How to mend a broken heart in 5 easy steps
Broken hearts are excruciatingly painful. I guess if you’re reading this you would know. Men in particular suffer more; people think we shouldn’t suffer from broken hearts. This makes us try to repress it, and that hurts even more. Women are open with their emotions and their crying; it helps them heal much faster.
A quick search in Google shows millions of sites dealing with this topic; most of the advice is well intentioned but can be simply summed up as “cry, and ride it out until it stops hurting.” That’s not the best way to get over a broken heart; that could take months or years. I want to share something a bit different. Let’s get proactive.
This is a meditation that I had used to get over heartbreak. If you’ve read my “About” page, you’ll realise that heartbreak is my major weakness. I went into depression twice over it. And I’ve tried many things to get over it. This is one of the best.
This is one of the first posts on this blog that is a bit more “out there”, but don’t let it put you off. As I promised, I will only write about what has worked for me. So give it a try.
Let’s begin!
Note: I’ve left some parts vague until the end. There is a reason for this. Read the five steps, and practise it, before coming back to read the rest.
1) As with all meditations, get somewhere quiet and comfortable. You should be alone for this one, so no-one can disturb you. You might also have some repressed emotions that you need to let out, and having people around might hold you back.
2) Relax your body. Imagine a white ray of light going through your body from the head to the toe. Relax each part the light touches. Once the light hits your feet, move it back up to the head and relax each muscle again; you’ll be surprised at how much tension there might be left after one pass.
3) Imagine you are walking down a path. In the distance you see a huge castle. This is where your heart rests, on a pedestal. Walk towards it until you reach the castle doors.
4) Open the castle doors. What does the room look like? What condition is your heart in?
5) Heal your heart. Imagine yourself walking towards the heart. Imagine using light and love to heal the heart, and watch it return to normal. Take as much time as you need for this part.
And that’s all there is to it. Go and try it now. You might have some questions: what does the heart look like? How do I use love to heal it? But I strongly suggest you try the meditation first - it only takes minutes.
Welcome back
Now, why didn’t I put in more details in the 5 steps? I didn’t want you to have preconceptions. It is vital that your personal imagery is individualised and not some image that I have planted in your head.
Let me explain. When I first tried this meditation, the description I read was “Is your heart in chains? Then unlock it.” That image stuck in my head, and although I unlocked my heart, I got no benefit.
Why? My heart wasn’t locked up. What it felt was crushed and spat on. So I tried again; this time I cleared my head, and opened the castle doors and let an image form naturally. All I knew was that my heart was in there.
It took a while but I eventually saw the way it truly was. It had fallen off its pedestal. The throne room was a mess, like an earthquake had happened. Pillars had fallen around it and the biggest pillar had crushed it, leaving only half of it visible.
I imagined myself lifting the fallen pillars with my superhuman strength. Then I imagined my hands being full of light and love, and began slowly stroking my heart. Slowly it regained its shape, like a deflated heart-shaped balloon being filled with air. By the way, it’s OK if you have a cartoon-y image, just as long as it’s true to yourself.
Then I cleaned off the little scratches and nicks in the same way. Next I polished it until it shone again, and put it back unto the pedestal. I felt better immediately. I repeated it every night before I went to sleep. The second night it had fallen off again but the rocks crushing it were smaller, and it required less work to heal.
Now, I have no idea where this image came from; but by letting it come naturally, it was true to my circumstances. So: Let the image come. It will be the best for you, and that’s how you get the most benefit out of it.
Hope this has helped.
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13 Comments, Comment or Ping
Lexi Sundell
My favorite part of this post was the section where you described your own meditation. That indeed sounded like a powerful healing experience!
I might suggest that neither gender “hurts more” as both genders can remain unhealed for unpleasantly long periods of time. Sometimes crying is not healing at all, but simply wallowing in the misery and prolonging it. People often bond because of their woundedness, which makes it dangerous to heal when you know no other way to bond.
The acid test is whether or not you repeat the relationship pattern with someone else when you form another serious relationship. If not, then you know that particular issue is fully healed.
Mar 30th, 2007
Albert
Hi Lexi, thanks for commenting. I definitely agree with “People often bond because of their woundedness, which makes it dangerous to heal when you know no other way to bond.”
A couple of my old relationships were based around this. “Here’s my wounded heart, take care of it.” And she’ll say “Here’s my wounded heart, take care of it too”. And since we both have no idea how to handle hearts we just made things worse.
Mar 30th, 2007
Harsh
Dear Albert,
In a great way have you explained the above content (credit goes to your powerful and two-sided thinking). Your style and composition of points and explanation is really lucid and real. The way you have explained this: “Let me explain. When I first tried this meditation, the description I read was “Is your heart in chains? Then unlock it.” That image stuck in my head, and although I unlocked my heart, I got no benefit ” is really great and practical. For that’s the problem most people face. The visualize what’s given in the content and when they follow the same rules and steps, they find no benefit. Hence, it’s best to leave the imagination part of everything to themselves.
Thanks,
Take care.
Aug 10th, 2007
Albert
Hiya Harsh, thanks for the kind comments again. I just thought that this will be a nice tool to give out - most “fix a broken heart” material out there is just “time heals all - rest and relax” type. I try to give out as many tools as I can precisely because of what you said - the truth is different for each person!
Thanks for spending more time on my site! =)
Aug 10th, 2007
Mikalyn Rose
Great advice here, Albert! A broken heart should not be taken lightly, and meditation is a wonderful healer for so many pains, including heartbreak.
I believe crying should be part of the healing process, but a proactive approach can heal a heartache so much faster.
Kudos for not “pushing your way” and leaving room for the individual’s personal imagery,since everyone will interpret their heartache differently.
Great advice!
Mikalyn
Jan 27th, 2008
Albert
Hey there Mikalyn! Thank you for the compliment
. You’re 100% right - crying is one of the therapeutic things you can do. It’s sad that our current culture frowns on it (especially for males) to the extent that many don’t even know how to cry.
Jan 27th, 2008
Tattored & Bruised
Albert,
Normally, after a failed relationship, I move on to the next relationship. However, during my last relationship, I was changed. & since it ended, there has been no desire to move on to the next guy to avoid dealing with the pain and grief. However, until reading this post, I did not have anything to do to replace that perpetual bad habit. As such, all I’ve done is go through the first three stages of what some refer to as the stages of grief. I have not been able to move on to the final stage and actually heal. Thank you for helping me to create a new, healthier habit!!!
Jul 1st, 2008
Albert
Hey T&B, thanks for the comment. I’m happy it helped. Do try the emotional mastery meditation as well, it might help too.
Jul 1st, 2008
lucia
Hi there, I think this is maybe going to help…My heart was all grey and flat and huge but still on a pedestal….I spent some time making a fuss of it, then i covered it in a blanket and told it to feel what it has too and I’d be waiting to put it back in when it was all small and pink again. I felt I’d taken control and was allowing it time to heal. Thanks for suggesting this. I’m looking forward to tomorrow now to see how it’s doing.
Aug 6th, 2008
Albert
Hey Lucia - Glad it worked for you. I’ve found this a great meditation, and do try the emotional meditation as well. Let me know how you go.
Aug 6th, 2008
seorangs
its good things to do with broken heart, i am just have my own way to fix the broken heart. its always about self healing.
Aug 16th, 2008
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