Just as painful are not the objects or people but the roles we identify with. Almost everyone has roles, but just like objects and people, the more seriously you take the role the more it obscures your inner peace.
Even fairly beneficial roles are subject to this. Take a kind woman who defines herself as a loving mother. What happens when all her children grow up and begin to want independence? The stronger the role, the harder it is for the ego to let go.
In the ego’s efforts to hold on to a part of itself, it might turn the same loving mother into a controlling tyrant. She might purposely hold back their growth into independent adults so they will always need her and be by her side. Or she might turn into a bitter, lonely, complainer.
The dangers of other roles are more obvious. If you had grown into the role of a “tough guy”, you might start an argument to defend a slight that wouldn’t otherwise have meant anything. What would that cost you? Your happiness, your girlfriend, or in extreme cases, your life?
Roles are not restricted to the individual. Some egos find their strongest identity as part of a group – these can range from violent street gangs to a Tuesday book club, from your religion to your race and your country.
Obviously these group roles are the most dangerous. Most, if not all, of the darkest times in human history were caused by – you guessed it – racial, national, and religious pride.
Now imagine all the above scenarios in your head. Remember John and Vivian? How would you react if you went bankrupt? Who do you automatically side with when you see a strange couple arguing?
What have you identified with? Are there any possessions that you would be particularly anguished to lose? Have you been identified with your looks or your physical prowess? Your affiliation with a particular group, big or small? Your social status and standing?
Can you identify your filters, your blotches? Can you recognise your ego when it is directing your thoughts, your emotions, and your actions? Can you trace each filter back to its origin?
This practice is hard; even more so since many of these filters have been around for so long that you can’t recognise their existence anymore. But with each piece of the ego you recognise, you raise your consciousness and therefore your joy and power.
And it is especially hard when the ego evokes emotions. If you were a woman who had been beaten by an ex-lover, you might experience a huge rush of reactions immediately when you see another woman get beaten. The trigger happens so fast that it is so much harder to catch it. Can you remain conscious enough in the face of your personal triggers to realise that it is the ego and not your core that is reacting?
This unexplored action and reaction to life is the spiritual meaning of unconsciousness. You don’t know what you are doing – or rather; you don’t know that you have choices.
If unrecognised, your filters mean that you have only one way to react in any given situation. Vivian, for example, cannot do anything BUT fall into depression when her business dies, because that’s all her filters allow her to do.
The awakening of consciousness is recognising these filters, and realising that – “Yes, I have choices. I don’t have to let it affect me like this; it’s only the ego inside me, only old patterns and habits. I can behave in a different way.”
But that doesn’t mean that you automatically become free and enlightened – this knowledge is just the first step. Knowing better doesn’t mean you can do better. You have to raise your consciousness before you can do better.
Just because you know that you don’t have to fall into depression over bankruptcy, doesn’t mean that you won’t. So how do you go about reclaiming your power? First, let’s analyse the start of all our actions – the thought.
UrbanMonk.Net provides comprehensive articles for your personal development - modern life, entwined with ancient spirituality.
Get the latest posts free via Email or RSS. |
Get The Latest Articles Free By Email: |
 |
|
255 Comments
Subscribe to the Comments
To call this a long post is an understatement, Albert. My vote? Definitely split it up. At 6,000 words, it might not get the attention it deserves if it had been divided to make a great series. Other than that, it’s a wonderful book, I mean post.
Hmm thanks for the comment! Yes I might split it up hehe!
This is awesome. I realize people often don’t like to read long posts, but you’ve done the best job I’ve yet seen of ‘covering the bases’ of what makes up our self-construct. There are so many elements to our ‘me’ idea, and it’s easy to only give our attention to the most obvious. Every time I thought you had done a perfect job of painting the complete picture, you turned around and surprised me by peering in at another aspect of ego! This will do a great job of helping people understand the skeleton they build their Self around. Bravo!
Hi Kenton much appreciated mate! A compliment from you means a lot!
After a torrid day of emotions I have manged to see the light….I was drawn to your website and now I have found out why. I really appreciate your honest and clarity in explaining how are thought function and what role our egos play within our minds. I am strongly focused on discovering my true inner self and I believe that one day I will find my true core and experience real paradise. Thank you for such a “long” article. I look forward to exploring more of your writings. Peace be with you
Hi Sami, thank you for your kind comments, and good luck on your journey! Glad I helped.
Really good post. I like it this long. It gives me all the answers I would need to find somewhere else. Some topics need long posts. Also, a long post makes me think there is a lot of work and commitment, so I tend to take it more seriously. I think we shouldn’t all do the same things and have the same style. Everybody recommends splitting long posts, but they forget that everybody likes different things.
Thank you mrtptt. Yes, I tried a couple of ways, and decided to break it up into pages, hope nobody misses the little Page12345 thing.
I am happy to say your article has been included in the Carnival of Creative Growth #4. I am delighted with the high quality of the articles this week, much appreciation to all of you who shared your writing! Please link back to http://www.energiesofcreation......-growth-4/ to share these other writings with your readers.
Calling over from the `Carnival of Creative Growth’ to say how much I enjoyed your article.
I vote don’t split it up. It’s worth the 30 minutes it took to read it! Great post!!!
Thank you very much guys!
Ego help us to dream and go beyond our normal means, yet without it can be a normal ride through life, however this does not mean it should be the pilot at all times…To me, people feed on my ego, yet I put it to test and on a treadmill to lose the fat.
Hi Tuan, I agree with you. I actually think there are two paths to this:
1) replace all the negative ego parts with positive ones
2) remove the ego altogether and rely on intuition
I’m leaving the choice up to the reader, and I’ve drafted posts detailing both paths ready to be posted once the Aristotle series is over.
Thanks for visiting!
Beautiful succinct and true
Thanks Richard!
Years I ago I often was filled with a lot of anger and rage. Once I figured out that the true source of this angst wasn’t coming from others but from inside of me, I was able to start my journey to become at peace with myself. With the help from books and the generous and gentle suggestions from my loving wife, I was able (after some time) to let go of my ego. People now wonder why I always have a smile on my face and that little as well as big things no longer bother me. This isn’t apathy – it’s balance. Sure, I do flare up now and then, but only on the inside. I truly believe if we could all learn to morph into a egoless society, most of the troubles in the world would diminish.
Pamm, I remember you leaving a message here with two questions: I typed up a long response but the server died and it’s gone. From what I remember, here’s what I typed:
1) Can you be a seeker and still be at peace? Yes, all the teachings say that you can only be happy now. Now is all that exists, the future is anticipation, and the past is memory. There is no other time you can be at peace.
Hopefully this post will have allowed the reader to have shifted from being identified with the ego, and recognising it as a separate thing covering them up. Once they know it is separate, it is a lot easier to choose to remain in control. If they didn’t, the ego would react and act and be unhappy for them, and they didn’t realise they didn’t have a choice.
With this shift, you can choose to be at peace. It’s a matter of being aware enough – sometimes the old habits die hard, but its just a habit. It takes a second to realise what you are doing, and choose. That’s all. For example, when my server died and I realised I lost half my subscribers, which I worked for months to build up because my site had been down, I got really frustrated and then I realised it won’t change a thing and I calmed down immediately. My frustration lasted 5 minutes. Normally it would have lasted a lot longer.
Soon I believe that this time would be cut shorter and shorter until nothing can disturb me at all.
2) What would the world be like if none of us were seekers?
My answer: I don’t know, sorry.
It’s like asking what would the world be like if all the men became infertile. We would all either die out, or something drastic would happen to ensure our survival. In the case of no-seekers, we would all probably just get lost in wars, fights, and conflict over nothing, or something drastic will happen that will transform us. Into what? I don’t know.
I totally agree. I have been trying to shed my ego but man it’s tough. But I will continue trying. Just this weekend something happened that has had me down, as I was reading this I said oh my god it’s my ego all along and I didn’t even realize it. I will tell you right away, seriously instantly I felt fine.
On another topic, I have been reading, meditating and following a fairly constant spiritual path, I love it, I find myself telling everyone around me. it’s so great, I want everyone to know. I feel I’m doing it too much. I also know some peope hate it. I know I should be silent but once you start it so mind blowing you just want to tell people. What can I do?. “I know the one that knows doesn’t say it, the one that says doesn’t know it.” I don’t remember where I read that.
Hi Lorena, great to hear that you feel fine, it’s something that happens.
Please be careful of demonising the ego though, don’t make it a goal to shed the ego. Just be aware of it and bypass it, that’s all you can do. Don’t make it some future goal to be totally free of it, for that strengthens your ego only. You can only be free of it right now.
Re: Telling other people, I went through the same phase. Many people do. I believe that each “bad” thing will end up for the good. I.e. If they are going through unhappiness, there is something that they will learn from it. I could be wrong though. I would suggest keep it to yourself unless they come to you. Again, play around with it yourself, what worked for me doesn’t necessarily work for you. I’m planning a series of posts on personal development barriers and obstacles after this ego series is done.
oh yes one last thing: it’s normal for the ego to want to come back…most of the time when you discover the ego you feel great, fantastic, peaceful…then the ego comes back…if it does, realise that it’s a habit.
Once you’ve made the shift between knowing its the ego, and being identified with the ego, it’s just a mental habit…you can never go back. It’s like finding out Santa Claus doesn’t exist…you can never go back to believing in Santa again no matter what it feels like…
So if your feeling of peace goes away, just remember its the ego, and slowly the habit fades…
Admin Note: Accidentally Deleted, so putting it back in!
Hello Albert,
This is actually a copy of an email I just wrote
you, and then duhhhhhhhh it dawned on me
that I should have said this to you in a comment
on this post.
I was so impressed with this article:
You have articulated the ego and exposed it for what it is.
How many glorious moments are we held back from in this
life because ego loves status quo. !!!!!!
Something that sort of bothered me from the ego post was this….
Within that article 2 different times you mentioned that
you were not enlightened. Then I read the line on your
front page that you are not an enlightened master.
Maybe it’s just my take on the word itself. I certainly don’t
view myself as a enlightened master, but I feel there are
levels of enlightenment. I just want to invite you to entertain
that idea that you CERTAINLY have attained level of enlightenment.
My daughter Nicole is 25 and she has a level of spiritual awareness
( or enlightenment ) that most her age do not share.
Yet she is often times frustrated with other people who won’t even
consider some topics that intrigue her thinking on a daily basis.
I have explained to her things in this way….
“Honey, it’s like those people are deep asleep. They are choosing to
remain asleep and no amount of yelling, or talking or anything
is going to have an effect upon them.
Every now and then you come across a person who is on your
level. They are your kindred spirits. They reflect back to you
nearly the same journey that you are on.
And……… sometimes, we come across someone who is not in
such a deep sleep…. our talking and sharing with them is just
the wake up ~nudge~ they needed.
I feel that ‘enlightenment’ can be explained in levels too.
))))))))))
If you were to explain yourself as ‘not enlightened’ that would
point to the person deep asleep, and you just can not say that
about yourself Albert.
It’s absolutely essential to forward progress that we hold
ourselves in the best light possible.
I have not read all that many articles on your blog, but I have
it bookmarked. Still I have the sense that you have overcome
a huge dark night of the soul and it is your mission to share
with the world the NEW and IMPROVED Albert. Or should I
say the NEW and IMPROVING Albert……. We are all improving
every single day. There is no snooze button and there is no
totally going back to sleep once you are ‘enlightened’.
