of light and love, and began slowly stroking my heart. Slowly it regained its shape, like a deflated heart-shaped balloon being filled with air. By the way, it’s OK if you have a cartoon-y image, just as long as it’s true to yourself.
Then I cleaned off the little scratches and nicks in the same way. Next I polished it until it shone again, and put it back unto the pedestal. I felt better immediately. I repeated it every night before I went to sleep. The second night it had fallen off again but the rocks crushing it were smaller, and it required less work to heal.
Now, I have no idea where this image came from; but by letting it come naturally, it was true to my circumstances. So: Let the image come. It will be the best for you, and that’s how you get the most benefit out of it.
Hope this has helped.
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My favorite part of this post was the section where you described your own meditation. That indeed sounded like a powerful healing experience!
I might suggest that neither gender “hurts more” as both genders can remain unhealed for unpleasantly long periods of time. Sometimes crying is not healing at all, but simply wallowing in the misery and prolonging it. People often bond because of their woundedness, which makes it dangerous to heal when you know no other way to bond.
The acid test is whether or not you repeat the relationship pattern with someone else when you form another serious relationship. If not, then you know that particular issue is fully healed.
Hi Lexi, thanks for commenting. I definitely agree with “People often bond because of their woundedness, which makes it dangerous to heal when you know no other way to bond.”
A couple of my old relationships were based around this. “Here’s my wounded heart, take care of it.” And she’ll say “Here’s my wounded heart, take care of it too”. And since we both have no idea how to handle hearts we just made things worse.
Dear Albert,
In a great way have you explained the above content (credit goes to your powerful and two-sided thinking). Your style and composition of points and explanation is really lucid and real. The way you have explained this: “Let me explain. When I first tried this meditation, the description I read was “Is your heart in chains? Then unlock it.” That image stuck in my head, and although I unlocked my heart, I got no benefit ” is really great and practical. For that’s the problem most people face. The visualize what’s given in the content and when they follow the same rules and steps, they find no benefit. Hence, it’s best to leave the imagination part of everything to themselves.
Thanks,
Take care.
Hiya Harsh, thanks for the kind comments again. I just thought that this will be a nice tool to give out – most “fix a broken heart” material out there is just “time heals all – rest and relax” type. I try to give out as many tools as I can precisely because of what you said – the truth is different for each person!
Thanks for spending more time on my site! =)
Great advice here, Albert! A broken heart should not be taken lightly, and meditation is a wonderful healer for so many pains, including heartbreak.
I believe crying should be part of the healing process, but a proactive approach can heal a heartache so much faster.
Kudos for not “pushing your way” and leaving room for the individual’s personal imagery,since everyone will interpret their heartache differently.
Great advice!
Mikalyn
Hey there Mikalyn! Thank you for the compliment
. You’re 100% right – crying is one of the therapeutic things you can do. It’s sad that our current culture frowns on it (especially for males) to the extent that many don’t even know how to cry.
Albert,
Normally, after a failed relationship, I move on to the next relationship. However, during my last relationship, I was changed. & since it ended, there has been no desire to move on to the next guy to avoid dealing with the pain and grief. However, until reading this post, I did not have anything to do to replace that perpetual bad habit. As such, all I’ve done is go through the first three stages of what some refer to as the stages of grief. I have not been able to move on to the final stage and actually heal. Thank you for helping me to create a new, healthier habit!!!
Hey T&B, thanks for the comment. I’m happy it helped. Do try the emotional mastery meditation as well, it might help too.
Hi there, I think this is maybe going to help…My heart was all grey and flat and huge but still on a pedestal….I spent some time making a fuss of it, then i covered it in a blanket and told it to feel what it has too and I’d be waiting to put it back in when it was all small and pink again. I felt I’d taken control and was allowing it time to heal. Thanks for suggesting this. I’m looking forward to tomorrow now to see how it’s doing.
Hey Lucia – Glad it worked for you. I’ve found this a great meditation, and do try the emotional meditation as well. Let me know how you go.
its good things to do with broken heart, i am just have my own way to fix the broken heart. its always about self healing.
Its really cool.. I saw a empty room full of ash, sunlight was blocked by the ash. Tiny ray sneaking thru.
My heart had a hard gray shell covering it. I could tell its the heart beacuse its on right spot and has that shape.
i was suprise to see ash n lack of decoration. i knew the shell but it never hit home tilll now. Thanx
Hey Era, wow it sounds like you did some powerful work. Great stuff!
I believe you are right when you say that just crying and riding it out will not be the best solution. I really like the meditation part and I’ve used meditation in the past to help me focus better on a solution to my problems.
Hey Paul, it really helps doesn’t it? Thanks a lot!
My bf just came back from Basic Training 2 days ago. He told me he just wants to be friends now. We were so in love. Crying it out does NOT work. I don’t feel better from it and look awful. Meditation is the only way. I’m just beginning my healing journey and hope to be successful. Thank you for your wonderful words.
