Editor’s Note: This is a guest post by Dani of Positively Present. Thanks Dani!
Often when people think about being happy, they think about the giddy, exhilarating feeling that comes with things like falling in love or getting a promotion or having a child. And that is happiness, but it’s only a kind of happiness. Happiness comes in so many different forms and it’s not always as easy to recognize as one might think. While I love that over-the-top feeling of joy I get when something exciting happens to me, I realize that it’s not the same as lasting happiness. In fact, I’m not sure if it’s the same thing as happiness in general.
As I was sitting here writing I decided to check out the definition of happiness. According to Merriam-Webster’s online dictionary, happiness is “a state of well-being and contentment.” Lately I’ve been feeling very joyful, excited, and giddy and I’ve been claiming that this feeling is happiness, but is that really true? I cannot say that I am necessarily content because, to me, contentment is in opposition with the idea of excitement. I when I am content, I am at peace. When I am excited (as I have been lately), my mind and heart are racing. I may be joyful, but I am not necessarily content.
So it seems to me that for quite some time I’ve had an inaccurate perception of what it means to be happy. For so long, I’ve been seeking that head-over-heels happiness that comes with a rush of adrenaline and the novelty of something new and exciting, but, deep down, I know that’s not really what I’m looking for. And I realize that this may explain why I am often left feeling disappointed after the rush of joy I experience. It was great, wonderful, amazing – and then it’s over. And I find myself again searching for the next rush of joy, the next thing that will speed up my heart and make me wake up smiling. When I think about that kind of happiness, I realize that there is a beginning, a high, and then an end…and I don’t think that’s what true happiness is all about.
True happiness, as the definition states, is about well-being and contentment. True happiness is lasting. It’s not something that rushes by, filling you with so much excitement you think you could just burst. It’s something that stays, that hangs around for a long, long time, and that is there even when things aren’t going well. Happiness is an internal force that brings you to a place where you don’t need those rushes of joy, where you are content to just be. Knowing this is the first step in attaining this state of well-being, but it doesn’t make it any easier to actually get there.
I know I want that kind of happiness. In fact, I think I have it already within me, but I don’t yet always have the tools (or the mental focus) to access it. I get wrapped up in what’s happening right now – the good or the bad or the new – and push thoughts of lasting contentment to the back burner of my mind. I want to find that blissful state of contentment, to access that place in me where I know it’s resting and waiting, but it’s not always an easy thing to do. It really requires a lot of effort to find a peaceful sort of happiness, to make peace with happiness. Every day I’m thinking more about it and every day I’m striving more towards that goal of finding that true sort of happiness. In order to achieve that dictionary definition of happiness – that state of well-being and contentment – I’ve decided that I must do the following:
Once I work on these six things (and I will work on them every day!), I know I’ll be that much closer to understanding that true sense of happiness, the kind of happiness that will last, the kind of happiness that will bring me peace.
Dani is a twenty-something blogger who writes about living positively in the present moment. Having lived the first twenty-five years of her life thinking negatively, Dani decided to turn her life around, to start thinking positively, and to share her journey towards a more positive life with others. Check out her blog: www.positivelypresent.com or follow Dani on Twitter at www.twitter.com/positivepresent.
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I think dictionary definitions can be a real pain in the ass sometimes when I give too much power to the dictionary definition instead of finding out the meaning and purpose of a particular word for myself. Happiness is a word I think we all need to define for ourselves. Success is also a word that a dictionary can not define for me. Thanks for sharing this process of mastering your own definition.
I agree with Peter above, and also wanted to thank you for the article. It’s interesting that language is the main tool we have to communicate with (although a picture IS worth a 1000 words), let it is also so limiting. When you think that greek has 7 works for love, and inuit (eskimo) has over 100 words for ice/snow, it makes you think how much we can be limited by our language, even if we have “improved our word power!”
Good post. My philosophy has kind of evolved to the point where I think happiness and peace is our natural state of being, all we have to do is strip away all the unnecessary layers.
I like your logic here Dani. Constant happiness is simply not sustainable by our bodies and our emotional energy. It’s like a car engine that is always on, at top speed. The state I think it’s better to aim for is peace or fulfillment. Which are basically two faces of the same coin.
Eduard
I know it wasn’t your intent, but your article got me thinking about marriage; how at first the highs in the honeymoon stage seem magical, the pinnacle of true happiness.
Yet how often have older married couples spoken of the peace and partnership that replaces those earlier days of intensity?
How often have they implied that the foundation of their true and lasting marriage surpassed the giddiness of their honeymoon stage?
Thank you all for your wonderful comments on my post! You’ve brought up some great points and given me a lot to think about. Hayden, I think it’s very interesting that you related this to marriage. Though I have no experience with marriage, I can see what you’re getting at in your comment and it makes a lot of sense!
