孤獨 - 初創期的浪漫|個人發展

孤獨 - 初創期的浪漫

（平均時間為：9:13分鐘| 2309字）

當我們在深處的孤獨，安慰我們什麼 - 什麼有可能帶我們遠離它？什麼，真的？所以很多時候，感覺就像是沒有安慰，像我們正在從我們自己的影子。它是真實的，在某種意義上。沒有擺脫孤獨。我們總是孤獨。但是有一個出路的孤獨。

我們所有的努力在逃避孤獨是根本性的缺陷，因為我們不明白的性質是什麼，我們正在從。也有一些是美麗的你的寂寞。而當你看到，當你承認這一點，學會喜悅，那是當你內心的東西轉移。當你變得孤獨寂寞 - 這是自由！這時候，你才能真正開始愛！

碎裂的整體性和搜索

正如奧修曾經說過 - 首先是要承認孤獨。孤獨是我們的真正性質，我們可以永遠，永遠，不會孤單。我們來到這個世界裡，我們離開這個世界孤單。而在這兩者之間，只有我們兩個人 - 但我們瘋狂地躲避它，運行它，假裝它是不正確的。

我記得一個依附風格分析測試在心理學課一次。其目的是探索如何確保我們在我們的關係。其中一個問題是：“你是否感覺你要完全融入另一個嗎？”

房間裡爆發成一個尷尬，猶豫爆裂的笑聲在這樣的一個問題。這是多麼荒謬！ - 他們似乎在說。不過，我保持沉默。一個舊的記憶讓我吃驚，我記得感覺相同深度的寂寞，一次，一個很久以前。或者，它從來沒有真正離開我 - 1異化如此之深，唯一的出路似乎是真正融化到另一個人。

感覺切斷在人群中的一個午餐時間，感覺只有一個女朋友的男生親熱時，總是在外面尋找在生活中。我記得我看著同學。他們臉上的外觀 - 它似乎是許多相同的感受。

這種異化是人類生存的普遍困境 - 永遠放心，從來沒有在家裡。它推動著幾乎所有我們做的事。孤獨與分離是一種內在的，永久的一部分，我們的自我。

在教義的非二元性，其核心許多宗教和哲學，消息很簡單 - 我們都是上帝的無限的，永遠存在的，永恆的生命。深感我們都是相互聯繫，不可分割的。

自我，那麼，是普遍的幻想，誇張的感覺，“我”，而我們所有的孤獨的根。就目前我們覺得我們是“我”，這是目前我們已經創建了“不我”，其他的一切東西。我們成為一個片段，切斷了其他的存在。我們成為一個點在這個世界上，忘記了上帝。

從這個意義上講不成體系，對一些 - 也許那些誰也不會笑的演講大廳 - 是有意識的。它顯示為一個不斷深入，整體感不，不不夠的。

對於其他人，那些誰笑在測試，這個意義上說是無意識的。他們缺乏的東西，但他們不知道它是什麼。於是他們尋找，拼搏，奮鬥，但所有的時間不知道它是什麼，他們正試圖填補。越來越多的財物，更多的性生活，更多的地位，更大的權力，更多的認可，更多，更多，更多。幾乎所有的都源於此驅動器的自我完成。但它是所有徒勞 - 我們的精力扔了一個無底洞。我們正在努力實現的事情是非常引起我們的不足。

浪漫 - 新的酒精

浪漫也許是最常見的掩蓋的意識碎片。如果我們是孤獨的，它必須有意義，我們需要一個特殊的人！邏輯和寒冷，像商業交易。一個男朋友，女朋友，情人，一個人，任何人！我們必須減少他們只是掩蓋了我們的痛苦 - 沒有什麼不同的濫用酒精，噪音對我們的電視，或在電話裡消磨時間，直到下一次我們能夠與人 - 好像我們有這麼多的時間來殺死！

性別是最接近我們可以在一個物理到統一性的水平，這就是為什麼它是如此深刻的滿足感。當我們同行深入到我們的心，破碎顯示為一個需要重視，要堅持，融化和合併。有多少人意識到這個問題呢？如何常見的是這種原始的疏離感？共同足以顯示在一個標準化的心理測試。

因此，我們期待有人能帶走的感覺。當我們與他人，我們可以把這種背景下我們心中的不和諧感。突然間，我們的存在似乎意義。 “我並不孤獨！”你驚嘆，你擁抱，擁抱，親吻。 “我有我的人誰需要，誰想要我！我很漂亮，我想，我值得！我不再孤獨！“

然而，僅僅掩蓋他們永遠都是被。即使我們對我們的親人，我們仍然只是因為我們是 - 孤獨。

幾個星期前，我在看一部紀錄片的“主機”次文化，在夜總會地區的一個富裕的國家。它圍繞著英俊的年輕男子 - 打扮俗麗，訓練有素的誘惑，支付給周圍特殊酒吧休息室。他們招待眾多的婦女 - 通常年輕，漂亮，富有 - 誰支付他們的公司，他們的愛撫，他們的空閒奉承。

這部電影的重點，特別是在主機上最優秀的城市 - 一個迷人的男子誰擁有自己的酒吧。他是生活的夢想。他的實力與其他男人蒼白的婦女作出比較。他偷了婦女離開丈夫和男友。婦女打在他身上，有時身體，有時錢扔在了他，他回家與一個不同的每一天。看來他將是地球上最後一個人感到疏離。

接近尾聲的紀錄片，我記得面試官問他是否是值得的。他掛起他的頭和嘆息。 “這是所有樂趣的最初幾年。但過了一段時間 ...我不知道。沒關係了。我是孤獨的人在世界上。“

在美麗的孤獨，寂寞和悲傷

如果愛情和性別，如果金錢和名利和認同提供任何援助，那麼做呢？當你在痛苦和孤獨的心痛，什麼都好於一體的教義和相互的存在？除非你可以體驗他們所指向 - 他們怎樣安慰你？

漂亮的字來填補你的頭，然後關閉並打開書看你的床上，並發現它的寒冷和孤獨，因為它是以前。如果我們能永遠不會孤獨，怎麼辦？我所能提供的是一種變化的觀點。

另一個引述奧修，那麼：孤獨是美麗的，它是氣派。孤獨是悲哀的，它是絕望。

從表面上看，他們看起來是一樣的。但在現實中，他們是天壤之別。

孤獨是我們的本性。孤獨是我們逃避它。

你是孤獨。為什麼要成為一個問題？放寬到您的寂寞;到你的悲傷。不要從你的孤獨，因為它是永遠存在的。慶祝孤獨，對自己的喜悅，在你孤獨的舞蹈。如果你不能，那麼你將永遠是逃跑。愛自己。這是唯一的出路。

簡單地坐下來，和寂寞。不要去想它。只是覺得。放寬到它，然後你會發現，你的悲傷有其自身的神聖性。獨處是一個完美的機會你去深入到自己。查看所有的細微之處，面對自己正視，並注視著所有部分你不想要。這一切帶來了進去，輕你的意識，並接受他們，愛他們。

我們到城裡去了，走進辦公室，進入夜總會，運行我們的孤獨。教師，大師，禪宗大師 - 他們進山去了，使他們能夠更好地熟悉它。

那又如何？然後呢？一旦你對自己的喜悅，然後 - 只有到那時 - 你能真正的喜悅在其他。這是一個悖論，其中一個最大的世界。只有當你不再需要一個情人，那就是當你能找到浪漫。還有什麼是假，一個蒼白的模仿。

被需要和被人愛

一個騙局。這就是整個遊戲的浪漫的。誰是我們的“浪漫”真的？我們，和我們孤獨。我們說 - 我愛你。但是我們真正的意思是 - 請愛我。操縱一切的。

操縱，以填補我們的差距，所以我們可以感受到愛，感受到需要。事實上，我們來到混淆這兩個詞 - 被需要，對我們來說，是被愛情一樣！

我的一個朋友向我抱怨某事很奇怪。她的丈夫已經開始發現的樂趣的孤獨。他已成為冥想，更多的內容悄悄地快樂。他愛和笑聲時，他和她，但他也開始享受他的孤獨的時間。他開始認識到，沒有什麼不足，他不再需要她感到完成。

她開始去瘋狂。她開始擔心，她的猜疑開始壓倒了她。為什麼他如此滿意，這麼高興？他在做什麼在他孤獨的走在公園嗎？是否有另一個女人？她跟著他，但他沒有做錯任何事情 - 他剛剛走了。她暗中監視他時，他獨自一人在研究，但他沒有做錯任何事情有任何 - 他是打坐，閱讀，祈禱。沒有禁止的愛，沒有奇怪的迷信。

“為什麼？”她哭著說。 “這是怎麼回事？”為什麼她不高興？這將是一個更好的問題。他不再需要她，對她來說，感覺上他是失戀。但他沒有 - 事實上，他愛上的第一次。

困乏是如此普遍，我們認為這是一個浪漫的愛情的跡象。但是，貧困程度簡單地說 - 困乏。這需要將永遠不會感到滿意，沒有人 - 不管多麼可愛，漂亮，美麗，溫柔，奢華，細心 - 可以永遠愛你的自我的方式，它希望被人愛。

充其量，您將得到滿意的一期時間 - “蜜月”階段，當你是“愛”，當一切都似乎完美的美麗。你的存在似乎意義，因為有人需要你，愛你。

後來有一天，您的需求和不安全感 - 所有症狀基本，原始意識的分裂 - 再提高他們的頭上。或者，也許它只是似乎這樣 - 他們一直在那裡，我們只是忘了他們一段時間。這就是開始時的論點，因為我們認為這是錯的其他人。

“你應該讓我快樂！”你哭。而甜蜜的微笑和親吻開始揮桿其他方式。我們變得難過，我們沒有攻擊他們使我們快樂，我們將給予他們操縱我們更多。也許他們放棄，鐘擺擺動回甜味。也許他們不這樣做，我們打破了在眼淚和憤怒。這也似乎是正常的。

但是，這不是他們的錯。沒有人能夠拿走我們的原始意義上的分離，除非我們。但是，我們不知道，所以我們去抱怨和拉弦。我們忘記了，唯一的辦法是，滿意的是要滿足自己。

孤獨的人不能愛，他們只能假裝，因為他們沒有什麼可給。他們只給一個塑料的愛，希望有人會真正的愛的回報。一切都成為巨人的遊戲，一個國際象棋比賽。

但是當你不再需要被需要，當你真正停止那些想成為通緝，那是當你孤獨寂寞變為。而你開始看到愛。

獻給所有那些誰是或曾經孤獨和疏離。

誤解

這篇文章也許是最被人誤解我曾經寫文章，所以我想澄清一些常見的誤解在這裡：

孤獨 - 這是分開的孤獨，兩個不同的東西。我們的物理性質，是被孤立。可我們從來沒有，不被孤立。即使我們做愛，我們仍然相對身體分開。不過，這不是一個問題，它不僅造成悲傷，當我們運行遠離它。當我們運行我們的本性，我們的事業我們自己的痛苦的孤獨 ...但是，當我們承認和接受我們的本性，我們看到的美麗的孤獨。
而從孤獨，那是真正的浪漫的開始。我不是說每個人都假貨愛 - 我說孤獨的人做，因為他們不能愛，如果他們的需要。愛是相反的需要。一旦你不再需要，那是當你可以找到愛。有許多誰做真正的愛;有許多誰不期待任何回報 - 但這些都是誰的靈魂找到了孤獨。
一旦你已經不再是需要的，這就是我所謂的孤獨，那是當你真正去外面的世界，找到一個妥善的浪漫和關係。否則，它很可能是困乏，附件 - 而不是真正的愛。這就是我說，我已經多次指出，在整個後 - 真正的愛情不能來自孤獨。我不是說我們永遠都應該是單獨，雖然有一定沒有錯的。