Hey Tired of Crying, thank you so much. Wish you the best – you’ll be fine in no time!
hey albert….I was doing so well. As i thought, then walked straight into
something new with my un-healed heart all ablaze. Bonding with another
broken heart. Oh dear it led to more tears and anguish…..I thought i was stronger, but it was like the blind leading the blind. No clear boundaries.
More time needed now i think.
Hey Lucia, would you be “Tired of Crying” in the comment above? Hmm… try letting go… I’ve found that to be quite powerful too.
http://www.urbanmonk.net/332/t.....etting-go/
I have been googling this healing process since the break up. I am having a hard time with it but I am finding it bittersweet. We celebrated our 4 year anniversary wednesday but in my heart I could feel the end coming soon. Friday he ended it because deep down we know its not working.I did not respond to his message and kinda just sucked it up. I know if I talk to him it will only make me walking away harder. I love him with all my heart and soul but I cannot force him to keep trying so I am trying to accept his decision. The sad part for me is I moved here to texas with him for his job from ny. I was trying to make the best of it here but I was miserable, I missed home. So we had a lot working against us. Now that its over, I need to be strong and make the best decision for me. I am going to return home soon, which means I will be far away from him. It is killllling me to try to keep myself strong about saying goodbye but I know I need to do it in order to move on. It almost feels I am grieving someone who has passed away.this is not what I want to be, but it is what has to be. The hardest thing about this break up is there was no one reason, no fight, our relationship has just run its course and I have to let it go.its hard for me to walk away because he is truly my best friend, but I have realized true love is wanting the best for your loved one, no matter what, even if it means letting them go. Anyway, if you are going through this too you should listen to james blunt “goodbye my lover” its a beautiful song.
Erika, thank you so much for sharing. It sounds like you’re going through a very tough time. I just went on YouTube to look for James Blunt, and I agree – it’s a very touching song.
Hey Albert….Well funny you should point me in that direction, because today i already started to take action in letting go. i realised i had just manifested the feelings left behind in my old relationship in the new one. this was a sure sign I’d been kind of running rather than healing. I took all my grief and placed it firmly in front of me as if it’s what i am. Today I began to think
how i had become to think of myself as part of a twosome rather than a onesome and although i miss my ex, is it me i miss more. So I will now work more on getting back in touch with me. Today while working
as another colleague expressed her grief about her broken relationship,
I was just taking a breath to relay my troubles and stopped myself in my tracks. what would I gain from this only to perpetuate my ‘now’ self
as still grief stricken, another day in grief. instead i got us both busy doing something that was relevant to the here and now.
As for crying it is a wonderful release….cry, wail, sob…whatever you need…..Do it on your own so it’s not about getting comfort from someone else, who may, with the best intentions try to stop you…but do it for your own release…don’t worry how you look at the time, the day after you stop crying you will see the look in your eyes….to me they always look clearer and brighter.
Beautiful stuff! It’s all about sitting with your grief, and not trying to run away from it. Relax into your sadness… keep it up
Albert, I have gone from web page to web page, looking for some insight or some sort of help for this agony. Not one of them has shown me what yours did. And I know you didn’t do it just for me, but for some reason I feel as if it were written just for me. I want to thank you so very much.
Now, if you don’t mind, I want to share what I saw. The long path was extremely rocky and on a wide open plain. As I was walking I was bare foot and my feet were getting cut, I was wearing a thin raggedy gown, and my hair was tangled. When I opened the doors the room was very large and empty but on the walls were dirty fingerprints, every where. The pedestal was a large rock but my heart was missing. I ran up the stair case and there was my heart lying on the floor covered in dust and alone. I hastily got down on my knees and picked it up. I held it in my arms and cooed it like i would an abandoned child.
Hey Savannah – thank you for that description. Really great to hear, it sounds like you’re doing some amazing work. In my experience, once we go back (maybe the next day) the heart will be back in the same place, except maybe this time a little bit less dusty, a little bit less cracked… just have to keep going at it – it’s been through so much punishment it will take a lot of loving to get it back healthy.
i am planning to try this i wish this works for me… its really so hard when u find that the person u love and adore commits infidelity.. it not by just hear say but he does admitted and it was equipped with evidences. i dunno what happen to me this fast few days. i am not in a mood of talking to him.. i dont even like to see him, nor to be near to him, i feel like he is having a dreaded disease that when i come to see him i will be dead and poisoned… real so hard i dunno how to start the healing and where to start.. please unleashed me…
Hey abbieh, I understand your pain. Must be horrible. If this meditation doesn’t work, try one I discovered after writing this one: Releasing.
