First of all, Season’s Blessings and Happy New Year to everyone!
To finish off 2008, this post is a collection of thoughts on spirituality based personal growth itself. It revolves around being a healthy critic of this field, and is a semi-rant. On the practical side, it hopefully serves as a guide when you explore personal work in the upcoming year, and also as a disclaimer for my own writings. 
I’ve spent some time recently reading blogs and forums which criticise the spirituality movement. Some of them revolve around cults, frauds, and scams; others lump those in with the genuine material and decry the whole movement. Then a friend of mine contacted me, and said that she was confused about certain spiritual principles. There were so many different perspectives on each one, and it just confused her, and actually had the opposite effect (they made her upset) when she tried seeing and applying them in her own life. The discussions touched on an issue I have thought about many times with regards to this very blog.
And that was the birth of this post. Allow me to try and tie all these things together in one post, although it might take a while to get to the main point.
I’ve been lucky that in my life, I’ve never been physically beaten, raped, molested, or anything of the sort. The events that have caused me distress are of the everyday variety – romantic, social and financial betrayals and loss, humiliation, things like that. It is from this perspective that I write this blog from.
I never expected my blog, which started out as a fun attempt to make some pocket money, then evolved to become a journal of my own explorations, to be seen as a mental health resource. It is a tremendous honour but a bit anxiety provoking to see people discussing and recommending me on mental health forums and websites. Many readers come from backgrounds I am not intimately familiar with – for instance, many suffer from relatively serious mental disorders and /or are survivors of traumatic events, such as childhood and sexual abuse.
This caused me some discomfort (I’m not blaming anyone, like I said it is a big honour). But the “monk” name was initially decided upon in a sense of fun; I’m not really a monk, in case you haven’t found out yet. I am studying to be a psychologist, but I am not one yet, nor do I have any clinical experience.
I write about processes and meditations that have worked for me, and probably people who deal with everyday stressors – but do they apply in the same way to, say, a war veteran who suffers from post traumatic stress? The feedback I have gotten have all been overwhelmingly positive, even from people who suffered from major mental illnesses, but what of those who never contacted me? In my years of visiting spiritual discussion boards, one thing is obvious: misunderstandings and misapplications are extremely common. I was there before – I know exactly what it is like to look through an emotionally fogged perspective.
And so this disclaimer: my writing is not intended to treat, diagnose, or cure any disorders of any sort. They are food for thought, and I am not yet a licensed professional. Even if I was, the same disclaimer would still apply. Please take everyone’s material, including my own, with a healthily critical eye.
What about personal development in and of itself? Personal growth is, well, personal. Everyone has to find their own path and go at their own pace. Comparing yourself to another is just a waste of time and if you think they are more advanced than you, or progressing faster, you are just beating yourself up unnecessarily. And if you think they are slower or lower, then you are just setting yourself up for spiritual pride.
Below is a collection of random thoughts, something to keep in mind whenever you are reading personal growth material:
Recently I’ve been exploring Schema Therapy
In general, if you fall into this list, reading alone might not make much difference. Professional assistance with a qualified person is always a good idea. Sometimes with luck (finding the right material at the right time) and determination, things can improve with self-help. But in other cases, without a qualified guide, a reader just becomes more confused or distressed. More on this below.
The above point is especially vital when you consider that most of what is available out on blogs are just opinions. Anyone can start one, without qualifications, or peer reviews, or anything of the sort. The material might be inappropriate or inaccurate. Others might be overtly or unintentionally biased.
In working with my schemas, for instance, I’ve seen how some of my deeply ingrained worldviews have crept into my writings, even though I’ve done my best to keep things impersonal, putting in my personal stories only as examples.
Even worse, the personal and anonymous nature of the Internet sometimes means that blogs are just outlets for venting negative emotions and saying things one wouldn’t normally say. It might sound silly, but many people believe that there has to be some truth in it, if it is on the Internet!
Published books might be more credible than blogs but they are not immune to this. Even in scientific journals, published research can be false or misleading, but the chances are rather low because of peer review procedures and so on. Such controls and safety nets don’t always apply to other types of publications, no matter how professional they appear.
