*edit* This post is only for people who have been very out of touch with their anger and have to connect with it. It is possible for those who are not like that, they are merely practicing and strengthening their anger. It is HIGHLY RECOMMENDED that you attempt this meditation first: The Elusive Key to Emotional Mastery.
Anger is crippling. It colours everything. Every moment of your day is influenced by it. It is often linked to depression. There is no way to achieve true, lasting happiness with it inside you. There is no way you can have a proper romantic relationship.
Sadness and anger don’t just go away by themselves. Many people suffer from these emotions. Do you? It will kill you.
I suffered from anger issues years ago. I was depressed. Often described as a gentle and polite “teddy-bear” guy as I was younger, I was a changed man.
I managed to hide it for long periods of time, but when I blew up, I blew up. I became verbally abusive and irrational. It hurt the people who were around me and loved me the most. It ruined my relationships with my girlfriends and my family. I spiralled down into a deep depression that lasted for more then a year – and badly declining physical health.
Anger leads to rage. Broken families, stress and misery, poor physical health, it has even been linked to cancer.
When you conquer yourself, though, you drop all that emotional weight. You feel like a new person. Your self-esteem and confidence grows as you begin to master yourself. And you’ll have taken a major step towards true happiness. What more do you need to know?
First you have to understand anger. It is simply an energy. Don’t make yourself wrong for being angry. It is a protection system. It lets you know something is wrong. Someone is crossing your boundaries.
When you can’t handle it properly, it becomes rage. Now, rage is wrong. It is anger overloaded. It causes you to become abusive or even violent. It is toxic.
What do I mean? Emotions are like vegetables. When they are fresh, they are fine. But when they’ve been in the fridge for a long time, they go toxic!
There are many exercises for releasing anger that I’ve come across in all the various methods or therapies. I present them here – stripped down to the essentials here.
Note that this is not for fresh anger. Doing this for fresh anger just makes it stronger. This is for repressed anger – I had a lot of anger that I denied and pushed away, pretended didn’t exist. This exercise is for getting in touch, and letting you express what you’ve never dared to express before, in a safe way. This is just the first step in healing – getting in touch with it, recognising that it exists. The subsequent exercises are more meditative in nature: The Elusive Key to Emotional Mastery.
Note that you need to do this a few times. Pain comes in waves, and often one try won’t be enough to release all that pent-up energy.
Always remember the golden rule: Never hurt another being or yourself in any way, emotionally or physically. If you have a physical or mental condition, please visit a health professional. Issues like that cannot be fixed on the Internet.
There are many causes of anger or sadness; bad parenting, childhood bullies, past lovers. Try to trace it back to its roots, understand it, and try to give it a voice. This is vital. Don’t skip it.
Find a safe location. Somewhere you can scream and act out your anger. Remember, safety is the most important thing, for all involved.
Let it out! Scream it out! Act it out – there are vocal and physical components. Both are important ingredients, you cannot have one and not the other.
You might feel weird and self-conscious doing this, it’s normal. Don’t give up. Sometimes you can’t do it. You feel something holding you back. Keep trying; it’ll come.
So: Say everything you’ve always wanted to say. Even if it’s just a string of vulgarities, do it! Yell, become the yell. Scream until your whole body trembles from head to toe. It is a good idea to scream into a pillow so that the neighbours won’t be scared.
In conjunction, do something physical.
a) Kneel like you’re praying. Find a large pillow. Make a hammer fist with your hands (Not a boxing style fist, you might hurt your wrist). And start pounding the pillow with all your might until you can’t go any more.
b) Some people like twisting more. Find a towel, and twist it like you are trying to wring out every last drop of water.
Repeat. Do it over and again. You’ll feel, one day, that all your repressed anger is gone. The most important thing is to get in touch with the anger that you’ve been afraid to feel. Once you get in touch with it, and let it be there without hurting anyone, and let go of it – the anger will release.
Also, have a look at fresh anger, which is different.