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228評論

訂閱評論

直流說：
10月14日07時上午06時05分

哇艾伯特。
約翰說：
10月14日07時間為下午12:17

哇 - 有釘子的地方衛生組織頭響。
顯然，一旦你真的這樣看，但顯示出真理的洞察到它寫
並再次哇！
阿爾貝說：
10月14日07時下午2時09分

非常感謝你直流和約翰，現在我得阻止它從我的頭越來越嘿嘿嘿。只是在開玩笑。
努爾說：
10月14日07時下午4時05分

哇...你自己也不甘示弱。輝煌的寫作。
不僅為內容，但風格和純粹的口才。
我說，'讓它到達你的頭'。你值得慶祝。
涉及一個和弦，你解決一個非常普遍和心wrenchig問題的孤獨和愛。
上帝保佑你每愛
對自我，統一性，
其他的是你和所有的美，這也是你。
繼續下去的旅客。照明和共享。
阿爾貝說：
10月14日07時下午11時23分

非常感謝努爾。你是一個真正的詩人，這是一個美妙的詩那裡。謝謝。
Arvind的Devalia 說：
10月15日07時上午01:37

嗯，我能說什麼呢阿爾貝？！
這是一個你最好的文章，很好說個明白。
我也喜歡在最後的奉獻
保持我的朋友
Arvind的
爾鮑明亮的調你的情商說：
10月15日07時上午11時54分

您好阿爾貝：
這是一個不錯的文章。我已經打了幾年現在大約孤獨之間的差異，這對我來說，講的缺乏和孤獨，這（對我）是相當可取的。
阿爾貝說：
10月15日07時下午2時35分
和雅Arvind的和爾鮑，非常感謝。它的靈感來自於一些經驗我已經在過去幾個星期，很高興地看到，我有好東西走出來港燈。
本德說：
10月16日07時上午04點23
雄辯和富有洞察力的，書面說明伸出，觸動你，美麗。
阿爾貝說：
07年10月16日在10:45 pm
非常感謝您本，很高興你喜歡它，真的。
蜂蜜乙說：
10月17日07時上午6點37分
美麗的，深刻的，非常及時的。
阿爾貝說：
10月17日07時上午10時08分
謝謝蜂蜜。很高興見到你左右。
蒂娜蘇-想像的那麼簡單。是決定性的。說：

10月20日07時上午07時22分

我最大的成就之一，今年是愛上自己，被自己。生活永遠是一樣的了！謝謝你的提醒。這是美的。
愛與感恩，
蒂娜
不簡單的。是決定性的。
阿爾貝說：

10月20日07時下午3時08分

感謝蒂娜，偉大的認識您 - 我們將移動到電子郵件的談話，是啊？
探險在主機說：

10月27日07時上午02時04分

“浪漫也許是最常見的掩蓋的破碎感。” - 不能同意更多！
阿爾貝說：

10月27日07時下午3時47分

由於探險的主機！
動漫說：

11月4日07時上午5時55分

它聽起來很容易寫，但我想這是內斯大量的觀察和見解和反思產生這篇文章。
好..保持良好的工作！
帕特里夏-心靈之旅阿Lightworker 說：

11月4日07時下午2時32分

你做一遍。你寫一個真正偉大的文章。早在1993年，我做了一個油畫（我沒有在所有的繪畫訓練。）我的想法是什麼空虛，寂寞，在我的洞中間的感覺如此空虛。然後，我寫了幾句話對繪畫。在這裡，他們是：
當起初我看著你，
我叫你空。
但現在，我看著你，
我看到你很充分。
在你的牆壁是黑色的顏色紅色和綠色。
混合紅色和黑色是憤怒和憤怒。
醜陋的陰影綠色是永遠存在的恐懼。
這是什麼感覺我寂寞。我覺得這真的很深入了。
有一次，我學會了愛自己，我不再覺得這孤獨。從自愛，承認孤獨而來的是一個美好的時間花在自己與自己。你猜怎麼著？今天，我愛我是誰，當我花時間和自己。由於該花的時間與我自己，我能愛我的丈夫，我的孩子，我的朋友更深入比以往任何時候。
阿爾貝說：

11月4日07時下午3時04分

帕特里夏，再次證明你的手詩意，使您的博客如此不可抗拒。它不只是我說，我聽說很多人說是完全一樣的東西太多。感謝下降了和共享。
阿爾貝說：

11月5日07時上午03時06分

動漫，感謝您的意見 - 不答复和道歉越早，你對此有何評論進入垃圾郵件自動部分。
亞歷布萊克韋爾說：

11月5日07時上午09時48

哇 - 多麼偉大的文章。這打動了我這麼多，因為我確定的每一個字。
阿爾貝說：

11月5日07時下午12時12分

謝謝亞歷克斯 - 很高興見到你周圍，好朋友。很高興你喜歡它
對在Imaginif梅根說：

11月7日07時下午2:15

我的小蒙再次輝煌。
我要分享 - 我的婚姻破裂後，我被深深傷害 ... ...和憤怒。我討厭每個人，包括我自己在內，尤其是男子。在兩年期間我重新認識自己的黑暗與我的核心，我是誰，我想，為什麼我等這一天我醒來，並決定再次是居住生活的一天，我的生活真正開始。它開始 soooo孤獨，但我喜歡它。
我變得很開心，因為我選擇了幸福。我成了我自己和我的舒適與自己的公司。我獨自走了出去，獨自笑了單獨吃飯（當孩子們在他們的爸爸的）。然後該死的，當時我是不看或沒有時間為別人，我遇見了保羅。
天哪我...我以為我已經愛過，但我怎麼可能被人愛，如果我不愛我第一次。
我現在才知道，因為我拳頭團結發現，擁抱寂寞。帶來的孤獨我說。
M
阿爾貝說：

11月7日07時下午2時57

感謝您分享梅根 - 總是喜歡聽到這些個人的故事。和一個偉大的想法。這是有趣的 - 我一直在閱讀一些其他反應，這篇文章在其他地方也有不少人誤解了我想說，感謝你這麼肯定，我所做的是正確的
羅恩說：

11月9日07時上午04時07分

嗨〜偉業
剛剛走過來的狂歡癒合讀您的文章。
好樣的！
我同意你的100％。
大家分享什麼是“真正的力量”的情況，有時危及他人的信仰...。但是這是個好東西！
謝謝你這樣說。
我會回來看更多。
要十分清楚，
羅恩
阿爾貝說：

11月9日07時上午07時01分

羅恩，非常感謝你對你的好評和支持，我說什麼和做什麼，我真的很感激它。
阿維納什說：

11月10日07時上午11點22

令人驚奇的文章。我很喜歡閱讀它幾乎一樣多，我喜歡閱讀奧修的雜誌和書籍。
這部分所有的話說：
[...]
我們到城裡去了，走進辦公室，進入夜總會，運行我們的孤獨。教師，大師，禪宗大師 - 他們進山去了，使他們能夠更好地熟悉它。
那又如何？然後呢？一旦你對自己的喜悅，然後 - 只有到那時 - 你能在其他真正的喜悅。這是一個悖論，其中一個最大的世界。只有當你不再需要一個情人，那就是當你能找到浪漫。還有什麼是假，一個蒼白的模仿。
[...]
如果人們能夠理解這部分，沒有人會感覺哭了出來，感覺被騙，等：
孤獨的人不能愛，他們只能假裝，因為他們沒有什麼可給。他們只給一個塑料的愛，希望有人會真正的愛的回報。一切都成為巨人的遊戲，一個國際象棋比賽。
約 5或6個月前，我曾經感到孤獨的時候，完全厭倦這種生活。但在讀的書“奧修：一種突發性的衝突雷”，我真的享受我的孤獨。
我最喜歡奧修的一個報價：“當你不需要在所有的人，當你完全足夠你們自己，當你可以單獨和非常高興，欣喜若狂，那麼愛是可能的。” -職業安全及健康
阿爾貝說：

11月10日07時下午2:45

阿維納什，感謝了很多的讚譽。我是一個大風扇的奧修的好，他是在一些安慰的事情在我個人，然後激發了我的文章。由於停止了
丹說：

11月12日07時上午02時13分

多麼正確！！我什至不知道什麼東西 aloness它存在於我和我喜歡獨處！所以，真的...。我面對我的悲傷，寂寞的時候，發現到aloness ...。即使我不明白，我發現自由是錯誤的。
阿爾貝說：

07年11月12日在上午08點39分

丹，我很高興你找到自由 - 這是一個偉大的感覺，是不是？雖然我只上看到它，到目前為止，這是我真正想要更多。
胡安說：

11月12日07時下午2時52分

所以，我認為這是不準確的。這是一個概括的想法，假設沒有人愛另一個理由只是自我的幸福。還有人在那裡（即使這可能是很難相信的作家），愛和關心其他人不打算填補他們的'空虛'或孤獨。愛情並不總是對別人找你的寂寞特殊結束。有時它是對誠實有愛心和關懷不看的東西回來。我最不同意這個文本，因為它是建立在具體情況下，不推廣到所有人類的（不過，我理解它是如何努力可以相信，有些人在這個世界上，不適合這一類。但也有）。
阿爾貝說：

11月12日07時下午3時23分

嘿胡安 - 感謝您的評論。我認為我們談論同樣的事情。我相信有些人在那裡誰的愛而愛的。但是，這些人是那些誰已經變成孤獨到孤獨。如果你是孤獨的，那麼所有你的愛是用來掩蓋它。如果您已接受你的孤獨，那麼所有你的愛是真正的 - 就像你說的。因此，我認為我們正在談論的幾乎同樣的事情。
馬修皮爾斯說：

07年11月13日在上午11點50分

一個偉大的文章。矛盾的是，它是當我們完成自己的看法，包括部分ourself看到分裂和孤立的，我們可以真正開放自己，我們的整體性。正如甘地曾經說過：“兩端是手段”。你不能否認實現整體性的任何部分的自我。
聚苯乙烯。我把我的職位，是指同月比較，該無效
阿爾貝說：

11月13日07時下午1時05分

大後的虛空，馬修 - 以及一個我完全同意。那裡留下了評論。由於停止了。
1 +1 說：

07年11月30日在5:49 pm

我真的很喜歡這一點。我不知道，但我相信這一切...讓我重新整理的。我不想相信。如果這一切是真的，我深陷困境。我真的不知道怎樣才能過真正的愛。也許是假愛 whats最適合我。我不知道。這聲音極壞 /傷心，但我實在看不出我什至可以享受獨處時，我什至不喜歡自己。
我計劃讓奧修書籍中提到的意見。希望它有一定的幫助。
阿爾貝說：

07年11月30日在7:01 pm

嘿1 +1 ...感謝您的評論。我相信，喜歡自己，愛上你只是現在 - 是最重要的事情在你的生活。路比關係更重要。路更幸福的了。你可能會感興趣的愛與孤獨在這個系列文章中，我走了深入那裡。檢查它在文章頁面。
http://www.urbanmonk.net/articles/
位閱讀，但你真的喜歡自己，然後你就可以幸福
花愛的可能，特別是與您相關的。
南希說：

12月2日07時下午1時27分

阿爾貝，我剛剛發現你的網站，不能停止閱讀你的文章。你有驚人的洞察力。謝謝你這麼多，你的想法/字來我在完美的時機。
阿爾貝說：

12月2日07時下午2時26分

嘿南希，好有你在這裡，謝謝您的誇獎
珍妮特麥克萊蘭說：

12月4日07時下午12時08分

親愛的UrbanMonk，
我創建了一個抽象的孤獨和對你的文章浪漫並設置鏈接到完整的文章在我的電子拼貼的孤獨。我發現你的評論依戀和浪漫相當燃燒彈和困難，但毫無疑問貼切。我邀請您來參觀我的電子拼貼在what4.wordpress.com感謝您的見解。
珍妮特麥克萊蘭
阿爾貝說：