It was Slade’s blog post, Psychic Channels,
Signals, and Noise
http://sladeroberson.com/praye…..noise.html
that started me thinking about how the ego
was getting in the way of my connection
to my Spirit Guides.
It was this article that then came through and
nudged me to make a post on my own blog
about the way ego was holding me back
from that connection.
Thank you !!! Thank you !!!!
With Deep Respect and Regards,
XO XO
Deb
Hi Deb, thanks for your comments. I replied to your email, but I’ll keep some of the highlights here (the stuff that is useful for all readers):
First of all, thank you very much for your kind comments!
This article is quickly becoming my most popular article, and it’s certainly my favorite, I think that it is the most helpful post on the blog.
I’ve been working with Kenton Whitman of http://www.kentonwhitman.com who’s talking me through my preconceptions of enlightenment. His blog is truly great, you have to read it.
I guess I say that I’m not enlightened for 2 reasons:
1) I have a preconception that enlightenment is black and white, you either are or you aren’t. And I think that if you are enlightenend, you’ll never be upset over anything. Kenton’s been telling me this is not the case but it’s still something that I am aiming for =)
2) If I go around in my blog saying I’m enlightened, I sound like a real pr*ck hahaha!
You did an awesome job describing the Ego Mind and how to take dominion over our thoughts – Great post!!
Thanks Torilink, spent some time on your own blog, some great stuff on there as well – in particular I like the seven Hermetic Laws – I’ve been looking for a compilation of all the Laws for a long time!
I liked the article. It was clear. Even if it is a little long, no need to change formatting or pagination.
Thank you,
Jean
Thanks Jean, this is my first blog so I’m just experimenting with a few different things and getting a feel for what readers like. Thanks for your input!
Great article. Well organized and very clear. Very helpful. Thanks a lot
You’re very welcome James, have a look at the various follow ups to the series
Loved reading your article. Great insights, well presented, quite thorough, lenght is fine with me. Here are a couple thoughts I have. I would have loved to read about the ego at work with love and beeing in love.
On a personal note for you: You mention you are not enlightened quite a few times, although this may be good for you to remain humble, it also may keep you in that reality.
Thank you for sharing your insights. Namaste
Hi Isabelle,
Thanks for the comments, I’m glad you enjoyed the post
. You’ve come at a right time, love and the ego is something that I’m starting to get into – it’s gonna be spread over a large series of posts that I’m preparing right now, so stay tuned for that.
And for enlightenment… a few of my readers have kindly pointed out exactly the same thing you did, and I appreciate it. I just thought I’ll sound like a real pr*ck if I go around saying “watch this space I’m an enlightened guru” hahah! It’s OK, I’ve come a long way since I typed up this post … Thanks, I really appreciate it.
Namaste in return!
Awesome post, I love reading about these type of subjects. There aren’t many blogs out there that talk about these type of things, thumbs up
Thanks very much
Please have a look at some of the follow ups!
Hey.
Going through terrible heart break and all your examples of love help so much, make me unidentify with heart break? However am still a little confused. I would still like to find love. Without being attached to the label of love, how does one manifest it and let it emanate from the core of one’s being??
Hi Nur, I think the first step is to let go of wanting love. And then, fill yourself up with love with the love and compassion meditation ( http://www.urbanmonk.net/122/t.....ompassion/ ), until slowly it fills your whole being and then it will attract love. At least, you’ll be so happy that people will automatically like you a lot more!
I LOVE YOUR WRITING AND WAS VERY HELPFULL TO ME AND OTHERS I SHOWED THIS TO THANK YOU.
KEEP IT UP:P
Thank you Adriana!
you are so welcome! lol i should thank you! for writing this and all the others i been read it all but it might take me sometime lol but i will read it.
I really hope you don’t mind that i should it to other people. they thought it help them too.
THANKS AGIAN!
Haha, the more people you tell the more you are helping me! thanks
Helping them helps you? thats very cool and nice of you to think like that.
this is my first post tha tI have read and I am hooked aready. You seem to know the peace that everyones yearns for.
Hi King Brain,
Awesome name! And thanks for the compliments! Peace is something that we all strongly desire, and while I’m not there 24/7 yet – I think that’s a good thing as I can share all the little things I learn along the way on the blog.
Hi there Albert,
Just stumbled onto your website. It’s awesome. I’ve been studying and learning awareness and expanding my consciousness so your blog is truly enlightening.
The questions below are what I’ve personally struggled with as I practice awareness. Being aware has helped me to realise that everything is just IS. However, to navigate through life, sometimes things have to be given meaning (i.e. a filter, a perception), the idea is to be aware if it’s the ego reacting or our conscious awareness giving it meaning and if the meaning serves well.
So my question is
Is it possible to perceive life without any filters? If it is, then is it possible to be egoless and yet able to navigate life based on intuition alone?
Your example about non-egoic thought of past drunk-driving propels you to now drive responsibily. Isn’t that actually part of ego… a filter which you view driving and drinking as dangerous, the only difference is you gave it a positive meaning?
In fact, if I learn from this post thus I learn awareness, egoless love… then when a topic of love comes up – I’ll speak drawing from my experience and knowledge from what I learnt in this post and also from my own practice. Isn’t that a filter from which I speak? Strictly speaking isn’t it also ego albeit a postive one?
If you’re asked to speak on a topic – say religious extremism and ways to overcome it… won’t you have to draw your substance from your perceptions of the world, the people, life, and other people and your own past experiences?How does that then relate with being egoless?
I have this thought that most Masters or ‘enlightened ones’ are ones who have achieved state of egoless but are able to move in and out of the state of egoless and egoic as they live through life on earth. What do you think?
PS : I really hope that I don’t come across as patronizing or rude with all the questions as it’s something I’ve been troubled with for sometime now.
Hi a&d,
Hmm…first of all, I’m not enlightened so I can’t answer with more than second hand knowledge, which might be wrong (due to my misinterpretation, perhaps).
1) From what I heard, yes. But it doesn’t mean that you operate through intuition. I can’t explain this, as I don’t fully understand it myself, but egolessness doesn’t mean that you know nothing, or have no memories or anything. You still have all that stuff.
2) That wasn’t from the perspective of enlightenment. I wasn’t writing from that perspective. I was more from the perspective of stopping suffering. I didn’t write more on time in that sense, as again I have no first hand experience.
3) Egoless love and religion – if you speak, then of course you’re drawing from what you’ve read. But ego’s got nothing to do with knowledge or memory, as far as I know.
What you have to realise is that losing the ego is just that, you don’t lose your memory or forget what happened yesterday, etc, etc. The ego is just a concept we chose to believe, like money.
Hope that helps. I think you’re confusing memory and knowledge with ego. They’re very different things.
Hi Albert. Thanks for the quick response. I’m not confusing memory and knowledge with ego. Memory and knowledge are retained as part of us but the ego is the perceptions and filters formed based on the memories, experiences and knowledge. My question is though we are aware of the existence of the ego, we can never be without it right? for all of life is based on filters and perceptions. even not having any filter is a filter itself… like not making a decision is a decision itself.
take for example the woman who gave out of kindness – she must have a filter or perception or beliefs towards life that causes her to value kindness and compassion. this means that she does walk her life through a filter albeit one that causes her to be kind. but you termed her actions as non-egoic. I just have trouble understanding that.
I could be wrong but IMHO all actions and thoughts be it kindness, compassion, peace, harmony or violence, anger, hatred etc are borne out of filters and perceptions and beliefs of each individual. It’s just a question of whether those actions are reacted from the filters without awareness or do we direct our consciousness to a different perception.
Example – most Buddhist holds a certain perceptions about compassion ie they filter life through the belief that all living things deserve happiness and equal respect so they live with compassion and kindness even to their enemies. the difference is they through meditation and reflection are more aware of their egoic reactions than most people thus they are able to direct their feelings to new filters.
peace.
Hmm…this was something I didn’t get either. But that’s because we are stuck in dualistic thinking – i.e. if there is good, there has to be bad. As far as I know, without the ego, the actions that come out look good and kind to a dualistic mind, but is actually not motivated by kindness or goodness. Kenton Whitman describes it better in his post. Go to kentonwhitman.com and look for the post Christian Sites questions to the Buddha (in fact all his posts are fantastic, but that one answers your question).
thanks a lot Albert. Will look through the site. Am reading Eckhart Tolle’s book… a lot of things about ego and am digesting the information slowly.
Look forward to more sharing from you
Albert:
This was an absolutely fascinating article, one of many I’ve read at your blog. I read the ENTIRE article in one sitting. That tells you how much time I have on my hands today.
Not only was it extremely well written but it truly gave me a chance to make sense of what my ego is all about. The value and power of letting thoughts slide through my consciousness and out the door. The idea of how everything just is. I look at a lamp and see it just as it is.
Fascinating, fascinating piece. Loved it.
One suggestion for you. Since this is a WP platform, you might want to consider that for every link you provide, make it pop up in another window when the user clicks on it. Why? Because the reader won’t lose his place where he left off to check the link, especially if the article is very long and/or there are many links. Just food for thought.
There are lots of people for and against that idea. I, for one, have made it a consistent habit to help my readers not lose his/her place when checking on a link.
Again, GREAT article. I am going back to the beginning to stumble it for you. That’s how much I loved it.
Hey Stephen, THANKS for the high praise man! Wow, hehe. I’m blushing now. I really appreciate it.
Re: The new window vs. same window thing, I know what you mean, but I get so annoyed when something like that happens that I hesitate…
This post great. Its informative and really thought-provoking. I especially like your “visuals.” It may make sense to create a series of ego-related posts because some people may find the length of this one a bit daunting. Keep up the wonderful reflections. Its uplifting to share lessons learned in ways that information is offered. Readers can choose to take in what they choose.
Heh thanks Liara, I love having you here, and you’re spending so much time here, I appreciate it a lot!
Hello Albert,
As you are surely noticed, this time at your site I am taking a little more time to jump around and read more of what you have shared.
Here is this post about ego I again experience from yourself and from many of the comments what I can only describe as a multiple-personality-disorder type relationship to this “thing” we call the ego.
What is the ego? What actually is it? Is there an IT we can call ego?
Is the ego purely a linguistic misappropriation? The English word “ego” is derived directly from the Latin word ego which translates to the word “I”.
This is something you and I have discussed at some length over on the post at http://www.urbanmonk.net/70/ho.....ss-part-1/
What is this “I” we are so afraid of and messed around by? And who is it getting messed around by this ego, this “I”? As Alan Watts once said, “Who is it that knows there is no ego?” — with regards to someone who thinks they are now beyond their ego or got rid of it.
Do we force a child to overcome and get rid of its childlike nature? Okay, yes some people do, but in generally it’s not something developmental psychologist would recommend nor what any truly loving parent would do. For now this human being is “a child”. She won’t always be this way, but for now this is how it is. Yet this dear child does not mature by squashing and getting rid of her child-nature. No, in my observation, that child-nature evolves and develops over time and as it begins to incorporate more and more of what being an adult Human means within her particular society she matures into that also (or some variation of it). The child in her does not get squashed, rather it incorporates the prevailing (social/human) reality around it and matures. So too the seed is not overcome by the germ, nor the germ overcome by the sprout, nor the sprout overcome by the seedling, and so on. The seed simply incorporates into its being a greater/fuller expression of the potential it represents until eventually it fulfils it purpose as a seed bearing tree or what have you.