Note: If it is something that you cannot handle, please do not feel ashamed to seek out professional help. And avoid self-destruction; numbing of the pain with alcohol, drugs, or other risky behaviour. I paid for such behaviour physically and emotionally for nearly a year after – and I’m one of the luckier ones.
This article is for educational purposes only. You and you alone are responsible for what you do with it. By reading this you agree that he will assume no liability or responsibility to any person or entity for any loss or damage related directly or indirectly to this article.
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16 Comments
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You gotta stop for a breather.
Greate article! Thanks for sharing. My anger was my overweight… One day I decided that I have to improve my life and kill the cause of my permanent anger.
8 weeks ago my weight was 91kg (I have 35yo and 170cm height) and I decited to prepare simple diet plan (eat what your body and mind want but no more than 1500kcal per day!) and started solid exercises: running for 4 days a week (30min, ~5km in the morning) and training in th fitness club for 6 days a week (stationery bicycle, and little boxing exercises with boxing bag in the evening). Everything training sesion no longer than 45 minutes.
Effect? Now is 9th week from start my plan and I have 10,5kg less, without any problems with my health!!! Now my weight is about 79,5kg.
I eat what I want, I see better world, I have to buy new clothes, and I can’t live without solid exercises
I still running 3 days a week, and training with boxing bag.
Acha! What about my anger and sadness? What is anger? What is sandness?
BTW. Sorry for my english – I still learning
Haha, no that’s fine – thanks for sharing, good stuff!
Thanks Again Albert.
This was something I would of denied myself doing up until now as I had forced myself to keep telling myself “Anger is wrong, any anger or expression of anger is wrong” as i was scared to be angry again, which like i said before i think just meant i repressed it all so my recent outburst was the inevitable release.
The other side effect of what I was doing was that I become a pushover and my ex partner (without realising it, it wasn’t intentional im sure – just human nature) become to slowly more and more walk all over me. This eventually became the norm and im sure that she would not even recognise now how she was doing it as it had become standard. This obviously led into the spiral of me losing respect for myself, her losing respect for me and it getting worse and worse.
I will start on this technique tonight. Slowly but surely.
Paul
My pleasure Paul, let me know how it goes. I would say if the emotional mastery is woking, do a mix of both. I’ve found emotional mastery more effective, but the balance is different for all people. And again, please make sure this is repressed anger you’re dealing with
Albert.. i read this post and honestly i was brought to tears. i have dealt with anger issues for a long time, but never really understanding exactly what it was, all i knew was what set me off, or brought it out. it has gotten worse and worse as i have gotten older, and in the last year, has been exceptionally difficult to control. i have had many things hurt me in my life, and in each of them i have just swallowed hard, turned away and kept going on with my life, t the point where the onlything i felt i could count on was my work. i would see something or hear something, that would make me think about things that have hurt me, and i would just explode, i would be sitting in a movie theatre and see something in the movie that resembles something i have experienced, or something that makes me think about some of the pain, and all i could think about was smashing the crap out of the person/chair in front of me, any object in front of me really, when i see these things everything looks different, driving is definately something i have to try and restrain from when i get these “attacks” otherwise im sure i would seriously injure myself, some of the things i have done in a car while angry, very scary, i will definately give this a try, thankyou Albert
Hey Damien, thank you very much. Please keep in mind the golden rule: Safety for yourself and those around you, both emotional and physical.
A well written article. I believe the best way to dela with anger either in the home or office is to first find out the sources of anger and see what you can do about it. It is always advisable to stay away from things or people that make you angry.
Thanks Ras!
Thanks Albert,
I just sought professional help and they said I have repressed anger. I never acknowledged it before, because I am strong enough to fight through anything (and now I realize I’m afraid of it). Now that I know I have it, it’s been hard to get in touch with it and actually feel it. I found this article and these techniques really helpful. I still think I haven’t tapped into it all the way, but it’s helping me tremendously to become aware of it again. I feel happier (oddly) and more alive.
Hi Kelly, you’re very welcome. No, it’s normal to feel happier and more alive. Repressed emotions take their toll even if we are not aware of it, so by releasing them we are becoming free of them. Keep safe!
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