I bought a book on trauma recovery recently. It looked good when I flipped through it in the bookshop, but when I took it home, some chapters set off some major alarm bells. What they recommended could be very dangerous. I went online to do some research, and then I realised, with some shock, that the authors were not therapists, or even trained to be. And this is a book targeted at severe mental health issues. What about the books that are aimed at the typical person?
Using your critical thinking skills and common sense is doubly important for the field of spirituality. Unlike experts in psychology, for instance, where credentials can be verified and frauds quickly exposed, spirituality is filled with charlatans and false gurus. Who can verify their credentials, and how?
Popularity is not a measure of how legit someone is. Some popular teachers and authors are the real deal; others might have gotten where they are because of sheer force of personality, or because they offer the quick fix that many are desperately searching for.
Even more intriguing is the idea of the fallen guru. I came upon a discussion of spiritual teachers who were legit at the beginning of their careers, and thus rightfully gathered a large following and a good reputation, only to be seduced by fame and wealth once they had “made it big”. As such, their later teachings have been subtly contaminated. Whether they are aware of this is unknown, but as they say, caveat emptor – especially since some of the teachers discussed are currently alive and active.
As if that wasn’t confusing enough, sometimes the material or technique is legit, but still might not be appropriate. This is similar to the first point, above. The techniques are the real deal, but they might not be appropriate for certain stages of growth.
As a mundane example, I once took an inventory of all the things I hated about myself and my past. It was about a year ago, and I had intended to process it with my new-found psychological and meditation techniques. The list started out small, but quickly grew into seven pages. I didn’t end up doing any meditation on it, for I dropped down a spiral of self-loathing that lasted weeks (sounds funny now, I know!). Recently, I attempted the exercise again, but this time I actually managed to do a lot of work on them. I was a lot stronger than I was then, and able to see things in a different light.
When it comes to spirituality, things get even trickier. For instance, some sages see reality in a different way than most of us do. They might say that the world is love and nothing else, or that only you can hurt yourself, no one else can. While such radical statements might be their experience and their reality – and might just be what certain seekers need to hear – it is not the experience of others who are at different levels of growth.
As a result, misunderstandings begin to take over. The typical result would be disillusionment, criticising, or simply abandoning the teaching. It would also be easy to imagine what would happen if someone who suffered from certain mental disorders began to believe in radical statements like “no one can ever hurt another”!
(Edit: Ariel Bravy over at You Are Truly Loved wrote a fantastic response to this issue, although it might require prior knowledge of some spiritual principles like the nature of awareness – please have a look: Can You Truly Never Be Hurt?)
And so, the main point of this post: Personal Growth is Personal. What works for one might not work for another. What works for one might be detrimental to another. In addition, there are a lot of misunderstandings, frauds, cults, dangerous teachings, strange philosophies, and harmful techniques out there. Please use your common sense and critical thinking skills when exploring anything, including this very website.
Thank you for listening to this little rant, I hope there is some helpful information hidden somewhere in there .
As a present to you all, Leo Babauta from Zen Habits has given a free eBook called Thriving on Less. Simplifying in a Tough Economy is what it is all about. It’s a companion book to his soon to be released book, The Power of Less. You can find out more at his website.
Some have been wondering if I’m disappearing again, since I haven’t posted in a while. I’ve been working my way up a ladder of emotions and positions, starting from the bottom, which includes things like digging up and healing Shame, Guilt, and Hate, amongst other fun emotions. I was going to post them, and then realised it was the festive season, and therefore not entirely appropriate. So I’m saving them for 2009 – I didn’t have time to write replacements during the Xmas season. Plus for all the reasons above, I’m going over my posts again and again to weed out anything that might be potentially misunderstood, heh heh!
And on that note, a fond goodbye to 2008… Thank you all for sticking by me.
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31 Comments
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Albert, It is great to find you posting again.
One thought occurs as I read your post. One problem which can crop up with personal development is that a person can become overly introverted. By that I mean it is possible to be so wrapped up in internal problems, thoughts, habits, etc., that we get trapped in “us”, the false, transient us. To overcome this it can be helpful to reach out to others, to become aware of and help others in as much of a selfless way as possible. And, of course, as this season is one of worship, one should reach out to the Infinite, in whatever way one conceives.