Is this ego, this “I” within us not also a seed? Is it not also like the child?
Yes, the child has to be guided and directed so that it might develop in such a way that is can deal with the day-to-day realities of the world in which it was born. It has to be told not to cross the road when cars are racing by, and so on. Is this ego within Man not like this child?
I’ve observed what happens to people who were demonised as children, in that they were forced not to be children and “made” to grow up. My observation is that people raised in this way are deeply traumatised inside and have a very challenging time coming to terms with themselves. I could go on, but I don’t think it’s required. I am sure you know people in this situation, Perhaps you were raised in this way, or someone you know?
I suspect the same goes for the ego that is squashed and denied and “gotten rid of”. This aspect of the human self will reassert its influence. Not because it’s a persistent little shit, but rather because it’s an innate aspect of what it means to be Human. Just as being a child early in our life is an innate part of being Human — and many people as adults now try to rekindle a sense of love and relationship with their “inner child” precisely because it was squashed out of them without allowing that aspect of their psyche to mature in its own natural way.
I see you suggested to Loreena to “please be careful of demonising the ego” yet you also go on to say “it is normal for the ego to want to come back”. Yet this implies the ego is something we get rid of and that it is something which will then try to reassert itself. Again we are back to the proposition that here we are dealing with some form of multiple personality disorder! One part of me wants this, the other part of me wants that, and this this ego, well it wants me to go and do such and such…” I think modern man is suffering not from his ego but perhaps from a form of schizophrenia. What about you?
I really enjoy your writing. I like the fact you share so much as you do, and I encourage you to continue feeling more deeply into this “I” within you, and see where it takes you. And consider who is this “you” being taken “there”!! and where is that exactly?
Welcome to the Mysterium Tremendum.
Hey Jonathan, thank you for the detailed comment. I really had to take my time to digest what you had to say. I see what you mean about starting to think of the ego as a multiple personality thing.
What I was trying to convey that the ego is a bunch of beliefs that we see the world by. And if we choose to see the world in a certain way, then we often do certain things that we might later regret.
The whole ego wanting to come back thing was just a way of saying that we have so much invested in our ways of seeing the world, or so much invested in the things that make up the ego (possessions, social status, etc,) that we sometimes choose to act in that stupid manner.
For example, let’s say I was part of Club A. And we all hate members of Club B, and have started many fights. Next time I see them, I feel the urge to start a fight, but this time I recognise – hmm.. this is just a belief that I have been conditioned to see the world through. But sometimes we choose to go out and start a fight anyway. That’s sorta what I meant when I say the ego wants to come back.
I really appreciate you coming in and pointing these things out to me, it lets me detect where I am unconscious myself, or have written poorly.
Hi Albert,
Thanks for your article explaining the whats & the hows of the Ego in such a vivid way. Really liked the Photoshop circles too!
But what I missed in your article was the possible ‘dangers’ of a Spiritual Journey… wanting to let go of the Ego can also be quite dangerous if you’re not well-balanced enough! And a lot of people tired of being hit & hurt by the things happening to them in their life (or perpetuated hurt caused by their negative filters) often want a change by clinging on to meditation or other forms of Seeking Themselves. But by doing so the tension between the Ego & the Self (another ego-duality of the less conscious one, I guess) might raise peak levels which may be harmful to body and/or mind.
When saying something you always mention something about yourself, so I guess I too am talking about myself… So here we go: I was tired of all these millions of thoughts raging through my mind, almost taking control of me (me, the imbalanced person), so a year and a half ago I decided to join a Vipassana meditation course (more info: http://www.dhamma.org) (it, the Meditation that was going to help me gain more Inner Peace) – Imbalanced >< Meditation, another Duality... On this course Something awakened in me which was at the same time frightening and blissful: It put my body in different positions causing mental & physical pains, made me feel very insecure, confused. I felt heat and cold, couldn't breathe properly, at certain moments had trillions of thoughts replacing the millions I had before, but times of inner peace as well... I don't have the time and the space to go in detail, but later I found out that this was the Awakening of Kundalini in me (a rollercoaster ride into the Occult). I guess that my inner strength & some good friends I could talk to saved me from going bananas, although I think I'm currently a bit of a banana (but that's ok!)...
I know I'm being a bit vague here, but if you like to know more about people that had a similar Kundalini experience I suggest the wonderful website: http://www.kundalini-teacher.com.
Anyway, I guess I just wanted to add to your wonderful (theoretical) description a little bit of individual experience and, for anybody reading this, to make sure you are earthed/grounded enough before you start any methodical Self Progression.
Greetz,
Cogito Ergo Dim Sum
Hey Dim Sum, Love that name, it gave me a good chuckle!
That’s very interesting, I have only heard of Kundalini once before, but have never explored it. And thank you for the perspective, I had never thought that stuff like this could actually be painful…hmm. I don’t know what to say, but a heartfelt thanks!
Albert, thanks for such an insightful article!!
I printed it out and took the pages with me for my vacation. I read your article sitting in a sunny beach and it was an incredible experience. I felt a great sense of mindfulness while reading it — I actually felt like I detached from my ego for a few moments — amazing feeling!
Hey Luciano! Wow that is one heck of a compliment, thank you so much! And your experience, another wow.
Thanks for this insightful article Albert. This is the second time I read it. The ego can be quite a sophisticated artist.
You have mentioned thoughts and feelings made negative my the mind and ego. I ‘m curious about your experience with the other side of that coin. The thoughts and feelings of love that float by.
I have found myself using a magnifying glass over these to fill my consciousness with them. Works great at first quite an exhilirating and blissfull experience until the ego sets in and wants to grab, renew and hold on to these experiences. Then they either vanish or turn into a longing or an intense burning desire that could easilly drive one insane. Have you had experience with these? I’d love to read more about it.
Hey Isabelle – that is a fantastic question! The Buddha said that the root of our suffering is attachment. And that applies to the “good” too.
You’ve already experienced it with the internal states. Many meditation teachers state that you shouldn’t cling to happy thoughts and emotions too. Enjoy it while it is there, but let it go when they go. I’ve also found that the more you let go of happy thoughts and emotions, sometimes – just sometimes – they get even stronger. But again the temptation is to hold on to them.
On the external level, attachment to the good things can be seen in the heartbreak and drama when a relationship breaks up, when we lose our job, someone steals our car, etc. Not to say we shouldn’t be upset at all, but the stronger the attachment the more we get upset.
And again, when we realise that at some point all these things will have to disappear, strangely we enjoy them even more while it lasts.
Hey!
Great article, I’m going through some odd times in my life in achieving peace and enlightenment and my God, you have done a very well job in clearing things up with, I thought ego was just a small thing like showing off or like being boastful. But wow. thank you. You have made me a subscriber to your stuff
Much love and appreciation.
Hey there Basim, glad you liked it. Check out The Book by Alan Watts, and some of the works by Eckhart Tolle if you want more information. Science of Enlightenment is a good one too, but it is hard to find. Thanks for subscribing
i must say that getting rid of the ego is one of the hardest things that human being can do because ultimately when you rid yourself from your ego nothing in life would be so hard, ya know?
i cant wait to get rid of this damn ego sometimes mine runs so freely and when i do take notice i get so frustrated! but ur blog did really help and i appreciate thetime you took to wright this, keep up the great work
god bless!
Thank you Dora, encouragement like yours really puts a smile on my face
Great post. This is what I needed to see that I can keep going. Hopefully you have more.
Thank you Jeff, good to hear that it helped.
WOW!
this is great! it reads great and is very understandable, at the same time being so true.
looking forward to reading more articles from you!
Thank you Jeff, poke around the archives some more, maybe you’ll find something else to your liking
This reminds me very much of Robert Anton Wilson’s “reality tunnel” lectures
Thank you for that! I’ll have to check him out. This is based on the teachings of Alan Watts, Eckhart Tolle, J. Krishnamurti, with a bit of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy thrown in. (I heard Tolle was inspired by Krishnamurti though).
I’d recommend reading Robert Anton Wilson’s most popular book, Prometheus Rising.
His Reality Tunnel writings (well, ‘Reality Tunnels’ were actually penned by Timothy Leary and popularised by Wilson) are basically about how we all have our own ‘tunnel’ through which we view life, with our own filters based upon our beliefs and disbeliefs (both about ourselves and others). It kind of branches out into more further-reaching territory but I think the idea is along the same lines. The combination of that and your article kind of allowed what the idea of the ‘ego’ is to click into place for me
Glad I helped, I’ll put that book on my list when I next stop by the bookshop then
Great clarity Albert.
The one of few thing that differetiate humans from animals is the
abillity to OBSERVE ower own ego and behaviour, then to
make DECISIONS.
To observe I mean to be conscious of…
That is a great gift to us Albert.
It is sad there are some people that live their entire lives without
this knowledge and never using these previlages.
You do realize that The Observer/Consciousness is a Lesson Loop?
The living organism (human) theaching itself to BE.
The Universe is Conscious of Itself Through US.
(We are the creations of the universe)
*It’s my theory so judge me
So being Aware or Conscious of something, especially to owerself is the GREATEST power we humans have.
I am very greatfull to be a conscious specie of evolution.
(And its only the begining of it)
*Consciousness = Momenterily closing a LOOP
{I was close} )
(Don’t think about it to hard you’ll might go insane
Thanks Albert for adding to my Quest for Self-Control.
Hey ilya – you know I’ve been expanding my knowledge of the ego and your comment has really contributed tremendously. Thank you for the kind words.
Here’s a little bit of a twist – what if the split between awareness and ego is imaginary? That there is no one watching? I think this split, watching the ego, is just the first step. What if we realise that the thoughts that go through our head is just the thought, and that is all there is (i.e. no watcher?)
You may be right albert.
Maybe there is no watcher, maybe there is no consciousness.
Maybe its all concepts in ower minds?
But the important thing is HOW can I use this “abillity” to my advantage and accelerate the growth and control over my own mind
in the FASTEST and EASIEST way possible.
This is the first steps to change and growth, is:
AWARENESS and SEPERATION.
(Emotional Mastery, EGO Removal)
It all talks about DISSOLVING unwanted Emotions and Character.
)
(I’m almost clean
I neen the “Tools” to BUILD one easilly and fast.
Can you help me Albert?
I guess I’m a bit confused and I’m not necessarily trying to knock down your ideas Albert. I don’t understand why ego is such a bad thing. For instance all though you may not believe my opinion…I think that you are doing a great thing by sharing your knowledge and experiences, but you are doing it because it makes you feel good to know that you are helping people…thus you are getting something out of it. And heck I’m not saying that’s a bad thing at all.
Also I feel like after reading this article that the goal you have in mind is something that I don’t fully understand. I mean isn’t the goal of your ideas to be happy? My impression of the article is that the end result is to be happy, but it almost seems as if it’s a mindless, procedural, robotic type mind state. Plus it’s just really hard for me personally to imagine living egolessly. If anything I would see my goal regarding my ego to eliminate the parts of it that make me unhappy…with things like social anxiety, basing who I am on how much money I make, etc.
I also don’t quite understand what the core really is, I envision it as my physical body and nothing else. It seems that what defines me is my thoughts, feelings, and my life experiences. I guess I don’t understand what you mean by the core? From the article it seems like an empty word, basically you take away everything you have or do know and that is the core. From the day you are born you are experiencing things and it shapes and molds your being, whether it is good or bad. Here I do agree with the mental filters that develop. But what is a person without their mental filters. How do you decide to act on a thought without mental filtering or basing your act on experience?