07年12月4日在下午4點32分

珍妮特，感謝您的連結。這照片...我不知道，如果是令人不安的或有趣。很想聽到更多關於為什麼這篇文章是燃燒，但。
阿維納什說：

12月4日07時下午8時36分

不過，我覺得圖片不安。對我來說，它看起來像在證明當今世界的發展方向。一個很多人都生活在一個隱藏的矩陣，這不是隱藏在所有如果你有空閒時間看它就像一個甜蜜的毒藥。
等等，他們有足夠的時間來觀看自己被困在一個矩陣創建自己的想法，但他們不想照顧！為了'時間，電視節目，更重要的是比他們的生命。他們可以閱讀 100年代的愛情小說，但在一年讀一本書是對個人發展也borrring ..
阿爾貝，你看過“黑客帝國”系列？這家現代化的世界是類似於矩陣。唯一的區別就是人們生活在這個現實世界的矩陣不是一個單一的控制，強大的計算機的。他們控制數十億超強的電腦又名人心。
可悲的是，這麼多的人不想照顧，如果他們控制自己的思想或是正在控制他們的思想。
阿爾貝說：

12月4日07時下午9時27分

阿維納什，你碰到一些我一直在思考，並討論了一些其他博客。為什麼你認為是這樣？為什麼你認為人們花時間抱怨，或失去他們心目中的娛樂，而不是然後做一些對他們的不滿 /寂寞？
我讀過一些自助書籍之前，我還沒有準備好，但它在內部。是什麼改變？什麼是推前，有人站起來，把自己的責任 /
阿維納什說：

12月4日07時下午11時28分

為什麼你認為是這樣？為什麼你認為人們花時間抱怨，或失去他們心目中的娛樂，而不是然後做一些對他們的不滿 /寂寞？
我讀過一些自助書籍之前，我還沒有準備好，但因為它在內部。他們會有什麼改變？什麼是推前，有人站起來，把自己的責任 /
首先，感謝提出這些問題！雖然我不是專家在這個話題時，我花了很多時間研究人類行為。從我所學到到目前為止，我可以告訴大家，目前這一代不能癒合 /治愈。原因非常簡單明白。
為什麼你認為人們花時間抱怨，或失去他們心目中的娛樂，而不是然後做一些對他們的不滿 /寂寞？
因為他們的父母曾經做同樣的事情？因為每個人都做同樣的事情在我們的社會呢？
他們會有什麼改變？什麼是推前，有人站起來，把自己的責任？
答案可能有點可笑，但如果真的想控制他的思想和生活，他應該離開這個社會了一段時間，花了數個月裡，在一個叢林。
而要充分意識到，如果他想找到真正的幸福。剛剛嘗試看你們的活動了一個小時。你會意識到你失去了在成為老矩陣的思想。這是相當困難的留在這個現代世界的意識。這就是為什麼建議花費數個月的叢林。
阿爾貝說：

12月5日07時上午09時02分

嘿阿維納什，愛這個討論！我讀的地方，我們所有的人在不斷振動，原因為什麼我們不按某些書籍，是因為不兼容的振動水平。聽起來很奇怪，雖然。
我同意獨處的東西，看你的頭腦，找到你真正的自我。我一直孤獨的我可以在過去的一年，它改變了我的內在生命，譜寫了很多關於孤獨最近。
然而，如何激勵他人找到一個真理，或找到自己呢？改變他們從別人誰坐在那裡抱怨，需要的人誰負責？
阿維納什說：

12月5日07時下午12:30

Still, how does one motivate others to find the truth, or to find themselves? Change them from someone who sits and complains, to someone who takes responsibility?
Big answer: You can't expect a friendly behavior from a grown up wild tiger 'cause it might be easy to train a baby tiger to live with humans like a cute pet but it's pretty difficult to change the nature of a grown up tiger.
Something similar applies with us humans. We've developed a society that is sick. Just spend a day watching a thief and you'll realize who is faultier if a girl's purse is gone in a snap. Sometimes, they don't even realize unless they need to pay for something. 為什麼會這樣？ Because people aren't conscious at all. People are walking on the streets but they don't have an idea about what's going on inside their brain.
Today you've asked this question to me but trust me, I've tried too many times to make many people understand why they should spend sometime alone, watching their own activities, concentrating their minds on their own thoughts. While a few guys (15 – 21) tried my suggested techniques, the people in 23 to 50 age range appeared to be ignoring my suggestion. Many of 'em even ended up making my joke. That's why I wrote in my previous comment that the current generation can't be healed/cured. In fact, I even tried to convince my parents but no use.. Finally in 2001, I realized that changing yourself maybe easy, changing others is not and have been living alone since then.
答案很簡單：不要試圖使大人模樣了解基本面的生命，人性，等等，我們應該集中我們的思想在新的一代。孩子們會明白，大人模樣不會。和人民誰明白這事有例外，不是嗎？
PS我要去花一段時間讀你的文章，孤獨。
阿爾貝說：

12月6日07時上午12時12分

嘿...感謝詳細的評論！
嗯...我相信每個人都有可能改變，年齡無關，用它做。我同意，我們只是提出，社會化投放虛假的思維方式，雖然。我想也許是強烈的個人創傷的原因，我們開始找到理由去改變我們的思維。像有些人不如何改變他們的飲食和運動，直到他們變得過於肥胖對他們自身的利益。
再次感謝了討論。
阿維納什說：
12月6日07時上午04點24分
我很高興！
順便說一下，我並沒有說，人們沒有可能change.I只是想指出，大人模樣往往會忽視這些基本的'事業留連接到同一個社會病態多年。
像有些人不如何改變他們的飲食和運動，直到他們變得過於肥胖對他們自身的利益。
在回答你前面的問題是藏在你自己的答复。請注意你寫什麼？ “... ...不會改變。直到他們變得過於..”
是的，這就是答案。這是人類的本性。就像人們不會改變他們的飲食和運動，直到他們變得過於肥胖對他們自身的利益，人民不能相信把重點放在基礎知識的幸福，直到他們變得過於悲傷。
我看到很多人閱讀自我發展的書，但都是'時間可以改變自己？第即使他們嘗試，他們不能改變自己，直到他們達到了極限狀態。這“太肥”在您的例子是一個極端的狀態，我的經驗告訴我們，不能停留在一個極端狀態的時間很長的時間。然後，秋天是肯定的。一旦你秋天，你準備好一個新的開始。
我希望它使任何意義。如果沒有，對不起，浪費你的像素。
阿爾貝說：
12月6日07時上午9時19分

不是所有的阿維納什，我愛你的見解。感謝所有
CG Walters says:

12月6日07時上午10時17分

Another excellent article, Albert.
As I believe we are all one–single points of perspective of the ONE mind–then we can never be truly alone. Our segmented consciousness provides the illusion of being alone. We are not even physically alone, as that physicality is illusion.
“I love you” may often be used in manipulation–conscious or unconscious–but it is certainly not “all it is.”
I will agree that in the end our love is the Absolute loving another aspect of itself (therefore us loving ourself), in order to experience this sublime level of the expression one must be fully focused and engaged in the here and now..fully giving love to the one that we are (in this segmented consciousness) expressing love to.
Peace and wonder,
企業管治
阿爾貝說：

07年12月6日在6:28 pm

企業管治，這是美麗的。謝謝你肯定我的文章，和我要表達。
Liara Covert says:

12月11日07時下午11時49分

In case you haven't read it, Osho's autobio is quite intriguing: Autobiography of a Spiritually-incorrect Mystic.” As far as spending time alone, many people forget value is found in learning to listen to the self. Often, amidst the hustle-bustle of modern society, the choice to explore meditation, retreats or other areas of spirituality, can be like rebirth and renewal. I would encourage anyone who hasn't yet to give it a chance.
阿爾貝說：

December 13 07 at 2:17 am

Very nice. I love Osho. Is his autobiography just a story, or does it contain lessons? Got too much on my reading plate at the moment! Thanks again Liara.
阿曼達說：
January 2 08 at 4:10 pm

阿爾貝
Standing in a house full of people during Christmas over 2 years ago this horrible suffocating darkness penetrated my soul and even with all the “close” people who were attending, I felt a loneliness so deep I had to walk out of the house. It was as if I were the only one standing there amidst a home full of mannequins. Time stood still and this was when I realized how “lonely” I was. The beginning of a journey on a dark path, but would later become brighter. For some reason I was thinking about some of the old “Eagle's” songs, just now…Must have been a sad time for the song writer. Their songs now resonate with happiness…
阿爾貝說：
January 2 08 at 4:37 pm

Hey Amanda, thank you so much for sharing. It's always beautiful to hear from the personal experience of others, and I am glad to hear that your path has become brighter.
納特說：
January 3 08 at 3:13 pm

I think that what you wrote above is extremely hard to achieve. Especially, when you are a woman and when your biological clock is ticking so loud that you can't sleep at night. It would be very nice to accept my loneliness, but how can I turn off my biology, in particular my hormones which shout that time is running out for me? To accept my loneliness is to accept that I may never have a baby. It is much easier for man, because you don't have this kind of pressure over your head…
Zorba says:
January 4 08 at 1:22 am

“Why?” she wailed. “What is going on?” Why was she upset? That would be a better question. He no longer needed her, and to her it felt like he was falling out of love. But he wasn't – in fact, he was falling in love for the first time. “
I am confused on this one. I thought that unconditioned love aims to make your loved one happy and not miserable. I think your friend became self-absorbed and it upsets his wife. If you love someone you will not leave them falling apart while you are enjoying/discovering yourself. He could talk to her and explain what he is doing. He might also add that he loves her and will not do anything to upset her. And I bet because she loves him very much too she will let him to do whatever he needs at this time.
Valex says:
January 4 08 at 2:09 am

To be alone is not natural for a human being. Evolutionary speaking we are social animals. Dog, for example, is a social creature as well. Dog will always seek a company of other dogs, no matter what, because they are wired this way. And they will suffer tremendously when they are alone. Does a dog have an ego? 我不認為如此。 Humans are wired this way too. This is our evolutionary trait – we have evolved to be social beings. And you lie to yourself when you say that it is desirable, beneficial and normal to be alone.
阿爾貝說：
January 4 08 at 2:26 am

As mentioned in the story, my friend's husband loved and laughed even more when he was with her – he gave even more than he normally does. But why was he able to do that? Because he didn't need her anymore. And when you don't need someone, that is when you can love them. Need is clinging, love is freedom. That is all I am saying.
I am not saying that it is normal to be alone, I am just saying that once you stop needing someone, that is when true love is possible.
And that is when, paradoxically, it is more likely for you to find someone. When you need someone, and you keep telling yourself that, then your neediness will be very obvious. Potential lovers will sense this, and unless they are also needy, they will be subtly repulsed by this.
That section, as I've titled it, is more about neediness. Neediness is not love, we just confuse it a lot.
Thank you for your comments, if anything is not clear, please let me know so I can clarify further.
Valex says:
January 4 08 at 2:37 am

Thank you for your answer. However, I insist that we are needy because it is rooted deep inside of us. It is in our genes. The neediest of our ancestors had better chances for survival. We were selected evolutionary for that. Female has to be needy not because of her ego, or anything like that, but simply because her offspring will have much better chances for survival and fruitful life with a support and love of man. How can you stop it? Can you change the color of your eyes? Well, not by wearing contact lenses, but just by meditation? I don't think so
阿爾貝說：
January 4 08 at 2:52 am

Hi Valex, thanks for the discussion, I love it. I'm not sure what neediness has to do with survival? I've found that the more needy you are, the more a quality mate runs from you. It's the way most relationships go, one chases, one runs. The more you need someone, the more they tend to run away from you. Of course, I am not a relationship expert, this is just from my personal experience.
I don't know, but I have definitely been able to reduce my neediness and loneliness, simply because I've stopped running from it. It's not so much a meditation, it's more an acceptance, which just slowly dissolves all these needy feelings – which usually stem from a sense of inadequacy. And the less needy I am, the more opportunity for love I have found.
The second factor is this: if you are needy, you don't see the other person as a human being, for who they are. You see them simply for what they can do for you, which is very selfish. And selfishness is the opposite of Love. Once you stop being needy – “make me feel good, make me feel sexy, make me feel worthy” – then you can simply accept them for who they are, and not what they can do for you.
Would love to hear what you think on this.
阿爾貝說：
January 4 08 at 3:02 am