This is just one aspect of personal development, and the others should not be ignored.
This may be somewhat of a non-sequitur, but your article always spark thinking which may go off in a tangent to your original point.
Reddy! Good to see you again!
You are spot on with that comment. One of the biases I discovered in my own writing (through the schema work I have been doing) was an over emphasis on being alone. As you say, helping and caring for others is one of the best ways to find love, which ultimately has no receiver and giver, no subject and object. Great comment, as always
As always, a level-headed post, Albert. Thank you.
My greatest annoyance in personal development-land are those who would say to a woman who’s been raped or a child who’s had a leg blown off by a mine that they create every aspect of their own reality (i.e. they dictate everything that happens to them). Which strikes me as cruel and irresponsible. PTSD is a whole other ball of wax.
Thanks for a great post Albert.
People sure love gurus. I’m probably at the other extreme – I’m automatically suspicious of anyone who tells me what to do.
I also write a blog and don’t like being seen as a guru. I’ve only found two things to do about this. First is make clear that what I write is just my opinion and comes from my experience. Second, work for awareness – I try to give people ways to check out what I’m saying with their own experience. I haven’t thought of anything else to do but I’m open to suggestions.
Hope you are having a great Christmas season.
@ CarolynB: Heya! Thanks for the comment
Yea the whole “you manifested it” thing gets me pissed off as well. One of the worst things an abuse survivor can hear.
@ Evan: Seasons Blessings to you too mate!
Yeap, one can sense your approach – guiding people to find out for themselves is one of your talents.
It has been some time Albert, I’m glad to hear from you.
This post touched me profoundly since I deal with some of the same “blog issues” that you do. We are just two normal men with some experience and a medium (blog), nothing more. We are not gurus, leaders or breakthrough-scientists. We just do what we can to help people, but sometimes that can be dangerous… A disclaimer like this is very useful, and I should put one up myself, too. Nah, actually, not should. I will
It is good to hear that you are sticking with us through 2009, 2008 was a great year from the urban monk. I have read it with great delight, nonetheless, as I know other people also have.
So let’s continue to do our part in helping the world in the new year, while letting people know that personal growth is personal… And that the only true voice they should listen to really is their own.
A little rambling, maybe, I’m sorry. Just wanted to say thanks; and take care my friend!
Alex
Fantastic post.
I do a personal development blog geared towards the home based business owner and one of my disclaimers is I’m NOT a mental health professional nor should you listen to anything I say…it’s my perspective and if my perspective is helpful to you then great.
I started blogging because my coaching via my home based business was positively impacting a lot of people (and of course that includes a lot of personal development) and at the encouragement of a good friend I started blogging to take that to a larger audience.
I believe your post came along at a great time for me because I really do realize I should take a strong look at how I frame my messages. I do get heavily into spiritual philosophies and I realize I must make it known they are my experiences and mine alone.
Starting a blog is a big responsibility for me because I care about the message I send and the impact I have on my readers.
I too believe in working for awareness and that journey can be different for everyone. Growing up and being physically abused and then substance abuse as a young adult I know what it means to come from a dark place and into a place of spirit and light. I know how much effort and work that has and is still.
But even then that journey is of my own experience and is still an ongoing work. (I agree with REDDYK because I don’t do it alone, I reach out a lot)I believe my story and experiences and have a positive impact on people however I will be more cognoscente of how I frame that message more than ever.
Thank you for the healthy dose of insight and i appreciate your blogging efforts and messages greatly.
Love & Light
Man, Albert. Thank you for writing this up. As you said, there are SO many misconceptions about spirituality and it’s so easy to get things confused.
The point you brought up about people not being able to hurt each other, I never even really considered that they could. That statement is sourced in the understanding that we are not our bodies or our minds, but pure beingness/awareness/love itself. From this perspective, it’s impossible to get hurt. Everything arises within awareness, but can’t affect awareness, for example.
The statement that no one can hurt you, if you believe that “you” are your physical body or mind doesn’t make any sense at all otherwise.
Thanks for bringing that point up in particular. I’m going to mention this in my own works later.
