“If a person has his sword out all the time, he is habitually swinging a naked blade; people will not approach him and he will have no allies.

If a sword is always sheathed, it will become rusty, the blade will dull, and people will think as much of its owner.

There are two kinds of dispositions, inward and outward, and a person who is lacking in one or the other is worthless…”

~ Excerpt from the Hagakure: Book of the Samurai.

Do you keep your sword hidden, afraid to show it, or do you swing it wildly?

What does the sword refer to? Your personal power. I know what you thought it referred to, but this isn’t that kind of site.

From frog or barbarian…

This is a post that turns you from a frog or a barbarian into a prince. Read on!

Ladies, please read this as well (but with a grain of salt). Personal power applies to both genders, but I know next to nothing about female specific personal development, so some parts might not apply. The relationship section at the end is particularly helpful to ladies, though.

No rites of passage

True manhood is being a perfect balance of velvet and steel. It is the perfect balance between being hard and soft. It is knowing when to unsheathe your sword, and when to hide it.

Are you a man? Most males are not.

In current culture, we grow up into adulthood without any proper training. The education system gives us skills to earn a living, and that’s not good enough. Being able to support yourself is just a part of manhood, yes, but only a part (look at Michael Jackson hehe). We have no rites of passage like ancient cultures do. The result? Boys in men’s bodies.

What manhood isn’t

I kept my sword sheathed as a teen. I kept my power hidden for fear of upsetting others. I was a wimp. I went through life governed by fear. Read the list of what I was afraid of - Do you recognise any of these in yourself?

Fear of women (especially beautiful ones), fear of the boss, fear of hard work, fear of being humiliated, of standing out, and fear of displeasing my parents.

That was not a good way to live. I achieved nothing, I got nothing.

Other males have their swords out all the time. These are the cool “bad boys”. They use anger and intimidation to get their way. They often show no regard for other people. They could come across as callous or rude.

I went through a phase like this (the pendulum effect, which I shall detail in a future post), and it does give you slightly more power and leverage. But I didn’t like it - I had simply changed I was afraid of. I can also honestly say that people like this hide a different fear and insecurity.

Once we have developed the courage to find and draw our sword (notice I didn’t say develop personal power - we are all born with power, it’s just buried), we have to learn how and when to use it.

This doesn’t come naturally, no matter what anyone says. No-one is born an expert in anything. There is always a period of learning, trial and error. But once we pay our dues, we become a prince.

What manhood is

A prince is confident, passionate, in control, assertive, strong, brave, loyal, and has a code of honour. He takes risks, and he doesn’t need the approval of others. He has been tempered by fire. He has faced and conquered his inner demons. And yet he is kind, gentle, and compassionate. He likes himself and is comfortable with who he is.

Most men don’t think it is possible to have both steel and velvet. Others mistake strength and power for beating on their chest and roaring like a Spartan (not that those guys are not manly, but you don’t have to roar). On the other side of the fence, some guys confuse being a gentleman with being a doormat.

Think about it - what is the true meaning behind the word gentleman? A Gentle. Man. Both parts are vital. A gentleman is a man who is not afraid of life nor his desires. He has the strength to protect his loved ones, and fight for what he believes in. Yet one who can laugh, grieve, nurture and heal. Who can appreciate the beauty in a child’s smile, in the sunset, and in a woman’s embrace.

How to develop it

This is an introduction to the entire masculinity section of the blog. We’ll go into further detail on how to develop each trait that I’ve listed above.

But I can’t leave you hanging. So here’s a basic tip: Live as if you are a prince. Act like you’re a prince on a white horse in shining armour. A prince, surrounded by his loving subjects, and loved by maidens and fellow warriors alike. Not a black knight. Not a tyrant. (Bear with me on this one, if it sounds stupid.)

From frog to prince

How would you react in any situation, new or old, in your life? If you lack power, are you being too weak? Are you taken for granted? Are you being pushed around? Or bullied? Do you lack the courage to implement change, or to speak up for yourself? Are you too shy to ask that pretty woman out?

Change it. You’re not a frog any more. Be a prince, and take matters into your own hands. What is the right way to respond? That depends on your individual judgement and on the situation. Pretend you are a prince, and handle it like one.