Hmm you seem to have edited your comment to clarify your definition of neediness as I typed up my reply 。 Okay, I think the disagreement is because we have different definitions of neediness.
Yes, women need men, and men need women, to pass on our genes. Without this, the human race would be extinct. But that is not my definition of neediness.
I was thinking more along the lines of the type of guy who jumps on every woman that comes along “please love me, I need you!”, or the girl who jumps on every guy that comes along. This type of neediness, taken to the extreme, is usually called desperation. And it is common knowledge that desperation usually reduces dramatically your chances of actually finding a mate.
The problem is, most people recognise desperation, but not the “lesser” forms, mainly because clinginess is seen as “normal”. Everyone is clinging to someone, but the root of that is selfishness. Love is about the other person, but if you look closely, a lot of our relationships are based on this sort of clinginess.
Even if we say that I love so-and-so because he or she is the greatest kindest man or woman alive, many times (not always), it comes back to us. They are the greatest, so I am also great by proxy. Either that, or I don't feel happy, I feel lonely, I feel abandoned, so please be with me, so I can stop feeling this way. Very often it comes back to our loneliness or feelings of inadequacy.
But once you let go of these needs, then you can love the other person for who they are. And because you are not desperate, you are far more attractive. I'm really enjoying this discussion, thanks!
Valex says:
January 4 08 at 3:23 am

I am sorry, but you even further supported my argument. You see, one of the evolutionary strategies for a male is to spread their genes and inseminate as many females as possible. So the “clingy” female as you put it, is a definite obstacle to this strategy. That is why males sense it and run away from it. There is another strategy, but it seems that fewer males choose it. This strategy is quality vs. quantity, ie fewer but well invested and cared for offspring which will have much better chance of survival than numerous and abandoned sons and daughters around the world.
I am not sure yet if the true love exists, but I suppose if it does, than you can not be considered clingy by any means. If you truly love each other, you enjoy each other, you want to be together, etc., both of you. Everything else is just not love, I am sorry. It is a power struggle, unrequited love, games, allowing other to be with you, being afraid to be alone, so grabbing anything that comes along, etc (here I agree with you 。 If somebody considers you needy he/she does not love you, period! The whole neediness argument goes away the moment you have found MUTUIAL love. And then you can not be needy enough Unfortunately, I seriously doubt that the true love is out there, so for now the case remains open….
阿爾貝說：
January 4 08 at 4:46 am

Hmm… okay so we agree on the second point, let's put that to rest. I do believe in true love, but I respect your opinions, so that's that.
Let's return to the first point – I'm not sure what you mean with that. You're saying that a man wants to go out and spread his genes. If he is clingy, how can he do that? He'll just latch onto the first female that accepts him. Of course, this applies to both men and women.
You seem to say that a clingy woman keeps a man from going out and impregnating other women, but at the same time you just contradicted yourself (unless I misunderstood your meaning, which is entirely possible) that being clingy actually drives them away, which actually makes it more likely that the guy will find another female. Either that or the guy will actually stay, which means he has no other choices, ie he is needy himself.
The only people, male or female, that really have any choice / possibility to find love or a quality lover, are those who are not clingy.
Valex says:
January 4 08 at 5:51 am

Yeah, this is a paradox poor females have to face. They can't help being clingy (biology), yet drive guys away by being clingy. What to do?
As for a clingy guy, I don't really know….Maybe its because he wants to make sure that if he is going to invest into that particular female, the baby is better to be his?
I still do not belive that you can be fine and alone. Sorry!
Seduction PUA says:
January 10 08 at 6:48 am

“This sense of fragmentation, for some – perhaps the ones who couldn't laugh in the lecture hall – is conscious. It shows up as a deep and constant sense of not being whole, of not being enough.”
Absolutely right on, couldn't agree more!
阿爾貝說：
January 10 08 at 11:33 am

Thank you PUA!
Boat says:
January 30 08 at 12:16 pm

This is one of the best articles I've read on this topic.
And I'm grateful to you for that.
阿爾貝說：
January 30 08 at 2:30 pm
Thank you Boat, that's very high praise.
Alex Kay says:
February 17 08 at 10:48 am

I know it has been said a few times by now, but yeah, wow. Albert, you are truly a skilled writer, and not only that, you're damn smart. I'll have to go through your whole archives some day, I guess they're filled with wisdom like this.
阿爾貝說：

February 17 08 at 2:07 pm

Alex, that is one of the best compliments I've received for the blog. Thank you very much! I really enjoy your blog very much too.
Gary says:

February 28 08 at 6:48 pm

大後！ A person can be among lots of people and still feel lonely.
Loneliness hurts and if love can help, why not?
Being alone, IMHO, is not being lonely. We need to be alone in order to sought out our thoughts.
Anyway, good to read! 謝謝。
阿爾貝說：

February 28 08 at 6:57 pm

Thank you Gary! You're 100% right – almost every great person (by my own definition heh) I know has been through a period where they were completely alone and sought inward – and they've come out of it transformed.
Marin says:

March 17 08 at 7:25 am

Ahh, that was a great post to read. I like people who think and make others think. That's what You made me do now ^^
I agree to some extent, and I got myself some great discussion ideas from You. I will refer back to this page too…
In my small experience, I have lots of friends who can't understand my calmness(/philosophy), though it's nothing special. I believe it's quite close, maybe the same, with what You call “aloneness”. I don't mind being alone, nor do I feel bored/lonely by it. It's maybe even the opposite – I feel calm and free just sitting under the sun doing nothing special…
謝謝：]
阿爾貝說：

March 17 08 at 12:46 pm

Marin, thanks! I think what you have there – that calm – is certainly something special. Many people need to distract themselves whenever they are alone, because they can't stand to face what arises when there is nothing else to think about. That's amazing to hear that you have that calm.
chicago movers says:

March 29 08 at 2:16 pm

喜。 great article you have here. and great discussion too! 感謝。 bookmarked! i'll be back…
need says:

April 5 08 at 7:44 am

I sometimes feel this loneliness,
what should I do, continue to feel it until i realize it's an illusion,
or will the ego continue those sad voices?
Also I already read that human are social animals….
excellent article by the way
阿爾貝說：

April 5 08 at 2:03 pm

Hi Chicago Movies and Need, thanks for the comment. Loneliness, like the other emotions, will pass once you stop fighting it. Some people are chronically angry, they might take a while to relax into themselves so all the anger is released; others are generally happier and take only a short period to do the same – it is the same with loneliness, it depends on the individual, but it will go. And then you can be social again
need says:
April 5 08 at 7:06 pm

I want to feel complete.
I think it's true that lot of todays love is approval seeking.
Being dependent;..manipulation.
So I will let my sad ego voices be, and observe them then..
阿爾貝說：

April 5 08 at 10:37 pm

Thanks Need, try the Blossoming of Love post for a bit more on this!
need says:
April 6 08 at 3:26 am

there is no need to be happy, since I didn't already achieve that.
but will check the post you advice me
how old are you albert?
albert = you who wrote those articles?
阿爾貝說：

April 6 08 at 4:15 am

Yeap, I wrote them, and I'm 26. Why?
Marin says:

April 6 08 at 7:44 pm

Hmm, couldn't help to barge in, sorry.
NEED, your reason to feel incomplete/lonely seems to be love, although you do realize what you need. It seems like you bring that loneliness to yourself. So if you do, why not fight it.
Well, yeah, I admit there are sometimes in which the sub consciousness is unbeatable, until the moment you let it go, yet that can also be seen as a way of fighting. Completeness in first place is something that people bestow upon themselves. Like having a girlfriend, than loose it, and the bed seems too damn big now, like it is missing parts. If you do not stop thinking of it that way, the bed will always miss parts. (//for example)
Wishes are something greater than they seem. When you wish to be lonely, you can, no matter if it's based on emotions, loss, will, in the root, there is always the wish for it. When your wish becomes a daily feeling, a habit, just observing it won't help much, because the reason to be lonely will no longer be one of the respectful reasons. And than, you have to find your wish/motivation/will to change this.
Realizing one problem is way off solving it, I think you know that. But running away from a problem, although is not the best, still IS a solution, much better than dragging it along all the way. Life isn't that long, and it's bad enough, to bring “bonus” bad feelings like loneliness upon ourselves.
Now, sorry if I my comment isn't on place, sorry if I've gone off topic in someway, and sorry for my not-good English, I hope the spell-check will help though.
Have a nice day ^^
need says:

April 7 08 at 8:40 pm

By working, being busy, focusing outside on something, those sad feelings go away.
And when I do nothing, ego voices start to come again.
So I have 2 solutions : being busy, or do nothing AND let go at the same time.
thanks guys
Halden says:

April 18 08 at 4:30 pm

This is probably the most insightful thing I have read in quite awhile. The points you have presented are very true too, at least in my opinion.
This is coming from a guy who's still in high-school with all that hormones and crap going around and im just glad it's almost over for me.
Thank you for the article.
阿爾貝說：

April 19 08 at 6:16 am

Hey Halden! Good to have you here. Hormones are nearly over? I'ma decade out of high school and still have raging hormones hahaha!
JASON says:

May 31 08 at 8:34 pm

Hi-Thanks for your thoughfulness. I'm very good at indentifying flaws in an argument or a concept,so I am happy to say there are none in yours. You don't succumb to verbosity or any other device aimed at seducing the reader(not an easy feat!)-it was very succinct and balanced. More importantly, it helps the troubled mind ( like mine) in this difficult area. I've tried to fill this void( what I thought was a viod with all the typical methods you refer to. Your clear thinking is really a description of reality or truth,which, while painful intially, ultimately brings peace and of course the potential for 'real' love. Thank you for giving of yourself.
-Jason
阿爾貝說：

June 1 08 at 2:26 am

Jason, thank you for the very high praise. I'm very grateful, and glad that it helped
Sunny says:

June 1 08 at 7:32 pm

wow!!!!!!!!
i started reading the article and couldn't move till it was over.
really a great job albert!
Even it reminded me some of my past days.
the image is very touchy.
loved it.
乾杯！
阿爾貝說：
June 2 08 at 4:10 am

Thank you Sunny, that's a really great compliment
Kevin says:
June 2 08 at 1:33 pm

Very insightful… I am citing this article for a paper I am writing… Thx
阿爾貝說：
June 2 08 at 3:57 pm

Thanks Kevin, that's probably one of the biggest compliments I've received
Eddy says:

June 5 08 at 3:01 pm

That was some nice writing.
阿爾貝說：

June 5 08 at 3:49 pm

Thanks Eddy
Wilson says:

June 19 08 at 11:17 am

This is the first time I am hearing of “Aloneness” but I think I see your point. Thanks for this nice article.
阿爾貝說：

June 19 08 at 11:28 am

Thank you Wilson
伊麗莎白說：

June 23 08 at 8:47 am

wow I'm seeing life in a whole new perspective. Thank you very much Albert! I hope you write more
阿爾貝說：

June 23 08 at 3:18 pm

Thanks Elizabeth!
Sabrish says:

June 26 08 at 8:10 am

阿爾貝
I think Im starting to look at things differently after reading this article!….thanks for helping me understand what lifes really is!..Thank You soo much
阿爾貝說：

June 26 08 at 9:23 am

Thank you Sabrish
勞拉說：

June 30 08 at 6:15 pm

Love this article, always known this theory inside myself after i experienced my first break up. Its some insight i'd really like to share with other people.. but i think that people have to come to this conclusion to themselves to actually be able to take it in. Trying to tell someone this in my opinion is pointless. But anyway love it and i believe every word of it is true!
阿爾貝說：