I’m not writing all this to defy what you have written only to understand what you are saying more fully.
Hi,
Brilliant! You cuaght & taught me from the first paragraph.
What an exciting journey I’m about to take.
Thank you
Sue
@ Ilya: Hehe all I got is in this blog, have a poke around. I think you might find the emotional series and the love series the most relevant – check the “start here” page for more on those series.
@ John: Fantastic questions – and no there is no offense seen or taken at all! There’s nothing wrong with the ego – it’s not necessarily evil or anything. Just that belief in the illusion of the ego – for the ego never really existed – is very often painful. E.g. There is nothing wrong with being in a club or proud of your car or house or whatever, but when we get attached to it – that’s when we start boasting, comparing, fighting over relatively nothing. It is actions like these that I’m trying to highlight.
Pleasure gained from such egoic activities tend to be short-lived, and often have opposites. I gain pleasure from achieving something, or sex, or whatever, but it’s never permanent. And what if I lose my sex partner, or my accomplishment is overshadowed by my rival? Boom – no more pleasure. On the other hand, if you simply enjoy your achievements or pleasure without the ego, it is different.
I didn’t describe the core because it is essentially undescribable. Different traditions call it different things – the Tao, Consciousness, Awareness, oneness, etc, etc. So covering that is something 1) I am not qualified as I haven’t experienced it directly 2) will take 10 posts or more
. For now, just something to muddle your mind. What if there is no core. What if there is no one having those thoughts? What if those filters belong to no one? Have a think about that 
Blogs that cover the “core” include kentonwhitman.com and takuin.com.
Thanks for the stimulating comment.
@ Sue: Thank you! That’s high praise
Funny thing is, im reading the last book of eckhart’s The New Earth and half way there but not quite fully understand all the meanings, however by googling it, i found this page and you really expand few meanings into visual (circle object and filters) which made things more clear to me. Thank you.
Frank
My 50 cent for what i think about “The Core”: is indiscussable only you are the only person can feel it.
Hi Frank! Thanks for the compliment
I agree with the Core – it’s indescribable, beyond the duality of language, I’ve read. Again, I’ve been recommending http://www.kentonwhitman.com for stuff like this – he knows what he’s talking about.
Hi Albert,
Thank you for an absolutely riveting post. I loved your husband and wife analogy which helped explain much in a very concise way. At the end of your post I found what I did not realize I was looking for.
Last year I moved back to London from USA. I left my family (wife & daughter) with all money, property and possessions, save $25 for the train journey from London Airport and a bag of clothes. I had identified with my success and the money that came with that for too long. As a result I had become spiritually bankrupt. For the last year I have lived on less than 5% of my previous income (so just enough to cover my food and lodging but no more). I have eshewed work, instead spending the time trying to regain some of the spiritual self I know was once a part of me.
I did this on instinct, and so I thank you for explaining that all I have done is to remove part of my ego, and that I am not (as some have said) insane. I do know that I am today a much happier person and certainly more at peace with myself and the world at large. I also know that I will be returning to some form of work and be able to appreciate and enjoy my family and myself more.
Thank you
John
P.S. although I dwelt on the last paragraph of your post I found it all absolutely fascinating and could not put it down.
Hey John – thank you for sharing! Be careful that you are not replacing part of your ego with something else i.e. “I am more spiritual than you are”.
Thank you again for the comment.
Hi Albert, nice post u did here…really helped me out in balancing myself in life…had some serious problems dealing with ego…But after reading your post i was clearer in understanding ego.Thank you for this great post…
And a small doubt i would like to ask also…regarding your reply to Mr Tuan…the one below here…
Albert
Hi Tuan, I agree with you. I actually think there are two paths to this:
1) replace all the negative ego parts with positive ones
2) remove the ego altogether and rely on intuition
I’m leaving the choice up to the reader, and I’ve drafted posts detailing both paths ready to be posted once the Aristotle series is over.
Thanks for visiting!
My question…
2)u said “remove the ego altogether and rely on intuition” which means we try to not become attached to whatever we identified ourselves with is it Albert?or how do we do this actually?
Hello my friend! Thank you for the comment. You know the strange thing about my reply to Tuan was that my understanding of the ego has changed since then. Nowadays it leans more towards the non-dualistic understandings or Zen-type stuff – such as the teachings of Alan Watts and so on. I think the best blogs to read for the answer to your question would be: Kenton at http://www.kentonwhitman.com, and Takuin at http://www.takuin.com.
Hope that helps
Hie Mr. Albert, thank you for such a quick reply…appreciate it lots…;) thanks for the links to the awesome websites too…i am eager to find more information about the non-dualistic understandings…thank you for sharing the info…keep up the good work friend…i guess it helps many of us, really…
Hi Albert,
I know its not just me that is suffering but i feel that it really is only me that is suffering the way i am suffering… I understand the ego and all but i dont seem to understand why I am able to ignore thoughts so easily sometimes and sometimes they come back and never want to leave. Or why I can ignore thoughts and anxiety comes out of no where… WHat bugs me the most and pisses me off the most is the random anxieties i get, it started with anxieties then to random heating up all over my head and sweating (feeling like steam is coming out of your head), then i started getting prickly feelings all over my skin as if a million needles are poking me everywhere, and recently now iv been getting severe head aches. So in 2 years i have managed to get all those symptoms from one thought which then became 2 thoughts then 3 thoughts then a hundred thoughts. The killer question for me is I keep asking WHY WHY WHY. I dont want to know WHY but yet they pop in my head and since they popped in my head I feel like there is a reason they popped in my head. I used to be very spiritual all my life and it got me very far in life never thought negative thoughts did what i wanted to do and was who i wanted to be, but now my mind keeps saying why do you believe, why are u straight and why are there gay people, why are there killers, why this or that but those are the ones that stick to me. I kept saying it was god doing this at first and its a test then i said its god punishing me, then I gave up i dont know what it is. i had a period of almost 2 months i was good then it came backk all over again and it kills me to say it but i am losing hope?? I dont believe doctors and their medications, cause they really dont care they give meds to everything. So tell me what you think?? What i dont understand also is why I get them in the most random times it kills me, Also I know that when im busy with other things it disapears but yet i say im tricking myself it should just disapear and not pop up. I think im completely done for in this life sometimes, i know im a fighter but this has been killing me making me try to prove who i am and why i am the way i am. I used to be proud of who i am now i try to prove everything and thoughts stay in my head in a loop 24/7. PLEASE HELP ME and let me know if you went through this or NOT. How do i rid of this ego, how can i think positive and be myself without thinking and being self conciouse everytime i hear GOD or gay i want to be myself. I know my self, but yet these thoughts wont leave????
Hi Wees, I feel your pain. But as mentioned in my contact page, I am not qualified to give such advice. I’m very sorry, but perhaps a professional would be the best for you. This is not the type of thing someone can help with over the internet.
Hello Wees,
Please check out http://www.kundalini-teacher.com. From what you’re saying, it seems like Kundalini has awakened in you because of (excessive) spiritual practice and you were not ready for it yet. You could compare it to a rocket engine connected to a small city car. If you can’t master it, your car etc… But if you do know how to steer your new vehicle (and this is what you can learn), well, that’s a wonderful thing! (Now let’s not get this to go to your head… cuz that’s ego on the go, oh no!) I guess I know what I’m talking about, because it happened to me about two years ago (I posted a comment here on dec 23, 2007) and it’s still riding with me… but sometimes I can hold the wheel as well, which is nice! . Don’t take it as a dogma, but check it out. It’s important to understand the larger picture so you’re not riding this mental & physical & spiritual rollercoaster without a safety belt.
Please understand that this Kundalini-website is not all about the truth either… it’s a truth, but, in your… our case, (it might be) a helpful one.
Peace & good luck,
Cogito Ergo Dim Sum
Dear Albert,
I asked a question to the universe and the answer I got was your web site! I cannot thank you enough for you. I read your article on the ego. I understand about the thoughts passing through and all…….I have a question….if I may? If someone upsets you,do some thing right? I spoke to them of my feelings and a few comments made hurt the ego! Ok,if even after speaking your problem out to the person/s it continues…..does that mean i accept that that’s how the person is?or do i change?it seems like We do so much for this person and don’t get much acknowledgement yet this person does so much for other people that don’t do as much? I know this is the ego talking……BUT WHERE DO YOU DRAW THE LINE WHEN EVEN AFTER SORTING OUT THE PROBLEM IT STILL OCCURS PLUS YOU CAN’T AVOID THIS PERSON AS THEY ARE FAMILY? I am confused. i hope your not after all that! If you can,can you help suggest an answer? Thank you.
Hey Jani, thank you for the kind words
You can’t change another person, so the only thing you can do is to change your own reaction to it. Letting the thoughts past, and perhaps doing some emotional work (check the welcome page) will help on this end. After some work (days, weeks, or months, depending on what you are upset about), most verbalabuse probably won’t bother you much anymore.
However, if the other person is hurting you, you do also need to take steps to ensure this doesn’t happen again. How you handle this depends on what they have done. Perhaps you can speak to them again, with slightly firmer tones, decrease contact, refuse to give them what they want unless they respect you, etc. Naturally, physical abuse requires immediate and stronger action, but it doesn’t sound like it from what you have written. The recent series on boundaries is a closer look at this – check the welcome page for it again
Hope that helps. This might not be the perfect answer, because it is just my opinion, but play with it, and see if it works for you.
hie Mr Albert,
just want to clarify a doubt that came to me, u wrote that all your writings are not about Enlightenment and Spirituality…but most of it sounds like its Spiritual…say for example this page u wrote on ego…is it not related to Spirituality at all?
Hi V! It’s up to you how you want to interpret it
Hi Albert,
How are you? You are a busy man on this forum Alb,
anyways Its been awhile i havent been here, but yeah i checked out that Kenton Whitman website and been reading a bit, it has been interesting!
Appreciate your sharing, thanks again.
Frank
Message Reply from:
Albert
Hi Frank! Thanks for the compliment I agree with the Core – it’s indescribable, beyond the duality of language, I’ve read. Again, I’ve been recommending http://www.kentonwhitman.com for stuff like this – he knows what he’s talking about.
Apr 3rd, 2008
Hey Frank, glad you liked Kenton’s site, I gained so much from what he writes about, and heartily recommend it to anyone and everyone.
I love your site and would like to request a link exchange I get world wide attention and I wish for my visitors to read your great articles.
please review my site and let me know. You do not have to link back to me if you wish. I just would need your permission to ad your link.
http://www.culturallycool.com
Hi Daryl, thank you for the compliment. Yes please do link to me, I am very grateful.
The part with “I am” is great. I have come to this realization differently but when I read it here it made me happy and put a smile on my face to know that others realized the “I am” as well. Thanks albert for posting this article.
Joel, thanks heaps. Would love to hear about how you came to your realisation, if you would like to share
Sure I’ll share. Just like you said that the “I” inside of the body and mind controls both. The one that controls the body and the mind is the actual you. I came to this through a different point of view and that is simply just the basic fact that no human on earth has ever gotten to pick and choose their mind and body (size,color,….etc), or at least I don’t ever recall doing that. Not your parents, grandparents, uncles, aunts or even the people you know. So how is something that you call “mine or me” really you to begin with if “you” never chose it? I know when the time comes when I have children, I as a parent will also have no say on what he or she will “be”. This has lead me to feel as if all people are as one, or the same, in the very essence of just being human. I find that just being here and living, regardless of class, color, size…etc, is truley the way to live since we had no choice to begin with. Thanks again albert.
