Anger is crippling. It colours everything. Every moment of your day is influenced by it. It is often linked to depression. There is no way to achieve true, lasting happiness with it inside you. There is no way you can have a proper romantic relationship.

Sadness and anger don’t just go away by themselves. Many people suffer from these emotions. Do you? It will kill you.

The Incredible Hulk isn’t so fun in real life

I suffered from anger issues years ago. I was depressed. Often described as a gentle and polite “teddy-bear” guy as I was younger, I was a changed man.

I managed to hide it for long periods of time, but when I blew up, I blew up. I became verbally abusive and irrational. It hurt the people who were around me and loved me the most. It ruined my relationships with my girlfriends and my family. I spiralled down into a deep depression that lasted for more then a year – and badly declining physical health.

Anger leads to rage. Broken families, stress and misery, poor physical health, it has even been linked to cancer.

When you conquer yourself, though, you drop all that emotional weight. You feel like a new person. Your self-esteem and confidence grows as you begin to master yourself. And you’ll have taken a major step towards true happiness. What more do you need to know?

Understanding it

First you have to understand anger. It is simply an energy. Don’t make yourself wrong for being angry. It is a protection system. It lets you know something is wrong. Someone is crossing your boundaries.

When you can’t handle it properly, it becomes rage. Now, rage is wrong. It is anger overloaded. It causes you to become abusive or even violent. It is toxic.

What do I mean? Emotions are like vegetables. When they are fresh, they are fine. But when they’ve been in the fridge for a long time, they go toxic!

How to deal with Anger

There are many exercises for releasing anger that I’ve come across in all the various methods or therapies. I present them here - stripped down to the essentials here.

Note that this is not for fresh anger. Doing this for fresh anger just makes it stronger. This is for repressed anger - I had a lot of anger that I denied and pushed away, pretended didn’t exist. This exercise is for getting in touch, and letting you express what you’ve never dared to express before, in a safe way. This is just the first step in healing - getting in touch with it, recognising that it exists. The subsequent exercises are more meditative in nature: The Elusive Key to Emotional Mastery.

Note that you need to do this a few times. Pain comes in waves, and often one try won’t be enough to release all that pent-up energy.

Step One

There are many causes of anger or sadness; bad parenting, childhood bullies, past lovers. Try to trace it back to its roots, understand it, and try to give it a voice. This is vital. Don’t skip it.

Step Two

Find a safe location. Somewhere you can scream and act out your anger. You can be alone, or you can be with a person you trust and who won’t be afraid.

Step Three

Let it out! Scream it out! Act it out – there are vocal and physical components. Both are important ingredients, you cannot have one and not the other.

You might feel weird and self-conscious doing this, it’s normal. Don’t give up. Sometimes you can’t do it. You feel something holding you back. Keep trying; it’ll come.

So: Say everything you’ve always wanted to say. Even if it’s just a string of vulgarities, do it! Yell, become the yell. Scream until your whole body trembles from head to toe.

In conjunction, do something physical.

a) Kneel like you’re praying. Find a large pillow. Make a hammer fist with your hands (Not a boxing style fist, you might hurt your wrist). And start pounding the pillow with all your might until you can’t go any more.

b) Some people like twisting more. Find a towel, and twist it like you are trying to wring out every last drop of water.

Step Four

Repeat. Do it over and again. You’ll feel, one day, that all your repressed anger is gone. It might take weeks, it might take days, it’s different for everyone, but you will recognise it when it comes.

What’s next?

Also, have a look at fresh anger, which is different.

Note: If it is something that you cannot handle, please do not feel ashamed to seek out professional help. And avoid self-destruction; numbing of the pain with alcohol, drugs, or other risky behaviour. I paid for such behaviour physically and emotionally for nearly a year after - and I’m one of the luckier ones.

This article is for educational purposes only. You and you alone are responsible for what you do with it. By reading this you agree that he will assume no liability or responsibility to any person or entity for any loss or damage related directly or indirectly to this article.