http://www.urbanmonk.net/332/t.....etting-go/
THO THIS WAS INTERESTING TO READ – WONDER IF VISUALLY HEALING OURSELVES IS POSSIBLE ? NOT THAT IM DOUBTING ANYTHING HERE BUT I EXPIRENCED KINDA SORTA DOUBLE WHAMY MAYBE A TRIPLE WHAMY – 12 MONTHS AGO MY WIFE LEFT ME FOR THE PASTOR OF OUR CHURCH – SHE LIVES WITH HIM TODAY – HE WAS EXPELLED FROM THE ORDER AND ALL THAT GOOD STUFF AND THO I HAD LOVE FOR HER – BASED ON MANY YEARS OF MARRIAGE AND RAISING KIDS TOGETHER AND ALL THAT GOOD STUFF – I AM PRETTY SURE NOW – I WASNT INLOVE WITH HER – BUT I DID LOVE OUR LIFE AND CHILDREN – ALL OF THEM ARE OVER 18 AND MOST HAVNT REALLY EVEN NOTICED OUR DIVORCE – BUT MY YOUNGEST GOT STUCK IN IT AND SHE WAS COUNSILLED BY THIS PASTOR AND WORKED WITH THE CHURCH FOR 2 YEARS – DURING THIER AFFAIR – SO WATCHING HER STUGGLE THRU THIS HAS LEFT ME WITH A BROKEN HEART – THAT HER MOTHER COULD LEAVE US BOTH BEHIND IN FRONT OF HUNDREDS OF CHURCH GOERS – BRUTAL STUFF HERE GUYS AND GIRLS / MY CHILD FOUND SAFE HAVNT IN A BOY – UNHAPPY BUT NOT STOPPING HER – I WANT HER TO BE OKAY ! – I FOUND A GIRL RIGHT AWAY – AND 12 MONTHS LATER -I REALIZED IM HOPELESSLY IN LOVE WITH HER AND ITS UTTERLY OBVIOUS THAT SHES STILL SHOPPING MEN ! – OKAY – IM PATHETIC? OR … JUST LOVE HARD?? NOT SURE BUT I HAVE LIKE 3 BROKEN HEARTS AT ONCE AND IM SURPRISED AS ARE ALL THOSE WATCHING THAT A. I HAVNT KILLED SOMEONE – B. KILLED MY SELF AND C. BECAME A DRUNK OR A DRUG ADDICT – MY CHILD THOS STRUGGLING WITH HER GRADES ONCE SHE FOUND OUT ABOUT THEM MANAGED TO RECOVER AND GET HER 8TH GRADE DIPLOMA 2 FRIDAYS AGO – LIKE MOST MEN – I GAVE THE WIFE THE CAR THE KID AND THE MONEY – THE CHILD CAME BACK TO ME 10 MONTHS AGO ON HER OWN AND HAS REMAINED -I NEED ADVISE – I NEED HELP LOVE – IM NOT SURE ??
WE HAD a decent sex life and a broad history -then ,,, she left – im told i am a beautiful man head to toe – he ,well looks like a priest kinda dorky!
super confused about this all -
feel free to email me onairauctions@live.com
Hi buddy, sounds serious. If you are having suicidal thoughts I would highly recommend seeing a mental health professional. Many things can’t be fixed over the internet.
I think it’s too soon for me to do this. I only accepted the breakup yesterday. When i enter the castle, my heart is missing. He still has it.
Hi Jane, it must be horrible. But keep it up you will be fine.
Hiya Albert….I think it’s nearly a whole year since i found your site. What happened to my heart? It’s no longer grey, in fact it’s truly pink with purple edges, these being the wisdom i have from the whole experience. i don’t know if this helps anyone but a year on from complete heartbreak, I learnt, with sometimes two steps forward and three steps back, to re-claim my heart for myself….to let it heal in it’s own time, and learn to be a single being. I am happy to be just me right now and found out i actually love being with myself…..it’s a revelation.
It all takes time and commiting yourself to taking care of your heart, the heart meditation helped me so much…it’s a brilliant way to look your grief in the eye and accept it as part of life. i remember feeling so lost and alone,armageddon was round the next corner, but the heart is tough when it has to be and everyone can and does heal.
P.S. me and the other broken heart i bonded with have become the best of friends.
Thanks L.x
Hey Lucia – that is wonderful to hear! What a healing you have performed! Thank you for sharing.
My heart had a sword pierced all the way through it. I imagined pulling it out with all my strength. Then I hugged my heart, kissed it and placed it on the pedestal. Then I took the sword and threw it as hard as i could out the door as flew down into nothingness and disappeared. As I imagined all of this I started to shed some tears. I will do this every night in hope to returning to my happy self which as been lost for 6 long painful years with a lying, cheating man.
Hey Jill, thank you so much for that comment. I hope it works for you. It sounds like it is working, as heartfelt crying from the soul is a very healing thing.
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