Mate that is an amazing realisation. My understanding of the “I am” has evolved somewhat since the time I wrote this article, and you’ve put it wonderfully into words. Who does the body belong to? Who does the mind belong to? Something to be experienced, I think, not to be discussed intellectually, and it sounds like you’ve definitely experienced it. Thanks for sharing
much appreciated mate!
Another amazing post! I’m really impressed with your blog and will certainly become a regular reader.
Thank you Healthy Simplicity and KPSS!
To say that humans have fragile egos is indeed an understatement. I’m glad that you have made such a comprehensive post about such an undermentioned fact.
This is a great article. You did an excellent job explaining. Keep up the awesome work.
The information you presented in this article correlates to a trail of events in my past that began subconsciously. Meaning, I didn’t consciously put forth the effort to accomplish/ become/ reach my core – rather, my core just seemingly started fighting with my ego to rid the Self of it. I’m assuming because it was a subconscious effort that it took the length of time that it did – it began in 2003 and I wasn’t consciously aware of what was happening until earlier this year (2008).
Approximately 5 years – it was substantially emotionally painful, which if I understand correctly, was the ego’s pain because it needs control for survival and it didn’t want to lose control.
I read this earlier on another site. “…it can be substantially painful … but everyone I know that has gone through it wouldn’t trade it in.”
Have a great 22nd friend (=
Thanks a lot for that TA!
Albert,
Great post by the way. Seems very well organized and very easy to understand/read. I have a few questions off the bat:
1) What is the origin of the ego? Did we become infected with it? Did it develop somehow before we incarnated here on Earth? Was having the ego voluntary? Just curious if you had found any theories/writings on this.
2) Are you familiar with Ken Wilbur’s works? If not, they may be something you may find interesting regarding Consciousness Evolution/Development.
Cheers,
Chad
Hey Chad! Hmm… the ego is not something we are infected with per se, it’s more of a… false belief. According to Sailor Bob Adamson, the child is repeatedly drilled with the name “John”,”Mary”, etc. After a while, the child starts believing that it is restricted to this one name, and in doing so starts believing in separation and so on. The trick is not to try and figure out where it came from, since that is more thought, but just to see things as they are, without thought. This doesn’t necessarily mean trying to stop thinking, just to see without believing your thoughts. Or something like that. That’s my current understanding at least.
I’ve browsed through Ken Wilbur but never actually digested him. Just spent a few minutes skimming through it, he seems a bit too dry and scientific for my tastes (I get enough of that at uni, hehe).
This entire post was an amazing eye-opener. You have no idea how much it helped me with what I am going through at the moment.
Thank you.Thank you.Thank you!
I have also lost my business recently – and was so closely associated with it publicly that it became my persona – and it was so WRONG – because it was not really who i am – in fact I actually do not even know who I am anymore – but slowly taking steps to discover myself again. This post was just what I needed in this extremely confusing state I find myself in. Tomorrow is a new day.
Thank you and thank you again!
Charles, I’m really glad I made such a big difference. You’re very welcome, and good luck with it all – I know you’ll come out of it really well.
Do you think its normal to feel so confused – as you do not know who you are – and do you have methods to discover your true self quicker than just going from day to day – like an personal exercise or something? It feels like it takes for ever to get back on track.
First off, what exactly are you confused about? What’s wrong with not knowing who you are? Why is it painful? Can’t we live without knowing who/what the true self is?
Secondly, if you do want to know, you can try the famous Ramana Maharshi’s “Who am I?” inquiry. This is something to be felt, experienced, not to be intellectualised about. Google him or perhaps get one or two of his books – this inquiry is pretty famous. Of course, this is getting into a whole new realm…
Albert,
How would you handle a situation with another 2 people in the room, you work full time with them 38hours week/ 5days. Task needed alot of mind energy, like organising, designing etc.. and also be present.
However, a person above you and the other worker is kind of a talker, a little bit insecured about himself and could get sensitive and start talking randomly while your in the thinking mode in your task to do but we cant help coz we have to listen or turn around to pay some attention to it or else it would be plain rude right… And im so out of it that i cant even look at him in the eyes now, coz it seems like their ego just loving it to produce more egoic energy around the room and same time, i felt very exhausted.
The other person now is a little in a natural side but has an ego and very attached to the emotions, fully get excited, upset and let it out when upsetting stuff happens and young adultish attitude – of a like. And also highly socialised.
So my point is, im stuck on these 2 different people, especially on their social role. I’ve reach in the moment that, tension is just getting higher sometimes. It would be easier if i only work with one of them so i can communicate with their real nature no matter who they are but i do get confused myself and actually struggle on the speaking, social side of it and i can never lie and never good at it, being in a different race isnt very helpful aswell. I also admit that i have my own insecurities and on the stage that i already isolate myself from friends, families and other. So after work, i go straight home and on weekend i just do my own individual thing.
Im not trying to label these guys however, its one of the easiest way i can describe my point. I sometimes just had tears in my eyes from frustration ad energy inside this room however being “The Watcher” of your emotions is kicking-off after i felt those tears. So there’s suffering and there’s Spiritual gained.
I know this is pretty open to the forum on how i describe this situation however i just need a little advice from you.
Thank you Albert
Im happy to pay you back even just a little gift of appreciation. However please dont make yourself feel like you have to answer. I live in Australia and if you know any connection around here would be helpful too.
Hey Frank – Thanks for asking me such a question, it is really quite a compliment. However, I’m not in the best position to answer stuff like this, the only thing I can give is my opinion, which might not be the best. However, let me have a shot at it:
There are a few series that might be applicable to the situation (all of them can be found in the “start here” page). First of all, is the emotional meditation. Try to do some letting go of the emotions that you feel in such a situation. That alone might free you up to react in a way that is healthy to all involved. Next, you can have a look at the boundaries series to see if there are any ideas in there that might apply to you.
I can’t give a definite rule – “this is how you react to such and such.” But while it can be hard, imagine yourself loving all involved unconditionally no matter what they are doing. What would you do in such a situation? Remember I said all involved – this includes yourself, naturally. You also have needs and wants that need to be respected, you also have to be protected and treated well, just like everyone else.
Note that truly loving them might take a while, especially if a lot of emotions are being involved. So just keep doing some emotional work and being watchful and slowly you’ll get there. It won’t happen overnight but it will.
Just some random thoughts. Hope they helped. No gift required, I’m just typing some words into a screen
Hi Alb,
Thank you for your opinion on that complex question of mine. I didnt expect anything from anyone at all however a little note of yours is hard enough to crack some parts open “All involved unconditionally”, energy of these words is undescribable in my perspective. Thank you Alb, maybe i shouldnt be thanking you too early just incase i got another extra one to ask.
jks, this is the only one. 
and yes, i shall keep going.
I also found an Eckhart Tolle’s Club around my area. I might have to give that a shot. Funny thing is though, after work, i usually passed this place in traffic and always wonder what that place was coz its always attracts me everytime i passed by and i always try not to look at it coz i felt weird and with all different kind of people gathered just outside the gate. I never knew what it was until i was surfing the net for spiritual community just after i wrote that message to you.
Appreciate your support Albs and talk to you soon. Hope is well in your side too.
I appreciate the post. From my point of view, the writing style is good and continuous and content thought provoking.
No problem FL and Frank
well done mate.
I m in buddhism for a while now, and i must say that your post is great. It s interesting that Buddha discovered all this over 4500years ago…and still…look at the world and people now days.
i m hoping one day, we ll all look on people as one, and stop this pain, this illusion;and go from “i want” to “just be”.
love to all
again, well done
Thank you Awsy!
Awesome post!
I’d recently heard about the ego perspective and wanted to learn more. This was the first thing I clicked on.
I found it very easy to read and extremely insightful.
Thanks!
Thank you David.
This is the most constuctive writing I have ever come across, I’m not sure how to put into words how valuable this is to me. All these different self-help people and philosophy’s all point to losing the ego, and now finally, a plain and simple, and most importantly a do-able explanation and method. I feel blessed. God bless you sir. TYVM
I feel as if now I have a real chance to shed this thick heavy coat (layer by thin layer) I have acumulated and worn my whole life. Let me tell you again, God bless you.
Thank you so much Mark, I’m grateful for your kind words.
Albert……man i discovered a blotch……what appears to be a big one,maybe they all will seem big, but i am amazed to find out how i was in denial of it being there,how at the speed of light i came to its defense, how at the speed of light,strong ,very strong emotion was attached to it and how it was always causing me to get in arguments with my wife about it,and i had a dream that i feel i was a able to breifly experience the core for which i can not find any words to describe……it was an entirely new feeling ……and i really can’t find any words to describe it properly…even these baby steps are amazing……man what a trip!!!
Awesome to hear Mark
And oh yeah it all started with a single thought………………crazee…lol
Hi Albert, I read the love and aloneness one, it ofcourse makes perfect sense, seems all of the times i find myself getting “out of shape” it is due to ego, pride, vanity. It was really nice to see it’s OK to want to be alone. I find myself wanting that more and more as I have aged,and others (wife and kids and relatives) label me as somethings wrong with me, and half the time I’ve been believing them. It just seems to be easier to be at peace with myself when I,m alone,but I have quite a ways to go to in that area. Anyway the more I am discovering just how many things I (ego) am attached to and just how strongly I am attached to them, it feels overwhelming. I seem to be attached to everything,materials,image,ideas,etc. And the strength of attachment seems overwhelming,like I’ll die or diappear without these things, it’s scarey, more like terrifying when I am able to be honest and feel the true attachment. The true feelings come to me in dreams at this point. I seem to be in denial in the waking world of how strong the feelings are. Boy one thing I have found is it seems impossible to find anyone to discuss, try to understand this with me. And that leaves me not sure if I am understanding or getting these concepts correctly, myself. I have the desire but feel unsure at this point. Oh, what I would do to be able to have an hour of your time in person. Priceless at this point in my life. Yea I,m 53 not getting any younger, feel the need to understand and improve my existence. But like I was saying …..I feel like I have gotten a couple “good bites” of this ego thing now and it suddenly doesn’t seem like a fun thing to deal with anymore. It would be more comfortable to just let things stay the way they are. If you could please let me know if I am on the right track or not, especially if I am not, and maybe give me some advice on how to proceed I will be extremely grateful………..I suddenly feel no so sure. TC
Hey Mark – first of all, don’t get too caught up in the aloneness thing. As in, don’t neglect what you have to do, or your family. I was writing it more as a way of giving yourself time to be introspective – but of course we should attend to our necessities too.
Secondly, don’t worry about the ego too much. It’s just a recognition of your thoughts and attachments, etc. If you are beating yourself up, isn’t that just the ego again?
I would say, forget about the ego for now. Take a break, you’re being overwhelmed, and I would say have some subtle misunderstandings of what I’m trying to say. Best thing to do, take a break, get refocused, reconnect with the people around you.
When you feel like restarting, take it in small, bite sized chunks. Don’t beat yourself up over anything. Do the attachment and behavioural mastery series, but slowly, on one thing at a time. Something small and easy to manage.
The most important thing is to not get overwhelmed. Yes, sometimes this work can be uncomfortable, but if you are so upset, then ease up on the pressure and take things slow. Especially since I can’t really judge what’s going on over the internet. Slow and safe and steady is the only thing I would recommend. Mental and emotional health is paramount.