June 30 08 at 11:34 pm

Thank you Laura! I wrote this article after a period of heart break too, hehe. It's funny how we hit the same deductions after going through the same things, isn't it?
Tee says:
October 9 08 at 10:13 pm

Hi Albert,
I found your article after being deeply hurt by my husband. I feel I made a mistake and married the wrong man. I believe I am stuck in this marriage (at least for now) and I am soooooooooooooooooooo unhappy and alone. We dont live together and he wants it that way. There is this deeeeeeeeeep and nagging heartache that just wont go away. It criples me and drains my energy it ruining me of a quality life.
Your article was quite soothing and encouraging. It sounds like there is hope for me afterall. I have tried all sorts to make it go away like going out or talking endlessly on the phone to friends but then the relief is only temporary and comes back once I get home or hang up the phone.
I do agree with you. I am very needy. I have a STRONG need to be loved and wanted and adored and appreciated and I am not getting it. I ahve shed tears and endless number of time without getting any comfort. My husband simply ignores me or walks out. I made a VERY big mistake by marrying him.
I will definitley try all you said and get OSHO's book.
Just want to say thank God for people like you and to let you know you are very lucky at your age to have this depth of wisdom. I wish you all the best in life!
阿爾貝說：
October 9 08 at 11:35 pm

Thank you very much for that heartfelt comment, Tee. Do let me know how you get on. Try the emotional mastery series for your neediness too (it's under the start here page).
kelly says:
October 22 08 at 3:43 am

you have beautiful written on Romance , feels like you are much experience on this subject
Martin S. says:
October 23 08 at 5:04 pm

A word from The Mother (Sri Aurobindo Ashram):
'The wise is never alone. He carries in his heart
the Lord of all things.”
Alex says:

October 26 08 at 7:16 am

Im confused,
Its incredibly good, very well written but it doesnt make sense to me.
Are you saying that the guy was lonley? But why was he still lonely? If he had the women to like him when he didnt need them?
And you say the need to be needed is lonley then what is Love?
I dont get what are you saying.
We need people though we cant do it all ourselves
Alex says:

October 27 08 at 5:39 am

answer me this please
The guy that had all those girls money and all that couldnt he say well I dont need to be needed anymore.
Walla one of those girls could be real love?
謝謝！
阿爾貝說：

October 27 08 at 5:54 am

I'm not sure what your question is? The guy was lonely because sex and money doesn't satisfy loneliness for very long. For a while, yes, but after a while most people will feel lonely again. Love is when you no longer need to be needed. What that feels like, is something that has to be felt, not described
Alex says:

October 27 08 at 4:12 pm

Alright me and my friend discussed this and its just beautiful, Its priceless the key to everything that was suppresed making you believe that is right.
For that I lost all the respect I had for Enrique Iglesias,
All his songs are flawd thanks to you
Saying I need you.
I thought I had to change myself to get people
I felt bad when I didnt. Lonely
But it was just all my unconscious mind trying to get needed
(by the way what is your take on this?) tips?
Something that will never be satified even if I succeed
It all poofed away when I read this
But couldnt the guy said I dont need to be need anymore and walked away?
Couldnt he stop being lonley if he knew what do you think needed to get to his mind?
Do you think giving him this article couldve helped him for example?
Or what needs to get to people's head to stop bieng lonley?
Thank YOU!!!
Alex says:

October 27 08 at 5:13 pm

I guess it was just me trying to get accepted, but what does it matter now. It only feeds into them.Trying to fix my image.
I just dont get why I would try so hard?
Why didnt I just accept just where I was?
Guess I was sitting beside the guy, but didnt get up there.
Guess I wanted to be needed more
Somebody to tell me who I was
The only thing Im mad about is pushing myself so hard to get no where ( I dont know what can you tell me that part so I dont feel this feeling?)
I dont need them to make me feel a better person cooler in this case.
Now to this day I can finally breath .
Thanks to Albert
No I dont think I need an answer for this one I think I got it, but you could give me some other interpretations.
阿爾貝說：

October 27 08 at 8:29 pm

Glad to know this helped
Axe says:

November 5 08 at 3:37 am

it was comforting to read your article to say the least. i am still unsure of the distiction between loneliness and aloneness. i think a sense of lonliness dawns on us primarily owing to either the loss of love or the absence of love. I have been wandering all my life for someone – anyone to love me. The feeling of loneliness has only grown with time BUT…. what it has done for me in return is to recognise my flaws. Flaws which are inborn – which are instinctive, not something one can have control over and mend deliberately. I would probably call them my nature – so to speak. What is loneliness??? A feeling that would arise only when you want to be wanted and loved. The most common thing it leads to……..Self Pity – its a great addiction at times something that would even surpass the concept of love. I find it difficult to imagine how one can be happy in this state of mind. Happiness is relative. You could be happy having found your soul mate but then again give it time and you would find it in the most absurd things. Something that made you happy a few years ago may not evoke the same emotion now. But what is universal is the need to be needed, and more importantly a sense of belonging. Thats been the struggle of humanity. One could get philosophical about life and try and “look at the larger picture”. But who really knows the real purpose of our existence??? Behaviour, Reaction, Instinct, are really what defines us. Loneliness is brought about by the simple fact of nature – to co-exist. So would'nt one be fooling oneself by trying to accept a state of loneliness and masquerading it as aloneness. Don't get me wrong, the article is a masterpiece – another perspective. all I can say is that 20 years of being alone – having explored myself and uncovering my personality – I still feel alone. Not to say that I'm unhappy, but yeah…. I would want to be with someone to share my life with.
Mentioning the monks who took to the solitude of the mountains; Having rediscovered life and unearthing spiritualism, there is still a need to connect, to communicate, to share.
I totally agree with you on the concept of “I”. but that is what defines us as individuals. Which is why we love people distinct from us.
Having said that – the utmost important consequence of being alone is the ability to LOVE – more than one's own expectation. And that as per me is the best state of mind – to feel happy in making someone happy.
阿爾貝說：
November 5 08 at 4:59 am

Hey Axe – thank you for that detailed commentary. Regarding aloneness vs. loneliness, I don't think there is fooling involved. If you have a need then you are lonely, plain and simple. You can fool yourself but not other people who know you.
Axe says:
November 5 08 at 5:04 am

艾伯特
Humble apologies. No ill-intent. Just adding a different perspective in-effort of understanding all possibilities.
阿爾貝說：
November 5 08 at 5:18 am

Oh no Axe, don't misunderstand me. I wasn't offended at all. Sorry if it came across that way. I was just presenting my opinion, just like you were
大衛說：
November 24 08 at 3:25 am

I have been struck for a few years now about the difference between loneliness, which for me, speaks of lack and solitude, which (to me) I wasn't offended at all. Sorry if it came across that way.
RepriMand says:
December 1 08 at 5:23 pm

No need for email correspondence.
But I would like to say, thank you for sharing your insightful thoughts on this issue. I am learning each day to really love myself more, and be intertwined with this issue of “aloneness” rather than “loneliness.”
There's more work to be done, but I'm sure I can finish it up. Thanks for giving some light to this issue.
阿爾貝說：

December 1 08 at 8:30 pm

Thank you for your comments David and Reprimand
Moffman says:

December 4 08 at 10:24 am

I think for the last five years ive been living through a revelation of this deep and i must exclaim sorrowful and dark feeling called loneliness. I know loneliness can be responsible for untold other self depreciating values we put upon ourselves, or we attract from others .If we can accept we are powerful and alone, and happy with our aloneness all can be easier much more honest and fullfilling when in the company of others. As the relationship is not based on a lack mentality of we are not enough and that my ego needs nurturing.Thanks for putting this site together and giving your time sharing very valuable spiritual understanding about our really simple souls living in complicated surrounds and times. 阿德里安
阿爾貝說：

December 4 08 at 10:46 am

Hey Adrian, thank you so much.
Cheap Vintage Clothes says:

December 4 08 at 6:43 pm

Hi, I stumbled onto your blog tonight, via your flagship Ego post, via a Google Search. Read about 5 articles, all of which were great, and this is my first comment. I love your site and your writing. 跟上偉大的工作。
I had to re-read several passages of this post, in order to make sure I fully understood. Before, I would plow through articles & books just to finish. I think I had too much pride in myself (I kind of grew up with a “perfect child” identity). I think and hope this is a sign I am becoming more aware of my Ego.
In the short time that I have been on your site, I feel that I am already becoming much more aware of, and learning about, myself. I will subscribe, I will be back, and I will definitely look forward to more of your work. 謝謝！
阿爾貝說：

December 5 08 at 5:58 am

Thank you mate.
Julia says:

January 3 09 at 8:23 am

阿爾貝
偉大的文章！ I definitely understand the difference between loneliness and aloneness. After my divorce 1.5 years ago, I mentally made it a priority to strengthen my love for myself and my aloneness. I did this through starting meditation, kickboxing, etc. However, I also pushed to not feel “lonely” financially and professionally, resulting in moving too quickly into a business I was not ready for (too young for at the age of 26 and ironically focused on holistic health), which caused a ripple effect of difficult situations that have taken me away from the place of developing a deep “love affair” for myself.
I am seriously considering taking 1 year starting in the fall, and teaching English aboard somewhere. And, take this time to be outside of my normal world of surroundings to be truly with myself and focus on my creative expression (art and photos), daily spiritual practices, being with myself without the pull of the television, etc. It was what I originally wanted to do when the divorce happened and my soul has been asking for it ever since. Some of these things I will start doing again here hopefully in the near future once I move into a temporary place.
I feel boxed in working in front of a computer 40 hours a week. I have always loved teaching and instructing, and I think this may be a way for me to rekindle this part of myself while taking a breath of fresh air among others of a different culture. Plus, I have always loved traveling!
What are your thoughts about travel as a part of one's journey to experience a deeper love for themselves and becoming more comfortable with their aloneness? Any thoughts on making this a powerful step in healing and discovery?
阿爾貝說：
January 3 09 at 2:31 pm

Hey Julia, thank you for that heartfelt comment. I think if you like travel, go for it! I think it can expand your perspectives – sometimes seeing new things can “jolt” us out of our old mental patterns and give us a little taste of freedom
Nashville Plumbers says:
January 22 09 at 1:34 am

I guess I've never realized the necessity for attentions with love. i know that sounds obvious but it just never struck me.
Beverly says:
February 12 09 at 11:27 am

“Aloneness is our nature. Loneliness is us running away from it.” I love it! What a great description. Thanks for your insight.
阿爾貝說：
February 12 09 at 3:57 pm

Hey Beverly, thanks a lot. I can't claim credit for it though, it was inspired by a beautiful book by Osho.
Dinora says:
February 18 09 at 12:01 am
Nice piece of writing – great insight. Many of us would feel better if they got the chance to read that.
阿爾貝說：
February 18 09 at 4:17 am
Thank you Dinora!
Wonder Lover says:
February 28 09 at 4:24 pm
Wouldn't you need to give just a little fake love for a relationship in order for it to work? Or do you just Love and do it for the other person and expect nothing in return, but in that case that would be stopping you from future relationships? If you want a reltionship though you have to give thy fake Love no? You know what I mean?
Thanks Albert Cheers!
阿爾貝說：
February 28 09 at 7:27 pm
Why do you think you have to give fake love in order to have a relationship? Why would just loving stop you from future relationships?
Wonder Lover says:
March 3 09 at 12:34 pm
I've heard you're not going to have it if you don't want it. And it ringed true. So how can I Love if I want it? To want you have to “love” or fake love becuase you're always expecting something in return. if you don't expect something in return then nothing is going to happen I've heard. Thats why I'm all pshycd up 。
阿爾貝說：

March 3 09 at 7:19 pm

Just give it a shot, see which works for you
Joseph singleton says:
March 4 09 at 3:34 am

I was once in this kind of situation. I felt really alone and like I doesn't belong. But soon I realized that nobody will love me as much as I love myself. like the lyrics in the song “learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all.” Nice article.
阿爾貝說：
March 4 09 at 6:38 am