Take action. Be louder at a party if you are usually shy. Tell those people calmly and politely, but firmly that their behaviour is unacceptable. Smile and ask your crush for a dance. Stand straight, put your arms around her waist and look deep into her eyes. Start doing things for yourself and not other people. Start walking in front of your group of friends. Start taking pride in your appearance.

I’ll go into more specific detail in later posts. But do it now, without any further guidance. Why?

- It is the single best way to develop courage.
- It is the best way to learn (trust me on this I worked as a tutor/ lecturer in college, but the specific reasons will be too boring).
- It is a good way to learn how to think on your feet. There will be situations that are unique to you alone and can’t be covered on a blog or a book or anything. You can’t read up on every possible situation before trying it.
- It overcomes the common self-help mistake of reading but not doing. Get off your arse, do it, and then read, not the other way around.
- It shows you that making mistakes is fine. It won’t be the end of the world. Paralysing perfectionism is often a sign of low self-esteem, and this will train you out of it. You will make errors. It is impossible to do something new and not slip up, and that is exactly what I want to happen.

One last note for you frogs: Do you defend your normal, shy, wimpy actions by saying you are a gentleman? I did when I started. I thought I was being a noble and gracious by being polite when walk all over me.

Wrong. I was in a position of weakness. Instead, be polite and soft-spoken from a position of strength, like a prince would. Don’t hide your sword, show it. Be prepared to use it if you have to. A polite man with a big strong body and a big sword is far more respected than a polite man who is unarmed, frail and sickly.

Okay, go out and spend the next week as a prince. Do it!

From barbarian to prince

Now what about the other end of the scale?

If you are on this side, you probably have discovered the effectiveness of force. Being loud, walking with a swagger. Being too loud, too commanding, too arrogant. Do you rely on your strength or size to get what you want? It does command a certain measure of respect from some people. Certain things will come easier to you. But force will always lose to power. Those who have true power will always triumph over brute force.

What would a prince do? He has true power, but he doesn’t wield it unnecessarily. His fire has been honed into a laser. He speaks with measured assertion and force - he doesn’t shout. He controls his temper. He expresses anger in healthy, proper ways. He is polite and calm. He still won’t take any shit, but he won’t rage against it like a child. He takes other people into consideration when making decisions. He learns that true power comes from compassion. He learns to wield his power for a cause other than himself.

Go out and spend a week as a prince who uses power, not force. (For more info on why not to use force, read David Hawkins’ Power vs. Force.)

Men in relationships

The benefits of being a prince are obvious. Confidence, assertion, compassion, courage, social savvy, and so on will get you places you never dreamed possible. You will set goals and achieve them in all areas of your life - your career, studies, family relationships, social activities, and so on will all benefit.

It’s slightly different when it comes to relationships, though. It’s often misunderstood that being a “bad boy” is the way to go when it comes to dating. So I’ll clear it up here.

Yes, the bad boys do better then the wimps and the “nice guys”. But a prince would do better than the bad boys. It’s just that becoming a bad boy is fairly easy - becoming a prince requires hard work.

Bad boys are attractive despite (and sadly sometimes because of) the danger. They are exciting. They are loud. They lead the way, they don’t follow. These are often mistaken for the traits displayed by the truly confident and attractive princes.

For example, a prince speaks just loud enough for the occasion. A bad boy speaks loudly because his ego is afraid that no-one will notice him - “Please tell me I exist.” A prince is exciting because he’s fun. A bad boy is exciting because he’s stupid. A prince is cool because he’s confident. If he wears a leather jacket, he makes it cool, not the other way around. A bad boy relies on the leather jackets and slick haircuts. A prince leads because he’s a leader. A bad boy can be mistaken for a leader because he doesn’t care about his girlfriend, and he doesn’t take her feelings into consideration when making decisions.

Sadly, true bad boys are self-destructive and abusive to others, including their partners, friends and family. What is worse is that most young women can’t tell the difference, especially since princes are so rare, and so fall for the bad boys anyway. It’s a biological thing, just like when males often go for a gorgeous woman although they know she is a gold-digger or a heart breaker.

What’s next

Now that’s been cleared up, what’s next? Have you forgotten? Live as a prince for a week. Take risks. Do things that you wouldn’t normally do, but a prince would. Man up to become a prince if you have too much velvet. Temper yourself if you have too much steel.