Hope that helps.
Thanks Albert, sounds like a good idea to me……..sincerely appreciate u taking the time to reply.
Although I can use a lot of flowery words to say … let my simplify by saying:
I am learning through your writings,
I am growing.
Thank you!
Andriette, thank you so much!
Albert,
I found your article after searching for a way to remove an ex-girlfriend from my thoughts. Have you identified the core as being the core of peace, love and joy. Is this a total coincidence with the fruits of the Holy Spirit, as believed by christians? “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.” (Galatians 5:22),
regards,
Reuben
Hey Reuben, yes I do believe the big Self is pure peace and happiness… I’m not sure about that quote though, I don’t know much about Christian teachings.
The idea of the ego was brought up by Sigmund Freud. Fascinating how society has taken the idea and ran with it. The ego is completely intangible and invisible. How is attempting to explain it any different than trying to explain god? If your center is filled up from the time your born then you are born empty. Once you are enlightened you have only but one purpose, enlighten others. You can’t go anywhere past the point of enlightment. So everyone’s purpose is to be enlightened? We are all enlightened we are all at peace. Now what? Everyone’s enlightened we have no purpose. We enjoy life. A tree falls on one of us. Whatever, we are at peace. They had no purpose anyway. Is this reality? No this simply cannot be. It could be, but then it would be like the movie Equlibrium. The people in the society would be drugged to have no emotion and the government would remove anyone who was “feeling”. Seems like the opposite of our society. Anyone drugged and not “feeling” is removed. As Till Lindemann says “Loneliness sometimes gives me a quantity of creativeness – you’re drinking another glass of wine and you’re feeling even worse. Art doesn’t work without pain; art also exists for compensating pain.” Deep down everyone is afraid of the unknown so they try to make it tangible and give it names like god and the ego. The only way to truly compensate the fear is knowledge. Whether it’s knowing how to fix a car or perform surgery. People that perform heart transplants don’t just blindly go in and start cutting stuff up, they have some sort of obtained knowledge. That in itself is proof that there is knowledge and it can be obtained. If they fail, then they must not despair they must learn where they went wrong. When they are successful people will flock to them for they have knowledge. Knowledge most certainly is power.
Hey Nick, thank you so much for that comment. There are two things I’d like to say: first of all, the reason why I removed and/or added disclaimers to my future series on ego (and don’t write any more) is that there might be subtle misunderstandings on what it is, and that might have crept into my writings.
Secondly, the ego as we discussed here has been much misunderstood because of confusion with the ego of Freud. Freud’s ego is part of the whole trinity together with the id and the superego, and is actually different from the spiritual concept of the ego. Then there’s the whole pop-social view of it – “he’s got one big ego!”, etc. It’s a bit more complex than this of course, I have half written something on this, and will post it soon.
Thanks again for that brilliant comment and have a great New Year!
Thank you
You are very welcome!
Happy New Year Albert
Thanks Frank! Same to you!
Wow! What a great illustration of the ego and how it plays a part in our lives and others! It seems like pride is the foundation of the ego and directly correlates with how large or small the ego is. I’m really looking forward to reading more on this site!
http://charactergrowth.com/200.....p-disaster
This is not too long at all, it is such an interesting and well-written article I didn’t even notice how long it was I just wanted to keep reading. I stumbled upon your site while looking for something totally different and I am was pleasantly surprised at the depth of your subject matter, I guess I was supposed to find it because everything I read was about things I have been questioning lately. I have bookmarked the site and will continue reading, this is my first time here so I have alot to read. I appreciate what this site addresses and will refer some of my friends to check it out. Keep doing what you do.
Thank you so much Adam and Dalila!
Hi Albert:
I was feeling my ego is going amok lately. I read in need to get an understanding of myself. I am a Buddhist Priest of 30 years experience. Thought you might appreciate that we too need guidance. Thanks for your cogent analogies to understanding how my thoughts work. I am supposed to know all of this, I think, but I find I don’t. A work in progress…
Hey Brother James – I am really, really, impressed with your humility. I don’t know what to say, but thank you so much for considering my opinions and theories too.
I never go anywhere without a copy of “The Power of Now” by Tolle – and although I understand the concept of being in the moment — your commentary has enabled me to see things in a way that empowers me to carry out my goals– you have capsulized a practical guide that I can actually use –which of course has shown me the way to keep my ego where it belongs —
I was so locked into my thoughts and the resulting emotional pain– I really had come to a point where I couldn’t deal with it anymore– Your thoughts (excuse the expression) are the key that I needed as a practical guide for life — and I cannot thank you enough. 
Hey Lynne, thank you so much! I’m glad I managed to help
Albert,
Your article is simple and refreshing in comparison to much of self-help bunk that I have come across. I am in a life cycle downturn and struggling to find peace after the failure of a long term relationship. What you call filters I recognized as preconceptions, but was never effectively able to remove them from my psyche … let them go. Like you said, knowing better does not necessarily mean doing better. Here is to doing better! Cheers
Hey David, cheers to you too
Hello David—I’m only finishing page three of your wonderful piece, but feel compelled to drop a line to thank you. What a meaningful, delightful and inspiring essay. It is bringing a soothing insight into my inner self—I can feel my chakras reacting.
As far as the criticism of it’s length, how can so deep a subject be brought down to 50 woods or less. I find each paragraph moves me deeper & deeper into my psychic.
Thank you for these thought provoking insights—bringing more peaceful inner growth.
Lol, back to page 4—Peace.
Tom,
The author you want to thank is Albert. I’m just another poster searching for the core
David
Lol, thanks David— am addressing my note to Albert—
Thanks for the correction–
Peace–
Tehehehe, thank you guys
Peace to you both!
Morning Albert—
Early last evening I finished your essay on EGO. I must admit I did not sleep well last night. Your words and insight were with me throughout the night. Meditating on your piece, I felt my psyche going deeper and deeper into my inner self. Then I realized my chakras were reacting.
Sitting here, sending this message, I find myself stopping often, and realize I’m looking into space, relishing the wonderful feelings within, realizing I have reached a new plateau. A plateau of a greater appreciation of love—-a new “tool” to express love for my wife, children, friends—without cluttering those expressions up with ego.
Not expecting appreciation from others for saying, “I love you”, not trying to make points, even if it was unconsciously. Even trying to delete the “I” before, “love you”.
Now, time for me to move forward with these new realizations—to feel, and express love without conditions attached, with out ego—-to love for the sake of true love.
Thank you Albert–
Is there any like pieces in your archives ?
Peace—-
Tom, you really do have the heart of a poet. Thank you for sharing. My personal fave articles are in the sidebar under best of urban monk. Since you are focused on love, you might try The Blossoming of Love first.
Wow, impressive post and some nice poetic insight..
Thanks Timon!
Setian, because of your fake email and website and all the abuse in your comment, I deleted it. You raise a very common misconception, however, and I would love to address it. So if you want a proper response, please retry your comment minus the spitefulness and insults.
Hello Albert–
Regardless of what Setian has said, your essay on EGO is excellent and well taken.
To update my views–I found it excellent and after meditating upon this concept have begun to practice what an alteration of my EGO means.
In a sense I stepped back and “watched” my inner self, what I see, I like. Excluding EGO from my view of love, has given so much a deeper appreciation of what love is. The unconditional love,– love for the sake of love,– not seeking nor expecting any recognizing from giving unconditional love—if there is a reaction and reciprocity, that only increases my inner glow & joy—like watering a beautiful growing flower—which is my inner unconditional love for all.
I must add, this adjustment of EGO does not erase all EGO. We must have some controlled EGO in everyday life. EGO is important to our self protection, and yes, the GOOD ego/pride that gives us all the push to improve ourselves.
Thank you Albert for your many insightful essays and in your comments on the negative words that were posted by someone who needs a large dose of unconditional love.
Peace–
Tom, thanks so much for the words of support. I must admit I got quite annoyed when I clicked through to find a fake website – I just wasted time considering his words and typing a response only to find that he was just being rude. Being annoyed is not a good thing on a post that is about transcending the ego
Are you a writer of some kind? I really enjoy your words and your perspective. If you aren’t, it would be a big waste
Thank you for all your comments.
Hey Albert-
I really appreciated your article. Your writing style is intriguing and maintained my interest throughout.
Also the fact that you take the time to respond to each comment is nice and exhibits the caring that you speak of- giving for the sake of giving with no expectation of praise or recognition.
I look forward to reading more of your posts
Thank you so much Oliver and Chris!
Hi Albert
Great article
I would need your permission to copy the articles
Hey Sum, thanks. What are you planning on using the article for?
You are so wellcome, thanks for the quick response.
I just wrote a blog all about EGO combine with javanesse spiritual tradition
in Indonesian language so have to translate it first. I realize people often don’t like to read long post.
Hey Sum, that’s fine then, if it’s a personal blog, no problem. If you are planning to publish it or something then I would prefer not.
Thanks so much Albert
It’s just personal blog in indonesian and javanese language.
” But they are merely about you. But they are not you. They merely describe you, but somehow we have reduced ourselves to these descriptions”
—-
yes, but ‘descriptions’ are observations of behavior and I AM my actions, no? So they ‘describe’ my actions as viewed by others (assuming they are accurate across multiple sources) then they ARE ME, how I act, how I carry myself.
My hand picks up the water glass. My mouth drinks the water. The water enters my stomach.
So one can say “HE drank the water”
Of course this is only a ‘description’ (a map to the territory of doing) as a reduction of overwhelming (infinite) stimulus and attentional focus on particulars of concern expressed dictated by the usefulness of such a communication??????
How can I say that it is NOT me that is screaming at the guy in the car next to me? How can I say it isn’t my MY hand that shoots the gun? The gun didn’t shoot itself.
Language is limited and dualist, a fact of it’s nature. Is there ‘thought’ without language? (pre-linguistic) or only ‘being’, are we not then reduced to mere id, does not ego or super-ego imply larger ‘JUDGEMENTS’ as realized by the mind?
8th Jhana is neither object nor subject, perception or non-perception, yet without perception, Is there an act, without action (heart beating, lungs breathing), doesn’t life ceases.
Am I not bound by ‘life’ – ‘existence’ – ‘being’?
Please don’t think me snide or being a jerk, these are issues that are barrier to my meditations and buddhist practice.
These are my ‘attachments’.
Isn’t the essence of life ‘entanglement’ with the processes around me, thus I am ‘attached’ to the universe and it to me.
Ok, my being, soul, self is a non-localized event expanded to fill the void of the universe, yet there is a significant localized event within the wake of this moving form that seems endless to befuddle itself.
???????
Hi Fred, thank you so much for your comment. I think there are some basic misunderstandings but as discussed in my comments policy I really can’t spare the time to get into a discussion that is too in-depth. I would recommend finding a good Buddhist teacher and discussing these concerns with them. Thanks again!
Wow!
This is the answer to my life…
Lol
Absolute truth in the sentence.
You cannot choose to hurt yourself if you are fully consious. Basically meaning you cannot be depressed, angry, or maybe even sad. Why? You can observe your thought instead of acting upon them
Book maybe in the future? hehe joking
Thanks Albert
You’re welcome WL
Great article and very informative, I have a question though.
You mentioned earlier that the ego keeps on asking for more no matter how much you feed it and becomes restless.
Isn’t that considered as a positive thing as well?, because a healthy human being is always on the go looking for new things to improve it and discover stuff. If we loose that motive we get depressed and vice versa.