I really enjoyed this post: it gives some fresh, rational perspectives on the whole personal development thing. Your comment about never expecting this to become a resource for others reminds me of a quotation I like: “All that you touch, you change. All that you change, changes you.”
@ Alex: Thank you so much mate. Those are very kind words
@ Tony: Definitely, the more we blog the more pressing the issue of responsibility to our readers becomes. I can really appreciate how much emphasis you place on your own work and on how much responsibility you take. Wow.
@ Ariel: That post you wrote was magic. I’ll edit my post now to link out to it
@ Gabriel: Thank you so much. I think I like that quote too.
Oh nice, thank you for the link Albert! Pleasure workin’ with ya, buddy.
I’m glad that your blog is like no other and that you have chosen to share about some of the emotional upheaval that you have been going through. It’s coincidental that just a couple of hours ago before reading your post, I have been thinking to myself if I should continue blogging into year 2009. Reason being that I am no guru or expert, nor profess to know what is best for anyone.
Well, it’s nice to know that somewhere out there, there is more than one of us having the same thoughts. That we are merely doing our best, that we share our experiences and insights, so that others who are having a hard time themselves can also decide for themselves if they want to commit to emotional healing.
Thanks once again for keeping me inspired throughout the year! Hope to read more about what you have been working on.
May you have a blessed Christmas and a most wonderful New Year!!
Best wishes,
Evelyn
@ Evelyn: Your blog is one of the biggest up and comers out there, I’m not just being nice when I say it will be a big loss if you stopped! Good to know I made a small difference in helping you stay on
Happy New Year to you too!
Ken Wilber touches on this in No Boundary. Depending on where someone is, different teachings, methods apply. We all have a tendency to teach, write, from where WE are, to project ourselves onto everyone else out there. It’s only natural. It is important to keep in mind though. It is an honor to have someone searching, on whatever level, to come to us. In the martial arts, a definition of Sensei is, one who has gone before. Essentially, we have solved some of our problems, found some answers, and maybe we can help someone else, without them having to learn the hard way. I think that’s what most of us want. To know the road ahead, ask those coming back. Anyone looking completely outward for answers is bound to be disappointed though. Most teachings have a way of taking the path back around and inward. There is no substitute for self inquiry. All we can find in teachings/methods are tools. It is us who have to try to find the proper tools and put them to use. Ideally, a good teacher will be able to identify where you are and what tools will help. Remember though, this would have to be done on an individual level. Don’t get discouraged because your writings can’t apply to everyone,just stay on the path and keep up the good work.
J.J.P.
Hey John, thank you so much. I can’t think of anything else to add to that great comment, but thanks for the kind words.
I’m really surprised at your bare-boned honesty. Really now….my respect for you and your blog just increased ten-fold.
Keep up the good work!
APA – Thanks I really appreciate it. Have a great 2009
My late “NEW YEAR 2009″ wishes,
Thanks a lot for a great post, I too was confused about some spiritual principles, I feel that I have got some ideas here, However, 100% NOT CLEAR, Can I have some reference from you? Or can I have some more details posts on “most popular/most important spiritual principles”
Cheers.
Larry
Thanks Larry, same to you. Do check out the Welcome Page, above, for an archive of the most popular articles.
Hope you are having a great Christmas season.
Thanks Manisa.
When you say that “personal growth is personal” you really hit the nail on the head. Lately I’ve seen too many people who are pushing some form of “cookie cutter” approach or “one size fits all” way of thinking when it comes to personal growth.
It simply doesn’t work that way. We all have to be responsible for our own personal growth, we can’t rely on anyone else to get us where we want to go.
Great post.
Steve
Thank you very much Steve. A Happy New Year to you!
I agree that personal development is, well, personal. There are so many different ways you can grow spiritually as a person. Thanks for sharing your journey.
Thank you Leigh, and a great 2009 to you!
Thanks for your nice article.
It is nice that you pointed out the fact that there are people who claim themselves as specialists in this field, but they eventually mislead people. it is very nice to hear from you about different aspects of personal development and many other topics related to psychology.
Hi Biblop, thank you so much.
Spiritual believes are believes of the individual.Some may believe them some may not it all depends on the surroundings they have.
Great post, how would you know if its the right technique or right time?
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