Hi Dani,
I can relate so much to your journey. Years ago when I began to search for happiness, I thought it would be a constant feeling of being excited. I did experience such emotional states whenever I achieved something that I wanted or something good happened to me. It was not until my life hit rock bottom that I was able to fully understand happiness.
I will admit that Eastern philosophy completed the circle for me and helped me achieve inner peace. It was not easy…took time and a lot of inner work. It was very painful at times to dig deep and confront all the stuff that was holding me back. But it was worth it. For happiness is a matter of being at peace with not only yourself but with the world.
So you are on the right track…I just hope you do not have to experience what I did in order to get that inner peace.
I agree with Nadia, you really have to experience a great deal of NOT-happy to appreciate the greatness of the small things in life.
Good article Dani..your list of things to work on to achieve well- being and contentment is excellent.. I agree with Henry.. I too think that peace is our natural state of being, which can be attained by removing all artificialities- things/thoughts that dont really matter from our mind.
Last week I had a friend who was in tears asking my how to be happy. Although through my years of meditation I’d found true happiness I was at a loss of how to explain my experience in words to my friend. Meditating on it a few days later I realised how to articulate what I’d learnt over the years. I have to agree with Henri, true happiness is not a state that is gained or achieved, we cannot strive for it, it is something inherent in our nature that is apparent when we quieten down all the things that don’t allow us to be present in the moment. Happiness to us is like wetness is to water, its just part of our nature. This however the opposite of what we usually think happiness is. Therefore, don’t strive to be happy, strive to be present, and quiet and still. As the mind quietens down your natural happiness will gradually reveal itself.
Savour the moment.
Dani, great post. I like how you distinguish between the giddy excitement and contentment, and how excitement really can’t be a lasting state (it would eventually drive us insane, really!)
Cheers,
Miche
For me the real secret to lasting happiness is to create my happiness from the inside rather than have it be Dependant on outer things. That way like you said in the article its not about a quick rush or exhilaration caused by your life situation, but a constant lasting inner contentment.
excellent article!
Thanks for your comments everyone
I think being happy with yourself is a huge step, knowing who you are, who your real friends are and accepting your self is a huge step in happiness. I have always had a self image problem and had a conscious problem with it but I got it and changed it and now I am more happy with myself and I think this shows.
Hi Dani,
I resonate with what you say. Many of us get on the wheel of seeking happiness, and many of us chase spirituality or beliefs and often we get attached to particular emotional states and we can even get attached to struggle and difficulty. At some point we realize the journey is only from here to here, and if we can just allow everything in awareness, that is inner peace.
Thanks, great article!
k
Thanks for your comments everybody!
Insightful! Recently I had my own shot at defining happiness, which aims to be more “scientific” and “objective” (as much as this is possible for a subjective feeling such as happiness): “A person can be considered to have experienced a “happy” moment if the person chooses to re-live it as an end in itself if offered at no cost.”
For the detailed derivation of this conclusion please have a look at What is happiness? ; What do you think about this definition?
Thank you, Nick
I like this post and the comments – I spend a lot of my time thinking and writing about peace of mind. I think of happiness as part of a continuum. I started from a low energy, depressed place, as a child, and have worked hard over the years to move up (to more positive or good feelings) in the feeling scale – to the point where I pretty much live in a contented, peaceful place, or at least know how to bring myself back to that state. I get moments of happiness – a burst of good feeling in my heart – that pass fairly quickly. And I’m seeking, at the top of the scale, joy, a more constant state of wonderful feeling. Perhaps there are “higher” levels on the scale – bliss? euphoria? Maybe I’ll get there. I’m just grateful for serenity at the moment.
Thank you for your comments, guys. Linda, from your statements on starting at different places and levels, you might like to check out the work of David Hawkins (the scale of consciousness, not the muscle testing stuff, which is controversial as all hell). It might interest you.
Hi Dani, thanks for the thoughts. I agree with many that life is about finding that happiness, and peace. In my observation that puts a lot of pressure on people, too. We have to make a living, we have to mind the kids, we have to pay the bills, and oh, I have to be happy and at peace, too. I want to suggest that it is not about achieving anything of this sorts, whatever you feel already accept yourself as the loving and peaceful person that you are. if there are dark clouds obscouring your mood – thats fine. The peace and joy is underneath, just let the clouds pass, they it themselves. Nothing you have to do there. Love&peace to all.
Andreas
You’ve well described the happiness we all know… and struggle for.
But, there’s the true happiness that every spiritually aware person tries to find. It is very close, in fact, it lives in you. The reason why you don’t feel it is that your desires and fears hide it from you. Disown them by surrendering to God and all you’ll be left with are happiness and compassion. Only then, life is worth living.
A fantastic piece of writing . The distinction is very intersting and the steps taht you have suggested are really good for anybody.Now I have also started thinkng in tje same line but it may take,as you said ,some weeks or months to get the feel of it. Good writing ,good subject and it will really help people who are serious about attaining happiness- the true one
Thank u
rama bharatha varma
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