I think it’s a negative thing. It’s like a carrot dangled in front of us and we keep striving for it but we’ll never be satisfied because we never reach that carrot. Wouldn’t it be more fun to go on looking for new things but without the restlessness that comes from trying to reach a carrot we’ll never get?
So what keeps the person motivated if its not the ego?
I don’t know. But I do know you can still go for things non-egoically.
(The spirit of youth)
A community maintains its liveliness through the spirit of the young and flourishes through it. When a community loses this spirit, it fades and withers away.
Source:
Towards the lost paradise
M.Fethullah Gülen
Awesome, I must say awesome! Well written, good illustrations, I love it man! Keep up the good stuff!
Thanks Cameron! I appreciate it
Hi Albert—-
I’m a Reiki 2, I just finished a Reiki session with a friend. The session was to be one hour, but extended on to an hour & half, it was fantastic. The receipent said she has has never had such a good session before—This is where my ego comes in—I felt very fattered, but if it had not been for your great piece on not letting ego obscure inner peace and unconditional love and my meditation upon this often— i’m affraid my ego would have raised it’s head.
As it turned out, I accepted her reaction & her thanks in the simpleist manner–reveling in her great peace and the wonderful peace & satisfaction I feel in my inner self,— being able to bring healing and peace to another, with love in an unconditional manner, just for the sake of love for others.
Working hard at keeping ego at arms lenght, has brought me to a deeper understand of my true self — or maybe call it a higher pleateau.
Lol, just know it works—-
Thanks again Albert—Peace—
Tom
Tom, that is a really wonderful story. Thank you for sharing, it put a big smile on my face!
I know its not just me that is suffering but i feel that it really is only me that is suffering the way i am suffering… I understand the ego and all but i dont seem to understand why I am able to ignore thoughts so easily sometimes and sometimes they come back and never want to leave. Or why I can ignore thoughts and anxiety comes out of no where… WHat bugs me the most and pisses me off the most is the random anxieties i get, it started with anxieties then to random heating up all over my head and sweating (feeling like steam is coming out of your head), then i started getting prickly feelings all over my skin as if a million needles are poking me everywhere, and recently now iv been getting severe head aches.thanks
Hi mirc, can I suggest visiting a health professional (mental or medical). My material is in no way a replacement for the care provided by a professional.
This is the clearest explanation of the ego that I’ve ever read! It cleared up some longstanding questions for me. Thank you!
Jeremy, you’re very welcome
I met with a nun yesterday and she spoke about the ego becoming stronger and uncontrolable as we listen to it and make choices by it… I was trying to get some advice to help my daughter deal with her jealousy toward her sister and the mean things she does and says to her… she knows her actions are not right, but she also says she is unable to control her actions and is not sure why she does things…
Your article was very informative… and I don’t mind long… I would have read more… I do like your writing style.
Thanks
Cindy, thank you! I would recommend the companion article to this too, which is simply letting go of the underlying desires for any actions:
http://www.urbanmonk.net/332/t.....etting-go/
There is a considerable amount of truth this article.What if I wanted a house though, or a praise? Does the ego want everything though?
Thanks for the comment, it’s a great question. In my opinion, not all wants are egoistic. For instance, if I see a child crying and I genuinely want to comfort him, that probably isn’t an egoistic want. But we have to be aware, sometimes it is.
Maybe I want someone to see me do a kind deed, and think “oh he’s so nice”. But if I want to comfort him for the sake of comforting him then it isn’t. Ego is selfish, but non ego is an out-flow Hope that answers it.
i’d like to say…that this post (along with the general content of my life situation) has been a powerful stimulus for me to seek change within myself. looking back at it now, i can definitely see the inspiration you draw from eckhart tolle. he has been my most powerful teacher throughout this process…helping me to realize the being within myself that i had forgotten. so, thank you to both of you.
i’d like to comment also on the concept of ‘removing the ego’. i can appreciate this perspective, but for myself, it has been much more a case of becoming the observer. my ego remains as the thinker (the tool of thought). it is present, but i don’t take it all that seriously anymore. it is only a tool to be used when necessary. would you consider posting your thoughts on presence? this has been the real key for me.
thanks again for your inspiration.
Hi Darrell, thanks for that heartfelt comment. I’ll definitely do some thinking on presence, although I’ve moved on from Tolle a long time ago and don’t think I will have much to say… heh.
may i ask what you’ve moved onto?
Carl Jung mostly, who is the most “spiritual” of the prominent psychologists. A lot of other psychological stuff, mostly because I am advancing up my studies for psychology and I don’t have time to explore 2 different (and sometimes contradicting) fields. But Jung is awesome I am very personally into him as well.
thanks for the reply.
might be something to look into.
simply lucid an clear..but for the losing of the blotches part.
excellent article. felt like a dissection of the mind.
One thing I read about Anger Management and Stress Management – Stress and Anger are supposed to be wiped out.. Why would someone want to keep it and MANAGE it..
Thanks Riaz! I have a feeling that trying to wipe out stress and anger might be interpreted the wrong way. People might feel it is ‘wrong’ to be stressed and angry if they think that way, which leads to repression and denial, actually making worse. I do believe anger and stress (and their root causes) can be processed out, but saying so is quite dangerous as many will misinterpret or misapply it in the way I just described. What do you think?
Thank you. This will change many lifes.
You’re very welcome D3N, I appreciate that comment a lot.
Great post. I’ve been studying Buddhism and noticed a lot of similarities, but I haven’t seen it explained this way. I think it was very helpful and gave me some more angles to look at the enormous process of actually putting this into practice.
Hi Tony, thank you very much for your kind words.
Absolutely stunning and fabulous writing. Must appreciate your very useful insights and especially the way you have explained the movement of thoughts using visuals.
I wish to make two points here:
1. The problem sometimes is that you don’t know if the action you are taking to resolve a problem is a result of your logical mind or is it because of ego or is it a result of both. In such situation how do you act?
2. Agreed that we behave/act differently as a result of our thought/experiences but tough to know if we are necessarily changing for the better or for worse.
I will offer an example for my points:
Example for point 1. At times you give your best to let your love know what is hurting you but it doesn’t change anything. You know there are problems but you tend to ignore them because you have committment and you have seen that things don’t change. Eventually there is point where you decide to move on and you find someone else. At this point your old love comes back with all explainations and promises to change and be better. Your logical mind tells you that it is difficult for a person to change but your emotions somewhere still pull you back. You still decide to move on despite repeated requests from your old mate because you can’t forget times when you were repeatedly hurt earlier. However, looked differently you were ready to accept the same person earlier with all her obvious problems. If at all anything now she may be better than earlier. So is your decision to move on a result of your ego or your maturity/foresight/logical mind?
Example for point 2. Continuing previous example, as you move on your behaviour with your new partner is different as you fear that if you get too involved and it doesn’t work you will feel the pain. So you become much more moderate in expressing your love/feelings. Also your tolerance to take things that hurt you becomes less. Is it change for better or for worse? How to know the fine line between being balanced or being reactive to earlier experiences.
Hi AP, thanks for your comment and very thought provoking questions. It is very hard to answer these questions as it is very individual. The questions you raise are very complicated and can’t really be answered via the internet. It involves a lot of thinking and work, and I am afraid I can’t help you there. Have you thought about seeing a professional?
Thanks Albert. I understand such problems are quite individual and tough to answer. Haven’t thought about seeing professional yet. Discussed with friends and family though
. It seems there is always an aspect to every alternative and hence noone has been able to give a clear cut answer. I guess at some stage it has to come from inside only. Would you like to reccomend something.
AP, if I may offer some thoughts on your example with Albert’s blessings I hope, since i feel inspired to respond.
Pain or feeling hurt is always a result of ego/mind being involved. It is the result of resisting what is. Resisting the experience of the moment, wanting it to be other than it is so it fits with your thoughts on how things “should” be or should not be for you to be happy. If the moment is in accordance with what your thoughts and beliefs tell you of how things should be, then you are happy. If they are not then you are feeling hurt, unloved, lonely, sad or whatever.Not a powerfull place to be at.
True Happiness lies beyond thoughts. It is your deep nature, but you can only feel it when there is awareness and a distance between you and your thoughts.
When you really look into it, thoughts and beliefs are not real they are just thoughts. The only real thing about them are the power we give them by believing them and identifying with them and the emotions they arise within us, which our minds then interprets as good or as bad, as pleasant or as unpleasant.
It is all a conditioning we abide by. Most people start to find happiness by trying to change the external conditions they are in, a better work,a better girlfriend, a better house whatever… Then they realize that it does not work or if they do succeeded, they still are not happy. Or they may try to change their conditioning and replace it with a better one where they replace victimhood with self confidence, and that does help, but it still does not bring happiness. There are still sources of unhappiness arising from our interpretation of external conditions.
There is another approach where one learns to see thoughts for what they are, and one stops identifying with them, and resisting, and one starts seeing the mechanisms of the mind at work. A mind is a great thing to have.It is a wonderful tool to solve problems, but there is more to the moment than the interpretation of our thoughts tell us. Most people are enslaved by their mind and thoughts.
When mind and thoughts are met with awareness then Freedom and choices become available. Then our actions come from a place of truth and the right action or knowing just follows and just is.
Wishing you the best in your search for meeting yourself in all forms.
Isabelle
Isabelle, this is very kind and thoughtful of you. I have no words to thank you and Albert for this great help.
You are absolutely correct. We tend to paint a picture of the world or our future or any situation and till the time the things fall within the frame of our thoughts we are happy, any deviations make us unhappy. Rightly said that it is a never ending cycle of happiness and unhappiness that evolves from our dreams/desires being fulfilled or unfulfilled. However, i confess that even though i know these facts at a mental level but do not yet have the depth yet to follow them to core in the day to day life. To a certain level i am trying to control my mind by making a deliberate attempt to weed out undesirable thoughts but am still am nowhere close to attaining full control.
Can you please elaborate a bit more on ‘Awareness’ and how it will bring Freedom and choices when met with mind and thought. I guess i beleive in most of my decisions but somewhere in a this particular case i tend to lose my confidence in the middle of the road and everything falls apart.
Albert, please feel free to interrupt me here if you feel this is not in the true spirit of our blog.
AP,
You cannot control the mind. It’s like trying to control the waves of the ocean. Albert explained it nicely in his article. Thoughts arise out of nowhere and pass through conciousness. Then the mind/ego focusses on them, grasp at them and it starts growing and becomes huge leaving an imprint.
That’s what minds/egos do they make and assign meaning to the formeless, classify it, and gives it names and attributes so it can use it now or later as a piece of info. Its very busy in there isn’t it? You can try to control it but you’ll find it an endless battle. Thoughts constantly arise so let them do so.
What you can do is become curious and aware of this process, watch it unfold. What you are aware of cannot control you…. It still happens at first but now there is a space for something other to happen. “Oh there is anger in me…” its not the same as I am angry. I am angry has no space it it. Now,uhmmm… what thought is behind that anger or what belief is behind that thought? Ok, I see how that works now. Part of you becomes free then, is aware. So watch your thoughts arise without judgement. And if you catch yourself judging then just notice it, which means you already stepped out of it, so be kind with yourself. That is one part of what being aware means. Don’t try to change it, just become aware of it then change will follow on its own if it wishes to. Thinking you can change it is another thought coming from the mind trying to regain control.