Thanks Joseph!
Eyesflux says:
March 4 09 at 9:02 pm

Amazing article … jus got no q's unanswered after reading it … articulated so beautifully about all aspects … just can say W:)W !!!
阿爾貝說：
March 4 09 at 10:20 pm

Thank you eyesflux!
Joseph singleton says:
March 6 09 at 2:35 am

Wow, a very wise and eloquent post. You've really nailed the contrast between feeling loneliness and feeling alone. It seems almost cynical to view romance as a way to assuage loneliness, but I realize that I do that kind of thing, also. Amazing article.
Neeraj says:
March 8 09 at 10:55 pm

Dear Albert,
Thank you for this beautiful article. I really loved its simplicity.
To other readers, I'd like to say: this article will not make sense until you've tried what it suggests.
If you want to take one message away from this article, I'd say it should be this part:
“Simply sit down, and be lonely. Don't think about it. Just feel it. 放寬到它，然後你會發現，你的悲傷有其自身的神聖性。獨處是一個完美的機會你去深入到自己。查看所有的細微之處，面對自己正視，並注視著所有部分你不想要。 Bring it all up into the light of your awareness, and accept them, love them.”
And herein lies the crux. To make this effort of looking into yourself:
1。 You need to be perceptive enough to realize what you do NOT have.
2。 You need to understand if you are only in love or in a relationship for what you're getting in return.
3。 You have to realize that as you drift from one relationship to another, the only thing that stays the same is your feeling of inadequacy and incompleteness.
4。 Most important, you must be desperate enough to want to get out of this cycle! Most people are not. They'd rather bounce from one failed relationship to another, wasting this precious existence, squandering all their potential.
And, mind you, looking into yourself is not easy. It follows on from the last point that:
5。 You must be determined enough to go through with it!
Now introspection is not hard by its very nature. In fact, it should be the easiest thing in the world to do. Unfortunately, we make it difficult. 為什麼？ Simply because we're not used to it. We're far more used to judging ourselves, to fighting our own nature.
When you first start to look into yourself, it is so easy to get sidetracked by what is not germane, so easy to pin blame on others. It is very hard to see the 'flaws' in yourself, to accept yourself as you are (why did I put the word 'flaws' in quotes? Because what you see as flaws are not really flaws until you reject them. If you try to conform to another person's idea or even your own idea of how one should be, it is a flaw. When you accept it as your own nature, it IS your own nature — not something to be changed or 'fixed').
What happens when you start to accept yourself in totality? You start to see why your relationships failed. 如何？
1。 You see whether you were in love only because your partner assuaged your ego by condoning your 'flaws' or pampered it by applauding your 'virtues' (I put 'virtues' in quotes for the same reason as I did 'flaws').
2。 You see whether you fell in love only because you saw in the other person an image of what you thought you should have been yourself. Why did this happen? Because you didn't accept yourself in totality. By selectively picking parts of yourself as 'good' and condemning the rest, you've divided yourself, you've negated your self-worth.
3。 When you accept yourself as you are, something else that is magical happens. You learn to accept OTHERS for what they are. In totality. This is a new, wholesome kind of love. It is qualitatively different from clinging, from needing, from run-of-the-mill crushes or sexcapades. 為什麼？ When you can accept all facets of another person's character, you stop trying to change them. Equally importantly, you stop trying to change yourself. You stop trying to make reality conform to your image of it.
Complete acceptance brings a whole lot of other wonderful things. It gives you peace, it gives you a new appreciativeness for life, for how invaluable the time that we spend here is. But really, you should try it for yourself to understand. Until you do, these words will just remain words. They can only give you an inkling of what waits to be discovered.
阿爾貝說：

March 9 09 at 5:34 am

Hey Neeraj. 哇。 I don't know what to say, but honestly, this is perhaps the best comment I've ever received on this blog, or at least in the top three. Thank you so much for it. Your deep understanding and intent to help others is very evident.
成龍說：

March 19 09 at 11:34 am

This entry…I am at work reading it and I am a receptionist. People coming in and out all the time…and this entry almost made me cry because there is so much truth in it.
Beautiful..absolutely beautiful.
I don't love myself….but now I really know it and I plan on changing it.
So thank you.
阿爾貝說：

March 19 09 at 7:13 pm

Thank you so much for that heart felt comment Jackie. I appreciate it.
里姆說：

April 27 09 at 8:30 am

This is the first time i feel the sweetness of being alone.
This article has been a great help, thanks!
阿爾貝說：
April 27 09 at 12:39 pm
You're welcome Reem
V.Subashini says:
May 31 09 at 1:10 am
Hi Albert, this article is quite confusing to me because what you are trying to say is not very clear to me. At one point, u say,”Aloneness is our nature” and then in the comments to Valex, u say, “I am not saying that it is normal to be alone”. Which is true and which is not true?I am confused now…
阿爾貝說：
May 31 09 at 1:47 am

Hi V, thanks for your comment. OK, here's what I mean. 孤獨是我們的本性。 Even if we are with someone we are still alone. I believe true mental and emotional health comes from being 100% comfortable with admitting this, and 100% OK with being alone. However, this is a VERY HARD concept for many people. It challenges everything they believe in (kinda like when some people say we don't need to be rich to be happy, a lot of people will get very defensive over such a comment).
My comment to Valex was directed to him and not to everyone in general. 為什麼？ I toned it down a little so he doesn't reject it outright. When I said that to him, I was encouraging him to try it. I didn't want to get into an argument which would be useless. But if I said “NO YOU ARE WRONG WE HAVE TO BE ALONE”, then it's no longer a discussion (given how strongly he feels about the subject), he'll turn it into an argument. Which I don't want. And would just be useless.
Plus some people take things too far. I do say it's the beginning of romance but people forget that. We have to be comfortable with aloneness and not need a partner before we can have genuine romance (I believe). There are many things I would want to do (such as have kids, for instance), that would require a partner. Finding aloneness does not mean giving that up, which some people are misunderstanding me to mean. (They think I'm advocating no human contact for the rest of their lives – if you want that, cool. But you don't have to.)
Once we are 100% comfortable with alone, it is a sort of freedom. And then we can go out and have as many relationships as we want, but with a different quality as we are no longer clinging to them.
Hope that makes sense.
V.Subashini says:
May 31 09 at 4:14 am

oh ok…thank u for yr quick reply Albert …tc
V.Subashini says:
June 10 09 at 5:05 pm
I have another question, Albert, sorry to bother u again.When you say, “Our physical nature is to be alone.” what does it mean exactly?Does it relate to us having a physical body?
阿爾貝說：
June 10 09 at 11:48 pm
I can't remember haha! I think we can interpret it both ways… no matter how close we get to another person (physically or emotionally) we are always alone. For instance, even when we are having sex, it's a merging of two bodies but we're still two separate people. Even if we have a lover we are with 24 hours a day, there are things we can't fully share. If I told her, for example, that I feel horrible. She can't really share in it, the best she can do is to imagine what I feel like. There are still many things we have to face alone – going in for heart surgery, for example. Stuff like that.
聯合諮詢組說：
July 16 09 at 3:15 am
Brilliant, this is the stuff that every should know and should be taught in education. If there's a link for the 'host' documentary, could you send it me please, as I feel it would help me break the viscous cycle of wanting women to make me happy (this is a pain that many men go through to the women who might be thinking I mad)
阿爾貝說：
July 16 09 at 10:43 pm
Thank you very much, buddy! I can't remember what the documentary was called, since I wrote this so long ago. Er… I think I saw bits and pieces of it on Google video. Try searching for host clubs or host bars or something.
Anna says:
July 28 09 at 4:19 pm

This is all too true. You have said everything I did not want to hear, and everything I needed to hear.
“Lonely people cannot Love; they can only pretend to, for they have nothing to give. 他們只給一個塑料的愛，希望有人會真正的愛的回報。 Everything becomes a giant game; a chess match.”
Just recently, I told someone I loved them. I never did fall in love with him, but I loved him, nonetheless- or so I thought. I said to him those three jaded words, and I told him I expected nothing in return. I did not wish for him to love me back, or to even accept that what I had told him was the truth. I just wanted him to know I loved him.
But this is not the case.
I did not realize it, but now I see that, subconsciously, I was wishing he would give me love, to fill the void my previous ex had left. Now, whether or not I loved the previous ex is unsure.
Whatever the case, I did not get what I wanted. And so I fall back into the state of loneliness that I know so well.
阿爾貝說：
July 28 09 at 8:59 pm

Hi Anna, thank you for your comment. It is somehow quite poetic, so I really appreciate you sharing it.
james says:
July 30 09 at 8:57 pm

I just read 'love and aloneness' and then this. I agree, but I don't see myself surpassing my lonely depressions. I love myself, and go off alone for hours once a week, but I always miss the joy I get from talking to people I care about. Your saying that I'm filling a broken nature in humanity, and I will agree with you, but I think bonding with others does fill the void. I think a man/woman is born with something missing and loving another fills it. I can be contempt with myself, but never be able to be complete without helping another. I think we will probably agree to disagree, and that is okay because I feel we're on similar wave-lengths, but please tell me if you indeed do have a rebuttal.
阿爾貝說：
July 31 09 at 2:38 am

Hi James! No problems at all. In fact, one of the readers above said much the same thing and I had a nice discussion with him. Scroll up a few comments (to Valex) and see if anything in there needs further comment
Brenda says:
September 5 09 at 10:57 pm

Woke up in the middle of the night feeling both alone and lonely. Started Twittering and somehow ended up here. Amazed to see that a post started in 2007 is still going strong in 2009. So I read, I comment, and I notice that a kindly aloneness can, when we least expect it, turn into a haunting loneliness. It is perhaps our most unifying trait, this feeling of inner and sometimes outer isolation. So we read or write or talk or DO something to distract ourselves. Loneliness never completely, entirely goes away for good. It can sneak up on any of us. I think the trick is to accept it, as you said, and know that like every other feeling we have, “aloneliness” too will pass. Thanks for sharing your insights on this timeless and universal topic. The day is starting to break, and I feel better.
阿爾貝說：
September 6 09 at 4:07 pm

Hi Brenda, thank you for that comment. I think we all know the pain of a lonely, sleepless night, so thank you for sharing.
Mark says:
September 14 09 at 1:06 pm
您好阿爾貝
awesome, I have written a lot about unrequited love and lonelyness, but I you REALLY carved it out and turned it into a masterpiece.
I have never read Osho – which of his books would you recommend reading first? This got me interested.
謝謝！
Mark
阿爾貝說：
September 14 09 at 1:33 pm
Hi Mark, thanks for your kind words. His book, Love, Freedom and Aloneness, has affected me deeply and the quotes from this article are from that book (from memory, this is an old article).
Mark says:
September 14 09 at 7:05 pm
您好阿爾貝
thanks for your ultra-fast answer Im heading over to amazon and order it right away.
卡羅爾說：
September 24 09 at 4:34 am
I just discovered this site and have read some of your fabulous articles. All are beautifully written and inspire me! This one hit the mark on where I am right now ( guess that's why I found it!) – learning to truly love myself, enjoy being alone and knowing that this is the true path to having a healthy relationship when it is meant to be. Thank you so much for expressing where I want to go and helping me stay on track when I go back into the dark “loneliness mode”. I will be coming by more often and trying your techniques. 再次感謝你！
阿爾貝說：

September 24 09 at 2:05 pm

Hi Carol, that is really high praise, thank you!
莎拉說：

October 5 09 at 3:21 pm

阿爾貝
Thank you for writting this inspirational article, this was exactly what my heart needed right now.
薩拉
阿爾貝說：
October 5 09 at 3:33 pm
My pleasure Sarah, glad it helped.
Yan says:
December 2 09 at 10:57 pm
您好阿爾貝
By chance I came across your website. And while reading thru another article posted on your site, I came across this. What you wrote is so true. The fear of being lonely can drives one to do stupid things. I am one of those people. But I am now awaken. I could really relate to what you have written. Indeed a wise man!
Metta,
Yan
阿爾貝說：
December 3 09 at 2:08 am
Yan, thank you for your comments – you're making me blush. I'm not really a wise man, I wrote this shortly after a breakup.
Chris to pher says:
December 13 09 at 4:57 pm

