What is happiness to you? Do you think it is something you achieve, and then forget about?
Think about the last time you achieved something. Did it make you happy forever, or did your longing for more come back soon after?
Read on to find out how you can escape the trap of unhappiness. Otherwise, you’ll be stuck in the endless cycle of seeking and not finding.
This was meant to be part 4, the final round of the series on Aristotle’s works on happiness. The previous parts are here: Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3.
Along the way, however, it has developed into something much different, and can also be considered part of the Ego Series. You don’t have to have read that first post, but some concepts will be easier to understand.
This is my second favourite post, and one that contains some of the concepts I struggled to understand and implement – but once I finally did, I have gotten a lot out of.
Another long post, nearly 3500 words, split over several pages, so please Save This Page at Del.icio.us for further reading. 
While you’re at it, please StumbleUpon (links at the bottom) this post as a sign of support as well, thank you!
This article is about the final and most important statement from my summary of Aristotle’s works on happiness and success: “Happiness and success is not a state you achieve and forget – the happiness lies in the doing, the continued living.”
All the previous statements we have discussed ties in to this.
Virtues are not virtues if they are not used. A man who merely has charitable tendencies is not charitable if he doesn’t actually donate.
Having all the trappings of success don’t mean anything if you don’t use them. A flashy car isn’t worth anything if no-one can see you drive it. A hot girlfriend doesn’t mean anything if you don’t… take her out for romantic dinners.
To be fair, Aristotle also mentions that people who have virtues will have a strong tendency to want to use them, just like people who have a mansion will have a strong tendency to want to live in it.
How does this apply to you? If you’ve followed the previous posts in this series, you will probably have a highest good in mind. The last step is to make sure it is dynamic. The remaining sections move away from Aristotle, and into one of the greatest secrets I’ve learnt in my search for happiness.
What are static goals? Static goals are what most of us strive for. We go for “having” a good job, “having” money, “having” fame, “having” a hot lover, and on and on it goes.
All of us have achieved static goals before, big or small. Think of one example now, it doesn’t have to be your highest good. Maybe you were overweight and wanted to drop to a certain weight. Did it make you happy?
Most likely, you were satisfied and happy for a period of time, then the sense of emptiness – the sense of not being enough – returns. “What’s next?” You begin asking yourself.
Now that you’re slim, you begin noticing the people who are toned. So you kept working out. After you became toned, you began looking at the celebrities, with their magazine cover bodies. So you started working towards that.
Do you think that would be enough? Are you satisfied? When does it end? When is enough, enough? It is common wisdom that comparison will never make you happy. It is also common wisdom that you will never be the best in everything.
Even if you had the perfect body, you would begin to dread losing it. And, as it inevitably fades, you suffer the pain of losing what you are so proud of. This is the structure of the ego. I’ve covered that in great detail in my original ego post here.
Now, I’m not saying you shouldn’t have goals, or that you shouldn’t want to improve your lot. It is human nature to expand. But how can you expand and be happy at the same time?
On to page 2 for the answer.
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17 Comments
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I’m just so unhappy. I’ve worked and waited my whole life to get friends and a life partner, and have neither. I am a nice person, fun, even independent, though it doesn’t sound like it from this.
Hi Hannah…did the post help? There is no unhappiness in being alone? Can you try implementing that concept? Maybe if you tried the ego post, it would help. Please give it a shot and let me know how you go.
I can’t find that part. There is plenty of unhappiness in being alone! Sure, it’s great if it’s not true. If you’ve got someone to come home to when you wish to.
Hannah, if I may suggest a few things:
1) being with someone doesn’t necessarily make you happier, in fact if you are pinning all your hopes on them, hoping that they will make you happy then it is far easier to get hurt. Nobody is perfect, and even the most sweet, understanding man cannot necessarily love you the way you want to be loved. So if you are looking for a man to take away your unhappiness you’re bound to get hurt…i’m not saying that to be mean…but when you look for a partner to take away your unhappiness, then it’s not true love, it’s more a clinginess or neediness, and that almost never ends up good. So if you go out and develop your social skills and find a man, which you can do, it won’t really matter anyway – the clinginess (which isn’t wrong by the way, 99% of people are like thaT) just means that any relationship will be full of ups and downs.
2) So the best way is to be happy alone. Few ways to do this – go out and find a passion, so that you almost have no time for a man, and that you love having time to do those things. Once you have a great life and are happy on your own, a lover will be more “icing on the cake”. And paradoxically you’ll be way more attractive to any potentials.
3) Another way to be happy alone is to give yourself the love that you are looking for. I have been in your shoes before (for many years in fact), so I know what I’m talking about, in the 2 points above as well. I believe in the end, no one can give you the love you want except yourself. The ego post will explain more.
4) I think you’ll probably need to start with the ego post. It is the ego that says you need to be with someone to be happy.. the ego post is here…
http://tinyurl.com/2gqehn
(I used tinyurl.com because my actual URL was too long and looks crap breaking out of the borders, but don’t worry it’s a link to another post on my site, and not some rip off)
Hope it helps, please feel free to leave comments or email me after if you still need clarification after the ego post.
I liked this post, a lot. The concept of happiness lying in the doing resonates with me.
As a yoga teacher, and of course practitioner… I am aware it’s so easy to fall into the desire of trying to ‘do’ the perfect pose… always looking forward to the moment when you’ll finally master it.
But then what?
There is always another variation to take you on…
So then you’ll want to master that…
No, in my practice now, I release my achieving mind and just en-joy BEING in the pase, feeling how it is today, listening to what it has to tell me…
And therein lies happiness…
I’ve just fallen into your blog a couple of days ago, and have been reading it intently since then, thank you for all this effort. i went through a lot of disappointments lately and discovered a lot of what you say true about my ego,my need to be loved, appreciated, noticed etc. but i have a question:
1) How can i find such a passion that will make me love myself. I’m a mother, loved by my husband and kids, happily settled. I read a lot, write, and help people, do charity work, and love it all, but still cant find the feeling of passion where i lose myself in it and love my self with no need for people to see or appreciate me.
2) isnt there a danger that in finding this “passion”my happiness will be attached to it? and i’ll be in the ego game again?
3) if my ego calls me to do ‘Good” but i doubt it wants the appreciation, should i stop the act, or do it?
4) final Q: why do you do all this service on the blog? is it a mission you are willing to spend soo much time on, or is it a business, or both? the reason i ask, is i’d like to understand the person behind the words and relate more to what you say.
thanks
Hey there Mahatma!
Thanks for your kind words. Regarding your questions…
1) I don’t know for sure as that is not my area of expertise, but I have a post half written on it….it’ll be up in a week or so, it might give you some ideas, I hope
2) I wouldn’t worry so much about the ego, it’s not some kind of enemy, it’s just a belief system that has dominated our lives.
3) Nothing wrong with doing good, I think.
4) More on this on my about page, but it’s a mixture of everything – helping others, speeding my own journey, and also an ambition to be a professional blogger. The percentages that make it all up change all the time.
Thanks for the comment!
I don’t know I think want is a very contaminated word. Want activates the ego for me it just brings me down. It is the root of all ego, in my opinion. Without want we would just be doing: doing stuff we like not worrying about the ego getting in our way. Want is never in the momment. But then again you do need the word,want.
I find myself at peace when I don’t want regardless of my external factors, and I don’t even know why!. Maybe it turns off my ego and it stops reminding me how bad my past was so it forgets about the
future. Ego does truly stop who you truly are!
Great post!
Thank you once again Wonder Lover!
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