That’s all I can say within this context. If you are enclined to, you can read Eckart Tolle and Adyashanti, they both talk about developing awareness and consciousness and how it frees one from the dream state of identification with thoughts.
Beautiful discussion guys. AP, I would recommend the Sedona Method if you want to some solid action steps. We can’t control the mind, as Isabelle said, but I’ve found my mind becomes progressively emptier/more positive as I release. It’s not a quick fix though. A sample of the process can be found here:
http://www.urbanmonk.net/780/w.....-emotions/
I can’t express how enthralling it feels to realise that there is someone who understands you.
I guess now i understand better what it means to be aware of our thoughts as we cannot stop or even control them. The trick is to let them pass unhurdled without getting attached to them no matter how ugly they may be. Will try to practice the Sedona method to my best. Already i am feeling some peace at heart and can let some thoughts pass by without enraging the internal anger and frustraion that it used to build earlier.
Only worry is that it makes me feel as if i am escaping/ignoring issues by not thinking/exploring about them. I know i am wrong because i was anyway not able to act even when i was thinking day and night about them as nothing would give me conviction/satisfaction to go ahead. I guess by the Grace of GOD and the new space/freedom in my mind created by your guidance will automatically bring me more clarity, peace and confidence and will guide me to the right path.
I feel blessed to be guided by friends like you and glad to share how things evolve
I wanted to know what people meant when they said that they found clarity in loosing their ego, and i think you did a great job answering that in the beginning pages.
I will disagree that it is the cause of most problems, for me anyway. I see it in myself when I loose a game or get a low grade. I think this is what causes some of my suffering, yet isn’t the source of my misdirected actions. I think that personally, a fear of loneliness drives my ambitions. Trying to be physically fit, well groomed, and eventually getting a high paying job. It’s not to develop a higher impression of myself, but to be “attractive”, so I won’t be alone and I can be happy.
BTW the update link is 404.
Hi James, thank you so much for your comment. A fear of loneliness is definitely one of our core issues, and it’s great that you recognise it
What update link? It would be great if you can tell me? Thanks!
on page 8 you say that: “I have received many questions that have highlighted the common mistakes and dangerous obstacles which follow this post. The first of these can be found HERE. ” and the link is broken.
Oh, thanks. Yea I took off that article as the information got a bit outdated. Link fixed, much appreciated.
This really got to me bro, this is absolutely amazing.
Thank you Steven!
I’ve read a bit of the power of now, and applied it. It was a great start, and it got me a good feel for what the ego is and what true consciousness feels like, but this article is way more clearer than what I’ve read from The Power of Now. It’s a great book though.
Great stuff. I’m learning to turn off and and turn on my thoughts when i need to. Thank you for this.
You’re very welcome Kamran. If you find TPN a bit too confusing, try his sequel, A New Earth.
It wasn’t confusing, but this is just easier to relate to.
Albert..thank you so much for this article. I especially appreciate the visuals (the blotches, the thought, the magnified thought, the large thought still visible). It is undoubtedly an ego statement of sorts to say that “I am a visual person”…but I definitely learn things much better when I see some sort of graph/chart/visual interpretation. The images you put together are perfect to describe the thoughts in this essay. I do not think the article too long at all. I even read all the comments.
I am sorely tempted to even tell you that I “was” a graphic designer…and therefore that is why I am so taken with your good graphics. (why should you care? lol..I just have this habit of continually telling people about “who” I am).
Through your article I have come to see how constantly and relentlessly I identify myself as a tall, talented, Irish, cat-loving, depressive, oil painting, over achieving, under achieving, blahblahblahblah person. Believe me, I have so many blotches and leftover magnified thought shadows I suspect my core doesn’t see the light of day! But…wait. Yes…it has….because I read this article. It’s brilliant and generous. AND I’m super grateful for the illustrations.
Hi Celeste, thanks for the comment
I’m glad it helped so much. Be careful of going on a “witch-hunt” though, and turning this kinda stuff into some obsession. It doesn’t seem egotistical to tell someone that you were a graphic designer. 
thanks buddy, i am now one step closer to understanding the mind, you see i am trying to get in touch with my ‘pinial gland’ and to do that one needs to let go of his ego . i didnt even know what ego ment or was. i was luck to come across your artical, i belive the ‘core’ is the pinial gland which helps calm, sooth, relax, and remind you of you to help you get to where your goals are taking you, with more confidence and will power than a ‘nomal person’(not that i would be better than anyone elce just better prepard…maybe lol), i can see how the ‘ego’ makes life hard on our selfs and will now take the slow road to numbing it down. thanks mate.
Hey Adam – you’re welcome! I’ve never heard of the ego being correlated with the pineal gland before – I’m going to go Google it now
This is very well-presented. The filter diagrams are simply fantastic. You have a real art of expressing these things. I would love to become an affiliate with your site. Peace and love to you. May you live a long and sweet life.
Hi Tom, thank you so much! Peace and love to you too.
thanks mate
you think you have really helped me with this post.
You’re welcome sunny
Hey Albert,
Can you please provide addtional resources or excercises on how to stop the ego? please help
Hi there – I’ve actually moved on from all this ego stuff, so I can’t really help. Besides, trying to destroy it just makes it stronger. You can try some books if you want – The Book, by Alan Watts, is a good one. Eckhart Tolle’s A New Earth or Power of Now was very inspirational for me also.
More importantly, if you are in a bad way – please seek professional help!
Hi Albert.
You may have said as much but aren’t “true” love/joy just a different set of filters that just aren’t attached to substantiating/negating our sense of self? The ultimate nilistic philosophical stance is that nothing matters so we let all thoughts pass through and nothing registers against a value system. I have never been satisfied with the teachers (Ramana Maharishi lineage especially) who emphasize the nothingness and then come back with their own set of personal values. Which values to abide by is a slippery slope fraught with cultural underpinnings. There doesn’t really seem to be any ground to stand on. So we just muddle through trying to be kind to ourself and others, not use people and situations to bolster our sense of self (ego) at someone else’s expense, and let go of the thoughts and beliefs that are more egoic in nature. Have you ever read soemthing solid and integral on this subject?
Thanks for your efforts here, I have come seeking respite as I deal with my ego in my work and how it has offended people as I tried to assert my influence. Relaxation (letting go) is key and also approaching with a curiosity about what the right approach might be have been helpful for me these last few days.
Thanks!
Hi Al, thanks for your comment. There is a lot of conflicting information about the spiritual ego (add to that the confusion of the psychological definition). Unfortunately I don’t follow the different arguments and so on all that much, and have been spending my time on other forms of inner work, so I can’t really recommend anything to read. I definitely agree, though, that most teachings have that personal bias underneath it. Perhaps it’s just a matter of trial and error, and maybe that’s part of the fun
Trackbacks / Pingbacks
show trackbacksWhat your ego is and how to stop it from obscuring your inner peace and unconditional love…
The ego is the source of all our unhappiness. Every bit of our unhappiness. How do we stop it? How we discover the true joy?…
[...] Foong presents What your ego is and how to stop it from obscuring your inner peace and unconditional love posted at Urban Monk, saying, “The ego is the source of all unhappiness. All unhappiness. [...]
[...] Foong, Urban Monk, posts What your ego is and how to stop it from obscuring your inner peace and unconditional love . This is a lengthy blog post broken down into 8 separate pages.. Rather than a blog I’d call [...]
[...] nie otwierać. Taka jest siła pewnych przekonań, taka jest siła “wierzgającego” e g [...]
[...] Foong from The Urban Monk brings us What your ego is and how to stop it from obscuring your inner peace and unconditional love Albert says “The ego is the source of all unhappiness. All unhappiness. What is it, how does [...]
[...] Foong presents What your ego is and how to stop it from obscuring your inner peace and unconditional love posted at Urban Monk, saying, “The ego is the source of all unhappiness. All unhappiness. [...]
[...] Foong presents What your ego is and how to stop it from obscuring your inner peace and unconditional love posted at Urban Monk. The ego is the source of all unhappiness. All unhappiness. What is it, how [...]
[...] Foong presents What your ego is and how to stop it from obscuring your inner peace and unconditional love posted at Urban Monk, saying, “The ego is the source of all unhappiness. All unhappiness. [...]
[...] Foong presents What your ego is and how to stop it from obscuring your inner peace and unconditional love. “One of the most effective things I’ve ever done in my own conquering of depression: [...]
What your ego is and how to stop it from obscuring your inner peace and unconditional love…
Phew! The title says it all, and also warns you this is going to be a long post… which it is. But is does a beautiful job of dissecting what the ego is and how it works. WELL worth reading….
[...] Foong presents What your ego is and how to stop it from obscuring your inner peace and unconditional love posted at Urban Monk. The ego is the source of all unhappiness. All unhappiness. What is it, how [...]
[...] be now. Do not make your heart a heap of scars. Learn to open your heart, receive love, and give love unconditionally. Learn the art of communicating. Try this it will do wonders for [...]
[...] to some great information. The first is a link to the UrbanMonk website and Albert’s Awesome series of posts on the Ego. This is great reading, he did a fabulous job of explaining ego development and how to take [...]
[...] Foong presents What your ego is and how to stop it from obscuring your inner peace and unconditional love posted at Urban Monk considers how we can get in the way of our own [...]
[...] Foong presents What your ego is and how to stop it from obscuring your inner peace and unconditional love posted at Urban Monk considers how we can get in the way of our own [...]
[...] into the future. It wanted to “protect” me. For more on the operation of the mind please click here to visit a great series on the [...]
[...] happened is that I was so shocked that NMT was working my ego severely subsided and I caught a glimpse of freedom. As my healing began, day after day, huge [...]
[...] with the help of my friends and fellow bloggers in the future. One of the biggest would be the ego, the exaggerated sense of “I”. Another would the duality of good and bad. How about [...]
[...] is Love? Who has ever known Love? Love is where the ego is not. Love is the opposite of self-centeredness; it is what lies underneath the little [...]
[...] and I’m not saying I hold the answers, just that I was in your shoes a while ago. What the ego is: What your ego is and how to stop it from obscuring your inner peace and unconditional love Persona… Why hating the ego makes it worse: Hating the ego: Why discovering the ego can make you more [...]
[...] What Your Ego Is [...]
[...] trying to fight them), then they lose their way and actually make things worse. This might help: What your ego is and how to stop it from obscuring your inner peace and unconditional love Persona… __________________ Urban Monk.Net Modern personal development, entwined with ancient [...]
[...] into the future. It wanted to “protect” me. For more on the operation of the mind please click here to visit a great series on the [...]
[...] all have an ego and according to Eckhart, our egos really don’t do us any favours. He says that one of the [...]
[...] Foong at Urban Monk wrote a 6,000 word post, “What your ego is and how to stop it from obscuring your inner peace and unconditional love” that I found brilliant. He says that his blog is an additional voice to attaining more [...]
[...] this: What your ego is and how to stop it from obscuring your inner peace and unconditional love | Persona… I hope it will help, and if I'm right, it will. __________________ *** "Egotism – [...]
[...] Posted by King-Of-Despair Read this: What your ego is and how to stop it from obscuring your inner peace and unconditional love | Persona… I hope it will help, and if I'm right, it will. I didn't read the 8 pages (yes, laziness) but [...]
[...] reliable I can go for this? I found this reading helpful for me: Ego – The False Center Also, What your ego is and how to stop it from obscuring your inner peace and unconditional love | Persona… __________________ Dreaming of liberation is [...]