I wish I had read this a long time ago. I've made too many mistakes by playing the part of the girl who slowly went insane from her longing. Loneliness makes time shrink, leaving me dry. Aloneness makes time feel infinite, vast and deeper than the deepest ocean.
阿爾貝說：
December 13 09 at 5:28 pm
Chris that is one poetic comment!
水晶說：
December 26 09 at 2:38 am
輝煌！
阿爾貝說：
December 26 09 at 1:43 pm
Thanks Crystal
聯合諮詢組說：
December 29 09 at 11:17 am
This is such an important piece of advice for me, especially as I'm going into adulthood and learning how to be a man, aswell how to bring more of that little thing called happiness into my life 。
Thanks Albert
阿爾貝說：
December 30 09 at 6:11 pm
Jag you're welcome mate!
Niloofar says:
December 31 09 at 6:55 am
Thank you so much for this amazing article, it opened my mind and my soul.I am dealing with some heavy stuff in my life ,so glad that I found your article , I am sending you good vibes.
阿爾貝說：

December 31 09 at 10:00 am

Hi Niloofar – you're welcome, and good luck with the heavy stuff, it's never fun.
乍得說：

January 6 10 at 3:51 pm

Al, I found your site tonite and look foward to reading more! I understand all you points, can you tell me what our true attraction to others should be. I understand non duality and helping others “helping others is helping myself”(or is that just my ethics I need to uphold for my ego, but thats for another day) my ? If we can find contentment in ones self, what is the point of life long monogomy. Is it that if we can give up our attachment and needing of afformation we can truly enjoy the things that are given to us. I may be answering my owm question. but hope to hear your thoughts. If we are a cup, inside is our needyness, if we need not, anything we recieve will overflow to enjoy.if we are needy our cup will never stay full. got to go to bed
阿爾貝說：
January 7 10 at 3:53 am
Hi Chad, thanks for your question, but I think you're right – you just answered your own question
乍得說：
January 7 10 at 4:15 am
This is why I appreciate the unexpected things my wife does so much(because I dont need it) The paradox is that we start to expect them.
Could you really love someone who never shows you signs of love back or not have an equality of intrest between theirs and your own ? Is that somthing that is defined in an individual relationship? Psycologist say love is esential for child developement, why not adults
阿爾貝說：
January 7 10 at 2:55 pm
Hi Chad, there are different types of love.
亞歷克斯說：
February 8 10 at 8:28 am

The Great Happiness Space – Tale of an Osaka Love Thief
Is that one it? Even if it isnt' its good.
阿爾貝說：

February 8 10 at 5:23 pm
Hi Alex – thanks for digging it up. The guy in the poster looks familiar although I honestly can't remember as it was so long ago and I was sorta forwarding along bits and pieces that I found boring. I'll try and get my hands on this one
Brad says:
February 16 10 at 9:41 am
Just beautiful…laying quiet in the knowing..:)
阿爾貝說：
February 16 10 at 1:19 pm
Thanks Brad
Andrew says:
February 22 10 at 2:12 pm
Brilliant, I think I am on the verge of understanding myself. For many years I have been in love with a woman I can not have, I have been chasing a white elephant ever since, (you know what I mean)trying to fill this void with different things, buying things, doing things, going out socializing, drinking, just to escape reality for a while. I am good with people of both sexes I get on with everybody, It's just this one woman I am completely hung up on, it's like running into a brick wall, my stomach turns over whenever we speak, or whenever I think of her.
Nothing I did would make me content, not for long term anyway. I realize now possessions or a person can not make me truly happy, I have to work and be happy with myself, I need to fill my low and empty feelings with better things, that's why I searched and found this article.
If you can give me more advice please do so.
亞歷克斯說：
February 22 10 at 4:31 pm
@ Andrew:Read the book http://www.amazon.com/Love-Fre.....amp;sr=8-1
There really isn't anything more than realizing the feeling you have right now, and the thought of being somewhere is what we try to push down. Even if were with someone else nothing really changes. We're that same being. There is this presence that never changes. Try to get in touch with it. After a while though I found out The work by Byron Katie works better. Everything starts with our thoughts. If you think desire, you'll feel lonely. Read on for yourself http://www.thework.com/thework.asp
阿爾貝說：

February 22 10 at 11:22 pm

Andrew, thanks for your courage in sharing. Alex is right this is the vital first step. The rest of it is doing some work – inner work, not escaping it with new relationships, etc. There are a few tools I like, besides the Work Alex recommended. Try the Sedona Method, The Journey, or whatever takes your fancy. The 3 I named are my favourites, but everyone is different, so poke around and find your own. I describe some techniques in the rest of the blog so poke around there if you have some time.
Lee says:
February 24 10 at 5:36 pm

interesting article, some very insight full stuff here, well articulated; however; I must disagree, even though loneliness can be a source of solitude, and even though the ego (self) will never truly be satisfied and yes it always wants more, and more. Getting rid of our loneliness is not the source of our love. the statement Once you stop needing, that is when you can find love. I must abject too, our neediness is what drive us out of ourselves and has us search for something greater than ourselves. it is only when we give ourselves over to that which is greater do we then find Love. getting rid of neediness is denying our need for love. that like getting rid of your need to eat or breathe, and you can't live if you do not do either of these to things. true. If we cut off our neediness we cut ourselves off from being or giving love, yes I agree that people who are living for themselves are like parasites and leach off the love of others (trust me this I know first hand) but when you give your neediness to something greater than your self such as God than you find out what your real needs are and how He can meet them. We each have a need for love, (we'll call this salvation as we all really want to be saved from something don't we?) security, significance, commitment, and assurance. To deny these needs is to deny our humanity and the human experience, such would be a futile existence. The question is where are you finding these needs or how are you trying to suck others dry to get your needs met. as I said I do agree that we as a human race do need loneliness, but we can not live there. The reality of this article is that it is true that loneliness is or can be a source of getting to know oneself, and yes I agree we do need to learn to love ourselves, and solitude can give us that understanding and the chance or break we need to keep going; however; one can not truly love another unless they give themselves over to the one they love, and the one that loves them. the point I am making that this author does not see is that self (ego) can not deny self (ego). because it is selfish, therefore it will not. and focusing on it will only give it power. True love is sacrifice, it is not a fuzzy felling, or some fancy idea that we try to live up to. When you love another you build yourself a cross, because you are giving up on yourself, so to tell someone that you love them does not mean that you are being unreal to say this, but do you sacrifice your self to the other. real love is when your mate hates you and you love them anyways, love is when an other hurts you deeply and you love them anyways. Love is when someone takes something from you and instead of trying to get even or make them pay for their wrong you love and forgive them. do this and you will truly love yourself and others and even this dark world around you, everyone wants to withdraw, or get away from our hurts and our pain, yet it is these experiences that teach our own weaknesses and our own humanity. My parents are the perfect example of this, if any two people who were not meant to be together it was them, they were always going at each other, but yet they were the two happiest people that I knew, why? because they loved each other, they never went to bed angry at each other and they (spite their arguments), also were there for each other when the hard times came (and they will) they stuck together, and when the good times came (and they will) the stuck together. when all seemed hopeless the gave to each other. 46 years of marriage can testify to this. my Dad cheated on my Mom and most people would say leave, but she did not she forgave him and then he got sick once with pneumonia and she took care of him, that is love. self sacrifice. yes embrace loneliness, learn from it, embrace the sting of it, and the pain of going through those times of hurt, but do not live there, you'll most certainly end up alone.
“But when you no longer need to be needed, when you truly stop wanting to be wanted, that's when your loneliness changes into aloneness. And you begin to see Love.” This is your nature that is to be needed and wanted, we all want to be important but it is not meeting these needs yourself it is about meeting these needs in others. showing others that they have significance and importance and there lives have meaning. You know there are two types of people in the world the down and out and the up and out, I work with both and I do not know how many I have met or shared with, what I do know is that all of them all want and need to be loved, so withdrawing from this need, you might as well end it all, cause you wont be living otherwise “what is love with out risk”. Loving others is not about what you can get out of them, nor is it about what you can offer them, it is about WHO you offer them. you know not everything that is true is not the truth, for example this author says ““You were supposed to make me happy!” you cry. 而甜蜜的微笑和親吻開始揮桿其他方式。我們變得難過，我們沒有攻擊他們使我們快樂，我們將給予他們操縱我們更多。也許他們放棄，鐘擺擺動回甜味。也許他們不這樣做，我們打破了在眼淚和憤怒。 This even seems normal.” that is true, what is not the truth is that “the only way to be satisfied is to be satisfied in yourself.” what he is doing here is confusing you first he is saying that it is wrong to be needy and then he is saying that you can only meet this need in yourself, so he is really saying that you are needy. that is double talk shrouded in fancy words. I have nothing personal against this author, just that is disagree with his presentation as everything in this life I have lived tell me the complete opposite. It is recognizing your needs. example is this, look at a baby, I am a father, a child is the epitome of selfishness and neediness, let me ask you something is that wrong? I do not think so, children have a need to be loved, if the parent told the child that they need to deny this need and then they will find love, the child would surly die, and then the parents would go to prison for child abuse as that it would be such. we parents need to give love to our children, parenthood is about giving ourselves over to something greater our children. There was a study done using chimps, the put these three chimps in three separate rooms, the first had a wire frame for a mother, so did the second but with some fur on it, and the third was a real mother. the first chimp who's mother was a wire frame died with in a day, the second lived but as they studied it it showed signs of mental disorders and the third lived and grew up to be a healthy chimp. what a crock of bull and people blindly believe this crap. 為什麼？ because everyone is looking for love, and instead of giving ourselves to others it is more easier to withdraw and lick our wounds and live in our self-pity, been there done that, got me know where except wanting to kill myself, when I gave up on licking my wounds and living in a downward spiral or self-destruction and got out of myself I found Love but I found it by giving myself to others. I do agree that it can not be found in others as yes it is true that no one can fill your vacuum, but neither can you, only God can. He is what is greater than us. I am not preaching to you, I am just saying something that everyone already knows. Truth is never preached but rather is demonstrated and this world simply demonstrates our own neediness and the vacuum that we want to have filled. the question is how are you getting your bag filled, by the way you can not fill a glass that is already full.
Lee says:

February 24 10 at 5:53 pm
By the way I am not saying that this author is wrong in some of what ha has said, I am just giving a different perspective on things. I am needy, I have needs, I am human, I am imperfect and I have insecurities and failures and weaknesses, but it is in knowing and recognizing, and accepting them that I am my strongest, don't get rid of you weakness's embrace them and then you'll be living.
阿爾貝說：
February 24 10 at 7:47 pm
Hi Lee, thanks for your comments. Please forgive me if I can't make a detailed reply, I've had a very tiring fortnight and I simply don't have the headspace to read and digest all that. I hope you understand. Again thank you for all the thought and energy you've put into it, I appreciate it.
亞歷克斯說：
February 25 10 at 1:35 pm

@ Lee The belief that you need someone is the one that makes you feel the way you do, and usually its not good. The mind creates more suffering than what is. Without that thought you would just be as if you were on a rollar coaster. Just as in a rollar coaster you forget about love. There is no need to make it complicated.
If you feel pain with the thought I need love work with it with The Work. http://www.thework.com/index.asp
So called love is just a selfish thing. Its never about the other its always about you, and if being nice to someone rewards you over being mean, sometimes called “love” then why not?
Lee says:

February 25 10 at 5:45 pm

Hi Alex thanks for your comment. Well first of all we as people do need others, we as a people are social beings. I could not constantly be without others in my life, as I am some what a “people person”, even though at the end of the day I am by myself and can be quite comfortable with me, even if I am in a relationship. secondly no one makes me feel anything, unless I permit them to, I must say though that I disagree that your comment that “The belief that you need someone is the one that makes you feel the way you do, and usually its not good”. I do not hold this belief in the context you are speaking, I hold this belief in that I have I believe been out on this planet to give to others not to take from them. see I can need others and not live to them or for them, for example, I play drums in a band, I need the other musicians, that is I need them to complete the song arrangements and to play there instruments right and on cue and in the right note etc…, I need them to keep time, which is my role as a drummer, but they need to follow and keep in sync, so I need them to work with me and vice-verse, yet each of us is separate from the other, it is when we work in collaboration with the other that the music sounds right and in time that is “Love”. the same can be said about ballroom dancing, as I also do this, I need my partner to follow my lead and she need me to lead her, we can not ballroom dance without each other (sort of a funny looking thing to watch), dancing is “love” and “romance” in step, so I perceive such. I do agree that most people do blame others for how they feel and how they act, and yes this is the cause of a lot of needless arguments; however; unless I had others how would I grow as a person, so therefore; I need others to point out the things that are tripping me up and point me in the right direction. “no man is an island unto himself”. Agreed that most people give “love” for selfish reasons, as you pointed out to make one feel good, but that does not mean that the person doing the good act is being selfish because he/her is feeling good about doing something kind for an other they care about. I do agree that real love is found as I said before in giving something to someone and not expecting anything in return be it time, a hug, a gift, a kiss, or whatever it may be, (self sacrifice) and yes I am going to feel good for doing these things, but that does not make me selfish because I feel good about giving these such things to an other, it makes me human. A misconception is that one who is acting selfish is self-centered, let me illustrate by using food as example eating is a selfish act, no. I eat because when I eat I am thinking about me, my hunger and the need to get filled so I can continue living, therefore it is selfish, but does that make me self-centered, no, why? because it is not who I am anymore than going to McDonalds makes me a burger. Back to your point. Are you aware that the mind can only think on one thing at a time. there is a story in India about a about this guy who came through a village selling gold. what he did was set up a cauldron and poured some powder into the pot, stirred it up, then poured it out and revealed that he had made gold, what the people did not see was that he used slight of hand and dropped a gold nugget into the pot. there was a man who purchased the formula from this guy, and as they were separating ways the guy who sold him the formula told him that if he ever thinks about the “red faced monkey” he would never make gold, story is that he went insane trying to get the “red faced monkey” out of his mind. point is that what ever you think about gets you, what we focus on determines how we feel, thus how we act. as true as it may be that “The mind creates more suffering than what is” point here is that it is about focus, if you do not want to feel bad about you change your focus, personally I as a christian I think about God and that has changed how I think and feel about myself, as in my perspective he greater then “I”. I have learned more about loving others when I stopped putting others last. So I need others to love. Now not that other complete me or that they dictate to me who I am, but rather without the need to love them I would not grow as a person, as I said in my last comment “real love” is sacrifice. Unless one loves an other for who they really are, regardless of what they do or do not do for us, or regardless of there point of view or whether they agree with us or not. than we are not really loving them, but rather dictating to them who they need to be for us, and then we are not letting them live, or be who they are and need to be. rather we are telling them how to live and yes we are manipulating them because we want to control them because we are selves are insecure and yes to needy, but the neediness your talking about differs from the neediness I am speaking about, in that needing someone to control so one can validate his/her own worth and needing someone to help. one tears down while the other lifts up. Now yes I can truly say I do not “need” another in that I do not “need” them to validate my humanity, as I live from purpose not for permission; however; I “need” others to complete my purpose, and that is to love them, to give of me, to help them up when they are down, not kick them. You know the problem is not with others it is with us, as we live to have other validate who we are, we look to others to tell us who we are, I ask then if they do not know who they are, what are they telling me about me? Should I listen? Should I trust there judgment. another question is that if I do not know who I am should I be listen to me? but because we have had others tell us who we are we think that is who we are and so we listen to that voice, but is that really who we are or just the tapes of an others voice. But we do listen to these “tapes”, because we are looking for “validation” but let me tell you until you find it you will be looking for it and you will be “needy”. So we look to a program, or a “guru”, or a “drug” be that literal drugs, or chocolate cake, or TV or the gym etc…, and do not forget we need to change our selves so others can love us, so I do agree that when we say I love you we are saying “please love me”, but that is only because we are looking to get our needs met by others and when they do not meet them we get mad at them and blame them, but then when we can not meet our own needs then we turn to other things such as our “drug”. or we escape into ourselves and we withdraw from our world, and then we push others away because it is better to be alone and not have to perform for the love I need than to live for and to others and have to perform to get my need for love met. Then when we feel we are ready to perform again and we have “tightened our belt buckles” and “pulled up our boot straps” we go out and perform for others so they will accept me for me, but “God forbid” that they find out the “real me”, so we put on masks and pretend to be what we are not. Because we are to afraid to show who we really are because we fear rejection and so we perform for others so they won't reject us, but then we push them away first because it is better to reject them before they hurt us. right, wrong, it is a vicious cycle, sort of like “make up sex” get into an argument and we point out other peoples faults because we want to avoid the real issue, as it is easier to dance around the issues than to solve them, because if we solve the real issues in the relationship than what else do we work on, so rather than just loving each other and enjoying each others company we create needless problems so we can manipulate the other and make the other person feel bad so we can get out of them what we want, right again wrong then we go and we say were are “sorry” but we do not mean it, we just wanting to control them and we keep taking from them and sucking them dry for their love, gee I wonder why there is a 50% divorce rate, because well “no one is going to give it to me so better we just take from them what I want” this is self-centeredness. You know the wrong thing have been taught so long that even the wrong things sound right. thanks for the forum to express my voice.
Caroline says:

March 5 10 at 10:46 am

I have only just discovered this site and cannot believe you answered a nagging question in my head, the net does work in mysterious ways!! All I did was put 'loneliness' into the search engine and there you were to answer my questions. Thank you for the article, a light bulb just went on in my head!
生已指出：
March 5 10 at 1:59 pm
Wow..Came across this at exactly the right time…thank you!
阿爾貝說：
March 5 10 at 7:28 pm
Caroline and J, thank you for your comments
louise says:
April 22 10 at 1:10 am

WOW.thank you sooooo much.
This article opened my eyes.I have been feeling soo low past 6 months.I felt lonely,ewen to I have a husband and two beutiful kids,but still felt lonelly and not loved.but now i after reading this i andurtstand that I dont realy love my self and I have to learn to do that .thank you again.
阿爾貝說：

April 22 10 at 1:14 am
Hey Louise, very glad it helped. 歡迎您！
亞歷克斯說：
April 22 10 at 5:50 am
@louise Great that you also felt the wonders of Albert's wonderful writing. Just remember its not something you “need” to do either Or you could fall into the trap of forcing love to yourself which really isn't love.
Snow Crash says:
May 5 10 at 11:19 pm
Excellent article! Makes lots of sense to me and explains loneliness in way I've been thinking of for a while.
For me it's a long road to loving ones self and it's an entirely personal journey.
Day to day worries drag so many of us down the path of not being content when alone. For me nothing beats a trek up a mountain, the wind racing across my face, rain streaming down from the heavens or the sun showing it's glory makes me thankfull of my existance To feel truely at peace with one's self is a glorious thing!
Thanks for the insights Albert
阿爾貝說：
May 6 10 at 10:32 pm
Snow Crash, thanks for your kind words! It is a glorious thing, like you said – and often lost in the day to day living. Good to have you here.
neil says:
May 19 10 at 3:37 pm
Thank you for this post .
It really is food for thought and made me question myself on so many levels .
vijaya says:
May 19 10 at 6:38 pm

Hey ..thanks a ton.. It has been 10 months I broke with my partner and it is of quiet repetitive pattern in my life and this time I decided to halt and search lessons of my life which Iam running away from and to whatever it takes…and to my goodness .. I could discover this Crunching loneliness of mine the core factor for many disasters in my life… I try confront whenever it appears ..beleive me its so diffcult to accept very feeiling ..But your words gave great clarity and confidence..hope so I'll be shortly off from this loneliness
阿爾貝說：

May 20 10 at 1:40 am

@ Neil: You're very welcome!
@ Vijaya: Hey there – thanks for your comment. Don't despair at how painful loneliness is, loneliness is one of the biggest and most painful obstacles anybody has to overcome, so once you're free of it, it's really amazing.
Anisur rasul says:
May 26 10 at 11:21 pm
i want more articles,beacause i feel all times alonely
阿爾貝說：
May 27 10 at 12:16 am
Hi Anisur – it must be painful to feel that way. Could you try what is suggested in this article? Maybe that will help more than just reading.
Awais Choudhry says:

June 18 10 at 9:23 am

Beautiful Article!
I have felt loneliness from the day I was born and that is what this article is trying to reach at. That we are all “alone”. That is indeed our nature.
Everything else we do here is just a temporary illusion into which we have trapped ourselves.
I'm 26 and still single. Society might consider me abnormal since I should be looking for that “right person” and settling down.
I might do that eventually but I know for sure that no matter what happens, my loneliness will always remain with me till the day I die.
It's something that has been with us human beings from the very start. Yet we all want to escape from this inescapable reality. 為什麼？
I think to escape from our inherent loneliness is the biggest crime we can do to ourselves.
We should embrace it rather run away from it.
阿爾貝說：
June 19 10 at 1:08 pm
Beautiful comment Awais, thank you!
mark gil says:
June 25 10 at 9:40 pm
it is amazing that such wisdom was written by someone so young. i have always struggled with feelings of loneliness, depression and disconnectedness and can't imagine how life would be without them. for me, it has only gotten worse with the digital age of cell phones, email & facebook. i am very glad i found this website-thank you Albert for taking the time and effort to help others with your expertise and experience.
阿爾貝說：
June 27 10 at 3:42 pm
Hi Mark – thank you for that compliment, and I'm very glad that I've helped.
Enda says:
June 27 10 at 10:16 pm
Another amazing article Albert. If your not getting good monetary compensation for this in some form or another then someone needs to have words with the man upstairs.
For this truly is an invaluable service you are offering humanity.
I spent my childhood at joyful ease with my aloneness. It wasn't until I got to school and started listening to the “grown ups” of the world as they told me : “Now, a few things. Your going to need a car – a big shiny one, a house that is most likely bigger than your neighbours, a girlfriend who will eventually become your wife with whom you will probably have a divorce because you found her out of a sense of separation/desperation and not one of unity, a dog.. if she doesnt take it in the divorce, ohh and lots of money, in fact this money is so important that you will walk over your own mother if necessary in order to get it. Now in order for you to be happy, these things are absolutely neccesary! Now go out there and get to it”
I'm pretty sure everyone has had a similar life experience. And it was only after attempting to pursue those things after buying into their ridiculous meme that my once natural joy and happiness disintegrated into the pursuit of something that could never be found outside of myself.
In a world where almost half of all marriages end in divorce (Uk, Ireland) Is it not starting to become obvious that people are seeking out a partner in the wrong manner, with the wrong emotional and mental state of mind. Doing something because you feel lonely, by the very laws of the universe, can only result in you eventually ending up at that place of loneliness. You do indeed reap what you sow.
Once again, it brings joy to my soul to see someone write an article with such wisdom and purpose.
Namaste brother,
Enda
阿爾貝說：

June 28 10 at 6:13 pm

Enda, you know exactly what to say to a blogger, blush blush!
You hit on a very important point that – that happiness does come from the inside, and we're wasting our energies if we seek it on the outside. Again, thanks for an insightful comment, your contributions are very welcome here!
hemal says:
July 5 10 at 4:26 am
great article albert. really resonated with me and helped me see things a lot clearer. thanks for posting this
阿爾貝說：
July 5 10 at 4:51 am
Thank you Hemal!